Anyone else starting slow, dealing with emotional & habitual over-eating? [anxiety & depression cw]
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kiela64
Posts: 1,447 Member
I need to lose weight. I am obese (5'2, 210lbs), sedentary, and unwell from it (knee and ankle issues, and I recently had a life-threatening blood clot that may be associated with my obesity).
I have succeeded in the past. I used a 1300 cal restriction to lose 15lbs and was at 180 a couple years ago. MFP helped enormously. But I had a knee issue that sidelined me and was extremely frustrating, as well as an academic collapse that left me feeling depressed. I regained the weight I lost, and my previous bad habits became worse over the past 2 years and I gained more weight.
For me, my emotional well being and my physical well being are intertwined. When I exercise, my mental state is improved. My therapist has reminded me that exercise will do the same thing that any medication would, without side effects.
Yet my physical injuries have left me skittish and afraid of exercise. I need to control myself and work out without pushing my limits, which is less satisfying, but better in the long run.
My habits are very bad. I often go by a store and pick up candy, cookies, puddings, chips, ice cream on my way home from not even necessarily a challenging day. I hide and hoard them and eat them within a few days and buy more when they are done. Sometimes I use this as motivation to get me out of the house, or to do school work. Other problems are: buying sweet coffee drinks, buying high calorie lunches instead of pre-planning my own meals.
This is bad for my health, and for my wallet. I am a student and have no income. It is dangerous behaviour on both of those levels
So, it might sound 'soft' or 'weak' - but I am those things, right now. Very squishy! Haha - but I am trying to start making changes slowly so that they will stick, and starting small.
This is the status I posted today, outlining my initial starting goals:
I need to absolutely change my entire lifestyle, not just eating, not just exercise, but the entire way I speak to myself and behave when challenges happen in my life. I need to 'parent' myself, and teach myself better habits, set ground rules. Generate structure, habits, and ingrain them so that my life will become more controlled and fulfilling and will decrease my anxiety and emotional chaos.
My tools are: Therapy, Bullet Journalling (the ugly version, not the pretty ones online but the straightforward functional one), MFP, and myself. I have the tools to make these changes happen. It's time to start today.
TL;DR: If anyone else is trying to slowly make changes, or battling emotional issues with food, feel free to add me as a friend.
I have succeeded in the past. I used a 1300 cal restriction to lose 15lbs and was at 180 a couple years ago. MFP helped enormously. But I had a knee issue that sidelined me and was extremely frustrating, as well as an academic collapse that left me feeling depressed. I regained the weight I lost, and my previous bad habits became worse over the past 2 years and I gained more weight.
For me, my emotional well being and my physical well being are intertwined. When I exercise, my mental state is improved. My therapist has reminded me that exercise will do the same thing that any medication would, without side effects.
Yet my physical injuries have left me skittish and afraid of exercise. I need to control myself and work out without pushing my limits, which is less satisfying, but better in the long run.
My habits are very bad. I often go by a store and pick up candy, cookies, puddings, chips, ice cream on my way home from not even necessarily a challenging day. I hide and hoard them and eat them within a few days and buy more when they are done. Sometimes I use this as motivation to get me out of the house, or to do school work. Other problems are: buying sweet coffee drinks, buying high calorie lunches instead of pre-planning my own meals.
This is bad for my health, and for my wallet. I am a student and have no income. It is dangerous behaviour on both of those levels
So, it might sound 'soft' or 'weak' - but I am those things, right now. Very squishy! Haha - but I am trying to start making changes slowly so that they will stick, and starting small.
This is the status I posted today, outlining my initial starting goals:
Goals and Progression, Stage One:
1) Stop gaining. Track and aim for under maintenance. Get used to eating a more reasonable amount of food.
2) Stop purchasing junk food. It isn't going to help you feel better. It will make you feel worse.
3) Return to doing physio every day.
4) Start exercising once a week, (eventually twice a week, thrice a week). Gently. Yoga, swimming, stationary bike, and physio.
