Self Esteem is forever gone
Akariixo
Posts: 57 Member
It's turned into a sad day so I just need to complain about it.
I called my grandmother and asked her if she'd pick me up on the way to my dad's because she was going over there and so she decided that she was buying me a winter coat before we went over. Which is nice of her but I don't like to shop for clothes with other people.
She goes into the first store and she's literally yelling through the store to the workers about the plus size and "bigger ladies" coats for 15 minutes. Then the store worker finally told her they only sell xL which she could have said when she asked her the first time.
Then she goes to sears where we repeat the same event, on the way there she tells me she's going to have to cut me in half just to find me a coat and that oh at least I'm getting some exercise now that I'm walking to the other end of the mall. I get in the store and I just grab the biggest coat which was a 24 (that's even a bit big on me) so I can leave, she grabs the coat in the middle of 15 people so she can ask the size and announce it. Then takes it to the cash, then we leave.
Then we go to my dads where I'm like oh well it's over now... nope, now we have to have show and tell and point out how big the coat is. My mother is already going out and buying me 4x shirts that are too big on me so that just gave her incentive that the 4x isn't big enough.
I just feel like going home and crying, possibly never leaving the house again. It's hard enough some days without dealing with this kind of stuff. /endrant.
I called my grandmother and asked her if she'd pick me up on the way to my dad's because she was going over there and so she decided that she was buying me a winter coat before we went over. Which is nice of her but I don't like to shop for clothes with other people.
She goes into the first store and she's literally yelling through the store to the workers about the plus size and "bigger ladies" coats for 15 minutes. Then the store worker finally told her they only sell xL which she could have said when she asked her the first time.
Then she goes to sears where we repeat the same event, on the way there she tells me she's going to have to cut me in half just to find me a coat and that oh at least I'm getting some exercise now that I'm walking to the other end of the mall. I get in the store and I just grab the biggest coat which was a 24 (that's even a bit big on me) so I can leave, she grabs the coat in the middle of 15 people so she can ask the size and announce it. Then takes it to the cash, then we leave.
Then we go to my dads where I'm like oh well it's over now... nope, now we have to have show and tell and point out how big the coat is. My mother is already going out and buying me 4x shirts that are too big on me so that just gave her incentive that the 4x isn't big enough.
I just feel like going home and crying, possibly never leaving the house again. It's hard enough some days without dealing with this kind of stuff. /endrant.
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Replies
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I posted this in the wrong section and can't figure out how to change it; oh well.0
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(((hugs))) to you, OP. Your grandmother and mother sound delightful
![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
You're here, so you're obviously taking steps to lose weight and get healthier. Don't let their vileness derail you.17 -
AngelxAnnih wrote: »I posted this in the wrong section and can't figure out how to change it; oh well.
You can click on Flag, then Report and ask the mods to shift it if you want.0 -
Your grandmother sounds like a pretty awful person.15
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I use to go to alanon and one of the most helpful things I learned there was “other people options of me are none of my business”. I think the same can be said of other people’s personality issues. It takes practice or reminding yourself every time that they and their opinion have no effect on your worth. Girl I was just scrolling another thread the other day and saw your profile picture and thought “god she has gorgeous cheek bones!” So I assure you not everyone is thinking *kitten* things about you.21
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That's awful. So sad you went through that. But something to remember: people only treat you the way you allow them to. There is a way to respectfully put Granny in her place. You could leave the store, and ask her to please not treat you that way, tell her how it makes you feel. Not sure of your family dynamics, but I certainly hope things get better!!!10
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Take a deep breath! This what I call people having a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth its not necessary and it just negative energy for absolutely no reason at all! For the life of me I will never understand why people feel that they have the prerogative to say the first things that crosses their lips without thinking.
While I completely agree that these people sound quite unpleasant to be around... these are obstacles that make you stronger. Keep building your self esteem, each day you are here, you WIN. Each day you stick to your goals your are winning. Do not give anyone power to make you feel bad!! One day you will look back and say I beat all that negative stuff.. Use this as fuel for your cause!!!!! HUGS girl, you've got this!!!!12 -
She's 91 so she's rather set in her ways unfortunately, she's great until it comes to clothing and someone being overweight... She's a war bride from ww2 so she comes from rations and not over eating and still eats that way so I can't really be mad at her, it's just hurtful.
My mother is also not all there in the head and is finally being treated by a psychiatrist but I still just try to avoid her as much as possible. Long story short she's just rude lol.
Thanks Maggibailey, that's really sweet of you9 -
Well I will hold you in my prayers as well- but remember to KEEP doing the best you can for YOU! this is all about you and your health!!!! YOU can do this!!!4
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The behavior is embarrassing.
