Apparently Pet Names Are Offensive

BamaMomma
BamaMomma Posts: 53
edited September 30 in Chit-Chat
Hello, y'all. My name is Jessica. Most of you don't know me on a personal level, but I feel like I should share this story, and if we become friends at some point, you should know that I use pet names.

By pet names I mean "Honey", "Sugar", "Darling", "Sweetheart"...you got the point. Though I was born and raised in Germany, I have lived most of my 23 years in the south. I don't know whether or not I can compare my use of pet names to how other parts of the country, or the world use and perceive pet names.

One of my guy MFP's kept deleting my comments because of my use of pet names. I'd comment "Way to go, honey" or something to that extent. This hurt my feelings, honestly, so I sent him a private message asking him why he felt he needed to delete my comments. Hell, I thought I was doing a fine job being supportive and all.

He writes this back, something along the lines of "I forgot you were Southern. Up here we reserve pet names for our spouse. It freaked me out. I asked my buddies and apparently the use of pet names is more common in the South." RIGHT. I wrote him back and told him, basically, you're mean and shallow and we don't need to be friends."

He deleted me, which is okay, because I was on the verge of deleting him. I got on MFP and asked my friends whether or not the use of pet names offended them and they were crazy supportive of me doing it. They thought it was "southern hospitality" and that it was "sweet" and "endearing." I also told those people who may GET offended to go ahead and delete me because I'm not going to stop. That's who I am and if someone wants to be so shallow and closed-minded and judgmental, then they can do it somewhere else.

I reserve my pet names for people I care about. For those who are successful, supportive, strong, sweet, sincere, and genuine. I care about my MFP's! If they need anything, whether it's a pick-me-up or a laugh or something related to health & fitness, they can count on me. I have gotten very close to a lot of my MFP's. We have common goals; we can all relate somehow or another. These people, YOU included, though we're not friends yet, mean everything to me lately. They have been with me thick and thin (no pun intended, lol) and I have them to thank for all the wonderful words of encouragement and kindness.

So yes, I think pet names are okay.

I am not trying to stir up any drama, as I consider myself a "no drama bama momma" but I felt the urge to write because of they emotions that this little "incident" brought up. I value your opinions and friendships. Love you all, darlings! :)
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Replies

  • BAMA66
    BAMA66 Posts: 240
    Being from Georgia I hear them daily so they most definitely:happy: do not offend
  • BrendaBlis
    BrendaBlis Posts: 165 Member
    I totally agree with you! Keep doing what you're doing. :smile:
  • melizerd
    melizerd Posts: 870 Member
    Honestly I think you're being too sensitive about it. If you offend someone then they aren't really your friends. On here we don't really know most of the people we are "friends" with, they won't be our friends in 50 years either.

    I'm from Wisconsin and use pet names but only for people I REALLY know or care about, good friends and my spouse. Not strangers here.
  • Trixtabella
    Trixtabella Posts: 471 Member
    Haha I use pet names like hun or sweetie or lovely, I think it sounds nice and friendly.

    Shame he didn't feel the same way but oh well I am sure there are plenty of people who do like it.
  • lifeinpink09
    lifeinpink09 Posts: 87 Member
    I'm a New Yorker, and maybe it's because my parents are southern, but I use pet names all the time! I call my friends "sweetie" and "hon" and "darlin" all the time. i don't see what the big deal is. No one ever complained about it before...
  • anthony438
    anthony438 Posts: 578 Member
    Don't worry about it, honey. :smile:
  • MrBrown72
    MrBrown72 Posts: 407 Member
    eh. you're cute. You can call me baby.
  • chrissypops
    chrissypops Posts: 112 Member
    ... well people must be very offended with me all the time.. cos I use sweet, sweetie, hun, huni, sweetpea ( lord knows what else! ) and if i really like you, its stinky, smelly, and oi you!

    I suppose just some people dont like pet names, and u have to respect that. but to delete you, is really harsh! Oh well, its his loss hun, you sounds like a lovely lady xx

    chrissy xx
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    I waitressed, I called everyone and her husband "sugar", "hun", or "baby". And, I'm 22, and from north of the Mason Dixon line.

    I think that whole situation is hilarious, well done sticking up for yourself.
  • deesjourney2fit
    deesjourney2fit Posts: 118
    I use pet names too and they don't bother me. :O) Keep at it girl! I'm not from the "South" but I am from Southern California :bigsmile: :bigsmile:
  • hypotrochoid
    hypotrochoid Posts: 842 Member
    I've lived in the north all my life (except for a few years in Germany early on) and I have a horrible case of what my husband calls the "sweetie, darling, dears". I don't even think about it... and it does make people think I'm flirting when I'm not, but that's their problem. ;)
  • Galathea
    Galathea Posts: 420 Member
    Personally I wouldn't get offended if someone would use pet names. I like being called honey, sweetie, darlin and so on. (btw, German here too *waves*).
    Actually I use pet names as well, almost all the time. Although I have to admit I'm surprised non of my friends here on MFP gets offended by me using them, since I call all my girlsfriends here CUPCAKES and the guys MUFFINS ... OMG, two of the ugliest words you could ever use on a fitness/diet website. It's a miracle I still have any friends. ROFL

