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erikarobles
erikarobles Posts: 205 Member
in Introduce Yourself
This is very personal and not really related to weight loss but I have no where else to post......
I have been working on myself for years and finally have some self esteem. I have been married to my husband for almost 7 years and he is very supportive. We started dating about 10 years ago and I came in with 2 little boys from a previous relationship. I could not have anymore kids. He understood and told me that we were enough. He is the the boy's Dad. He is the only Father they have known.
So out of the blue my husband tells me about a year ago that he wants a biological child. I am in shock but say we can talk about a round of IVF. He never really commits. Three of my friends volunteer to be surrogates but due to other things that does not work out, and I start having medical issues. I ended up having a hysterectomy October 3rd. My emotions & hormones are on super overload. I know that some of you will come back with adoption but that is not in the cards for us either. I am at a total loss and just have to keep all of these feelings really to myself.
I know that there has to be other women that are dealing with this out there. After my surgery I feel less of a women due to finality that I personally can never give my husband the child he wants. I would love to hear some encouraging stories.
I know this is so personal you can message me directly too.

Erika

Replies

  • sabal20
    sabal20 Posts: 39 Member
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    Erika, I can't say I know how you feel but I do empathise. Stay strong.
  • tmoneyag99
    tmoneyag99 Posts: 480 Member
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    Man that is tough. I don't even know if I have the proper words to comfort you. While I may not feel the same pain you do, My heart hurts for you. Feel free to DM if you need a place to vent privately. Know that if I could I would reach out and hug you in this moment.
  • pinuplove
    pinuplove Posts: 12,871 Member
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    I'm so very sorry! That's tough :frowning: October 3rd was not very long ago. I think you'd both benefit from a heart-to-heart hopefully agreeing to table the issue for now, while you heal and adjust emotionally to everything that has happened. ((stupid cheesy internet hugs from a stranger))
  • erikarobles
    erikarobles Posts: 205 Member
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    I thank you all for your comments, and yes my emotions are stuck on HIGH right now. It seems like when we do try to talk about this I cannot get through it without crying. But I will keep trying, I appreciate all the support.
  • GoodnightJulia
    GoodnightJulia Posts: 22 Member
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    I think it would be really beneficial for you to see a counselor, maybe with your husband? It can help you work through all of these emotions and - I'm guessing you might be a little afraid your husband will carry some (even if unintentional) resentment? Don't let silence lead you to guess or assume what each other is feeling - when you're ready, talk about it.

    And it's okay to cry. This is a very emotional thing and you should let yourself feel everything without judging yourself for it. You'll get through this. Try to remind yourself of the great family you have already built and focus on reinforcing those bonds and that love every day.
  • erikarobles
    erikarobles Posts: 205 Member
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    Awww thank you.
  • mimikuehn
    mimikuehn Posts: 3 Member
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    Praying for you.
  • LiveLoveFitFab
    LiveLoveFitFab Posts: 302 Member
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    Just thought I'd share my experience. Other than that I don't have much advice to give. Every person deals with things differently, and I don't want to seem patronizing.

    I went through failed IVF. Three rounds before I found out a baby wasn't even a possibility. It hurts.

    The only thing that kept me sane was that I already have a child, and we made the decision to just be happy with what we had instead of mourning what never was possible. We can't have children together, and that was a fact we eventually accepted.

    I think if I had never had a child it would have been much harder for me. And, acceptance of a situation comes with time to process the loss of a dream, and might even require counselling.
    I think being grateful for the child I have and all the other things in my life I have helped a lot.

    Now I couldn't even imagine what I would be doing if I had a five year old. My life would be completely different, and I love my life right now.

  • Ardael
    Ardael Posts: 244 Member
    edited November 2017
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    One thing is for sure though, you are still a woman. No more but definitely not less. And whoever even hinting in that direction doesn't deserve your time and effort. What ever happens in the future and whatever you and your husband and your little ones as well go through, you are a wife, a mother, a girl, a lady and a woman. Always has been, always will be. Breathe girl and things will be alright soon.
  • erikarobles
    erikarobles Posts: 205 Member
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    Thank you for your support ladies.

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