5) Incorporate more fruits and veggies into your day. Apples are nice. You like apples. Eat them. Remember you like carrots. Eat them.
6) Move forwards. Keep trying. Start again. Try to believe in yourself. xx
I need to absolutely change my entire lifestyle, not just eating, not just exercise, but the entire way I speak to myself and behave when challenges happen in my life. I need to 'parent' myself, and teach myself better habits, set ground rules. Generate structure, habits, and ingrain them so that my life will become more controlled and fulfilling and will decrease my anxiety and emotional chaos.
My tools are: Therapy, Bullet Journalling (the ugly version, not the pretty ones online but the straightforward functional one), MFP, and myself. I have the tools to make these changes happen. It's time to start today.
TL;DR: If anyone else is trying to slowly make changes, or battling emotional issues with food, feel free to add me as a friend.
25
Replies
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I am definitely trying to keep "slow and steady" in mind when it comes to exercise. I am naturally the kind of person who wants to jump into a new idea, like a fitness routine, with both feet, all out, no pain no gain kind of mentality. It worked a decade ago. When I do that now, I injure myself. So I'm going slow, and while it feels like I'm not doing enough, I've learned my lesson.
I've been telling myself for years that dieting is too hard and counting calories makes me feel like a failure because only fat people do it. Recently I was diagnosed with prediabetes and borderline high blood pressure as well as slightly high cholesterol and triglycerides and realized that I have reasons other than vanity to start keeping track of my nutrition. I'm not just a fat woman trying to become thin because society says I should. I'm an unhealthy woman who can solve all my current problems with a change in diet and activity. It's much more motivating than focusing on fitting back into a size 10 because I'll look better.
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I'm not sure I had emotional issues with food, but I used to overeat and I was overweight. For me, the problem was dividing food and eating into wants and needs, so much that they became mutually exclusive, by their very nature: Healthy food is food I should eat more of, and don't really enjoy, so need to be tricked into eating; unhealthy food is what I like, and I should preferable never touch them, so I must work very hard to stay away from them. I used to go from one extreme to the other - eating what I believed to be healthily: low fat, lots of greens and fiber, almost no treats, feeling good about myself, on top of things, virtuous; to a diet centered around chips, ice cream and chocolate, no boundaries at all, feeling like I was finally free to make my own decisions, but also plagued by worry and shame.
Alll that has changed, it's a process that started fall 2013, at the time I fond MFP. Now I eat like a normal person - for the most part, over time just what I need, and usually not way too much at one time. No fancy superfoods, just ordinary dishes prepared in traditional ways. I add just enough fat, sugar and salt to make it taste great. Most days I eat nothing but everyday foods, but I have any treat I want whenever the occasion calls for it. Because it's occasional, I'm not worried, and because I'm not worried, I don't overeat to make myself feel better or remove the offending substance so it can't tempt me anymore.
The thing is that I see no mention of eating for pleasure, but responsibly, and of exercising moderately, for fun, in your list. If you want a change of habits to stick, the new habits must be better than the old ones, you have to want to stick to them, they must work together and make your life easier and happier, not dreary or more complicated. Any excuse will be enough to abandon a habit you don't like but feel you should have.6 -
kommodevaran wrote: »The thing is that I see no mention of eating for pleasure, but responsibly, and of exercising moderately, for fun, in your list. If you want a change of habits to stick, the new habits must be better than the old ones, you have to want to stick to them, they must work together and make your life easier and happier, not dreary or more complicated. Any excuse will be enough to abandon a habit you don't like but feel you should have.
True. I will say I don't plan to have anything so restrictive I can't enjoy a meal out with my SO every so often or a Christmas Dinner. I do enjoy food. But enjoying an evening with my friend, for instance, doesn't mean I need to finish the leftover pizza. (I had...maybe 6 slices of pizza the last time I saw one friend and we got pizza. She stopped at 2...'like a normal person' haha).
