Have you?
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then why is it so important for you to get it clearly defined from array of different people on the internet?Staceym2112 wrote: »
I didn't but thanks for the ASSumption
I feel you are looking for justification for a behavior you have exhibited or thought about doing in the near future.
I didn't ask for anyone to clearly define anything. I stated I needed to clearly define my question in order to get accurate answers. I asked for a serious, non-judgment passing, opinion from everyone answering. I'm not passing judgement on those answering honestly that they have or have not. I'm also not assuming that everyone avoiding actually answering the question has done it at some point. My goal is to have a discussion as adults on a topic that probably comes up often.
There are plenty of people that for one reason or another have cheated in a serious relationship instead of breaking it off.
To answer your obvious inquiry No, I haven't cheated. I believe someone should end the relationship if unhappy. But I have been cheated on by someone I was in a relationship with for over 3 years and living with. That person's reasoning was that they believe people aren't meant to be monogamous and when in a serious relationship it's okay to hook up with others, sext, send nudes, etc for both people as long as you lie about it to the other person.
I was just curious as to what other people thought about it and how varying reasons were.1 -
Most people don't like being cheated on........I think that's a given.Staceym2112 wrote: »
then why is it so important for you to get it clearly defined from array of different people on the internet?Staceym2112 wrote: »
I didn't but thanks for the ASSumption
I feel you are looking for justification for a behavior you have exhibited or thought about doing in the near future.
I didn't ask for anyone to clearly define anything. I stated I needed to clearly define my question in order to get accurate answers. I asked for a serious, non-judgment passing, opinion from everyone answering. I'm not passing judgement on those answering honestly that they have or have not. I'm also not assuming that everyone avoiding actually answering the question has done it at some point. My goal is to have a discussion as adults on a topic that probably comes up often.
There are plenty of people that for one reason or another have cheated in a serious relationship instead of breaking it off.
To answer your obvious inquiry No, I haven't cheated. I believe someone should end the relationship if unhappy. But I have been cheated on by someone I was in a relationship with for over 3 years and living with. That person's reasoning was that they believe people aren't meant to be monogamous and when in a serious relationship it's okay to hook up with others, sext, send nudes, etc for both people as long as you lie about it to the other person.
I was just curious as to what other people thought about it and how varying reasons were.
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Cheat
Everyone on here is doing it one way or another. Some like to hide it for whatever reason.
Others like to pretend like what they are doing isn’t cheating
Some are open, most aren’t
Before you ask, yes5 -
@MrSith that is true. But I didn't ask if anyone liked being cheated on. I asked if anyone has done it at some point and their reasoning behind it if they even had a reason.0
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No, never1
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Staceym2112 wrote: »@MrSith that is true. But I didn't ask if anyone liked being cheated on. I asked if anyone has done it at some point and their reasoning behind it if they even had a reason.
Valid.
I think the majority of people want to seek approval or attention of their physical attributes by others at some point in their lives.........maybe not by cheating but by being a feeler to get compliments. After awhile, one gets complacent and believes that their significant other loves them "just because" and always will, therefore, we don't value their opinion on our physicality as we first did. They say love is blind.......but initially it is not.
Why do people post pictures on websites in selfie threads and such? They want validation. They maybe never want anything other than a compliment but it still is seeking attention and one can say that is cheating as well as the other might be hurt knowing about it.2 -
Staceym2112 wrote: »@MrSith that is true. But I didn't ask if anyone liked being cheated on. I asked if anyone has done it at some point and their reasoning behind it if they even had a reason.
Valid.
I think the majority of people want to seek approval or attention of their physical attributes by others at some point in their lives.........maybe not by cheating but by being a feeler to get compliments. After awhile, one gets complacent and believes that their significant other loves them "just because" and always will, therefore, we don't value their opinion on our physicality as we first did. They say love is blind.......but initially it is not.
Why do people post pictures on websites in selfie threads and such? They want validation. They maybe never want anything other than a compliment but it still is seeking attention and one can say that is cheating as well as the other might be hurt knowing about it.
