Underhanded NSV!!!

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2

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  • candb
    candb Posts: 238
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    I actually wish my husband would have harped on me more about my weight as after having two kids it has gotten out of control. I mean I don't want him to be mean, call me names and make me cry but maybe offering something healthy for dinner when I was pregnant vs offering to go get take out! I also understand what you are saying about you not being happy if he were 20 lbs heavier and not just for appearance reasons. Right now I have been busting my butt in the gym and eating clean (most of the time) and my energy levels are through the roof, I feel better than I have felt in years! But my husband does not exercise nor eat healthy and he is always tired and sleepy and never wants to go do anything fun with me and the kids cause he wears out too quick. I want a husband who has the energy to play with our very active boys and someone who can help me with things around the house. So I wish he would exercise and eat better and lose maybe 20lbs....... the hot factor would just be a bonus to me!

    I tend to agree. I'm very fortunate that my husband loves me (and says he finds me as sexy) when I was over 200 pounds when we married, and when I got down to 140 before I got pregnant with my first. I'm under my wedding weight right now, but am quite a bit heavier than my lowest in our marriage. I love that he doesn't harp on me and accepts me for me BUT, I do wish he'd help push me a bit. He shows me some encouragement, but if I really want a day off or to cave on eating, he just wants me to "do what I want to do". That doesn't always help. But on the flip side, his lack of pushing has caused me to search within myself to find inner motivation.
  • Dawn1084
    Dawn1084 Posts: 17
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    I actually wish my husband would have harped on me more about my weight as after having two kids it has gotten out of control. I mean I don't want him to be mean, call me names and make me cry but maybe offering something healthy for dinner when I was pregnant vs offering to go get take out! I also understand what you are saying about you not being happy if he were 20 lbs heavier and not just for appearance reasons. Right now I have been busting my butt in the gym and eating clean (most of the time) and my energy levels are through the roof, I feel better than I have felt in years! But my husband does not exercise nor eat healthy and he is always tired and sleepy and never wants to go do anything fun with me and the kids cause he wears out too quick. I want a husband who has the energy to play with our very active boys and someone who can help me with things around the house. So I wish he would exercise and eat better and lose maybe 20lbs....... the hot factor would just be a bonus to me!

    I tend to agree. I'm very fortunate that my husband loves me (and says he finds me as sexy) when I was over 200 pounds when we married, and when I got down to 140 before I got pregnant with my first. I'm under my wedding weight right now, but am quite a bit heavier than my lowest in our marriage. I love that he doesn't harp on me and accepts me for me BUT, I do wish he'd help push me a bit. He shows me some encouragement, but if I really want a day off or to cave on eating, he just wants me to "do what I want to do". That doesn't always help. But on the flip side, his lack of pushing has caused me to search within myself to find inner motivation.



    Sometimes being to nice can be a bad thing, my husband says he loves me no matter what, says if finds me attractive the way I am but that can sometimes make it ok to send your health on a downward spiral.
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    I'm glad you are doing this for you as well. It's good he is your motivation. At the same time, when you are young it is easy to bit fit and perfect. Later down the road your body changes, you still have to have the unconditional love there regardless if the perfect shape doesn't remain or it usually doesn't last. You can control weight, but some things you can't.
    Congratulations on the weight loss! Good for you! :)
  • Trig0r
    Trig0r Posts: 47
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    Hey at least you know that he wasnt happy, would you rather that you didnt know and carried on gaining weight and not knowing he wasn't happy about it to then be dumped 100Lb down the line thinking that all was well until the point he dumped you?

    Men can be *kitten* as much as women can be b!tches but sometimes its good to be honest reagardless..
  • treehugginpam
    treehugginpam Posts: 1,131 Member
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    I dated a guy who would say things in a totally blunt way just like that....if we were still dating, I could definitely see him saying the same thing. That personality grated on me, and after 2 years of dating I dumped him and am now dating a nice guy who makes me much happier. :) Still, even though he was blunt and often tactless, he did love me fully at a time when I was at my highest weight, so that says something. Would your boyfriend still love you if you gained 50 pounds? What if you got in a horrible car accident and weren't able to exercise or take care of yourself like you do now? How about when you start getting older and having saggy skin and wrinkles? Would you love HIM if any of those things happened to him? Just something to think about....if the love and affection isn't there in the worst of times, it's going to be a looooong, bumpy road.

    However, if you're just with him for fun and don't plan on the long term, who cares? *kitten* can be fun in the short term. ;)

    Congrats on your weight loss, and enjoy IKEA day! I find it hard to stay away from the Daim candy when I go there...yum!
  • Saksgirl1
    Saksgirl1 Posts: 248
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    I almost feel like I'm being faulted for wanting a guy who is going to be honest with me????