I've never seen the purpose of cutting out social eating all together - but perhaps treats, and special occasions, should be the only times one has eg. ice cream, rather than having a pint in the freezer every couple days.
I'm still figuring it all out. Finding healthy foods that I enjoy is absolutely part of the challenge. Also remembering that I do enjoy healthy foods (like I put in my statement, I like apples and carrots. I often forget to include them in my day.) Also remembering I do like the feeling of exercise! It reduces my anxiety and makes me feel more grounded. Hence, starting slow. I have a lot to learn and unlearn. I know it's going to be not entirely linear.2 -
Thanks for your honesty and your candor. I am an emotional eater, too. I have a hard time even distinguishing anymore between real hunger and just feeling like I want something to eat to make me feel better or because I'm bored. I'm scared of the upcoming holiday season because of all the temptations. I'm not someone who can just have one cookie or slice of pie and be done. I have to eat til it's all gone.
It sounds like you've got a good plan with starting slow and steady. (I, like one of the other posters, like to try and go all in and then end up injuring myself or burning out.) I wish I had some advice for you, but just know you're not alone in how you feel. Good luck!3 -
Hi I am all over the place also with my eating but have started today being good and doing some exercise!! Have been good so far but only started today but need to do this for me and my kids just struggle with different recipes but hopefully will get there it is going to have ton a life change for me cause I can’t go back to the size I am now good luck to you guys too come on we can do this1
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I suffer from anxiety and depression as well. I used to have a problem with binging frequently and I gained so much weight. I have changed my eating habits. Now I tend to find myself not eating as much as I probably should. I don't lose weight though. I just joined and am definitely taking it slow. It has been 8 years since I've had much of any physical activity. Now I find myself with prediabetes and high cholesterol that I have to take medication for. It's definitely time for a change.2
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You can do this. Make small changes maybe change the route you take home so you don’t pass the store. Is there a place in town where you can swim (it’s great exercise and you don’t have to worry about falls and it easy on the joints.)1
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Hi All,
Kae612,
you inspired me to respond. I am over 50 and read what you wrote. I have been an emotional eater all my life. Food and I have a bond like no other (humor here). I love to shop for it, prepare it, cook it and eat it. While I am considered by the numbers obese (5'3" 230lb), I do not feel obese (maybe that is part of an issue, haha), but a man that was trying to help me at one point urged me to be "comfortable in my own skin", and that stuck in my brain. Unfortunately I battle the ailments that come with obesity, diabetes, hypertension, edema, fatty liver, just to name a few. I had a congenital birth defect that took 35 years and open heart surgery to fix, but as a result I was able to have a child which is my blessing and a part of my drive to be fit and healthy. The problem is, as I believe many will agree with me, is that when you feed your emotions it is a bigger challenge to fix. Besides, the real issue is finding what is truly the drive that allows me to not always make the best choices. No, I am not a therapist. Yes, I could probably utilize their services, but at the end of the day, the one thing I truly know is that the answers are within me. I self talk myself through many things. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I do not. Another friend I have has been wonderful at helping to build up my self esteem and many times that is what gets me through. So, my MFP friend, the advice I offer is the following:
1. Stop beating yourself up for any challenges you do not succeed at. Let the negative go.
2. Accentuate the positive. Surround yourself with positive uplifting people that want you to succeed.
3. Find a motivator, whether it be a friend, a relative, or anything that will keep you on track. Staying the track is one of the biggest challenges. It is easy to get off track and make excuses and stay there. DON'T, you deserve better for yourself.
4. Of course, small short term goals are the best. They are attainable and put a feather in your cap, so to speak.
5. Know that there is no cookie cutter plan for anyone. What may work for some does not work for all and there are over a million different wonderful methods that work, just not all of them for you. Find what works for you and do it. I learned years ago that, while I enjoy excising, it does not make me lose weight. It does, however, keep my other conditions in check and that is a huge bonus. Food choices are what put the weight on or allow me to drop.