So that's a yes?0 -
Just_J_Now wrote: »Staceym2112 wrote: »@MrSith that is true. But I didn't ask if anyone liked being cheated on. I asked if anyone has done it at some point and their reasoning behind it if they even had a reason.
Valid.
I think the majority of people want to seek approval or attention of their physical attributes by others at some point in their lives.........maybe not by cheating but by being a feeler to get compliments. After awhile, one gets complacent and believes that their significant other loves them "just because" and always will, therefore, we don't value their opinion on our physicality as we first did. They say love is blind.......but initially it is not.
Why do people post pictures on websites in selfie threads and such? They want validation. They maybe never want anything other than a compliment but it still is seeking attention and one can say that is cheating as well as the other might be hurt knowing about it.
So that's a yes?
Have I cheated? I have and been cheated on as well. It doesn't feel good either way. But one has to mature and know that.
I value myself, not many are lucky to be apart of my life, therefore, not many like me just for that alone.2 -
OP @Staceym2112 said:
But I have been cheated on by someone I was in a relationship with for over 3 years and living with. That person's reasoning was that they believe people aren't meant to be monogamous and when in a serious relationship it's okay to hook up with others, sext, send nudes, etc for both people as long as you lie about it to the other person.
You just found this out after three years?
Are you still together?0 -
Staceym2112 wrote: »@MrSith that is true. But I didn't ask if anyone liked being cheated on. I asked if anyone has done it at some point and their reasoning behind it if they even had a reason.
I did it once. I was shacking up with a dude, technically a common law because it lasted for 7 years. I told him I was going out to dinner with a man I met at my job and that we were just friends. That was a lie because I was attracted to the other man, and interested in him as more than a friend. My common law said "okay" and was fine with it. I interpreted that as very cuckish, but I already had little respect for my common law for reasons I won't get into on the internet.
I went on the date with the other man and we kissed after and I let him stick his tongue in my mouth and I liked it.
Then I came home like nothing happened and common law didn't ask any questions anyway.
In retrospect I wouldn't call it cheating since common law and myself had no formal commitment and were flying by the seat of our pants. Each clinging to each other for creature comfort and afraid to go it alone.
But it was dishonest on my part and that's what it always comes down to. Is it honest or is it not.
If your live-in is being up front with you in his refusal of monogamy and his enthusiasm and participation in the behaviors you describe, he's being honest. He's not cheating.
Those were his reasons AFTER we broke up for why things weren't working. I'm always for honesty at any cost but he wasn't honest up front in that instance, the honesty came after the 3 1/2 year relationship ended. If he had been upfront than I wouldn't have considered it cheating and I wouldn't have let him move in nor pursued a relationship further.
I've also been in a non-serious relationship before where a guy was upfront and stated he wanted to see others. I didn't get mad or anything. I appreciated the honesty and knowing upfront gave me the choice to be okay with it and continue to see that person or be done.1 -
I cheated on my first husband. I wanted it over. It was over. Cheated on him emotionally, intellectually, and physically.3
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@Jimb376mfp no, I'm not still with him. At the beginning he was all for marriage etc. The last two years of that relationship things were going down hill because he entered into some weird phase. He became selfish, starting shutting his family out including his kids. Lost all ambitions for future goals for himself etc. Became selfish, lazy, and was caught cheating physically and via phone. After we broke up he called and wanting to talk. Explained he was different and felt broken and feels that anyone in any relationship should be able to hookup with others, send nudes etc as long as it's hidden from the other person so it doesn't hurt them but allows the other person to have something different when bored with their life. I told him that I hope that works out for him, thanks for the honesty After the fact, and wished him the best of luck.1
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Staceym2112 wrote: »Staceym2112 wrote: »@MrSith that is true. But I didn't ask if anyone liked being cheated on. I asked if anyone has done it at some point and their reasoning behind it if they even had a reason.
