How can I keep going when I've failed in every attempt to lose weight and keep it off?

Shamrock9377
Shamrock9377 Posts: 20 Member
edited November 23 in Motivation and Support
I'm back on MFP after some time away. During that time away, I've probably gained back all the weight I'd lost the last time I started again. I've tried almost every weight loss program you can name. Lost 67 pounds on Atkins. Gained it all back. Lost 50 pounds on WW. Gained it all back. That's me. Lose. Gain. Lose. Gain. YOYO!! I can't seem to stay motivated for more than maybe 6-9 months. Then, something happens. I go on vacation, there's a birthday, a holiday, a stressful week, boredom and I start eating all the wrong things again. I always say, "I'll just eat crappy this weekend, and then back on the stick on Monday." Monday never comes. I'm grasping at straws trying to figure out how to stay motivated and focused on my goals. I make goals and can achieve them for a while, then meh, something happens and I drift off my plan. I'm really tired of not being able to keep the weight off. I've even tried not to focus on losing weight. Make getting healthy a priority. Hasn't worked so far. I feel like being healthy is so out of reach for me.

I've been trying to lose weight for 2/3 of my life. I didn't have a weight problem til around 20 years old. Then, I just kept gaining. My balance is awful, my flexibility is gone, my core and hips are weak, my stamina isn't there at all. I've had both knees replaced and am grateful that I'm out of pain. Thought I'd be more active after the pain was gone. Nope! Now I'm reaching retirement in a few months and want to live long enough to enjoy it. I just don't know how to get motivated to stick with a plan and a goal.

Swore I'd never pay out money again to lose weight or for exercise but just rejoined the Y so I could swim. I do love to swim because you don't get hot and sweaty. So, I'm hoping I can find some motivation to keep going. Right now, I'm trying to take one day at a time. I'm on day 2. ROFL! Easy now. But what's gonna happen down the road. I'm focusing on my health instead of weight. Haven't even gotten on the scale. My goals are 1) balanced diet with low carbs (mostly complex) 2) and move more. Vary my exercises between balance, flexibility, strength and cardio. Maybe swim my laps, do some Tai Chi, yoga, circuit training while trying to eat well. Now, I'll just have to wait and see.

Replies

  • GOT_Obsessed
    GOT_Obsessed Posts: 817 Member
    I agree with the above poster who mentioned printing your post and putting it on the fridge as a reminder!

    Also there are so many overweight and obese people out there. Do you have any friends that want to lose weight? Maybe you can swim (or whatever) and talk about foods together. Just knowing you are not alone can help some people.

    One thing that sunk into my thick skull recently was a post on a forum here on MyFitnessPal. It talked about food being fuel for your body. The body needs food to operate just like your car needs fuel to operate. Basically I learned food is not for entertainment, to sooth stress, to relieve boredom, etc.

    There were lots of snacks at work through the holidays. I caught myself walking by reaching out to them wit out evendors thinking. I asked myself does my body need more fuel? (Is the gas tank near empty?) The answer was no more often than not!

    Good luck on your journey and feel free to friend request me.
  • Carolsbeach
    Carolsbeach Posts: 6 Member
    Sounds familiar ur not alone Change your mindset off diet and about healthy eating. I have had success with that, I know I have regained my weight many times, I would diet to look better and to be done so I could go back and eat the way i wanted to! It does not work, I ATE A LITTLE PORTION OF MY TREATS PORTION CONTROL was a big change for me, u can eat anything and still lose that week just a small portion sometimes works. Trust me I still struggle to get where I want to be but its not so hard a journey. You Can do this BE Positive good luck I would love to be friends if u need some add me
  • Girlpowerforlife119
    Girlpowerforlife119 Posts: 12 Member
    Add me and we can help each other..
  • LilyGetsFitNow
    LilyGetsFitNow Posts: 119 Member
    I know for me I've had a huge yo-yo problem myself, in the past, but over the last year I've slowly made changes that are good for me and now that I'm seeing some real progress I can tell I'm thinking about things differently! I just constantly have to tell myself what my ultimate goal is.

    Weight loss really isn't just a physical challenge, it is mainly a mental challenge. We have to overcome our old habits and our old choices. In order to become something different than what we currently are we must both act different and think different. Good luck in your weight loss goals and if you want support you can always add me as a friend!

    88feqp7rpsaz.jpg

    I also have a group for 2018 if you'd like to join where others struggling and working to transform themselves:

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/124140-transformation-journey-2018-january-to-march
  • brendanwhite84
    brendanwhite84 Posts: 219 Member
    I don't think this is likely to be a magic bullet for you but there's a really good book called 'Diet Cults' that devotes a good amount of its length to sensible discussion of what makes for prolonged weight loss and maintenance. I think it (very slightly) overestimates the importance of exercise in the equation (and I say that as an exercise nut) but overall it's pretty useful. My coach recommended it to me originally.
  • spatula69
    spatula69 Posts: 22 Member
    I agree with the previous message.