6. Surgery, pills, etc are not the fix. Yes, they will assist, but if you don't change your brain, it is not permanent. I speak from what I have seen in friends, relatives and myself.
7. Just because you think you are making the wrong food choices or overeating your calories, do not let that stop you from logging in to MFP. In fact, use it to your advantage to identify your triggers or show your progress when you succeed. We all have a bad day or days. The wise know to pick themselves up and move forward. Life will pass you by quick enough.
8. Don't be afraid to enlist friends, family or coworkers to assist in helping you be a better version of you. People who truly care for you will support, ask what they can do to help. My best friend and I both battle the weight issue. She is my motivator sometimes and I am hers at times. When we dine out I encourage her to share 1 meal and maybe something else. It is win-win for both of us.
I probably could go on and on but then I sound like a preacher and I do not need to preach to the choir.
You know what to do.
You can do it (maybe with a little help from your friends
.
Just do it!
You have the choice.....be part of the solution or part of the problem
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Thanks for your honesty and your candor. I am an emotional eater, too. I have a hard time even distinguishing anymore between real hunger and just feeling like I want something to eat to make me feel better or because I'm bored. I'm scared of the upcoming holiday season because of all the temptations. I'm not someone who can just have one cookie or slice of pie and be done. I have to eat til it's all gone.
It sounds like you've got a good plan with starting slow and steady. (I, like one of the other posters, like to try and go all in and then end up injuring myself or burning out.) I wish I had some advice for you, but just know you're not alone in how you feel. Good luck!
Thank you!
The scary/irritating thing with hunger is that sometimes I do not feel 'hungry' but do really need to eat - I will get headaches and mental fog and dizziness. So then I freak out easily. But sometimes headaches and mental fog are not food-related, and I eat too much trying to help and it just doesn't. (I've tried to look into this as maybe a health issue but with no success, my doctor doesn't seem to think it's atypical)
I have hurt myself before with exercise. Multiple times. Which is why it's an effort to try to go slow.0 -
Stress and anxiety are normal parts of life that we need to learn to deal with in ways other than over-eating. I'm dealing with the recent death of my mom and staying on track logging calories which actually helps me take my mind off of it. My problem is that when I get depressed I have a terrible time motivating myself to do much of anything including exercise. That is where will-power has to come in. Mind over matter....I won't buy xxxxx. I won't eat xxxxxx. I will exercise. Get up and get moving. Find something fun or entertaining that doesn't involve eating, or maybe just complete something you've been putting off. Just DO IT.2
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Im having the same issues as you1
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dwilliamca wrote: »Stress and anxiety are normal parts of life that we need to learn to deal with in ways other than over-eating. I'm dealing with the recent death of my mom and staying on track logging calories which actually helps me take my mind off of it. My problem is that when I get depressed I have a terrible time motivating myself to do much of anything including exercise. That is where will-power has to come in. Mind over matter....I won't buy xxxxx. I won't eat xxxxxx. I will exercise. Get up and get moving. Find something fun or entertaining that doesn't involve eating, or maybe just complete something you've been putting off. Just DO IT.
Wow, I'm so sorry for your loss, but congratulations on your will-power. I am learning. Depression bouts make it very hard to move. Things like showering and leaving the house are hard, let alone exercise - yet exercise is so rewarding for mental health.1 -
I cant say I feel as comfortable yet talking about my hindrances on here, but I will say that Anxiety, Depression and PTSD are a heavy part of my past and present. Emotional/Psychological issues are the most misunderstood when it comes to weight loss I think. I keep reminding myself on the daily that the joy in life and positivity that I get from controlling my own lifestyle is priceless.. I have a long way to go but every day I succeed at my goals is the greatest motivation for the next day. I guess that is my advice; at the end of every day, count up all the little things you did to love yourself. Even if it was saying no to the third helping of ice cream.. it makes saying no to the second helping the following day feel like great progress.. because it IS! 1
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I like your goals. Wrote them down on a slip of paper and hung on my refrigerator. Thank you!1
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I cant say I feel as comfortable yet talking about my hindrances on here, but I will say that Anxiety, Depression and PTSD are a heavy part of my past and present. Emotional/Psychological issues are the most misunderstood when it comes to weight loss I think. I keep reminding myself on the daily that the joy in life and positivity that I get from controlling my own lifestyle is priceless.. I have a long way to go but every day I succeed at my goals is the greatest motivation for the next day. I guess that is my advice; at the end of every day, count up all the little things you did to love yourself. Even if it was saying no to the third helping of ice cream.. it makes saying no to the second helping the following day feel like great progress.. because it IS!
