My journey and starting over

Good morning MFP friends! I am a chronic starter and this is officially the last time I will"start" this journey. I have been a member of MFP since June 7 2012. From June 2012- Oct 2013 I lost approximately 55 lbs. I was happy with my progress and I became lax, causing me to gain 10-15 lbs from Oct 2013-June 2014. I got married in June and went on an all inclusive honeymoon with my husband and gained almost 15 lbs in 10 days. I struggled from July 2014- January 2015 to get my act together and planned to start over. I did great the first 2 weeks in January 2015 until I was in a car accident and laid up for almost 4 months. In April 2015 I moved from NY to SC and was adamant that u would lose the weight I had gained. However the stressed of my new job, working 14-16 hour days and eating dinner at 8pm before going to bed helped me gain another 20 lbs before the end of the year. I had gained all my weight back instead of losing and I was back where if started in 2012. My weight just kept climbing. I reached my all-time heaviest weight in January 2017. I struggled to get on track until July 2017 and started logging and walking everyday. I lost 15 lbs while I was on summer break. I fluctuated all fall term and over Christmas break I gained 4-6 lbs.

Although I am 7 lbs down from my all time heaviest weight I can't take the way I look or feel anymore. Food has always been the one thing I could control when I felt everything else was chaotic. Eating whatever I wanted and however much I wanted meant I was in control. I finally realized it's the opposite; I binge eat all the wrong food and it's not me being in control, it's me losing all control. This year I am taking back my control over my eating. This is my final first step. I never want to start over again.

This time I'm going to succeed at the goal I started almost 6 years ago, losing the weight permanently. I never want to see these numbers on a scale again.