Unsupportive spouse

Anyone else have a spouse that's unsupportive about getting fit? I know it's not for everyone but a little support would be nice.


  • notreallychris
    notreallychris Posts: 501 Member
    About getting her fit, or you getting fit?
  • RuNaRoUnDaFiEld
    RuNaRoUnDaFiEld Posts: 5,864 Member
    You have to do it yourself.

  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    edited December 2017
    It depends on how you define "supportive," I guess. Not that you're doing this, but some people seem to define it as: "Doing everything I do exactly the way I do it, for no other reason than I'm doing it,and I should never even have to tell them that I want them to."

    Of course it's nice to have help along the way, but as long as they're not actively trying to stop you, then you're ok.

    If you want to change your life, that's great, but it's not really fair to expect your spouse to change just because you are.

    I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but if you can accept it, it'll make things easier for both of you, and save you some resentment in the meantime.

    Also, have you talked to her about it? I'd be super pissed if my spouse was complaining about me on a public forum without even talking to me and telling me what they want, never even giving me a chance.
  • amyteacake
    amyteacake Posts: 768 Member
    The best thing to do is talk to them about it. I had incredibly unsupportive friends. One minute they said they were proud that I was losing weight and becoming fitter but two seconds later complain that I was into fitness and nitpick what I was eating.

    Not everyone will be supportive or willing to go along with your journey. And like someone else said, if they're not actively trying to stop you or ruin your progress then you're okay.

    But like I said, talking to her about is the best course of action for you to take.
  • GemstoneofHeart
    GemstoneofHeart Posts: 865 Member
    kso729 wrote: »
    Anyone else have a spouse that's unsupportive about getting fit? I know it's not for everyone but a little support would be nice.

    How many times have you started though. ...no offense if it's more than one I'd be "unsupportive" too regardless of gender of the partner. My oh has heard me whine and start over countless times and now doesn't want to know...unsupportive? no not really. It's my journey not his.

    Quoting for emphasis
  • cbstewart88
    cbstewart88 Posts: 453 Member
    My husband eats whatever he wants. He hates exercise in any way, shape or form. He is naturally thin :(. We eat our meals at different times of the day and eat totally different things. I can't even get him to taste some of the things I eat. Oh well.....I still love him :)
  • kso729
    kso729 Posts: 13 Member
    Basically this is the first time for me that I'm serious about it. She gets mad that I don't want her to make dinners. And that I spend time working out.
  • Hamsibian
    Hamsibian Posts: 1,388 Member
    What's wrong with her dinners? Can't you eat smaller portions? Or why dont you find healthy recipes and cook together?
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    kso729 wrote: »
    Basically this is the first time for me that I'm serious about it. She gets mad that I don't want her to make dinners. And that I spend time working out.

    Have you talked about what your journey consists of, and how you love her cooking but could she let you know what's in it so you can log?
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    I had to have a come to Jesus meeting with my husband after getting diabetes. Basically, it was too much to resist constant temptation in my own house every day. We agreed that he would stop snacking in front of me when it wasn't mealtime, that we would not eat fast food out or order in all the time, and there was an absolute ban on him complaining that I needed to work out.

    It worked, mainly because seeing me very sick and in the hospital scared him enough that he knows this is life or death for me. He loves me and wants me to stay alive.

    It may not be so obvious to you or your wife, but this is life or death for you too, in the sense that you only get one body and one lifetime and how you treat your body determines how long and healthy your life will be. Your wife doesn't really want you to die (if she does, that's a whole different problem!) but she also probably wants to avoid thinking about it in those terms. Have that conversation with her. Her cooking, if you eat it every day, is determining how long your life will be. You get to have some say about it. It's important for her to learn to do it so you LITERALLY DON'T DIE YOUNG.

    If she's from a food culture which cherishes fried foods and loads of full fat cheese and dessert every day and other unhealthy American choices, there may be a learning curve. But either she has to make food which is good fuel for your body, or you have to mostly eat other food. It doesn't make sense to keep eating food that hurts your body. It's better to die an old man after a healthy life than a young man with heart disease.

    As for fitness, well, it's boring and takes you away from her, and I completely understand, and she needs to get over it. Invite her to work out with you. If she won't, tell her to shut up about it. I believe the phrase I used with my husband was, "If you don't stop trying to sabotage me I will murder you in your sleep," but that may be too strong for your household. My husband knew what I was trying to tell him and he heard me and stopped trying to sabotage me. The point is, you need to say whatever will make her understand that continuing to be alive is important to you, and anyone who stands in the way of that is an enemy.
  • dfein001
    dfein001 Posts: 133 Member
  • kristingjertsen
    kristingjertsen Posts: 239 Member
    You are responsible for your own health and fitness. She is responsible for her own health and fitness. You can eat smaller portions of her cooking if that is an issue and supplement with salads, veggies, etc. I eat a healthy breakfast, lunch, and snacks, and make a "family style" meal for dinner (which always includes a salad or healthy cooked veggies and starches that I can dress simply for my plate and my husband and kids can drown in cheese and butter if desired. Not as much fun as it would be if everyone in the family was on board, but a manageable way to deal with different food preferences and exercise goals. Speaking as the spouse of a man who is extremely morbidly obese--you cannot change another person, you can only support him/her when they decide to make a change on their own. Then get out of the way because self-motivation can change everything!
  • kjauthier
    kjauthier Posts: 24 Member
    edited December 2017
    Same problem when I initiated a change in 2011. felt like crap but now feel much better and am happier. She eventually came around but only when she could appreciate the positive changes that came about. Do whats best for you and the rest will take care of itself.
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,172 Member
    Maybe she's offended, taking your change in eating habits as a criticism of her cooking. Maybe she feels shunned. Maybe she feels your workouts are taking away from time you used to spend together. I dunno. You could offer to take walks in the park with her on the days you don't workout. It's a good opportunity to talk with each other.
  • MichelleWithMoxie
    MichelleWithMoxie Posts: 1,817 Member
    Nope. My husband is my biggest supporter :blush:
  • mygrl4meee
    mygrl4meee Posts: 943 Member
    My boyfriend hasnt been really supportive.. He takes up my gym time and I let him.. it also has cut into my time to cook so more take out and i gained weight. i am trying to start fresh with the new year but this time involve him. I hope it works better for me with him knowing how serious it can be.. i dont think he sees the weight gain which is a blessing but comments on clothes leaving marks and i am at the i refuse to buy bigger.. it will make me fatter.. lol. well.. anyways good luck.