Manager hints that I'm big

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yirara
yirara Posts: 9,420 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Right. My manager has been hinting a few times that I look a bit chubby. And I don't know how to react to that. I know I don't look as thin as I am (see below), but.. it's just a wrong comment to make and I don't know how to react to it. I could tell her to shut up, but that's not me and we otherwise have a good relationship. Any idea other than ignoring it should she hint again?

I'm not fat. My BMI is 21 and I'm maintaining. There was a time, when I started this job where I was about 4-6kg lighter. I'm happy at my current weight as my blood pressure was so low at the lower weight that I could not stand up without nearly fainting. Plus I looked far too bony, and my face looked even unhealthier slim that now. However, I'm not very tall but have very wide shoulders and hips. I carry might weight on my thighs and bum but I have a very slim belly (I used to have a sixpack at the lower weight), which you don't see as it's always cold here and I tend to wear warm, wider clothes.

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Replies

  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    tell them your weight is none of her business (unless as someone else said, its a job where a certain look is required).

  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
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    jennifer_417 wrote: »
    I'm curious to know exactly what was said. It's hard to know how to respond without a bit more info, tbh.

    This ^

    Hinting you could be you misinterpreting her.

    What did she say exactly?
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,138 Member
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    AlienDuchess wrote: »
    Report it to hr as harassment

    That's a bit of a stretch from "hinting at" to harassment, especially if OP and her manager have an otherwise good relationship per her post.
  • kdbulger
    kdbulger Posts: 396 Member
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    I would be pretty blunt:

    "I'm uncomfortable with you commenting on my weight and appearance. I'm healthy and happy. That's enough for me."
  • WorkerDrone83
    WorkerDrone83 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    Hmm. Yeah, you could be reading into things that aren't really there if you tend to get defensive about your weight. Congrats on losing 4-6kg and maintaining, btw.

    My other thought was that maybe she's feeling threatened by you and that's why she's taking digs.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    edited October 2017
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    Hinting? Are there words actually being said to you directly saying you are chubby, your title says she says you are big?

    I personally would not stand for someone mocking my appearance to my face (this is just me) and this draws the line between a personal stab and what is acceptable in a business environment.

    'Otherwise good relationship' you say you two have, means you can say something her.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    yirara wrote: »
    Right. My manager has been hinting a few times that I look a bit chubby. And I don't know how to react to that. I know I don't look as thin as I am (see below), but.. it's just a wrong comment to make and I don't know how to react to it. I could tell her to shut up, but that's not me and we otherwise have a good relationship. Any idea other than ignoring it should she hint again?

    I'm not fat. My BMI is 21 and I'm maintaining. There was a time, when I started this job where I was about 4-6kg lighter. I'm happy at my current weight as my blood pressure was so low at the lower weight that I could not stand up without nearly fainting. Plus I looked far too bony, and my face looked even unhealthier slim that now. However, I'm not very tall but have very wide shoulders and hips. I carry might weight on my thighs and bum but I have a very slim belly (I used to have a sixpack at the lower weight), which you don't see as it's always cold here and I tend to wear warm, wider clothes.

    What are these hints?
    If you were really overweight do you think it would be okay for your manager to make comments about your weight then?
    Does your weight have anything to do with your job?

    You might say, "Are you commenting on my weight? That is pretty inappropriate of none of your business."
    You might say, "Yes, I gained some weight and am maintaining it. I am happy with my body and feeling healthier than ever."
  • Sunnybrooke99
    Sunnybrooke99 Posts: 369 Member
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    My guess is that your manager thinks you look nice and healthy, and probably meant it as a complement. I see this all of the time at work ( but I’m a dancer), and it’s almost always truly a complement. If you are in a similar job, where your looks matter, I’d just ask. If you aren’t in that kind of job, I’d let it go this time. You can’t teach everyone how to behave. If it happens again, or continues to haunt you, talk to HR.
  • stanmann571
    stanmann571 Posts: 5,728 Member
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    Add me to the list of "what exactly was said" votes.

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