Special occasions make this feel impossible

cefleischman · September 2017

I'm struggling. When I'm at home during the week and have 100% control over my meals and portions, I do okay. On the weekend when it's someone's birthday, a housewarming party, wedding, basically any celebration with food... I fall off the wagon and hate myself. If I have a piece of cake then I feel like I ruined my diet for the day (which it kind of does because it takes up so many of my daily calories). If I don't have a piece of cake then I think about it for hours. Unfortunately, I'm not even kidding. I actually think about how bad I wanted *insert unhealthy food here.* I feel like I'm missing out by turning down drinks, dessert, etc... Any advice for someone new at losing weight/struggling?

GemstoneofHeart · September 2017

Can you eat at your deficit throughout the week and then eat at maintenance on the weekends?? Lots of people do this and still lose weight from their weekday deficits.

Yes the weight loss will be slower, but you'll still lose weight!

wpbarrett · September 2017

I just ate a cupcake today... it was 450 calories... i had to skip dinner because of it ! I've found staying under my calories for the day still works when i blow the diet eating something high in calories... but it's often at a great sacrifice, such as an entire next meal!

cmriverside · September 2017

A small piece of cake is about 400 calories. Surely that isn't going to ruin everything.

I think it's easy to get into that "all or nothing" mindset, but if you actually look at what you are telling yourself it doesn't make sense.

Everyone has life-parties. You have to be a little flexible. Maybe skip breakfast that day. Maybe skip breakfast the day after. Whatever...it's easy to make up 400 calories. Take a half hour run. . .

eyer0ll · September 2017

I aim for one of the following depending on exactly how special the occasion is:

- Leave something (anything, even just one bite) on my plate/in the glass
- Eat half the piece of cake/drink half the glass of wine
- Eat a bite/take a sip of spouse's cake/drink

Depending on the event and my mood I can feel like I'm participating in celebrations and still eat less.

seltzermint555 · September 2017

I have gone to so many parties where I ate several pieces of celery, 4 baby carrots, and a decadent dessert. If it's happening every week, maybe that's a really bad idea. But once in awhile, not a problem.

estherdragonbat · September 2017

I try to anticipate what might be served and make room for a controlled portion. If I've pre-logged a 400-calorie indulgence, I find it easier to stick to that. I may eat lighter during the rest of the day or work out a little more, but when I have those 400 calories, I skip the guilt and negativity, which makes me less vulnerable to going off the rails and taking more.

Also, I know it's frustrating now, but I find that after having been on MFP for some time, my temptations are less. I still indulge, but I find it easier to moderate.

rmgnow · September 2017

Log all of it.

Javagal2778 · September 2017

I evaluate every bite of whatever treat I am having. I ask myself as I chew that first bite "Is this worth it?" There are times where it absolutely is but there are also a lot of times when it's not. The anticipation made it seem better than reality. In those times, I stop eating it. If I'm going to indulge with my calories, it better be worth it!

fiddletime · September 2017

When I eat a piece of cake I try to stick with just one. I log it. I've pre-logged the rest of the day and it'll push me into the red, which I hate. If I'm set to lose a pound a week 500 cal over one day won't make a big deal out of the 3500 cal/pound lost (or gained).

potatoyeti · September 2017

Their is no need to feel guilty. The reality is the harder you try to just eat clean the more likely you are to fail and regain weight in the long run. Basically it's okay to endulge every now and then your only human after all.

WinoGelato · September 2017

I often bank calories during the week for more indulgent weekend events. As you described, family bbqs, parties, dinners out often happen Thurs-Sun for me. So I often bank 100-200 cals less during the week to have 500-1000 cals extra on the weekends. It's the total calorie deficit over time that leads to weight loss, not coming in at or just under goal every single day.

What are your stats, goal, and current goal rate of loss? Often people take an extreme approach, trying to lose the weight as fast as possible and thus choose to cut calories aggressively, which doesn't leave room for foods you enjoy, and often isn't sustainable.

Also, do you exercise? Do you eat back the calories from exercise? You may want to think about factoring in something extra on days when you have those special events, to give yourself even more wiggle room.

