Apparently Pet Names Are Offensive
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AWWW Sugar, I love it!!!! WE need to be friends and I will only delete you if you DONT add a "pet name!" Besides, I dont view honey, sugar, dear, ect. as pet names! Call me sex kitten and THEN we will have a problem!!! LOL!!!! :bigsmile:0
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definitely not uncaring of other people's cultures. just think he's shallow. i respect people when they earn my respect. later, chick.He writes this back, something along the lines of "I forgot you were Southern. Up here we reserve pet names for our spouse. It freaked me out. I asked my buddies and apparently the use of pet names is more common in the South." RIGHT. I wrote him back and told him, basically, you're mean and shallow and we don't need to be friends."
lol you think he is mean and shallow but it just seems like you are overly sensitive and uncaring about other people's cultures/backgrounds. You want other people to respect your words and reasoning but you won't respect their's. smh
That's like a Mexican getting mad at a Texan because they speak tex-mex and use words differently
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I think you are fine. Depending on the situation when someone calls me hun or darlin, I get taken a back, but I'm never offended. It's just I don't hear it that often. But honestly, it does make me feel pretty good. lol. I like pet names, I reserve special ones for my husband, and he gave me my unique one. :-) So I feel that on MFP I can call people sweet endearing pet names if I choose. anyway....:-)
you're good to go, and I'm sorry that some people can't take a bit of sweet southern ways.0 -
LOL exactly.AWWW Sugar, I love it!!!! WE need to be friends and I will only delete you if you DONT add a "pet name!" Besides, I dont view honey, sugar, dear, ect. as pet names! Call me sex kitten and THEN we will have a problem!!! LOL!!!! :bigsmile:0 -
I wouldn't say it would be offensive to me but depending on the situation it can make me uncomfortable or it can even sometimes sound condescending.
I really don't like it when people do it while i'm waiting on them at work or something or any other stranger for that matter.
There's a guy at work that likes to be like "Hey sexy." "Hey baby." or something along those lines.
He's old enough to be my dad : /
I told him that it was inappropriate and I don't like it. Now he only slips up once in a while and I have to give him evil death glare.0 -
definitely not uncaring of other people's cultures. just think he's shallow. i respect people when they earn my respect. later, chick.
lol sorry. I didnt realize the post was just a rant to validate your actions
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I'm from SC. Use them here too. I once called a customer "dear". Another guy there who is from NY said "don't call me that. You don't know me." my feelings were so hurt because I meant nothing by it and didn't feel like I deserved that. Oh well. Some people are just a**es.0
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I'm from SC. Use them here too. I once called a customer "dear". Another guy there who is from NY said "don't call me that. You don't know me." my feelings were so hurt because I meant nothing by it and didn't feel like I deserved that. Oh well. Some people are just a**es.0
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I think the fact that you called him mean and shallow was... well, mean and shallow!
He was honest with you and told you that he wasn't comfortable being called "honey" by someone he isn't in a relationship with - and you called him shallow????
This forum is full of people from different backgrounds and cultures and I think we should all be respectful of that.
I would not be comfortable if a male online friend called me "honey". If it was a woman I would think it was odd but would accept that is the way that person expressed themselves.
We're all different - that's what makes life interesting!0 -
Like I said, I prefer "sexy beast"
anyways, HONEY, do not let this get you down. I appreciate your sincerity. Keep doing what you are doing! XOXOXO DARLING!!0 -
I think the fact that you called him mean and shallow was... well, mean and shallow!
He was honest with you and told you that he wasn't comfortable being called "honey" by someone he isn't in a relationship with - and you called him shallow????
This forum is full of people from different backgrounds and cultures and I think we should all be respectful of that.
I would not be comfortable if a male online friend called me "honey". If it was a woman I would think it was odd but would accept that is the way that person expressed themselves.
We're all different - that's what makes life interesting!
Good point....maybe neither side was really mean or shallow, just different. If he felt bothered by it, instead of just deleting her comments maybe he could have told her in a private message. i know if I was doing something to upset someone I would prefer they tell me, instead of avoiding the problem. Perhaps the OP could have come to understand that, this person, in particular was a little sensitive to that. Not change her personality, of course, but just be aware of it.
