Difficult to eat healthy with new husband
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Plan ahead! This has worked like a charm for me! First thing in the morning I look at the menu online ( almost EVERY place has that) and then I pick what my meal will be. I then figure the calories and put them in my log before anything else is logged. Then I balance out my calories for the rest of the day. Has worked great. I do not even look at a menu when we arrive.6
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I have to agree with the person who said, "Learn to cook." But another option is to walk or ride bicycles to wherever you are going to eat out. When I eat out I usually ride a bicycle to get there. My favorite restaurants are all about an hour away by bicycle, so I'm usually okay with eating whatever they put on the plate and sometimes I have dessert.5
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I struggled with this for the first couple years of marriage - my husband is a big snacker! I've just had to have self control to say no to companion eating and sometimes make 2 different meals or have much smaller portions than his. He has recently become much better with his diet and sometimes I have to keep up with him! At the end of the day just talk about it and figure it out together as a team
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spiriteagle99 wrote: »Why don't you suggest to him that instead of spending all your money on restaurant meals, you save some of that so you can have a really great vacation in a few months?
Indeed. This is a very expensive habit.2 -
A couple of things:
1. Eating out kind of creates a cycle of eating out. Most restaurants (especially the chains) make their food with a lot of sodium, fat, and richness that makes "everyday" food seem kind of boring. I was in that cycle myself and the more you do it, the harder and harder it gets to enjoy the food you make at home. I have some friends that eat out probably 4-5 nights a week (yes, they have money) and regular food just tastes boring to them. They have been doing this for years and both are now overweight.
2. As others have said, it is possible to go out and find something that will fit into your day; however, depending where you go, it can be really hard. There are three restaurants where I live that I know have NO diet friendly option. The only thing to do is order an entree or appetizer and eat half of it.
3. Bottom line is that I think you should have a "talk" with your husband and explain that not only is the frequent eating out sabotaging your efforts to eat healthy, but it's really not something you can/should be doing long-term. Think of all the money you are spending that could be put toward something else (such as retirement, downpayment for a house/car/vacation, etc). Find out if can compromise on 2 nights per week out (one place nice and one place fast-casual).
4. Both of you should then experiment with cooking at home to provide you with tons of flavor! Don't just throw a couple of chicken breasts in crock pot and expect it to match up to what you get out.5 -
Doesn't it get expensive eating out all the time? Maybe that's another thing to discuss with your husband, the money you could save if you cut down on eating out and cooked at home half the time as a compromise.2
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I absolutely HATE eating at home...hubby would rather eat at home. I'm the household cook, most of the time, so my compromise it to stop and get what I want to eat on my way home from work and then cook a meal later in the evening for him. On the weekends, he eats at restaurants with me. If you want to cook for yourself, your hubby may be interested in just going to eat alone or going out with his coworkers for lunch or after work.4
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If your husband is so unwilling to compromise over something so simple that effects both your health negatively/positively (depends what side your looking from obviously) And is something YOU need Thn sorry to say you have bigger problems. Stand up for yourself. You dont need to starve all day to please HIM11
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There are ways to eat out healthily. The phrases that will _really_ help you out:
"No Butter"
"On the side."
"Substitute for sauteed spinach."
"Hold the cheese."
"What are my calorie friendly options?"
A nice six ounce sirloin with two vegetable options minus the butter will only clock in around 500 calories or so.
AVOID THE BREAD. Or at least stop yourself 13 -
There are ways to eat out healthily. The phrases that will _really_ help you out:
"No Butter"
"On the side."
"Substitute for sauteed spinach."
"Hold the cheese."
"What are my calorie friendly options?"
A nice six ounce sirloin with two vegetable options minus the butter will only clock in around 500 calories or so.
AVOID THE BREAD. Or at least stop yourself
I was just going to say stick with the 6 oz sirloin and half a baked potato and broccoli. That is always the lowest calorie thing on almost every menu I've looked at.5 -
There are ways to eat out healthily. The phrases that will _really_ help you out:
"No Butter"
"On the side."
"Substitute for sauteed spinach."
"Hold the cheese."
"What are my calorie friendly options?"
A nice six ounce sirloin with two vegetable options minus the butter will only clock in around 500 calories or so.
AVOID THE BREAD. Or at least stop yourself
Yeah but see, do that all the time and it gets REALLY boring.
At least at home you can add spices or find tasty recipes that don't have a gazillion calories without having to eat something bland all.the.time.
I mean, we went out on vacations and I ended up giving up trying to stick to my calories because I got SICK of side salads and grilled chicken and steamed veggies after just two days (oh and yeah, that's $15 typically, while you pay $8 for a burger and fries). I can't imagine having to do that all the time.
