Talking about weight loss is awkward?

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kenzie_y
kenzie_y Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
Hi all!

I am a 20 y.o female in college. I’ve been very overweight all of my life and have tried to lose weight before but couldn’t stick to it. Since being in college I have maintained a pretty healthy diet, but haven’t lost any weight. I decided that I finally was going to lose the extra weight after going to the doctor with body aches, fatigue and headaches, among other symptoms (which still go undiagnosed but I’ve been told is probably due at some extent to rheumatoid arthritis). When I went I found out I was at the highest weight I had ever been (203, and I am 5’9). To make a long story short, this was a turning point for me.
I rejoined a gym the next day and begin tracking my steps with Fitbit, and logging with MFP. I’ve been eating 1,200-1,400 calories a day while paying the most attention to macros. Ive lost 14 lbs in just under two months, and I believe that I am well underway to creating a sustainable lifestyle for myself that will continue even after I am no longer clinically “overweight” (which is my first goal, although I think I would like to ultimately weigh around 150).
Yesterday was the first day that someone (a coworker) noticed my weight loss, and it felt very weird to talk about. I am very close with my coworkers and I’m sure they have noticed the change in my lifestyle. I have been mentioning going to the gym and they’ve seen the foods I’ve been eating and the way that I keep to a strict plan during the day. I truly feel like I am thriving, but I can’t bring myself to tell anyone openly that I am trying to lose weight.
The few times it has come up, I’ve blamed it on tracking my nutrition and just wanting to care more about staying healthy. However, it feels like everyone can tell that I’m trying to lose weight and for some reason I am so incredibly embarrassed by it.
I’ve had to turn down offers by others to pick up lunch (since I pre-plan almost everything I eat), and I feel guilty. Even more I feel like I am annoying or obnoxious because I am being so strict about what I eat- does anyone else ever feel self conscious about this? Do you have issues talking about weight loss?
I have absolutely no one in my life who I feel comfortable telling that I am trying to lose some weight!

Replies

  • laurenebargar
    laurenebargar Posts: 3,081 Member
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    I dont have any advice but have to say it makes me uncomfortable to talk about it as well. Im not quite sure why but awkward is a good way to put it lol
  • jsminer827
    jsminer827 Posts: 62 Member
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    I remember the day a co-worker noticed quite well... he approached me to the side and said, "Can I ask you a sort of personal question?" - all the while flinching like I was going to scream or something... it was a pleasant exchange, and it was nice that somebody was noticing. He was curious about my motivation and congratulatory on my progress.

    I am pretty strict with my diet as well, I mostly bring my lunch. But, I've scoped out the common restaurants close to the office so that if someone asks to step out for lunch, I can say yes and know what I'm getting myself into calorie-wise. It takes a lot of pre-planning, but it doesn't have to be awkward. And then I don't always have to turn folks down.

    Interestingly, with my family it is a much different story - I feel like I have to be much more careful around them, their eating habits are bad (and without playing the blame game, truthfully my bad eating habits started there - it just took my 15 years to get my act together and stop down that path to diabetes, heart disease, and other chronic issues caused by the extra weight that my parents suffer from) and although my mother seems willing to accommodate, her support is transient. I mistakenly grumbled about my clothes not fitting and her response was that I could stop losing weight... so... there's that.

    I think sometimes there is a stigma associated with weight loss, but no more so than being fat to begin with. Whether we can admit it or not, people treat fat people differently - even fat people treat fat people differently. I mostly just offer commentary when asked because I don't want to appear like I am on a soap-box about being healthy this week when just six months ago I couldn't have resisted a snickers (it's easy now... no way am I consuming 15% of my daily calories on that crap!)
  • 88olds
    88olds Posts: 4,490 Member
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    Keep doing what you're doing. It's working.

    Try to avoid any conversation about your program unless it's someone you are sure is as serious as you are.

