Food Abuse

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mamabear1114
mamabear1114 Posts: 140 Member
in Motivation and Support
This problem of mine is years in the making, and I am tired of losing. I have never done this before, but I am at the end of my rope and I want to reach out for advice.
I am someone who suffers from anxiety/depression, and I have been this way most of my life. I can specifically recall, at ten years old, mindlessly eating an entire bag of Lay's potato chips, and it made me feel so peaceful. It was downhill from there. As I gained weight, and became a teenager, I was bullied for being overweight. Then, my problem reversed, and I became obsessed with not eating and starving myself, and this pattern of behavior has continued ever sense. This is not about calories, or macros, or diets, this is about a perpetual cycle of fear, binging, shame, restriction, depression, fear, and binging again. Whether I'm binging, or starving, I know that I am hurting myself, and each time it happens I get more and more discouraged. I have had many vices over the course of my life. Drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, and I am proud to say that I have successfully vanquished those habits with time and counseling. Food, however, has proved a more difficult adversary. It is my oldest vice, and the last one I am trying to rid myself of. I think the difficulty is, with other things (drugs, cigarettes, alcohol) you can totally abstain and keep it away. Food, you cannot. You have to interact with food every single day, and make a conscious choice every single time. My question is for people who have had the same problem as me, and overcome this problem: HOW?
How do you continue to make good choices when your depression zaps your motivation? How do you do the right thing when your anxiety is consuming your thoughts? How do you do this correctly, without becoming obsessed and hurting yourself in the other direction? What does your inner dialogue look like? How do you channel this negative energy into positive outlets? How do you begin to have a healthy relationship with food and be kind to your body?
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post. Any support, advice, or inspiration would be so much appreciated.

Replies

  • keexity
    keexity Posts: 12 Member
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    Thank you for sharing your story. You are brave, and you are not the only one <3
  • mamabear1114
    mamabear1114 Posts: 140 Member
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    keexity wrote: »
    Thank you for sharing your story. You are brave, and you are not the only one <3

    Honestly, just hearing that made me feel better. Thank you.
  • pocntasha
    pocntasha Posts: 19 Member
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    I appreciate so much that you have shared your story, and it sounds oh so familiar. I am a complete food addict, any emotion good, or bad, was rewarded with food. The first step is to see it coming, the next moment that you feel good, bad, or angry, sad,etc., pay attention to what your first reaction is and begin to talk yourself out of it, if its food. Mirror talk helps me, I literally look at where I am now vs 29 pounds ago and I know I do not want to go back, be your own motivator, focus on all the good and bare the truth in front of the mirror! The mirror will not lie, you can not trick it. your mind will follow and eventually that craving or moment will pass and you will feel so proud.
  • mamabear1114
    mamabear1114 Posts: 140 Member
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    pocntasha wrote: »
    I appreciate so much that you have shared your story, and it sounds oh so familiar. I am a complete food addict, any emotion good, or bad, was rewarded with food. The first step is to see it coming, the next moment that you feel good, bad, or angry, sad,etc., pay attention to what your first reaction is and begin to talk yourself out of it, if its food. Mirror talk helps me, I literally look at where I am now vs 29 pounds ago and I know I do not want to go back, be your own motivator, focus on all the good and bare the truth in front of the mirror! The mirror will not lie, you can not trick it. your mind will follow and eventually that craving or moment will pass and you will feel so proud.

    Thank you for your kind words. I think that is good advice. I know that I have triggers that cause me to binge, and identifying those would be a good place to start. Thank you!!!
  • artbyrachelh
    artbyrachelh Posts: 338 Member
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    I think first step is getting unhealthy foods out of house. That way when you do need to "binge", it'll be whole wheat bread, rather than chip. Apples and peanut butter, rather than cookies. Do you think that would help?
  • mamabear1114
    mamabear1114 Posts: 140 Member
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    artbyrachelh wrote: »
    I think first step is getting unhealthy foods out of house. That way when you do need to "binge", it'll be whole wheat bread, rather than chip. Apples and peanut butter, rather than cookies. Do you think that would help?

    Definitely. Good idea! I don't think I've ever binged on whole wheat bread and apples lol. :)
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    Think about it like this: You aren't going to stop eating, you are going to stop overeating. I stole that from Allen Carr's "Easyweigh" book, which is a great little read + some repetition + quite a lot of vegan propaganda. I would also recommend a Google search for the phrase "what is normal eating" and read the top hit (it should be the one from the Ellyn Satter Institute).
  • alc649
    alc649 Posts: 467 Member
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    I can realte to this. There's a problem called overeaters anonymous, I have attended meetings and began working the steps, havent been working the program so much now. But I would definitely reccommend it. It helps me to see my unhealthy relationship with food, that i've had since very young. feel free to add me or message me anytime :)
  • alc649
    alc649 Posts: 467 Member
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    *program not problem
  • artbyrachelh
    artbyrachelh Posts: 338 Member
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    "Definitely. Good idea! I don't think I've ever binged on whole wheat bread and apples lol. :)"

    Lol, you wouldn't think so, but what if it's fresh out of the bread machine???? Mmmmmmmm
  • mamabear1114
    mamabear1114 Posts: 140 Member
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    alc649 wrote: »
    I can realte to this. There's a problem called overeaters anonymous, I have attended meetings and began working the steps, havent been working the program so much now. But I would definitely reccommend it. It helps me to see my unhealthy relationship with food, that i've had since very young. feel free to add me or message me anytime :)

    I had no idea that something like that even existed. I will definitely look into that. Thank you!!!
  • mamabear1114
    mamabear1114 Posts: 140 Member
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    kommodevaran wrote: »
    Think about it like this: You aren't going to stop eating, you are going to stop overeating. I stole that from Allen Carr's "Easyweigh" book, which is a great little read + some repetition + quite a lot of vegan propaganda. I would also recommend a Google search for the phrase "what is normal eating" and read the top hit (it should be the one from the Ellyn Satter Institute).