OP, you really got to talk to him. Or tell him to take the food back home. I mean, I get it, lately I've been lazy and wanting to eat out too but it's very hard to stick to a 500 calorie budget and still be satisfied.
Of course I'm a foodie and want all my food to be tasty so it's extra frustrating for me most of the time when I see most of the menus out there.
Anyway, not gonna lie, my first husband had that kind of demands too (had to eat with him all the time), we ended up divorcing after 4 months. But I do agree with whoever mentioned suggesting putting that money aside for a nice vacation or something.4 -
What did you do for meals while you were dating? Was every meal out? I would imagine that there had to be some sort of conversation about eating, where, what, when that occurred? My ex loved Italian food, I have issues with too much acid, we compromised. I like spicy and she didn't, I added spice post cooking or we had separate pots.2
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At the restaurant, you could eat a starter and a small soup. Or always order fish without the carb and ask for extra veg. Have water only. Then you can eat while he eats and your calorie count won't be extreme. Even better you might be able to find restaurants that list their meals' calories.
This to me would be the example of what I wouldn't want to do. It sounds miserable having to watch someone else eat a full meal every day while eating a starter and soup. And there are a limited number of times you're going to want to eat the fish while he has a steak and fries. Mid price restaurant food is typically calorie dense, and laden with added calories in cheese, sugar, and sauces, and it's difficult to eat a satisfying meal while staying within an appropriate number of calories.
Compromise is in order. You don't get to eat the way you want every single day, you're a grown-up and recognize that successful lives have rules. He needs to be a grown-up too and only indulge himself part of the time, not all the time.5 -
rheddmobile wrote: »At the restaurant, you could eat a starter and a small soup. Or always order fish without the carb and ask for extra veg. Have water only. Then you can eat while he eats and your calorie count won't be extreme. Even better you might be able to find restaurants that list their meals' calories.
This to me would be the example of what I wouldn't want to do. It sounds miserable having to watch someone else eat a full meal every day while eating a starter and soup. And there are a limited number of times you're going to want to eat the fish while he has a steak and fries. Mid price restaurant food is typically calorie dense, and laden with added calories in cheese, sugar, and sauces, and it's difficult to eat a satisfying meal while staying within an appropriate number of calories.
Compromise is in order. You don't get to eat the way you want every single day, you're a grown-up and recognize that successful lives have rules. He needs to be a grown-up too and only indulge himself part of the time, not all the time.
Agreed. If I'm going out to eat, I'm going to eat something nice, not something stripped back and bland. Sometimes I have to eat out, and will make one of those choices, but as a multiple times a week thing, it sounds bloody miserable.
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I gave up years ago on hubby and his diet. He eats what I make our he fends for himself. I ask him for things he feels like having before I grocery shop and try to make it happen. If mine wanted to go out to eat, he would be going out by himself. To be fair, I'm limited in where and what I can eat and last time we did go somewhere out of the blue, I didn't eat for almost 24 hours because everything there would have made me sick.0
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OP, what happens if he says "let's go out" and you say "Nah, I'd rather stay home and cook in". Does he get mad? Go anyway? or is he happy to just stay in because going out is his habit but he's not hung up on it?3
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I think that this whole process should be about building sustainable habits that set you up for success. From that stand point, obviously you got through the whole dating and engagement period living a certain way that you and your husband both preferred or enjoyed, but it wasn't balanced in a way that allowed you to maintain a weight you're happy with.
I agree with those who say look at the menu and plan ahead. Pre-log everything so you know exactly what you're eating when you get there. You can also always order kid's meals or half-entrees.
I also think part of the solution could just be do more calorie-burning exercise. Go for an hour long walk after dinner. With my current workout regimen, which isn't even that crazy, I can average about 2,000 calories a day and lose a pound and a half a week. For me, that's a happy number. It's also a number where if i don't exercise I'm basically at or just below maintenance.
Another option that SHOULD be on the table is just drop your lbs/week goal to allow yourself more calories per dayand take the weight loss a little bit slower. As I said before, building sustainable habits. The flip side is that you force your husband to not go out anymore or you don't eat with him or you eat salads without dressing that you hate and then when your diligence weakens then all of a sudden you're back to doing what you did before because you guys miss it so much.3 -
Eat before you go out. Then while at the restaurant eat salads, appetizers, soups, or even a little bit of the higher caloric food, just smaller portion. What you can't finish take home.0
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OP, can YOU choose some of the restaurants? If so, then pick some that have health/low calorie options.1
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one thing I can say is take care of you. I was catering to my hubby and gained 40 lbs. Hard as heck to lose it. I learned to take care of me and he didn't mind. Eat lower calorie foods when out or eat at home. Make sure you put yourself first, I learned the hard way or you will really resent him. He was good about it. I think we bring a lot of it on ourselves.3
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spiriteagle99 wrote: »Why don't you suggest to him that instead of spending all your money on restaurant meals, you save some of that so you can have a really great vacation in a few months?
