I am a failure
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Alatariel75 wrote: »People say you haven't failed until you've stopped trying, I say bulldust. You can fail, over and over and over. But you then get a choice whether to try again, or stay a failure. So here I am. Trying again.
I have to say I agree with the "people" you mention above. If you threw in the towel and accepted defeat, you have failed to make progress towards an end goal. But as long as you are still in the game, you haven't failed.
Life throws a lot of twists and turns at all of us. It's not always easy reaching goals. But at some point we make a conscious choice to keep chasing those things that are hard. And in the end it's that kind of dedication and desire that keeps us from failing.
For anyone struggling, don't give in. Accept the hard, sort it out, wait it out, refocus, try something new.... and try again.
P.S. I wasn't a fan of the new "hug" button, but I passed a few out on this thread. I just wish there was still an "awesome" button so I could have done more than "liked" some of the positive responses.12 -
You can come and sit next to me @Alatariel75 because I could have written this myself. I joined in 2012, halfway through my journey already. I lost 55 pounds in 52 weeks and kept it off for maybe a year or so. It was great. I adopted a new style. I was able to shop in stores I'd had to avoid before. I liked my shape and was finding a good balance of food and exercise. I was completely off of my depression meds that year.
In 2013 I gained ten pounds. That wasn't so bad. I took them back off that summer.
In 2014 I gained about twenty pounds. I didn't take any of them back off that year. I stopped weighing myself because I didn't want to stress about the number. I stopped being able to afford a big summer event that would usually push me to lose the weight again. Depression crept back in as I let my exercise routine fall apart. I started eating too much ice cream nightly while I told myself that I could moderate it and I could stop anytime I wanted.
I haven't weighed myself in a while, but I know I'm back up to or a bit above my starting weight now. I've been concentrating on finding some clothes that fit for the last year so that I'm not punishing myself daily with ill-fitting clothes. I stopped buying ice cream this year, but I haven't started counting again.
This year that big summer event is back in my budget, so I'm going to lose some of it again. They say you shouldn't lose weight for an event because it's hard to keep it off once the event passes, and I'm living proof of that. I stopped watching my weight when I stopped having a reason in my daily life for it. But I also hope that any reason is a good one if it gets you motivated without putting undue stress on someone.
But I remember how hard it was for me the first time around. Counting calories gets rid of one of my big self-soothing methods for anxiety and depression and I've never found a good one to replace it. I'm going to work on that this year with my therapist. I put a lot of stress on myself to lose it on a schedule that my body couldn't keep. The last time around I had a bought with something like, but not quite, orthorexia. I was crying in my friend's drive-ways before parties. It wasn't good and I don't want to get to that point again.
I know what the obstacles are. I hope I know how to avoid them this year. But it is very hard to start over again. I'm hoping that forgiving myself for reaching this weight will help make the process less stressful.23 -
NOT a failure. NOT. Things change, and we have to change with them! And that's what you're doing.
Glad they're finding something for your vertigo! I got vertigo, brain fog, agitation, insomnia and carb cravings for 3 years. It did not make eating healthy easier. Fortunately some of that (which was peri-menopause for me) is abating as menopause is settling. And, at the end of the menopause roller coaster, I'm 8Lbs over what my profile says.
You can do this!
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You are still with us hon. Alot of us have hidden stories and ups and downs. You are far from alone, as you can see. It's important that you keep trying. As for the advice you give--you know better than anyone else how to do it right. Keep on posting and wishing you the best of luck.2
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Taco Cat! You're far from alone. I reached my goal weight in late 2012 but didn't make it stick so I'm here for round 2 with 350 days logged consecutively, lost 15, gained 10 back, and now 20 down in those 350 days.5
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You are not a failure cause you are one of us. You are not alone and this is something that happens to the most of us.
https://youtu.be/2i_cmltmQ6A
This is about a research project where they had people live in a controlled environment for 9 months.
If you watch basically our brains are wired to fail us. My only question is how do some keep off weight
and other do not.2 -
I have been up and down my whole life. I found that I have the willpower to lose weight for a while. It's a lot harder maintaining. Don't give up, and thank you for sharing1
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Some perspective:
My mum is a person who, like many of us, has struggled for decades with her weight. It's been up and down, with a few really remarkable losses that she maintained for a few years before the weight crept back up.
Through out it all, she has eaten mostly home cooked meals, and she has gone for a walk every evening for decades when she has been able.
Perhaps she views her weight yo-yo as a failure, but:
-She has excellent blood sugar and heart health. In fact, she has broken a multi-generation curse in my family where everyone has a heart attack at age 55. She has not had any heart trouble, no cholesterol or blood pressure issues, etc. She is super healthy.
- She has maintained remarkable consistency in her physical activity.
- She has enjoyed her balance with food. She has given up some things which didn't do good things for her body like diet soda.
Sometimes failure versus success is a matter of perspective. I know she doesn't always see it this way, but I certainly do. Because of her consistency, and her continued efforts, I didn't have to rush to a hospital to be with her like she did for her mum when I was a kid.10 -
And thanks for prompting me to write all that out, because I could have written your original post. It was nice to get some perspective for myself - I am always trying to do better in some way.2
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My only question is how do some keep off weight
and other do not.
I didn't keep it off because I gave up tracking. At first it was simply because I thought I had a "handle" on it and could "wing it" with no problem. But then I started not wanting to weigh myself to double check. My new clothes still fit so I was OK. The clothes got a little tighter, but I shrugged it off...water weight. I was growing more and more careless. Then other things happened and I became depressed and discouraged over other issues and took to increasing my wine intake while decreasing my activity level to sulk and to give in to my depressive tendencies.