    When the people I work with started asking me what I was doing, I said I was doing old fashioned diet and exercise and kept walking. For a long time I turned down any invitations to lunch until I was sure I could handle it.

    I'm sure someone will answer that you should try to get support from people around you. Don't. Weight loss is a solitary pursuit.

    If you engage in casual conversation about your program, you will soon find that everyone has an opinion about diet and fitness and how it applies to you. This is unhelpful noise. You need to become your own expert on weight loss as you do it. No need for discussion.
  • azironasun
    azironasun Posts: 137 Member
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    Like you, I don't feel comfortable discussing my weight loss program. The only person who's aware of what I'm doing is my wife.

    A few people have noticed that I've lost weight. When they make a comment like, "You look like you've lost weight." I just say "Oh, ok'' and let it go. Sometimes they're just saying that as an add on to, "Hi. How are you?" Let it go.

    If they persist and say something along the lines of, "So azironasun, what are you doing to lose weight?" I just say, "Just trying to move more and eat less." Then I change the subject. This will quell 90% of the questions.

    For that last 10% that still persist, I say, "It's simple. Calories in have to be less than calories out."

    If they ask how much weight I've lost, I smile and slowly shake my head 'no'.

  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    I think just responding to the inquiries with something like "yeah, I'm just trying to adopt a healthier lifestyle" pretty much covers it. With no mention of intentional weight loss. Weight loss just happens to be one of those nice bonuses we get when we treat our bodies nicely and in a healthy manner.
  • whosshe
    whosshe Posts: 597 Member
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    It really depends how they bring it up. A lot of people will state "you've lost weight", like what do I say to that? lol "yes I have?" but the few people who say "you look great!" then I can say thank you. Each one asks how I lost weight and I just direct them to MFP. Nobody has listened so far lol
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
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    It's natural that if you are losing enough weight for it to be noticeable that someone will mention it. If it bothers you just give a short answer and change the subject.

    I have no problem talking about it with most people. I like to talk about exercise and nutrition.
  • steveko89
    steveko89 Posts: 2,217 Member
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    First of all, nicely done on your progress so far!

    You're certainly not alone about having difficulties with how to talk to other people about losing weight/getting in better shape. My philosophy has always been to not say much unless someone else engages me directly about it. Over time I've come to learn which of my friends and coworkers I can engage in a conversation about weight loss, nutrition, and/or fitness and those I can't/don't have interest. It will probably just take some time for those initial conversations to take place organically. I know saying it doesn't make it so, but you don't have any reason to be embarrassed or feel guilty about bettering yourself. If you feel that not participating in work lunches and what not is starting to harm your office relationships you might consider pushing for more/better planning of these sort of things so you can anticipate them and work them into your calories better. One meal every so often isn't going to completely derail your progression as long as you don't let it. In my job there are occasions for lunch meetings with visitors or vendors where it's expected I participate so I just try and make the best choice available and compensate with my other meals the best I can.

    Since I don't talk much about what I'm trying to accomplish (cut fat down under 12%, currently ~14%, paired with maintaining/gaining strength and muscle) the assumption gets made that I don't put as much time/effort into my physique which can be frustrating. I'll often get comments along the lines of "I wish I could eat whatever and not gain weight like you!", like I don't meticulously log everything I eat and spend 4-6 hours each week working out.
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,172 Member
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    My response nowadays is a quick, "Oh, thanks for noticing " or "thanks!" Then if they want to know my secret I tell them I'm moving more and eating less. Then I ask them what they're planning for the weekend or I tell them I just saw a great movie.
  • Johns_Dope_AF
    Johns_Dope_AF Posts: 460 Member
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    I have experienced this as well in the past, what I do now is just say i track my foods now. For food invites try saying" cant get it to fit maybe next week" Basically the more you normalize it, the more normal you will feel about it.
  • Rosiev2014
    Rosiev2014 Posts: 66 Member
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    Hi! I'm also not open/comfortable with really discussing weight loss but realised that as my plan is to lose 65lbs conversations would inevitably happen so I have thought about what I will say when these conversations happen. My decided upon answer is...yes I've lost some weight, it's a work in progress! I don't mention details and usually that shuts down the conversation rather than letting it carry on into a full blown discussion!!! The conversations will happen if you're going to lose a noticeable amount of weight, you just need to decide on what you're happy to say! Good luck!
  • Frater_Nox
    Frater_Nox Posts: 24 Member
    edited November 2017
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    I think its good to talk about. Sometimes people want to know how you are doing it so they can pick up tips and motivation. That is a good thing. It also makes you look proactive and positive. Surely helping other people to lose weight too is a good thing? Right? I think most people who bring this up are secretly curious for themselves (if not openly, if you engage them).