    I hadn't thought of it that way. You have to think so much about everything you can't have/do and it gets overwhelming. Thank you!
  • timtam163
    timtam163 Posts: 500 Member
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    If you can start by identifying your triggers, you can start being aware of what it is you're trying to tune out. Kinda paradoxical. Don't beat yourself up over it, neither your feelings nor your coping mechanism are shameful, they're normal human experiences even if they feel isolating. <3
  • txcraftr
    txcraftr Posts: 133 Member
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    You might want to check out a site called kayshepard.com. It is all about food addiction. She also has 2 good books "The Body Knows" and "The First Bite". Her program is actually OA (Overeaters Anonynous.) Following her instructions was how I found out I was gluten intolerant. When I eat anything with gluten in it I never get the feeling of fullness and satisfaction and it makes me eat until I am literally hurting. When I cut gluten completely out I actually get the fullness signal and know when to stop eating. It was a miracle to me when I got that signal for the first time in my life. If you would like to talk about it you can PM me.
    Brenda
  • kommodevaran
    kommodevaran Posts: 17,890 Member
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    mamabear1114 wrote: »
    kommodevaran wrote: »
    Think about it like this: You aren't going to stop eating, you are going to stop overeating. I stole that from Allen Carr's "Easyweigh" book, which is a great little read + some repetition + quite a lot of vegan propaganda. I would also recommend a Google search for the phrase "what is normal eating" and read the top hit (it should be the one from the Ellyn Satter Institute).

    I hadn't thought of it that way. You have to think so much about everything you can't have/do and it gets overwhelming. Thank you!
    Restricting too much is not better than eating too much, and restricting too much makes you want to rebel. Food is a very easy outlet these days. You need to be kind to your mind as well as your body. You are creating food insecurity for yourself. To reverse that is hard, but exciting and wonderful. You need to embrace a mindset of abundance, instead of one of scarcity. What if you tried to not think about foods in terms of what you can't have (and you can indeed have anything you want), and instead think of all the foods you can eat? You will have to set boundaries, but they have to be set in a kind and protecting frame - not an angry and punishing frame.

    You can start by planning regular meals, if you aren't already. If you are eating meals, look at how much you eat. Are you eating enough? Are you satisfied after you've eaten? If you are, look at what you eat. Do you eat food you like? If not, what do you want to eat? What foods give you pleasure, what foods fill you with energy? Eat those foods. If you don't know, this is a good time to find out. Go to the store and pick up a selection of foods that looks like something you could eat. Portion out an amount that looks like an amount someone with few or no worries about food, would eat. Eat it, and pay attention to how that makes you feel. Are you anxious? Just let yourself feel anxious. Are you happy ? Let yourself be happy. Emotional? Angry? Allow those feelings. Later, you can work on not letting feelings control you. Now, just practice accepting them.
  • x_stephisaur_x
    x_stephisaur_x Posts: 149 Member
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    artbyrachelh wrote: »
    "Definitely. Good idea! I don't think I've ever binged on whole wheat bread and apples lol. :)"

    Lol, you wouldn't think so, but what if it's fresh out of the bread machine???? Mmmmmmmm

    My greatest weakness is fresh bread!

    OP - thank you for sharing your story. I agree with others that removing the "bad" food from your home will help you curb your binges. I also tie my emotions to food, but I'm finding new ways to cope. Instead of going home and stuffing my face, I try to find other ways to relax first. I might make myself some hot tea, I might have a nice bath or shower, or I might indulge in a hobby. By putting these things AHEAD of eating, I quite often lose the urge to stuff my face.

    I've also found that a hobby involving your hands will keep them busy so you are less likely to snack mindlessly.

    Once again, thank you for sharing. I know that a lot of people share your concerns, and I'm very proud that you have already done counselling to try and improve yourself. That, in itself, is an achievement.

    I wish you the best of luck in your weight loss journey, and I hope that you are able to find a method that works for you.
  • Brabo_Grip
    Brabo_Grip Posts: 285 Member
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    For me it really was finding a workout/activity that fit my addictive personality. Loathed traditional gyms so exercise and I had an on again/off again relationship.

    Once I found my "thing" Any free time was dominated by it (and still is). When I ate, I knew what and how much I ate would effect my activity the next day. Soon staying in my calorie goal and hitting my macros became important. My relationship with food changed. Did I trade one addiction for another? Yes - absolutely. I freely admit it. However, I lost 90+ lbs, maintained it for almost 3 years, and am in the best shape of my life at age 42.

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