This! Have your "go to" choices for the places you frequent often. Chose smartly at new places. If you know where you are going, look the menu up on line and find the nutritional information.
If you keep refusing...you may reach a divorce settlement before your weight loss goal.2 -
Compermise.. my bf doesnt care to go out much but tempts me with fast food and thinks since i go to the gym i can eat it.. my issue is usually its at a time where i had 3 meals and dont need a 4th one.. so it makes me late getting home frpm work and hard to resist eating.. i dont mind say monthly going for him but he is a grown man and get his own food.. he also was sort of encoraging me skipping the gym. i joined w new gym 2 weeks ago and have recommitted to taking my time for my fitness classes even if it means we see less of each other.. we work oppsite shifts so there are times we may only see each other 1 to 3 hours a day.0
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Going to be a dick here, but seriously you're married and just found out his eating habits? What else did you miss would be my concern.
You're married, hes obviously not going to step up to the plate and handle the meals, need to take over as far as what you're both eating. Trying new things together, cooking together, tell him on the weekend that you'll be cooking dinner during the week and he needs to find what he wants. Go from there and see what you both enjoy and whats calorie friendly.5 -
I am divorced, so clearly not the right person to be chiming in. Or, maybe I am?
Its all about communication. Have a talk with him. And, not when at the diner table or around any food. Share with him your commitment to this life style. Assure him that it is okay if he does not want to follow this life style, but request him to respect your choice. I mean, if he loves you and can not do that.......
Not that this applies to you, but I could (and would) not be with a woman who does not go to the gym and eat mindfully and and and (in other words, who does not share this life style with me). That is FRONT AND CENTER with me....
I also agree with the others who have politely asked "how on Earth is this news to you?". I was thinking the same thing as I read your initial post. And, please understand that I am not being rude. Not my style. Well, let's just say that were I being rude, there would not be ANY QUESTION at all!
Talk with him. You married him.....and he married you. Two-way street, right?4 -
NJGamerChick wrote: »I gave up years ago on hubby and his diet. He eats what I make our he fends for himself. I ask him for things he feels like having before I grocery shop and try to make it happen. If mine wanted to go out to eat, he would be going out by himself. To be fair, I'm limited in where and what I can eat and last time we did go somewhere out of the blue, I didn't eat for almost 24 hours because everything there would have made me sick.
+1. Sometimes we go out, sometimes he cooks, but usually its me. And if he doesn't like it, it doesn't hurt my feelings at all for him to make something else or pick something up on his way to work. We work opposite shifts so we don't have to pay for childcare for a one year old, and most times a rushed dinner between me getting home and him leaving is the only time we see each other during the week, so he will opt to eat what I make more often than not.
I do think some sort of compromise needs to happen, but at the end of the day, your diet and your health are your responsibility.
I also wonder where the heck you went?!?2 -
Well the OP hasn’t chimed back in. I responded to this earlier on, and have to say my main thought overall is why the need to go out all the time? I love going out but I love staying at home too. Regardless of food. Is he not happy at home? I’m thinking this marriage is a little one sided without knowing more details.0
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Sounds expensive. How many times a week are we talking about? Ask him to limit it to once a week. Y'all are grown ups now.4
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Tankiscool wrote: »Going to be a dick here, but seriously you're married and just found out his eating habits? What else did you miss would be my concern.
that was my thought as well.
Once of the things i love (among many, lol) about my fiance is he WANTS to eat at home. He PREFERS to eat at home. He LOVES my cooking. (i am a damned good cook, if i do say so myself). We just bought a house this summer and are renovating it, and eating at home helps add to the renovation budget. If you dont own a home (i dont know how old you are or at what stage in your life), the money saved can go towards a down payment, or paying off debt to better your credit score to buy in the future, or for a nice vacation, as someone else said.
Where as i need to lose weight, he could stand to gain some. We eat the same things, but he gets more. Larger portions, more butter on his bread, more (and different) dressing on his salad, larger portion of desert (often he'll leave a few bites worth for me and thats what i have. i get my sweet fix and not a 400 calorie slice of cake or pie LOL), etc.
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