I did it once. I was shacking up with a dude, technically a common law because it lasted for 7 years. I told him I was going out to dinner with a man I met at my job and that we were just friends. That was a lie because I was attracted to the other man, and interested in him as more than a friend. My common law said "okay" and was fine with it. I interpreted that as very cuckish, but I already had little respect for my common law for reasons I won't get into on the internet.
I went on the date with the other man and we kissed after and I let him stick his tongue in my mouth and I liked it.
Then I came home like nothing happened and common law didn't ask any questions anyway.
In retrospect I wouldn't call it cheating since common law and myself had no formal commitment and were flying by the seat of our pants. Each clinging to each other for creature comfort and afraid to go it alone.
But it was dishonest on my part and that's what it always comes down to. Is it honest or is it not.
If your live-in is being up front with you in his refusal of monogamy and his enthusiasm and participation in the behaviors you describe, he's being honest. He's not cheating.
Those were his reasons AFTER we broke up for why things weren't working. I'm always for honesty at any cost but he wasn't honest up front in that instance, the honesty came after the 3 1/2 year relationship ended. If he had been upfront than I wouldn't have considered it cheating and I wouldn't have let him move in nor pursued a relationship further.
I've also been in a non-serious relationship before where a guy was upfront and stated he wanted to see others. I didn't get mad or anything. I appreciated the honesty and knowing upfront gave me the choice to be okay with it and continue to see that person or be done.
I just looked at your profile and it says you're a 30 year old mother. Time to focus on what you want for the long term and, of course, put your kid first by protecting his or her emotional and physical safety in everything you do.
My focus is on my kid and myself, thanks.This is just a discussion. I am an honest person and will answer questions when asked. I'm single period. I got out of that situation for the sake of my kid and don't regret leaving.1 -
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »It's easy to not cheat when no one wants to *kitten* you
I got you boo2 -
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MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »It's easy to not cheat when no one wants to *kitten* you
I don't think that's true. There's always someone who would want to even if you don't think so. It's just easier not to cheat when you aren't looking for it or choose not to when put in a situation where you could. Really just depends on your values...Do you value your relationship enough to not look elsewhere or say no?...or do you not?0 -
@MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »It's easy to not cheat when no one wants to *kitten* you
I told that once you cleared up that rash that I'd be all in.1 -
Does seeing each other's bits over the wonder of the internet by means of KIK constitute cheating or do the bits have to interact in person?
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SomebodyWakeUpHIcks wrote: »Does seeing each other's bits over the wonder of the internet by means of KIK constitute cheating or do the bits have to interact in person?
That’s cheating but so much fun0 -
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@Lovetocompete wrote: »People look elsewhere bc something is missing
Are you talking about my bits?0 -
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Staceym2112 wrote: »MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »It's easy to not cheat when no one wants to *kitten* you
I don't think that's true. There's always someone who would want to even if you don't think so. It's just easier not to cheat when you aren't looking for it or choose not to when put in a situation where you could. Really just depends on your values...Do you value your relationship enough to not look elsewhere or say no?...or do you not?
So.... Who Did You Nail ?0 -
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Curious...are you a cheater only if you are in a relationship? If you are single but knowingly have a relationship with someone who is not single are you a cheater too?1
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ThisIsNotJosh81 wrote: »Cheat
Everyone on here is doing it one way or another. Some like to hide it for whatever reason.
Others like to pretend like what they are doing isn’t cheating
Some are open, most aren’t
Before you ask, yes
Can confirm he’s cheating.3 -
Curious...are you a cheater only if you are in a relationship? If you are single but knowingly have a relationship with someone who is not single are you a cheater too?
That's a whole other ball game and way messier. The person in the relationship with the other person is the cheater in my opinion...You'd be the accomplice or if the other person chooses to blame you rather than their spouse once caught, you'd be the homewrecker. I'd have to wonder why someone would willingly want to be with someone that is in a relationship already aside from knowing it wouldn't work out in the long term?0
This discussion has been closed.
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