ED buddies and support

I have type II bipolar disorder and tend to have ED at both extremes. I binge when depressed, which is how I get overweight. Then I get hypomanic and angry at myself for getting fat and eat way less than I should. I lost a half pound a day on average for two months. I wasn't tracking the first month but I was the second. I have been inching it up since then but still not eating healthy yet. I have lost 27 out of a planned 58 and I really need to start eating 1500 a day. I have pushed my calories to just over 1000 and I keep saying today is the day I take another step up to 1200, then I will do 1300, then 1400 and then 1500. At least that's my plan. I will stay at each level until I lose a pound just to prove to myself I am still losing while eating that much. This is my plan. This has been my plan for a few days though and I kind of stalled at 1000. I have made a more solid commitment for the next pound as it is a major milestone for me.

There are a couple of things giving me anxiety about eating more. One is that I am not really hypo now, just kind of near center. I don't want to give myself permission to bump it up and then binge. The other is that even though I know rationally that I should still lose plenty of weight at 1500 a day, part of me panics about eating more every time I try.

Same diagnoses, along with Asperger's, OCD, GAD, Clinical Depression and yeah... a lot to contend with. I have also relapsed after a long, long time of being relatively okay, beyond some bulimic periods. Am now underweight, but only just.

Interesting, I also have bipolar and borderline personality diagnosis as well as aspergers and DID, they definitely complicate matters. I also tend to over eat when in bipolar depressions, I turn in to a human caterpillar insatiable appetite for junk food and insane cravings. Then when hypo manic I lose interest in food and it is very easy to under eat. I find myself pushing the under eating to limit because I am desperate to undo some of the damage before I crash back into next depressive phase. With the aspergers when I go into hermit mode I tend to comfort eat in my seclusion. With the DID one of my alternate personalities wants to be hugely fat because she thinks it is safer and another is a child who constantly comfort eats when she is in control. Mental health issues make maintaining physical health really hard. I still believe we can get the eating under control if keep on persisting with making positive changes. It does mean having to address each mental health issue at the same time though. It is a huge task but as can not trade life in for another the only choice is to keep fighting to get as well as can be. At the moment I take medication to take the edge of bipolar though it in no way controls it, I see a counsellor to help sift through DID issues, I go to a day service drop in for borderline personality, the aspergers I am not that bothered by but I do have to make an effort to make myself go out sometimes even when want to hide away. The binge eating disorder I am tackling at the moment by addressing the DID issues and also avoiding my binge trigger foods.

Some more info...

The craziest thing about some of my binging was sometimes it was stuff I would not choose. I would grab a couple of donuts when they were in the break room and come back later to look for more. The same thing with muffins. But I almost never buy breakfast pastries and at breakfast buffets I usually skip them; not a big pancake eater either; yogurt, eggs, grits with puddles of melted butter and buttered biscuits with jam were my choices.

I have bipolar 1, adhd, ptsd, and have just started seeing a nutritionist who specializes in ED. It was been emotionally exhausting.
I decided to start seeing a new psychiatrist this spring, because my insurance wouldn't cover my appointments with the Dr I'd been seeing for the past 5 years, and I just started feeling really discouraged. I was on a lot of medication, and he had confusing views on the reality of eating disorders and PTSD, and when I was really struggling and realized that he was just going to up a med dose, or change a med possibly, or add a medication to treat whatever symptoms had cropped up, (I was already taking 6 medications) I just became exhausted. Also a little angry I think. Frustrated sounds better, but I think it's okay to say that I felt angry.
My current Dr has now gotten me down to 3 medications, one of which I am tapering off of. I spent the summer getting off of medications, which took a huge toll on my body, and I gained about 35 lbs. I have stopped gaining weight now that my body has gotten used to the med change, but I've been stuck at the same weight for 2 months, I've had to buy new clothes, and I'm having to actually deal with my eating disorder. I decided to log on to mfp for the first time in 4 and a half years at 1am, and I realized that finding support from people going through the same thing, who won't judge me, and understand that I did not choose to have an eating disorder, would probably be way more helpful than trying to deal with this all on me own.

It's nice to see there are people in similar situations to me; I have Borderline Personality Disorder (with Depression, Anxiety and a Panic Disorder mixed in); Food has always been a comfort for me - when emotions were running high or low I could be "triggered" to Binge Eat.

It'd get to the point where I couldn't do a weekly shop because if there was food there it was too much of a temptation to binge.

I'm currently going through treatment for BPD and I'm hopeful it will help me!

And I'm going to try my best to make more sensible decisions in regard to my eating.

livisuzanne wrote: »

I have bipolar 1, adhd, ptsd, and have just started seeing a nutritionist who specializes in ED. It was been emotionally exhausting.
I decided to start seeing a new psychiatrist this spring, because my insurance wouldn't cover my appointments with the Dr I'd been seeing for the past 5 years, and I just started feeling really discouraged. I was on a lot of medication, and he had confusing views on the reality of eating disorders and PTSD, and when I was really struggling and realized that he was just going to up a med dose, or change a med possibly, or add a medication to treat whatever symptoms had cropped up, (I was already taking 6 medications) I just became exhausted. Also a little angry I think. Frustrated sounds better, but I think it's okay to say that I felt angry.
My current Dr has now gotten me down to 3 medications, one of which I am tapering off of. I spent the summer getting off of medications, which took a huge toll on my body, and I gained about 35 lbs. I have stopped gaining weight now that my body has gotten used to the med change, but I've been stuck at the same weight for 2 months, I've had to buy new clothes, and I'm having to actually deal with my eating disorder. I decided to log on to mfp for the first time in 4 and a half years at 1am, and I realized that finding support from people going through the same thing, who won't judge me, and understand that I did not choose to have an eating disorder, would probably be way more helpful than trying to deal with this all on me own.

The cocktail of meds they come up with can be mind boggling. I am down to 3 for BP and 1 for ADHD. One of my 3 is wellbutrin and I am fortunate to be experiencing the diminished appetite side effect and my other meds (lamictal and saphris) seem to be weight neutral or maybe they are overridden by the wellbutrin. I am pretty stable with my mix so I am not eager to make changes.

It is nice to find others who understand. When I posted that I was having trouble getting much over 1000 calories a day, I was assailed by people making snarky comments about how I got overweight if I have trouble eating much. the answer is I binged, of course. It wasn't my 3 light meals (most days), it was melting cheese over a plateful of chips and multiple bowls of ice cream late at night after drinking (another problem that I am dealing with; over 5 months sober). The thread was shut down because the admin thought I was promoting the idea of eating so little. Not a lot of understanding and support.