Your value is not what clothing size you wear. You are the same person whether you wear a size 24 or a size 10. A clothing size means nothing.
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Your grandma and my grandma would have been besties. Sorry that happened. Sometimes people are just rude.7
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This is awful. It's absolutely terrible when family members comment on weight especially close family. It bothers me more when my close family says about it then anybody else. My mother who weighs atleast 50 pounds more than me also comments ON MY weight. But now that I've lost some nobody says anything. There's nothing you should be ashamed of, you're beautiful regardless of what size you wear or what numbers the scale says. You're here and trying to get healthier anyways so they should leave you be.7
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AngelxAnnih wrote: »I posted this in the wrong section and can't figure out how to change it; oh well.
Feel free to message me and let me know where you’d like it moved to!Nony_Mouse wrote: »AngelxAnnih wrote: »I posted this in the wrong section and can't figure out how to change it; oh well.
You can click on Flag, then Report and ask the mods to shift it if you want.
Correct, thank-you for the helpful input!
Regards,
Adam, MyFitnessPal Moderator
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Good thing you aren't Asian! Not only will family usually say something about it, but FRIENDS of the family will too!
While you know that it's something you have to address, you also should expect people to say something about it from time to time. The great thing is, is that you don't have to take it and can respond cordially. The better person will always take the higher road and once you get to whatever goal you've set, you'll have to deal with something different.................................them taking credit for motivating you to do it.
Such is life. I've been teaching my DD not to worry about what others say because more than anything else, they are just trying to get a reaction out of you. And if you let them, they got what they wanted.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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OP, sorry this happened. I once heard some ladies husband yell out her weight at the doctors office so everyone could hear. " 297 pounds"!!
I wanted to to kick his as.s.9 -
All I have to say is: Log your food accurately and honestly in your food diary. Be patient. Stay within your calorie budget. Dance on her grave commando.
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So sorry. Hugs. I divorced my crazy mother-in-law, but you can't just divorce your mom.
If your grandma is otherwise a loving person, just be thankful you still have her, avoid the situations when you can, and try to be strong when you can't.
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I'm sorry your family isn't showing you support and love. You deserve both of those no matter what size you are.3
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My grampa likes to loudly and abnoxiously remind me how FAT i was (he says it just like that). I realize how different the situations are being on the end of the journey but i understand how it can feel. No one ever has the right to make comments or gestures or assumptions or anything reguarding your weight. Even positive comments can often be so offensive. Just show em up. Stay strong, Know it has happened to many of us in different ways your not alone anyway -kind of sadly- And they probably dont mean to be as rude as they are. Not that thats much comfort.1
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Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, I really do appreciate it as I had a feeling well all kinda knew the struggles lol. To those who has shared similar stories, I'm really sorry you had to go through listening to someone's irritating comments. It's disheartening that not everyone can be supportive but at least there's always somewhere for us to turn to on those rough days.
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You are so beautiful! Do you have the receipt for the coat? If it were me, I'd take it back and exchange it for one that I like and fits well! Granny doesn't have to know!11
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Being overweight can lower self esteem, but what we are inside as a person is even more important than our physical body. Work on both (as everyone needs to do) and you will feel good about yourself. Don't let others define you!2
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I'm sorry that happened to you. My grandmother used to talk about my weight to my mom and her siblings all the time. How worried she was about me. She took my husband aside one time and asked of there was anything he could do. I was 250lbs.
I lost 100 lbs and saw her again. She didn't say a word about how I looked so I asked her. She patted my thighs and said I'd look good when I lost THAT.
You can love your family and hate how they talk or act. They don't understand, obviously. Tale care of yourself, lose the weight and then tell them how bad they made you feel.3 -
I think you look beautiful 4
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I think my mother in law may be your gramma!!4
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suzannesimmons3 wrote: »Family can suck. Take the coat back and next time (if grandma will) ask her for a gift certificate for YOUR favourite store.
Just refuse her buying you a coat if that goes and tell her you will handle it yourself.3 -
Do we have the same grandma? My grandma is a narcissist and just generally a mean person. She constantly puts my mom down because of her weight and once said I looked fat in my drivers license picture when I was about 130 lbs (I was like 19 at the time). I told my mom to keep going over there at a minimum and advise you to do the same. I'm so sorry, I know how you feel.3
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Her age being 91, she may be suffering dementia. Or maybe she is just a toxic person! Either way, it has nothing to do with you. You really do have amazing skin and lovely big eyes. Try to love and forgive Grandma, for your own sake. Then go out and buy yourself a really great coat that you chose and that looks great on you. (The evil side of me says go take Grandma to a restaurant in that coat, and yell loudly at the waiter asking if they can puree Grandma's food, she's old and doesn't chew very well. And lots of extra napkins, please, and do they have a bib?)8
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