Bottom line, this is supposed to be a lifestyle change, and all those things you described are part of your life. The best thing you can do is figure out how to still enjoy those events AND achieve your weight loss goals. Thinking that you've blown your diet and you might as well eat everything in sight is not a long term strategy. Allowing yourself to have a small indulgence without beating yourself up, is...

claridiva2000 · September 2017

Having a cheat day can help your goal. The human body is smart. If you stay in deficit for a long time you body goes "i see what you're up to" and adjusts. An occasional refeed/high calorie day can help you. So have your cake and jump back on the wagon without the guilt. As long as its planned, eaten mindfully and you don't indulge too often, it will be OK.

kristen8000 · September 2017

It's life. If you want to keep the weight off, you'll need to adjust your thinking. You'll need to think about how much you eat for the rest of your life. There will always be a vacation, or a wedding, or a birthday. If keeping your weight stable is important you'll figure out how to plan ahead.

shaunshaikh · September 2017

For this lifestyle to be sustainable you have to do something that doesn't feel like torture. My suggestion would be to indulge moderately during the weekend so you're not binging and you're not acculumulating the desire to binge. Then, make up for all your overages throughout the week.

It's another reminder also that exercise calories can help make your eating lifestyle and diet more sustainable. One of my best friends is known to pair Friday/Saturday overages with his "long run" on Saturdays to help balance out the calories.

Whatever works for you personally, but my opinion is that you should be managing the cravings in a responsible way and not have an all or nothing attitude about them if you want to keep this up and not be back here later.

Carlos_421 · September 2017

Something I had to learn to keep from blowing my deficit every weekend: occasions that occur every week are not special occasions. Also, some occasions that are special for someone else (friend's birthday) aren't necessarily special for me.

DebLaBounty · September 2017

I pre-log what I want to consume before I go. Then I go for a run or a bike ride. So I eat a light lunch, log the cake and glass of wine, and see what's left over. And I don't chide myself if I go over my calorie budget for the day. Please don't beat yourself up, it really saps the joy out of life for no good reason.

HeidiCooksSupper · September 2017

If feeling bad about ourselves caused weight loss we'd all be skinny. So, stop it. Stop punishing yourself for leading a normal life. To lose weight, one needs to eat at a calorie deficit on average over the long term. For some of us that's more difficult than for others. That's not a moral failing that's just life.

You've decided to try to eat at a deficit over the long term. You have identified an aspect of your life that's making that difficult. Now you get to decide what to do about it. The birthday cakes are getting in the way of your calorie deficits. Choose. Eat the cake and either have less of a deficit or increase your deficit on other days to make up for it. Or don't eat the cake. Whichever you choose is your decision.

Nobody is perfect. In fact, no one really knows what perfect is! So stop judging yourself on some mythical ideal. Controlling how much you eat is hard enough without setting traps for "moral failure."

lorrpb · September 2017

Have you considered taking smaller portions so you can have a taste but fewer calories? For thing like cake that might be pre cut, cut off half or a third, eat the smallest piece, then throw it out or set it aside. Hard to do at first, but it will either go to "waste" or "waist". You don't help anyone by eating more than you want.

jemhh · September 2017

If I had frequent special occassions, birthday parties, etc., I wouldn't eat the cake every time. Instead I would wait until there was a cake that looked exceptionally delicious, as most party cakes are pretty terrible IMO. Unless you are surrounded by fantastic bakers and chefs, my guess is that you are more in love with the idea of cake than the actual taste of most of the cake you eat. My only suggestion would be to be stingy about what you spend your calories on.

Rincewind_1965 · September 2017

Where is the problem?
You (usually) know in advance that such an occasion is going to happen.

The easiest way to solve your problem: Raise your calorie budget by sports.
The way to go is not to avoid "unhealthy food" (for whatever that is) but to reach the point when you ask yourself "Is it worth it?"

Example: A piece of cake X has (assumed) 800 kcal this would mean ~ 80 minutes of medium to high intensity workout ... Is it worth it? If the answer is "Yes", then by all means get the cake and have a decent run afterwards, or walk the long way home, or, or, or,
Saying that you "Fell off the wagon" in fact is the easiest and worst possible way out.
Granted, one ruined day will not ruin the whole project, but exactly knowing when this is going to happen and doing nothing about it is a lack of consistency, not more, not less.

Special occasions make this feel impossible

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