How did you know.....

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Replies

  • Laddiegirl
    Laddiegirl Posts: 382 Member
    I was engaged 4 1/2 years ago to a wonderful guy and its hard to explain how I knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but I just did. The idea of living life without him was horrible and thats basically how I knew. Unfortunately I had to experience that (he was diagnosed with Leukemia and passed away a month later) and it was devestating. I know that I could have loved and been married to him for the rest of my life and been happy but we didn't get that.

    I think if you're just questioning the idea of it and worry that you might not be at that point yet or with this person. Think long and hard before making that commitment. Don't marry because thats what you're supposed to do at this point or what people expect. Do whats right and more importantly FEELS RIGHT for you.
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    yeah, notice how we all say it's hard work, and it's not all fun and roses? but when I catch myself staring at him, and thinking "damn I love him" i know it's all worth it
  • mussmom
    mussmom Posts: 362 Member
    For me I asked myself a few questions:

    #1- How would her leaving or dying affect my life? I wouldn't know how to live it without her.
    #2- Would she be there for me if I were on my death bed and take care of me if I can't do it myself? Check.
    #3- Are our goals in life similar (kids, things in common...ect)? Check.
    #4- is there passion and love there? Check.
    #5- Does she seem like she'd make a good wife/mom? Check.
    #6- Am I ready to put aside ME and become US. In marriage two become one, am I ready for that? Yes.

    Aww...the romantic in me loves that!
  • brewingaz
    brewingaz Posts: 1,136 Member
    If you even have to ask yourself "is this what its supposed to feel like", I'd say don't do it. At least not yet.

    Truth.
  • DanceYogaRun
    DanceYogaRun Posts: 373 Member
    You just know... don't know how to describe it, but we knew after three or four dates. We've been married for 22 years this month:-)

    That's exactly how we were. :love: We've been married 9 years in September and I want at least a million more with him.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
    yeah, notice how we all say it's hard work, and it's not all fun and roses? but when I catch myself staring at him, and thinking "damn I love him" i know it's all worth it

    The thing with marriage is you can't get caught up in short term stuff. Sometimes you are going to want more boom boom time that the wife wants, other times she my want it more than you. There will be times when money is an issue, in fact more often than not for a lot of people. There will be times where you piss each other off. There will be times where neither of you get what you want. There will be times where you can't stand to look at each other. There will be times when you disagree on a lot of things.

    Point is marriage is a marathon, you have to stick it out for the long run and not wory so much about the timing splits. If at the end you are happy with your run you don't look back and complain about a couple of bad splits, it's part of running.
  • MondaysChild81
    MondaysChild81 Posts: 158 Member
    We have been together for 7 years, its only in the past 2 I knew I wanted to get married, mainly because we now want a family and for us all to have the same name.

    Honestly, you know when its right. It could be now, it could be in 'x' amount of months or years.

    My advice would be not to spend time worrying about a relationship, just enjoy it for what it is. You never know how long you will have them for. x
  • futurekilousky
    futurekilousky Posts: 200
    Less than a week of beIng together, FH was talking about marriage. Like most have said, you just know.
    I don't want to ever be without him and he makes me the best version of myself.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    As soon as I was proposed to I knew I *didn't* want to marry them (there were 2). I felt my life would change in a way that went against who I am at my core. Like I would have to give up too much of myself (dreams would be put on hold for too long or would have to be dropped, I would spend too much time making it "work" when I am just very simple) and I felt held back from the weight of that ring and what it meant.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
    I don't know "how" I knew...I just, well, knew.

    I mean, every relationship has its issues, but when you want to be with that person regardless and it's all you think about is just being with them...

    I never in my mind had any doubts. We were married less than a month ago and it was the best decision ever. With my exes, I always had to contemplate and ask whether it was the right thing to do. That should have been my first clue that it was NOT the right thing to do. With Justin, I never contemplated or asked. I just knew...

    So...I agree with the others who said that if you have to ask and wonder, then something isn't right, and should probably not do it...
  • Noonoo757
    Noonoo757 Posts: 280 Member
    i truly believe that if you have to ask then you may need some more time to figure out if he is the one, always know that you shouldnt have to learn to love someone or hope that your feelings will get deeper as time goes on, i knew the moment he held my hand and shared a bag of lays bar b q chips with me and i only new my husband for two weeks and now we have been married 11 1/2 years.
  • fromaquasar
    fromaquasar Posts: 811 Member
    Thank you guys heaps for sharing your thoughts - it is really helping me. I wasn't sure if I should talk about something like this here but I felt like I need some objective opinions.

    I don't think I have any delusions that marriage is work. Like I don't expect to find the "one" and everything be easy.
    But I guess I find myself hoping that the person I work for and with at that relationship is someone who understands me and and sees me to my core and accepts all of that. I guess I feel like there are a lot of difference between myself and my partner (not that difference is a bad thing but about some fundamental things) that mean I don't feel like I truly connect with all of him and nor him with me.

    The mere fact that I couldn't talk to him about this is kind of evidence of that I guess. When I think about being without him (as so many of you suggested) I know I would be fine. Not straight away, I would be sad it was over, and it would hurt and all those things. But I feel like I could go on with my life and be happy and the idea doesn't scare or upset me really.

    I thought maybe everyone felt like that, maybe feeling like you don't ever want to be without a person or that despite all the hard work having a deep knowing that you wanted them was something I had constructed in my head and not a realistic expectation of a relationship. But it seems a lot of you have found that which makes me hopeful for what could be there for me one day.

    If I am honest as well I think the age thing has a lot to do with it. I feel like I am far too young to think about marriage. I am surprised how expectant I find those around me are, that they would want me to be thinking about it! I have so much more I want to do, and achieve and explore before I think I could be ready for that.
  • liftingbro
    liftingbro Posts: 2,029 Member
    Thank you guys heaps for sharing your thoughts - it is really helping me. I wasn't sure if I should talk about something like this here but I felt like I need some objective opinions.

    I don't think I have any delusions that marriage is work. Like I don't expect to find the "one" and everything be easy.
    But I guess I find myself hoping that the person I work for and with at that relationship is someone who understands me and and sees me to my core and accepts all of that. I guess I feel like there are a lot of difference between myself and my partner (not that difference is a bad thing but about some fundamental things) that mean I don't feel like I truly connect with all of him and nor him with me.

    The mere fact that I couldn't talk to him about this is kind of evidence of that I guess. When I think about being without him (as so many of you suggested) I know I would be fine. Not straight away, I would be sad it was over, and it would hurt and all those things. But I feel like I could go on with my life and be happy and the idea doesn't scare or upset me really.

    I thought maybe everyone felt like that, maybe feeling like you don't ever want to be without a person or that despite all the hard work having a deep knowing that you wanted them was something I had constructed in my head and not a realistic expectation of a relationship. But it seems a lot of you have found that which makes me hopeful for what could be there for me one day.

    If I am honest as well I think the age thing has a lot to do with it. I feel like I am far too young to think about marriage. I am surprised how expectant I find those around me are, that they would want me to be thinking about it! I have so much more I want to do, and achieve and explore before I think I could be ready for that.

    Age can be part of it. I could be that you're simply not ready for it yet. I wouldn't dump the guy just yet if the relationship is good, things can develope over time. I was 29 when I married my wife, so I was a bit older than you and ready for a new stage in my life. Just because you might not feel like marrying him now does not mean you wont later. Of course, if you feel like the relationship is going nowhere then that's another thing.
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