    And if they are asking you just to put you on the spot--seriously--why care?
    If they've noticed you've lost weight then they have already noticed you were fat. The horse has bolted. Them noticing you have lost weight can only improve their view of you at this point. So why not just tell them. They may turn out to be a supporter.
  • brig220
    brig220 Posts: 52 Member
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    That is why this community is so busy, you are not alone. I found that it is a bit a of a delicate subject for some of my friends especially for friends that are heavier than me. Also, a lot of people will have opinions and advice that you don't want to hear. I keep it for myself except for my husband and here.
  • amlynn16
    amlynn16 Posts: 20 Member
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    First off, congrats on doing so well. Keep up the good work.

    I hit my heaviest weight about 4.5 years ago. The only people who really knew I was trying to loose weight was my family. Inevitably, people will notice. It can seem awkward at first, so its common. But just say hey thanks. Don't offer up what you're doing unless they ask. However, because I've lost 110 lbs, I've just opted to say upfront that I purposefully lost weight just by eating healthier.
  • bee_bee8
    bee_bee8 Posts: 96 Member
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    I totally know how that is! I feel the same way, I feel somewhat fortunate no one has brought up my weight loss except family (with whom I've shared some details about my program; not all). They've been largely supportive and understanding about my restrictions, but I also don't see them every day like coworkers so they don't know the extent of it. I often plan around events with them so I don't seem so strict about my eating habits; I'll have a smaller-than-usual lunch when I know we'll be going out to dinner and having drinks, for example. I don't want to seem obsessive (and I've loosened up a bit since I reached a healthy weight range), but reaching weight loss goals does require diligence. Some people can't relate and/or don't understand the level of commitment necessary.

    You will always find supportive, helpful people in these forums who understand exactly what you're going through. I hope you get as much use out of the message boards as I have!
  • sksk1026
    sksk1026 Posts: 213 Member
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    I'm just vague about how much I've lost (6kg so far) in response to probing questions. I just say 'i'm not sure' when i know to the gram exactly how much i'm down! I think it's because I'm ashamed at how fat I got but my defense has always been to seem unconcerned by it and unkind remarks/pointed looks. I do tell my husband, though because he is uber-supportive.
    Anyhow, you're allowed some quirks on your journey - they're calorie-free! You're doing so well - keep it up!!! (Waving pompoms at you)!!!
  • NicoleMckenzie2017
    NicoleMckenzie2017 Posts: 141 Member
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    Hmm- everyone's suggestions above sound great. Just gotta find what's comfortable for you. I don't mind talking about weight loss at all, I think it's empowering!
  • DanishFeta
    DanishFeta Posts: 61 Member
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    I also feel awkward. Part of me feels it's because I don't want to remember having been so obese but I think it's also because there are a few people in my family that follow fads and when I have told them what I'm doing in the past they gang up and start bitching about how that's wrong.

    So now when anyone mentions it, I try to change the subject or just tell a joke. I don't like being discouraged by people that think fruit is poison and that exercise was invented by the coke cola company XD

    I think if they seem positive about it don't worry too much, they're probably a little inspired =)

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