I don’t want anything for Xmas because I’m fat.

KeepingUpWithKarina · December 2017

Hey guys,

I hope you are having a great Christmas Eve with family. I’m hesitating to post this because I’m sure I’ll get a ton of negative feedback but it’s something that has stuck with me and I really don’t want to open up to those I love about it..

My spouse asked me today (again) what I want for Xmas and I don’t want anything for Xmas. Mainly because o don’t think anything looks good on me. I don’t want the pandora bracelet that I’ve always wanted because of my big wrists. I don’t want clothes because of my big sizes. I don’t want make up or brushes because of my weight. And honestly, I realized this today. I’ve stop myself from doing so many things because I’m either uncomfortable in my own skin or I don’t want to attract negative attention from others. I never ever fully acknowledged that I have a terrible low self esteem because of my weight. I mean this goes as far as when I shopped for my car, stopped from enjoying summer activities and vacationing, and tomorrow I was invited to my brothers home and I’m avoiding it cause my weight always seems to be the topic...

I just wanted to openly say it. And hope that this helps me... I just watched a video of a girl who successfully lost 100 pounds and stated how much more open she is to doing things versus when she was overweight. It’s just nice to see I’m not the only one struggling.

KeepRunningFatboy · December 2017

Sounds like you might just have enough pain there to ignite some big changes in your life,

dsboohead · December 2017

Is the topic of your weight something you bring up or is it your families doing? If they are the culprits....I would be disgusted and would understand!
Allow your husband to get you something....a fitbit watch....a new food scale....a weight scale.
Something to support you and your efforts!
Do not punish him and allow him to enjoy Xmas!

dsboohead · December 2017

PS.....you are a very exotic and pretty young lady

JeromeBarry1 · December 2017

I have no idea how your family dynamics operate. None at all. But I do know two things. The calories you eat are the calories you carry around your body. The food you put in your mouth is the food you swallow.

You alone are in control of everything about both of those.

malibu927 · December 2017

I think it's sad that you want to deprive yourself because of how you feel. Your husband obviously still loves you and wants to treat you. Maybe you should seek some help in regards to your self esteem as you lose weight, because weight loss probably won't make you feel any better.

KeepingUpWithKarina · December 2017

Thanks for everyone for the responses. And thank you for not bashing me. I have started my journey almost 2 weeks ago and I feel it deep in my soul that this is it. I try to feed off of the positive things on my life. Today, I just had that on my mind and I’m like wow. I’m 25, and weight has been such a barrier! It’s just a number on a scale but I’ve let it define me and I’ve let my insecurities build walls that seem so high and sometimes indestructible. But I’m really ready to be free of these obstacles that my mind has created and use as fuel for my journey.

@dsboohead Thank you!

KeepingUpWithKarina · December 2017

@malibu227

I was on depression medication like 3 years ago and it was not helpful. I’m no longer on any medication for it. I’m hoping to find another way to cope with these issues like exercise, for example. However, if I don’t feel like anything is helping, I will seek therapy. I have noticed that I have issues with food. Food anxiety, and feeling guilty when I eat. But I am aware of myself and that I may need to ask for help. Meanwhile, I’m not going to stop with my weight loss journey cause I do need to lose weight and get out of risk for diseases like diabetes but I know that losing weight isn’t going to fix what’s in my mind and how I view myself.

VinMcguire · December 2017

A Fitbit would be an awesome gift to have. It would do two things. Make hubby feel good that he got you something, and it would also be a benifit to your own health & fitness goals

Machka9 · December 2017

What about things like ... a gym membership, walking shoes, a set of comfortable clothes to go walking in, or even an agreement to go walking with you every day.

KeepingUpWithKarina · December 2017

I wanted an Apple Watch. I’ve been eyeing a Fitbit... but I had the Zip awhile ago and had to replace it 2-3x. The new Apple Watch, you can even swim with and don’t have to have your phone around. But that’s almost a $500 gift..

JaydedMiss · December 2017

KeepingUpWithKarina wrote: »

@malibu227

I was on depression medication like 3 years ago and it was not helpful. I’m no longer on any medication for it. I’m hoping to find another way to cope with these issues like exercise, for example. However, if I don’t feel like anything is helping, I will seek therapy. I have noticed that I have issues with food. Food anxiety, and feeling guilty when I eat. But I am aware of myself and that I may need to ask for help. Meanwhile, I’m not going to stop with my weight loss journey cause I do need to lose weight and get out of risk for diseases like diabetes but I know that losing weight isn’t going to fix what’s in my mind and how I view myself.

