How not to mindlessly eat when emotionally numb

elphie754
elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
This upcoming weekend is hard for me. It will be the anniversary of my then fiances death (sudden from a car accident). While it happened many years ago and I happily have two amazing significant others (who are extremely supportive and try their best to help me through this time) every year, the nightmares return around this time. I become emotionally numb and somewhat depressed.

I have found this year I seem to be walking back into the kitchen to get something else to eat, even when I have literally just eaten or not even hungry. I guess the mindless eating is somewhat comforting. I really would like not to undo progress I have made this month. I know I have to be kind to myself and not be hard on myself this weekend, but would rather not mindlessly eat the entire weekend.

What are somethings that help you not indulge in mindless eating/snacking?

Replies

  • maggibailey
    maggibailey Posts: 289 Member
    Find ways to keep yourself mentally focused elsewhere. Long walks, good books and so forth. And let me just say one significant other is almost more than I can handle so good on you to handle two!
  • greenlizard72
    greenlizard72 Posts: 76 Member
    Maybe stock up on healthy low calorie snacking stuff and hide (or toss) high calorie snack foods? I'm not an expert, but I do have this problem myself. I am just now refocusing on losing weight after allowing myself to be distracted for many months. Many nights I find myself staying up late because I can't sleep from stress and overthinking, and I have eaten through too many Pringles cans and Ritz bacon chips. My goal now is to replace them on my grocery list with something more healthy and less calories. I'm thinking celery & salt and cucumber and vinegar. Also, maybe try to get a little more sleep through this time. Naps are cool.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    maggibailey wrote: »
    Find ways to keep yourself mentally focused elsewhere. Long walks, good books and so forth. And let me just say one significant other is almost more than I can handle so good on you to handle two!

    Been trying. Less time I spend in the house, the better. Earlier today I went and got a massage, which felt good.

    And we've been a family for a few years. We have our moments, but I wouldn't trade either of them for the world.
    greenlizard72 wrote: »
    Maybe stock up on healthy low calorie snacking stuff and hide (or toss) high calorie snack foods? I'm not an expert, but I do have this problem myself. I am just now refocusing on losing weight after allowing myself to be distracted for many months. Many nights I find myself staying up late because I can't sleep from stress and overthinking, and I have eaten through too many Pringles cans and Ritz bacon chips. My goal now is to replace them on my grocery list with something more healthy and less calories. I'm thinking celery & salt and cucumber and vinegar. Also, maybe try to get a little more sleep through this time. Naps are cool.

    I did buy some healthy snacks, but it doesn't seem to be what I grab lol.

    I try to nap, but I don't get much sleep. I wake from nightmares a lot. Some mornings I'm the only one home with the baby and she doesn't nap.
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,213 Member
    What has worked for me, just this morning in fact, is to switch my mind from "Poor me, what can I eat to feel better?", to "What small task can I get accomplished?".

    Sorry this happened to you. I knew someone else whose fiancé was killed suddenly and it remained very painful for her many years later.
  • greenlizard72
    greenlizard72 Posts: 76 Member
    elphie754 wrote: »
    I did buy some healthy snacks, but it doesn't seem to be what I grab lol.

    Yeah, I get that. I have to get rid of things I don't want to eat because at times I apparently have no self control or memory. Shaq used to suck at free throws so bad that the opposing teams would foul him on purpose because they knew he would score less on the free throw line than taking it to the hoop. In addition to practicing, he said he spent much time visualizing the process over and over, seeing himself set his feet, bend, stretch and shoot and seeing the ball get net. According to him, this significantly increased his percentage made. I wonder if we did this for ourselves if it would be helpful changing behaviors.
    elphie754 wrote: »
    I try to nap, but I don't get much sleep. I wake from nightmares a lot. Some mornings I'm the only one home with the baby and she doesn't nap.

    I'm working on this too. My girls are older and it's not them keeping me up. I hope you figure this out too, because long term lack of sleep can lead to many bad things. On the other hand, Churchill only slept for four or five hours a night and he was pretty successful. Not a inspiration for health, but definitely one for character!
  • maggibailey
    maggibailey Posts: 289 Member
    A massage would be my very favorite distraction ever! I think the fact that you know it’s an issue is good news. Using the tips you are hearing on top of just being mindful will make a difference I’m sure. Meditation? Yoga? I know everyone says these two things and it starts to sound trite and silly but the both of them have a fabulous way of keeping your thoughts in line with your goals.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I am helped by finding different ways to deal with the pain. Food is a numbing agent.

    Getting out of the house is a great idea.

    Do you have any special ways to memorialize your fiancée?
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    Thank you everyone for the ideas.
    jgnatca wrote: »
    I am helped by finding different ways to deal with the pain. Food is a numbing agent.

    Getting out of the house is a great idea.

    Do you have any special ways to memorialize your fiancée?

    Yes I do. Every year I visit the gravesite (by myself) and usually end up spending half the day there. I also usually do lunch with his sister since we've remained close.

  • anubis609
    anubis609 Posts: 3,966 Member
    What has your therapist suggested for you to do during times of emotional apathy? Everyone's coping skill is different and to the extent that your experience is completely your own, what helps/helped you when this time of the year passes? What have you been able to do after the anniversary that pulled you back into an appreciable emotional state of equilibrium? Perhaps you can focus on keeping that feeling or thought as you deal with the upcoming weekend, instead of resorting back to familiar routine.