But overall, as i said in my previous comments, the OP sounds like a nice person, and it doesn't bother me particularly to be called an affectionate pet name, as long as its not creepy or completely out of the blue. Sometimes it can help brighten my day. ...but not everybody is the same...as you said, people are different, and we gotta share the world, so we may as well learn how to work with each other. I like it.
other-side of the coin perspective--nice.0 -
Like I said, I prefer "sexy beast"
anyways, HONEY, do not let this get you down. I appreciate your sincerity. Keep doing what you are doing! XOXOXO DARLING!!
Ha.ahh...
I like" beefcake" but that one doesn't happen except once in a while when the wife is looking to boost my ego.0 -
Ha! Ha! Ha! We got a special name for guys like that around here (almost as south as you)! Lol!!!0
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I think the fact that you called him mean and shallow was... well, mean and shallow!
He was honest with you and told you that he wasn't comfortable being called "honey" by someone he isn't in a relationship with - and you called him shallow????
This forum is full of people from different backgrounds and cultures and I think we should all be respectful of that.
I would not be comfortable if a male online friend called me "honey". If it was a woman I would think it was odd but would accept that is the way that person expressed themselves.
We're all different - that's what makes life interesting!
I agree. Most of the time I have heard those terms from males - honey, darlin', and to me it was just condescending, and certainly not something you do in the workplace. I had one female friend who called people "love." Didn't offend in the same way, but it still made me a little uncomfortable. I only use those names with people I am close with, I don't like throwing those words around. I can see some may be raised that way, but others aren't. It doesn't make those who feel uncomfortable with it mean or shallow - it is simply not their culture. BTW - I live in the southwest, and I almost never hear those terms used daily, so it's just not how most people here speak. For others who grew up with it, it's obviously what they're used to. These are simply different views/cutlures. While we shouldn't have to adjust our cultural norms to someone elses, it's respectful to at least refrain from things that make them uncomfortable - within reason.0 -
Each to their own but any lady here can call me anything they wish to.
Hopefully it is something nice.0 -
I work with preschoolers, so I say sweet pea, sweets, sweetie, hun, etc...all of the time. So just out of habit, I may call my friends that as well..no biggie! No offense is, or ever will be, taken!0
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He writes this back, something along the lines of "I forgot you were Southern. Up here we reserve pet names for our spouse. It freaked me out. I asked my buddies and apparently the use of pet names is more common in the South." RIGHT. I wrote him back and told him, basically, you're mean and shallow and we don't need to be friends."lol you think he is mean and shallow but it just seems like you are overly sensitive and uncaring about other people's cultures/backgrounds. You want other people to respect your words and reasoning but you won't respect their's. smh
That's like a Mexican getting mad at a Texan because they speak tex-mex and use words differentlydefinitely not uncaring of other people's cultures. just think he's shallow. i respect people when they earn my respect. later, chick.lol sorry. I didnt realize the post was just a rant to validate your actionsI think the fact that you called him mean and shallow was... well, mean and shallow!
He was honest with you and told you that he wasn't comfortable being called "honey" by someone he isn't in a relationship with - and you called him shallow????
This forum is full of people from different backgrounds and cultures and I think we should all be respectful of that.
I would not be comfortable if a male online friend called me "honey". If it was a woman I would think it was odd but would accept that is the way that person expressed themselves.
We're all different - that's what makes life interesting!Good point....maybe neither side was really mean or shallow, just different. If he felt bothered by it, instead of just deleting her comments maybe he could have told her in a private message. i know if I was doing something to upset someone I would prefer they tell me, instead of avoiding the problem. Perhaps the OP could have come to understand that, this person, in particular was a little sensitive to that. Not change her personality, of course, but just be aware of it.
But overall, as i said in my previous comments, the OP sounds like a nice person, and it doesn't bother me particularly to be called an affectionate pet name, as long as its not creepy or completely out of the blue. Sometimes it can help brighten my day. ...but not everybody is the same...as you said, people are different, and we gotta share the world, so we may as well learn how to work with each other. I like it.
other-side of the coin perspective--nice.