Its easier said thn done and i assure you iv been there done that and continue to struggle with it daily, As you seem inspired by people who have been there, I lost 110 pounds now. But id like you to try one thing. Just TRY to enter exercise and your eating from a mindset of self love. I know its hard. But think "this food will nourish my body more and ill feel great after eating it" vs "this food is crap and im awful for eating it". Try not to think of food as good or bad, Its all nourishing just to different degrees. It can be a touchy thing to hit the wall of self hate and have that fuel your weight loss. Youll be much happier in the meantime focusing on small things that really do help your mindset. Its just another skill unfortunately that needs to be practiced, Even if its faked at first.

Talking in past tense has helped me alot. I USED to be a binge eater. I USED to have no control. (Still dont when i have sweets around but i have the control in my hands to not buy them) I USED to be an unhealthy fat lump in a bed, But i CHOOSE to now be fit healthy and happy. I deserve it. so do you. Taking those little controls and flexing that self love muscle adds up

Change your inner narrative, Its just like willpower you may have to fake it at first but eventually it strengthens and if you tell yourself stuff enough eventually youll believe it and it gets easier.

runsharon54321 · December 2017

Karina, I went about three years without buying clothes and had grown out of most, refusing to get the next size up. The only thing I was wearing was old tshirts from places we visited. I was getting a little embarrassed going to church rotating the three cleaner tshirts that I had. Sooo I forced myself into kohls this year and at first when I tried on some sweaters I wanted to cry, but then WAMMO. I found a few that really looked good and believe me it was a morale booster! Just take a deep breath and know that you can and will lose the weight and force yourself to find something that you like and looks good, so you can treat it as a victory because it will lift your spirits. Take care and have fun with your family! PS....shoes always work

ColtRocker · December 2017

It takes a lot of courage to post something like that and I admire your for it. Now, get busy and it happen

rheddmobile · December 2017

Been there and I feel for you. You can do this - next year I want you to come back and post about how beautiful you feel doing all sorts of fun things in all your new clothes.

In the meantime, your spouse loves you and it's Christmas! I hope you feel better and have a blessed day.

88olds · December 2017

Get up and fight back. Save your life. We only live once. Is this how you want your life to go? It doesn’t have to be like this. But you have to change this, nobody can do it for you.

I’m another person in the ranks of the 100lb losers. I’ve been at goal 11 years. Like you, as I got bigger, my life got smaller. I could see here and there people who could turn their lives around. It was doable. But was it doable for me? That was a different question.

I’m not going to suggest that you love yourself like you are. It would help if you could. But it isn’t necessary. But I want to convince you of two things.

First, a calorie deficit monitored with a food diary will result in weight loss. It works. Really. In fact, unless you have an undiagnosed medical problem, it can’t fail. Weight loss is just a set of things to do. Problem solving. Habits. Accepting some limits. An attitude of experimentation. Determination.

But here’s a catch. All you get is the number on the scale. There are huge benefits to a good number on the scale. But it won’t change the nature of the universe. Your character is not at stake here. It’s just the scale.

Second. If you decide to get involved in weight loss, you deserve to achieve your goals. Every person alive deserves to realize their goals to the extent those goals are within their control. You’re no different from anyone else in this regard. It’s basic. That’s why self love isn’t necessary. It’s just a matter of respecting your own decision regarding this one thing in your life.

Add me as friend if you think it would help you. But be aware that I will argue these points relentlessly;WL is basically just problem solving, and you deserve to get this if you want it. Good luck.

LernRach · December 2017

I get this, I really do. It suddenly occurred to me today that my weight bothers me more then my chronic condition that causes pain every day! its horrible and awful, but I know full well that I CAN do something bout this. it might take me longer then most to lose weight, and it might be frustrating and slow but it is something we do have control over. am happy to chat if u need to. we can get through this, think about this post in a year time when you will have lost so much of your weight. Good luck xxx

Lounmoun · December 2017

I understand your feelings of weight keeping you from doing things. I have avoided things in the past because of my weight.
I hope you work through your feelings and enjoy yourself even if you are not the size you want to be yet.

I don't get clothes or jewelry for gifts. I ask for stuff like books, cooking tools, games, etc.