    I've lost nearly 5 stone, then put back on 3!! Now completely struggling to get my mindset back in the game. I have all the equipment, the knowledge and the strategies but I keep sabotaging my own fitness/healthy eating plan.

    Don't give up, it is worth it!!
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,169 Member
    I sometimes lost motivation but the real issue was sustaining good habits. Logging your food intake really helps. I didn’t deprive myself of foods I enjoy. In fact, many nights I’ve had some gelato or cookies but only when I see that it fits within my calorie allowance for the day. If you feel like you’re about to backslide, put on some shoes and go for a 20 minute walk instead. You do need to weigh yourself consistently so you can see you’re making progress. Your exercise goals sound great! I am 57 years old, lost 30 pounds this year, and have kept it off. I’ve been so happy that I’m more flexible, have more energy, am able to run and bicycle again. Once you reach your goal, remind yourself daily that you have created a much better life for yourself.
  • monicabroadbentswearingen
    monicabroadbentswearingen Posts: 42 Member
    It is a struggle for me also. Every 2 yrs I decide I need to lose weight. Then I lose 40 lbs. Then I started eating junk and the weight starts coming back. I start feeling crappy. I can't stop myself. Well I'm back again doing it again. I'm not giving up and neither should you. We got this... Feel free to add me for support
  • helene4
    helene4 Posts: 120 Member
    edited January 2018
    I sabotaged myself and my eating habits the past four months

    And I asked myself - why? Why am I not acting like the person I want to be and know I can be?

    I asked myself- Do you not want to be better? To get better? To be healthy?

    My answer at the time was: No.
    No, I was sad, and I wanted to be sick because I hadn't dealt with some things that happened in life. I wasn't ok.

    And once that thought crossed my mind I decided Even though I was down I couldn't just stay down. I wanted to heal myself
    And I told myself -
    Yes, I want to be healthy. I want to be better.

    And so anytime I feel like binging or giving up or walking away from it all.
    I ask myself - don't you want to be healthy? Don't you want to be your best self?
    The answer now is Yes. Yes because that's the kind of person I am. The kind of person that's inside all of us. Yes because life is such a rare opportunity and we've got to make the most of it! Each moment is precious. Our lives are sacred. we must take care of ourselves and each other.

    so far this has kept me on track. That and continuing to always set food and fitness goals. Goals and working toward something prevents me from giving up

    Good luck! :)
  • willow8220
    willow8220 Posts: 26 Member
    xsmilexforxmex wrote: »
    I was reading an article on nerd fitness that talked about why motivation fails so many, and one of the reasons was you change your actions but not your mindset. This definitely has something to do with it for me, and might for you. I enjoy eating out, fast food, and alcohol. In a healthy diet I still can, but it shouldn't BE my diet and what I consider "eating normal." I need to change my mindset of what "eating normal" is, and recognize that my relationship with food is not healthy currently.

    Wonderfully spoken words.
  • Jingsi84
    Jingsi84 Posts: 126 Member
    ChelseaAnnEssert wrote: »
    I feel like I’ve wasted 15 years being morbidly obese and that I’m never going to succeed. All I think is losing one pound a week. 52 weeks. It’s going to take 2 1/2 -3 Years just to be normal weight then the rest of my life maintaining. This isn’t very supportive just feeling down. Plus I went 170 calories over today so now I feel like chunk *kitten*.

    First, if you are morbidly obese you can likely lose 2 lbs per week until you get closer to your goal. Check out losertown.com to see how much you can lose each week eating the calories MFP recommends. Then keep in mind your calorie allotment will likely go down to keep you eating at a deficit as you get closer and closer to your goal. So you can lose even faster then.

    Next, stop thinking of your weight loss as a temporary fix. If you want to lose weight and keep it off you have to change your eating habits forever. This doesn’t have to be sad if you create new habits you can live with forever. That is why those who have had long-term success recommend creating smaller calorie deficits and flexible diets where you can eat everything you enjoy as long as you keep it under your daily caloric goal. Personally, I get bored at the gym. So I focus more on watching my calories. Small deficits add up over time and before you know it you are at your goal weight.

    If you feel like you have already wasted 15 years, don’t waste another day without trying to create a deficit. At the same time, don’t beat yourself up over going over 170 calories in one day. That amount, one day, won’t cause you to gain anymore than .005 of a pound if my math checks. Start logging and give yourself some time to adjust to your new eating habits. You may find that you like to eat two big meals instead of three smaller ones; that sweets aren’t as appealing if they mean you can’t eat a proper meal, etc. Then, once you are eating at a deficit, look at your macros and try to eat the recommended amount of protein and fiber. It’s not easy but it is simple.