Yes, my previous attempts really disregarded my emotional issues and I think is why they weren't as helpful, and may have made things worse. I have had people tell me I already know what to do, I need to just suck it up and do it - and while I may have known CICO, move more/eat less, etc I didn't know how to do things safely for my body and mind. It's something I'm trying to learn, to be more gentle and careful.0 -
You can do this. Make small changes maybe change the route you take home so you don’t pass the store. Is there a place in town where you can swim (it’s great exercise and you don’t have to worry about falls and it easy on the joints.)
Yeah I live in an urban area so genuinely there isn't a good way to avoid stores. There's a coffee shop, pharmacy right next to the subway stop, and like 5 convenience stores like a block from my home. Not to mention the coffee shop and convenience stores IN the subway stations haha.....
Swimming though is something I absolutely can start doing again. I even recently bought a new swimsuit! Just need the courage to meet that challenge of putting it on and getting into a pool....0 -
I struggle with emotional eating, binge eating and poor self esteme. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me and the hardest battle is the one between my ears. Seems like lately I'm spending a lot of time getting myself back on track. I feel fortunate that I do have the motivation to keep trying to get this and improve how I feel about my self. Thank you for your honesty and sharing. It seems like you have some great goals.3
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I regained all the weight I'd previously lost after an academic collapse as well, for more than a year after I quit my PhD I couldn't find anything in me capable of refusing my emotional eating patterns and I reached my highest weight last spring. At that point I'd gained enough that I started having joint pains and very noticeable inflammation problems in my fingers, and then finally threw out my lower back so badly it took at least two months just to get to a point where it wasn't on edge of spasming with the slightest twinge. I've had back injuries before but never one that took months of work and physio treatments to show any improvement. That was what finally snapped something in me and made me actually *want* to turn things around. Dealing with emotional eating is hard, it can be so complicated to unpack exactly what it is that makes you want to eat the way you do. It's doing protective work for you somehow. I'm finding that in order to really confront it and make shifts in those habits I need to identify the protective work the habit is doing, then I can replace habits one by one with alternatives that get at that need in a better way. It's a slow and steady way to go, especially with my ongoing avoidance complex I'm still chipping away at, but one habit at a time really has made a difference in the quality of food I'm eating and the amount I'm moving, and one at a time makes each one sustainable on a permanent basis.1
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Dealing with emotional eating is hard, it can be so complicated to unpack exactly what it is that makes you want to eat the way you do. It's doing protective work for you somehow. I'm finding that in order to really confront it and make shifts in those habits I need to identify the protective work the habit is doing, then I can replace habits one by one with alternatives that get at that need in a better way. It's a slow and steady way to go, especially with my ongoing avoidance complex I'm still chipping away at, but one habit at a time really has made a difference in the quality of food I'm eating and the amount I'm moving, and one at a time makes each one sustainable on a permanent basis.
Thank you for this fantastic insight. I had to really think about that! I think, for me, it sometimes quiets my brain so I can sleep and turn off the panic, or motivates me so I can leave the house when I’m sad. It has that sort of numbing quality, soothing yet indulging in the sadness. Bleh. I absolutely hate all of those feelings. I’m sure the anger doesn’t help lol but I find their existence beyond irritating. 1
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