    In all honesty, while their intentions are good, no one's suggestion will be justifiable since they haven't had to deal with what you're personally feeling. Address your emotional state and note any changes. If you've gone through this before, you know what has helped you and it will be as positive as you want it to be for you.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    When I have been in a similar state I’ve made Chamomile tea. It’s palliative and it feels like self care.
  • TimothyFish
    TimothyFish Posts: 4,925 Member
    When I'm mourning a loss, I go ride a bicycle. It works wonders.
  • Dreamyriver
    Dreamyriver Posts: 91 Member
    My husband died, very suddenly, just over 21 years ago, when I was still young and foolish, and with three small children too.
    It's hard, it's still hard. It'll probably always be hard.

    Keeping busy, as has been suggested, helps. It can help to develop a routine to deal with the day (for a long time, I would have a build up process that started several weeks before the anniversary of his death, I've managed to get that down to just the day itself now) But I was only really able to achieve this with counselling - that was invaluable.

    Being able to talk about him with people who knew him helps too - so your meal with his sister is a great idea. And having partners who aren't threatened by your grief is huge (so it sounds like you have that covered) But eventually it comes down to you being there with a kitchen full of food. I go the other way and feel sick and empty, so the mind numbing eating doesn't occur then (other times though, yes) - but I'd definitely try to limit what is available, try to keep busy, try to focus on the positives in the life you shared and laugh about all aspects of their personality (good and bad!), try to develop a new routine which honours their memory rather than grieving for their loss.

    Big hugs to you x
  • JRSINAZ
    JRSINAZ Posts: 158 Member
    I've mindless ate most my life. I saw a weight loss trainer say something that made me laugh but it's true. "Stop putting stuff in your mouth that doesn't belong there"
  • Aerona85
    Aerona85 Posts: 159 Member
    For the sleeping and nightmares have you tried sleep meditations? You listen to them as you are falling asleep and they help you get into deeper sleep. They’re about the only thing that has gotten me past the anniversary of a close friends accident each year. It never gets easier but changing coping mechanisms can help with the dealing.
  • elphie754
    elphie754 Posts: 7,574 Member
    Dreamyriver wrote: »
    My husband died, very suddenly, just over 21 years ago, when I was still young and foolish, and with three small children too.
    It's hard, it's still hard. It'll probably always be hard.

    Keeping busy, as has been suggested, helps. It can help to develop a routine to deal with the day (for a long time, I would have a build up process that started several weeks before the anniversary of his death, I've managed to get that down to just the day itself now) But I was only really able to achieve this with counselling - that was invaluable.

    Being able to talk about him with people who knew him helps too - so your meal with his sister is a great idea. And having partners who aren't threatened by your grief is huge (so it sounds like you have that covered) But eventually it comes down to you being there with a kitchen full of food. I go the other way and feel sick and empty, so the mind numbing eating doesn't occur then (other times though, yes) - but I'd definitely try to limit what is available, try to keep busy, try to focus on the positives in the life you shared and laugh about all aspects of their personality (good and bad!), try to develop a new routine which honours their memory rather than grieving for their loss.

    Big hugs to you x

    Thank you and so sorry for your loss. I do still see a counselor (for something completely different) but only twice a month now. I was able to make of those appointments for yesterday though, so it helped a bit.


    JRSINAZ wrote: »
    I've mindless ate most my life. I saw a weight loss trainer say something that made me laugh but it's true. "Stop putting stuff in your mouth that doesn't belong there"

    I'm sorry but that doesn't really help in this instance and adding guilt of eating and being negative about it is not exactly helpful.
    Aerona85 wrote: »
    For the sleeping and nightmares have you tried sleep meditations? You listen to them as you are falling asleep and they help you get into deeper sleep. They’re about the only thing that has gotten me past the anniversary of a close friends accident each year. It never gets easier but changing coping mechanisms can help with the dealing.

    I have tried but they don't help. I am prescribed sleep medication but havent taken it in years.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
    @GottaBurnEmAll gave the best advice IMO. Sometimes life is a *kitten* and you just have to muddle through. As someone who is routinely too hard on myself, I could stand to take this advice myself from time to time. Many hugs!
  • sjfidder
    sjfidder Posts: 5 Member
    I live alone and sometimes, usually in the evening, I snack out of boredom. My weight is OK at 140 but like a lot of older women, I have accumulated too much belly fat. I am trying desparately to lose this habit. I no longer buy snacks such as potato chips and dip, cookies, etc. I watch football with my son and his familoy on Sundays and this is the one day each week that I overindulge in snacks. I knit, read, sew, watch TV, sit at the computer but still think of food. There are times when I have trouble falling asleep and I get up and look for something to eat. Any suggestions?
  • Maxxitt
    Maxxitt Posts: 1,281 Member
    Back to the original post ... what has helped me through anniversary days like this (and the older I get, the more there are), is to be intentional about how I will move through the day, planning in advance some way to mark my love for the person that is meaningful to me and them. I learned long ago that planning to *not* do something/feel something was incredibly predictive of increased suffering and despair. The plans for moving through the day change, and sometimes random experiences crop up that I know are truly the perfect thing for that day and I can toss aside my "plans."
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    This is something I struggle with too. To the extent you can, try to change the environment. If you can get out of the house, do so. If there are places you reach to in the kitchen or where you go for food, see if you can move them. Have a plan of things to do instead of eating for self comfort (listen to music, get out and walk or exercise if possible, if not, maybe dance around).

    Two things that work well for me: meditation (I actually really recommend the Calm app), and journaling, by which I mean just opening a document and noting the date, that you feel like eating, why, that you feel crappy, and free associate from there. It can be surprisingly helpful.

    Learning to sit with feelings can be good too, but sometimes it's not the right time to work on that.

    If you just want to get something and eat, try getting a no calorie beverage of choice -- I overdo coffee in times of emotional turmoil as a result, but you can make calorie free iced tea and put it in a nice glass or cup and that might be even better, or infused water, or just water if that works for you (or diet soda).

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