  • thalloran1965
    thalloran1965 Posts: 2 Member
    This past year I have finally set my goals. My goals are small steps. I do a 10lb goal at a time. From my highest weight I've lost 47lbs. I've got A LOT more to go but I'm working hard. I'm having that gastric bypass done in April but still want to eat healthy. My job has me on the road going from 1 client to another all day and I loved eating out. I thought " there goes my eating out". But I needed source of protein in the afternoon so I swing by the Chinese restaurant and get myself some egg drop soup...there I've ate out and had my protein and bonus it was a hot meal. I don't consider myself as a failure but as someone who just had a bump in the road and need to get back on track. :-)
  • Jingsi84
    Jingsi84 Posts: 126 Member
    Jingsi84 wrote: »

    First, if you are morbidly obese you can likely lose 2 lbs per week until you get closer to your goal. Check out losertown.com to see how much you can lose each week eating the calories MFP recommends.

    Oops. I meant losertown.org.
  • Shamrock9377
    Shamrock9377 Posts: 20 Member
    Thank you to all who have been so encouraging. You have helped me see that it really helps to bounce ideas off of one another. The support is nice.

    One of the things kenyonhaff wrote above was...You haven't failed if you keep trying. This is so true. It's very hard to shake that feeling of failure. This is where mindset comes in and xsmilexforxmex above wrote, "I need to change my mindset of what "eating normal" is, and recognize that my relationship with food is not healthy currently." I need to keep asking myself, as helene4 does, the questions above, "And so anytime I feel like binging or giving up or walking away from it all. I ask myself - don't you want to be healthy? Don't you want to be your best self? The answer now is Yes."

    I have set small goals, so I feel VICTORY often, instead of defeat. Losing 5 pounds a month. That's very realistic as I'm currently at 278 pounds. I should be able to lose more & so when I do, the VICTORY is even sweeter. I'm taking my nutrition as a daily goal instead of saying, "I'm going to stick to my plan for "x" amount of days". Working to get as close to my macros as possible, drinking more water & watching portions. I'm not going to give up my favorite foods. I'm going to find ways of fixing them healthier. If I want dessert, it's going to only be if it fits my calories for the day and I will split it with someone else. Last but not least, I'm shooting for going to the Y at least 3 times a week. The other days I plan on interval walking at lunch (see South Beach walking plan).

    I started reading the "Diet Cults" book as brendanwhite84 advised. It's an interesting read so far. I'm not really far in but understand what they are saying.

    I've calculated my BMR & TDEE and am eating at a 20% deficit. I'll have to see how it goes. I also am printing a copy of my original letter to reread when I start feeling down. Thanks for that idea, Need2Exerc1se. Maybe I'll even motivate myself....ROFL!

  • Sira125
    Sira125 Posts: 152 Member
    Eating healthier and having a healthy mind-set around food is just like anything else. It takes lots of practice to get really good at it and if you stop practicing your skills will become rusty. However, if you think about it, you have probably learned things with each of your prior attempts. Maybe it is that some foods or situations are trigger for you, or that low-fat eating leaves you uncontrollably hungry. Try incorporating the things you've learned in the past into each subsequent effort. The biggest thing I have to remember is this isn't a temporary thing, it is my life. My path might have gigantic loops in it, but I really don't get to quit.
  • loumoon5
    loumoon5 Posts: 31 Member
    I ran across this last night and it feels like it's meant for you.


    "You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending." - CS Lewis
  • Shamrock9377
    Shamrock9377 Posts: 20 Member
    LOVE the CS Lewis quote. It is so true. I've been battling influenza A the past two weeks. Got to the doctor soon enough after a fever for 36 hours that I couldn't get rid of. The body aches went away with the fever. Now I'm just stuck with a horrible cough that keeps me up all night. My days and nights are all messed up because of this. Goal....get back to work Tuesday (I don't work Mondays during the winter). Each night this weekend go to bed an hour earlier to get back on schedule. Even if I have to take my codeine cough meds to get to sleep. Been trying to avoid taking them, but this cough is awful! The worst part is trying not to pee my pants from coughing! ROFL! At work, our bathroom is all the way across the building and I know I'd never make it in time. This has been a lesson to me. Get my flu shot earlier. Had a doc appt for diabetes on the 12th, and was going to get it then. Came down with flu on the 8th....grrrr! Oh well. At least I feel better and plan on getting back to the Y and such next week. Thanks guys for all the encouragement.
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