    Let me just say this... I was married to a guy for 2 years who loved me at 240lbs and told me I was sexy on a daily basis. Within that 2 year period I was diagosed with the onset of type 2 diabetes - OBVIOUSLY I WAS NOT HEALTHY!

    Is this long-term - probably not. But after losing a TON of weight, it feels damn good to have the "hot guy" for the time being!

    Geeeez... I was just bragging about how good my NSV felt :(
  • Tangerine302
    Tangerine302 Posts: 1,509 Member
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    The way I read it was that he had the fault. You know him more than any of us and called him an a. Just what you said about him not really supporting you made me want to give you the support. Sorry if it came across as you being faulted.
    Sometimes when we are living in the moment a lot of other things get overlooked. It's good to see things in a different sort of view from someone else's perspective.
    Anyway, congratulations to you! Just know that all of us care about you and don't want anyone to make you feel any less no matter what your weight is! :)
    You deserve to be treated the best!
  • Trig0r
    Trig0r Posts: 47
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    Geeeez... I was just bragging about how good my NSV felt :(

    I have no idea what NSV means but I thought you were having a man rant, sorry lol..
  • treehugginpam
    treehugginpam Posts: 1,131 Member
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    You SHOULD feel good about your NSV! I don't think anyone was disputing that.

    I guess in the end whether or not you're with a guy who gets upset when you gain weight or one who loves you at 240 and unhealthy doesn't really matter as far as your heath goes, because when it comes down to it YOU are the one who needs to motivate you. You could be with a guy who nags or gives you a disapproving stare when you gain or you could be with a nice guy who loves you no matter what you weigh, but neither of those guys makes a bit of a difference when it comes to taking care of yourself. You lost weight because YOU want to be healthy, not because some guy told you that you should.

    The person you wind up with in life should be warm, supportive, and loving no matter what you look like, but there's nothing at all wrong with enjoying "the hot guy" for the short term. :) Really, whatever guy you date has nothing to do with your weight loss goals anyway because ultimately you have to be your own motivation or it won't work. You obviously know this because you've made great progress so far though, so just keep it up!
  • alslau02
    alslau02 Posts: 64
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    Proof that chicks dig *kitten* ;)

    lol seriously.

    I'm astounded. Now that I'm thinner, I have this crazy notion that I wished my husband would have said something. In reality, I probably would have felt hurt if he would have mentioned the extra pork. People need their own wake up calls, not warnings from the SO.

    In this particular case, if both people want to say mean things to each other about a bit of weight gain--good for them.
    For me-- Yay! for non-*kitten*.
  • treehugginpam
    treehugginpam Posts: 1,131 Member
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    Proof that chicks dig *kitten* ;)

    lol seriously.

    I'm astounded. Now that I'm thinner, I have this crazy notion that I wished my husband would have said something. In reality, I probably would have felt hurt if he would have mentioned the extra pork. People need their own wake up calls, not warnings from the SO.

    In this particular case, if both people want to say mean things to each other about a bit of weight gain--good for them.
    For me-- Yay! for non-*kitten*.



    Agreed! For me, I wouldn't want my SO to say "Hey, you're gaining weight and that's unhealthy" because DUH, how could I not already know that? All that would do is hurt my feelings. I knew I was unhealthy for years, so my SO telling me that would be no big revelation or motivation. Not only that, but it would probably make me resent my him if he was nagging me about it. I've learned that my motivation has to come from ME, or else it just won't stick.
  • meowmily
    meowmily Posts: 85
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    Proof that chicks dig *kitten* ;)

    lol seriously.

    I'm astounded. Now that I'm thinner, I have this crazy notion that I wished my husband would have said something. In reality, I probably would have felt hurt if he would have mentioned the extra pork. People need their own wake up calls, not warnings from the SO.

    In this particular case, if both people want to say mean things to each other about a bit of weight gain--good for them.
    For me-- Yay! for non-*kitten*.



    Agreed! For me, I wouldn't want my SO to say "Hey, you're gaining weight and that's unhealthy" because DUH, how could I not already know that? All that would do is hurt my feelings. I knew I was unhealthy for years, so my SO telling me that would be no big revelation or motivation. Not only that, but it would probably make me resent my him if he was nagging me about it. I've learned that my motivation has to come from ME, or else it just won't stick.