That last quote finally gets to the heart of the matter, COMMUNICATION. If he had just politely PM'd BamaMomma, explained his situation and asked her to please not use pet names with him, she probably would have not had any problem doing that. Instead he deleted her posts (which IS rude, uncaring and thoughtlessly mean). Better for him to have politely stated what he didn't appreciate and mutually delete one another's friend status (kind of like a no-fault divorce without the t-shirts and cute pet names ie. the aforementioned @sshole, b!tch, *kitten* for brains, etc.)
It was only AFTER BamaMomma Messaged him asking WTF that he attempted to tell her he had a problem with it, and then in a sarcastic way.
By then the damage was done, the proverbial *kitten* had hit the fan and was in serious rotation.
Moral of the story... play nice! If you have an issue with someone, discuss it privately with respect. After all, we presumably are all here for the same reason... to give and receive encouragement towards reaching our health & fitness goals.
Jessica, I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.0 -
Thank you, Bob. You always have my back.
That means so much to me, thanks again!0 -
From the South, I completely understand, sweetie!
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I use pet names all the time, sweetie! I AM from Oklahoma, so it may be a cultural thing, 'cause I'm usually unaware of it (at least in speech).0
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:flowerforyou: I love pet names From honey, to dollface, to darling, to lover and lovercakes... I just love them all. 0
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I grew up in florida and now live in wisconsin. IMHO pet names are okay girlfriend to girlfreind but here or on facebook or really any other place it just isnt looked at as appropriate. You never know what kind of relationship the person has with their significant other and why put out there any doubt. While i agree it is not your problem what their relationship may be, it is kind to be considerate and refrain -especially if someone lets you know that it doesnt work for them. i dont think it was meant to be a personal attack on you- it just didnt work for him. Forgive, move on, and try to be more open to other peoples feelings on it in the future.
This makes total sense to me. He was just trying to tell you that it didn't work for him. He may have been deleting your comments so his SO (if there was one) wouldn't take it the wrong way (perhaps they were like that). You never know what ppl are going through at home on here.
I don't mind the pet names but I try and keep in mind that everyone is different and it doesn't mean they are a jerk just because we may see things differently. In the end---I'm sure you still have tons of support on here so just keep pushing on:)) Good luck on your weight loss journey.0 -
This reminded me of a funny story.
At work we got a new co-worker who had just moved here (metro-Atlanta) from Boston. I was in the copy room with the new guy and another guy. I said something to the other guy and called him "sweetie" I thought the new guy had given himself whiplash he turned to look at me so fast. I gave him a weird look and asked "what?" He explained the whole "people where I'm from don't use pet names for anyone one other than spouses or children" thing. It became something we laughed about.
Honestly OP, I think your response to him was over the top. He told you that something you were doing made him uncomfortable for a good reason, you called him names. In his world, your pet names were inappropriately intimate. Would it have been so hard to say, "Oh sorry, I didn't realize." and try not to use them with him anymore?0 -
i live in cali and i even call people like honey or boo!0
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This reminded me of a funny story.
At work we got a new co-worker who had just moved here (metro-Atlanta) from Boston. I was in the copy room with the new guy and another guy. I said something to the other guy and called him "sweetie" I thought the new guy had given himself whiplash he turned to look at me so fast. I gave him a weird look and asked "what?" He explained the whole "people where I'm from don't use pet names for anyone one other than spouses or children" thing. It became something we laughed about.
Honestly OP, I think your response to him was over the top. He told you that something you were doing made him uncomfortable for a good reason, you called him names. In his world, your pet names were inappropriately intimate. Would it have been so hard to say, "Oh sorry, I didn't realize." and try not to use them with him anymore?
This!!!!0 -
Wisconsin girl here - it comes and goes but i use pet names. As long as its not obnoxious who cares. He prob had a crazy jealous spouse. Screw it0
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You sound judgemental. Do you think you can truley " rule the world" too? Why not accept other people's feelings and maybe by saying you are "just being yourself", can behave in a more friendly way toward us that are not southerners and find your "pet names" out of place with "friendly name calling". Note that your once friends only deleted your messages, they didn't tell you to take a hike as you did to them. tisk-tisk. So now "missy", get off your soapbox...(no offense intended for people with the name "Missy",just trying to make a point of "offensive" pet names.
Good luck and I still enjoy Southern Hospitality.0
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