Then I got sick, and then I knew I had to go back up a size to my fat clothes - this time I really did get on the scale and was so upset to see I'd gained more than 30 of the 50 back that I had lost. Did that jar me back to tracking? Not really. My emotional responses to stressers in my life, coupled with my utter disgust at myself, pushed me to continue in my downward spiral until I got right back to where I started out.
What spurred me on this time? Increasing pain while sleeping, increasing foot pain while walking, increasing leg pain...and a stronger more healthy desire (I think) to be healthy. Previously it was to please my husband and maybe make my kids proud of me - but this time, I just don't care what they think. This has to be for me, and I do not want to spend the next phase of my life in pain, riding a scooter in Walmart because I'm too heavy to walk very far...and possibly die younger than I would have if I were a healthy weight.
This time I know that I know that I know I can't take a significant amount of time off from tracking and logging my food. Maybe for a special occasion day, or at most a vacation of 10 days to 2 weeks - maybe - but no giving it up all together, and no skipping the scale because I want to play ostrich.
My kids are almost 23, 19, and 18. And they've never seen me anything but obese, and at best, extremely overweight. I wasted the best years I could have spent with them, wallowing in pity and fat.
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You guys are the best. You're why I love this community.
This wasn't meant to be a pity party, more of a standing up at a meeting and introducing myself as someone who has failed yet again, but is ok with that and is just going to start the plod back down that road.
Thank you for those who have shared, and commiserated. For those who have seen themselves in this post, well met, my friends.
We got this. Or we don't. But I think we do.18 -
Hi. I'm also someone who has gained and lost a significant amount of weight several times and am starting again. When I get down on myself, I try and think of the Thomas Edison quote, "I haven't failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." Just know that this entire community is cheering you on.11
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I feel this post so hard, thanks for writing it.3
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I feel the exact same way you do except I don't have health issues to explain my failure. I am an emotional eater and the last 3 years have been an emotional roller coaster for me so my binge eater has gotten completely out of control.0
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Thank you for sharing your story. We all fail at some point and the fact that you admit to your failures means you are trying succeed again.
Here's my story: Growing up I had always been a curvy girl that had a little more weight than the other girls but not to the point that I worried about it. It didn’t affect who I was. When I was pregnant with my first born had the mentality that I could eat for two!! I gained 40 pounds with that pregnancy. After two years my hubby and I decided to try again for another child. It took 2 more years before I was pregnant again. My second child was born with a rare disease and he passed away at 6 weeks of age. We decided to adopt our son. It was after the adoption I really started to notice my weight. I was topping the scale at 209 pounds, I was able to hide my weight with bigger clothes and my 5 foot 10 inch height but it was showing in my face and in my energy levels. A new gym opened in our town and I joined. This is where my journey started. I worked hard with a personal trainer, I cut out junk food and soda out of my diet. I didn’t go out to eat at fast food places and I didn’t drink alcohol. I did a transformation challenge at the gym. After 6 months I was at 161 pounds. I stayed at that weight for 2 years until my personal trainer left the gym. I started sluffing off on my workouts and the intensity dropped while my weight crept up by 1 pound her and 2 pounds there until I had gained back 20 pounds. I found myself having junk food and chocolate daily, enjoying meals at fast food places and even drinking alcohol almost every weekend. I am so frustrated with myself because I know that my weight gain is from the crap I put into my body. I started over on Sunday! Increased my water to half my body weight and have been faithfully tracking my food and attempting to stay under my calorie goals and burning more calories. I also put my scale away. I was addicted to the number on that stupid little square and would gage my food intake by what it said. So here’s to starting with a fresh me. I know I need to make better choices and day by day I will achieve them.1 -
Nope. Just nope. I've read your posts. I don't care if people regain weight and give good advice. You know what to do. Doing it is another thing altogether. Keep at it. Your wisdom and worth are not tied up in how long you can keep weight off. Learn from each setback, but never call yourself a failure. Lying in bed gaining every day with no intent to get back in the game would be so much worse. You're just getting sidelined. Keep getting back in. You'll win. And FWIW, you give really solid advice, support and suggestions. Take the love given here and climb back on that proverbial horse.0
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Thank you @Alatariel75 for launching this discussion. You had a failure. Learn from it. Avoid having it again.
Fortunately for you it was a life-phase related failure and that phase is over.
I had a failure when I reached my maintenance range. My failure was not that I quit. Rather, it was that I tried to find a calorie target experimentally. My failure consisted of eating too much too often, and I logged every daily weight as I gained 30 lb. This partly coincided with a 10-week period of temporary retirement on top of the American holiday season, but the failure was that I expected to regain and allowed myself to regain and didn't panic about it until it was 30 pounds regained.
So now, I'm back to the routine of meals which carried me down to my maintenance range last year. Patience, Grasshopper.
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crossfit_dottir wrote: »OMG I've failed more often than I've succeeded. Like really, I've failed every diet and attempt to get fit from the year 2000 up until 2015 where I finally got started and in 2017 I got fit.
And if you only knew how many times I've failed EVERYTHING I've done fitness and diet vice.. *kitten* I fail at eating healthy every other day! Yet I'm still here and trying to be better, do better.
We all fail, that's what people don't see. You don't see me posting pics of failed lifting attempts... (most don't even share those)
The thing is there's no such thing as success or failure... You just keep going until you can say you did it!
This is exactly what I needed today!0 -
Here we are both failures trying this again!1
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You may be a "failure," but you have one of the best - if not the best - avatar here. Taco Cat rules.2
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