DebLaBounty · December 2017

Think about shopping for clothes during the after Christmas sales. You will feel much better once you find yourself some clothes that fit you at the weight you are at now. No need to walk around feeling dowdy while you seek to improve yourself.

christinaarcand · December 2017

KeepingUpWithKarina wrote: »

Hey guys,

I hope you are having a great Christmas Eve with family. I’m hesitating to post this because I’m sure I’ll get a ton of negative feedback but it’s something that has stuck with me and I really don’t want to open up to those I love about it..

My spouse asked me today (again) what I want for Xmas and I don’t want anything for Xmas. Mainly because o don’t think anything looks good on me. I don’t want the pandora bracelet that I’ve always wanted because of my big wrists. I don’t want clothes because of my big sizes. I don’t want make up or brushes because of my weight. And honestly, I realized this today. I’ve stop myself from doing so many things because I’m either uncomfortable in my own skin or I don’t want to attract negative attention from others. I never ever fully acknowledged that I have a terrible low self esteem because of my weight. I mean this goes as far as when I shopped for my car, stopped from enjoying summer activities and vacationing, and tomorrow I was invited to my brothers home and I’m avoiding it cause my weight always seems to be the topic...

I just wanted to openly say it. And hope that this helps me... I just watched a video of a girl who successfully lost 100 pounds and stated how much more open she is to doing things versus when she was overweight. It’s just nice to see I’m not the only one struggling.

Hmm, it sounds to me like you are basically punishing yourself for being big. And that's never a good way to motivate yourself. I just recently had to buy new big girl clothes, which I didn't want to, but then I found things in my actual size that made me feel good and I decided to enjoy that.
No, it's not in the size I wish I was, and yes, I did have to sift through a bunch of cute clothes that only came in tiny sizes and didn't fit, but in reality nothing feels worse than having no clothing options at all. Rotating a few set of thirsts promotes shame and will only seek to hold you back. No matter what size you are and no matter how you feel about your current look, don't stop dressing up. Do you your hair, do your nails, get waxed if you prefer, do all the girl things that you like. Don't settle for less. I hate to say this, but, be a little more high maintenance. Go the extra mile. Treat yourself like you are important and beautiful. Don't let weight stand in the way. Part of your downfall is your state of mind. Your lack of personal worth is going to lead you straight to the dark side of the fridge or take out every time. Ask for a perfume or to be taken to a play or show. If you don't want jewelry, then ask for something you can enjoy. Don't make your gifts about weight loss. No scales or fitbit. You can buy that for yourself. Ask for something that is really just for you, not a goal, something that will make you feel special and isn't tied into the weight issues.

KeepingUpWithKarina · December 2017

You guys, thank you all so so much for all of the responses. I haven’t really got on here today to see what anyone has written. But I’m so glad that I did! I wish I had you all as friends because you all have helped me a lot in seeing these things differently. And it took a lot from me to post this and open to you all but you all took care of me. So thank you!!

STLGraffitiQueen · December 2017

I get it. I, too, have avoided plenty of social gatherings and stores due to my low self esteem and embarrassment of my extra weight. Confidence is a struggle when you don't love yourself. I hope that you enjoyed your Christmas with your husband and allowed him to treat you. You got this. Just take it one day at a time. ☺

kenyonhaff · December 2017

This post makes me so sad for you.

Being overweight does *not* make you any less worthy a person. That's a harsh value judgement that our society puts on people, and I've seen it in children as young as three.

Now here's something I've learned. To a great extent, how you present yourself to others AND YOURSELF, will effect how you feel.

To start: every time you see yourself in the mirror, give yourself a little smile. Just do it.

Next: Take up the offer of getting some nice things. Start with just one. And wear it.

Next: Get actually dressed and "made up" whatever that is. Sitting around with raggedity clothes, unkempt hair, and no care for your appearance will state to yourself: "I am not worthy of being seen." But take a few minutes to get out of your sweatpants, and put on something nice. Take five minutes and brush your hair. Take another five minutes and put on some lip gloss or whatever is your thing. Prepping yourself to be prepared to DO things and SEE people will make you more open to actually do these things...and that will help your self-esteem.

Bonus round: Get an appointment for hair and nails. You don't have to be skinny to have a great fresh haircut and some French tips.

Yes, you are overweight. But you're here on MFP and that shows you are willing to change, and you can--people here do it every day.

Now you do sound very, very depressed. And with depression you may not have the energy or ability to do things to lift you out of depression. I get that. If that's the case, you need to get some medical attention.

I don’t want anything for Xmas because I’m fat.

Replies

Categories