    Don,t let it get you down, cupcake (gosh, see, I did it again. :-P). If people get that easily offended, then they are not worth your time. Stick with those who really need your support and appreciate the comments you leave. =^_^=
  • Kate_UK
    Kate_UK Posts: 1,299 Member
    As a rule I don't mind pet names, but if a hot chick kept calling my hubby honey and darling I might think otherwise!
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
    They are alright by me Darlin, ..... then again, I was born and raised in the south!! :bigsmile:
  • JennsLosing
    JennsLosing Posts: 1,026
    i have a good male friend from boston...so i dont think its just a southern thing...he calls me honey and sweetheart all the time. i dont take offense to it. i think it comes down to what an individual is comfortable with.
  • BlueEyedMomma88
    BlueEyedMomma88 Posts: 558 Member
    Dont worry its not just you, I use them too. But usually only to people I really know and stuff.
  • jagh09
    jagh09 Posts: 555 Member
    Sugar, you just keep doin' what you're doing, darlin'!
  • leezanicole
    leezanicole Posts: 96
    I am German and Black, born in Germany, raised in the south and now living in California. I think pet names are fine. Both sides of my family use them, its just a way of being nice, compassionate or even supportive. Some people just can't handle it, for whatever reason. I don't think its a big deal though. Myself, I don't really use pet names except for with my boyfriend, but I don't mind other people using them.
  • ensoleille
    ensoleille Posts: 56
    It's normal for me, in England you can get called anything from lass to duck to pet and no one takes offence hehe it's just people trying to be nice :)
  • cillytilly
    cillytilly Posts: 243
    Pet names don't bother me. Particularly since here we don't necessarily know eachothers name. Lots of time I will say girlie, lady, honey or sweetie. I am not from the south but from the Pacific NW and you get it all the time around here.
  • loriannmartin
    loriannmartin Posts: 209 Member
    i am guilty of pet names... i am not from the south. i am from Pennsylvania, and if i would offend any they can delete me as well cause this is who i am :-)
  • Sgriffin2382
    Sgriffin2382 Posts: 360 Member
    That's just how we do it here. We are personal and polite. I used to work with a lady from up north who would get mad at me when I called her ma'am. I'm sorry, where I am from that is a form of respect. I don't care if you are older than me or younger. You are ma'am or sir. My momma raised me right ;-)
  • sandy729
    sandy729 Posts: 232 Member
    It may be this way for you. But I have a few MFP friends I plan on staying in touch with for a very long time.

    I personally wouldn't get offended if someone used pets names. This journey can be stressful and knowing someone genuinely cares goes a long way. Keep them coming hun :flowerforyou:



    Honestly I think you're being too sensitive about it. If you offend someone then they aren't really your friends. On here we don't really know most of the people we are "friends" with, they won't be our friends in 50 years either.

    I'm from Wisconsin and use pet names but only for people I REALLY know or care about, good friends and my spouse. Not strangers here.
  • chelekaz
    chelekaz Posts: 847 Member
    It's okay sweetie, I use these names all of the time and I am from the Northeast. Oh, and honey, don't let anyone beat you down. Though I can understand some being hesitant by it merely because they may have a significant other who wouldn't appreciate it.

    Otherwise Sugar, just keep doing what you are doing...

    (Wonder if I annoy my MFP friends for using these names as well....)
  • Thomasm198
    Thomasm198 Posts: 3,189 Member
    Sheesh, with my line of work I get called the complete opposite of nice names all the time.

    I have no problem with anyone calling me "sugar, pet, darling, sweetie" or anything else along those lines. It's much better than being called ******, *******, *****, *******, *******. :laugh:
  • TiffMax
    TiffMax Posts: 70
    I grew up in florida and now live in wisconsin. IMHO pet names are okay girlfriend to girlfreind but here or on facebook or really any other place it just isnt looked at as appropriate. You never know what kind of relationship the person has with their significant other and why put out there any doubt. While i agree it is not your problem what their relationship may be, it is kind to be considerate and refrain -especially if someone lets you know that it doesnt work for them. i dont think it was meant to be a personal attack on you- it just didnt work for him. Forgive, move on, and try to be more open to other peoples feelings on it in the future.
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    I had something similar happen to me. The guy has a new gf and she got all wound up over the fact that I called him Hon. I'm a Georgia girl...we call everyone Hon, Darlin', Sug, Dear....ect. He went off on me and I finally had to delete him off my friends list on here, on FB, and e-mail, and phone. We had been friends long before this woman came into his life and he chose to cut me out even though we were only friends...some people just can't handle it.
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
    I'm from the north and i have no problem with it. Honestly all my friends think it's kinda funny that i call then sweetie, darlin', hunny, etc. I have no problems with it, and noone i know does either.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Since I really don't know anyone on here at a personal level, I wouldn't use pet names or what I refer to them as terms of endearment. I guess I'm reserved in that manner. That being said though - I think it's very charming when I hear someone with a southern accent say honey or darling....sounds so lilting and comforting:)))
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Pet names are fine if and only if the recipients are okay with it. I'm a southerner, too. I get the hospitality thing. But just like it's rude to call someone by his first name if he prefers to be called Mr. So-and-so, it's rude to call someone "honey" or "sweetie" or "darling" if they aren't comfortable with it.

    He made it clear he wasn't cool with it, and the best way to handle that was probably to say "Sorry, it won't happen again." That's what I do if I call some woman "ma'am" and she gets pissy about it (in the south, it's a show of respect, not a way to point out how old someone is, as it seems to be in the northern states).
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