    Sorry to triple quote! haha! I just agree with all of the above. You need to make a change for yourself, not anyone else. My fiance still tells me that I'm perfect the way I am and that I should enjoy the same high-carb, high-fat meals he does (easy to say for someone who eats whatever he wants and never gains a pound :( haha ) If he ever said a snarky comment about my weight it would just make me feel less motivated and insecure in my relationship. Nice to know I'm going to have a hubby that will still have the hots for me post pregnancy! ;)
  • srk143
    srk143 Posts: 27
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    happy for you.................Whatever makes you happy....I personally would have left the person who said that....My Husband's a fitness freak too but that doesnt mean he's a jerk to me...................He loved me when I was skinny and loves me now that I gained 50 pregnancy pounds.........

    A lot of you guys were saying your husband should have said something when you gained weight....but that's not true...when we are gaining weight...we know it..they know it....if they were telling us about it it will just make us resent them and go lower on our self confidence......


    Honey with all honesty I have to say If this is you just having fun.....you are young....Enjoy life........Long term I would reconsider.....Your BF's feelings should not change with your appearance........

    And congrats on your loss...I am jeleous.. lol.....I mean my Fitness freak will prolly break his back if he picks me up !!!! :)
  • Slimithy
    Slimithy Posts: 348 Member
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    Proof that chicks dig *kitten* ;)

    Exactly, i've been watching my brother in law and this is sooooo true!!
  • phinners
    phinners Posts: 524 Member
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    Goodness, he doesnt sound very friendly.

    My husband would never in a million years be ****ty to me over weight gain!

    Sweetheart, do yourself a favour a get a real man!
  • phinners
    phinners Posts: 524 Member
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    Proof that chicks dig *kitten* ;)

    Exactly, i've been watching my brother in law and this is sooooo true!!
    Cor so isnt here, I would leave immediately. This chick does not dig *kitten* at all!
  • agwilker
    agwilker Posts: 104 Member
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    I almost feel like I'm being faulted for wanting a guy who is going to be honest with me????

    Let me just say this... I was married to a guy for 2 years who loved me at 240lbs and told me I was sexy on a daily basis. Within that 2 year period I was diagosed with the onset of type 2 diabetes - OBVIOUSLY I WAS NOT HEALTHY!

    Is this long-term - probably not. But after losing a TON of weight, it feels damn good to have the "hot guy" for the time being!

    Geeeez... I was just bragging about how good my NSV felt :(

    This is similar to what I was going to comment with. I was engaged to someone for about 4 1/2 years and he always said I look beautiful and he didn't notice any significant weight gain. So all that time I'm going along thinking, "Well it's not so bad, there's always time when I'm ready to work on it." Then last year after I graduated from college, I was looking at the pictures and I was astounded at how much I had gained since the last picture taken of me. I showed him a picture from when we first met and put the graduation picture by its side and said, "Are you telling me, I look like I haven't gained weight?" I had gained 50 lbs! He still said no! I finally had to get honest with myself and quit listening to someone who just told me what I wanted to hear. I didn't need for him to confirm I had gained weight for myself to believe it all along, but his attitude about it encouraged me to be complacent over the years.

    I prefer honesty MUCH MORE than someone who just says what he thinks I want to hear. However, I would rather have him say "I'm concerned about you." Not "Ew, you're gross and unattractive." I don't know if you were real specific other than just saying he's indicated he wasn't happy about the weight gain. In an ideal world I'd want someone to be honest that they can tell I've gained weight and I should work on it, but not make snide remarks and just give encouragement.
  • Fochizzy
    Fochizzy Posts: 505 Member
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    umm, OK. Sounds like a keeper!

    Lol, my friends say something similar when they talk about my fiance "ummmm, you picked a winner." Sounds like our guys are in the same vein.
  • rachelw16
    rachelw16 Posts: 90
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    I agree with the OP on this...I don't have an SO, but my mom once looked at me and told me "you're gaining weight, you should stop binging." At the time it hurt, but now I realize that she was just doing what was best, because I WAS binging and it wasn't healthy. I just like it when people are honest with me, and I would rather that than have people tell me I'm skinny when I'm not.
    My two cents.
  • kerrymh
    kerrymh Posts: 912 Member
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    Congrats!
    I like your attitude, I want someone to challenge me in a positive way to be healthy and maintain what I've lost and improve..I don't want someone to let me get lazy again and get "comfortable"..of course I want to be loved for more than my body..but I think if someone loved me and they saw me sinking back into my old self and let it happen silently....that wouldn't really be love..because I was totally unhealthy...I want someone that I look at be hot for..but also know that..he's healthy, and he cares about me being healthy too. Its a challenge for me especially when I don't look fit yet.. I still have 40lbs to go..and those guys still pass me by..so single until I can find that man who cares about me and my healthy lifestyle.

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