How do you succeed when your motivation is just not there?
Thankfulmomof3angels
Posts: 1 Member
So I know I sound like every other person at the beginning of the year how I want to lose weight for my new year's resolution. I don't want to just lose weight I want to change my lifestyle. I am currently a mom of three children ages 5 and under, work full time and will begin teaching my first college class this next week. I find I am exhausted and that there is just not enough time in the day/week/month to do what I need to do but I am determined to try and find a way so please add me as a friend or share tips/suggestions to help with motivation/succeeding with my goals!! Please if you add me as a friend put a message with your request. Thanks!
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Replies
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Motivation has almost become a buzzword. Weightloss is down to consistenly eating less. What I would ask you to consider, is whether you really need to do all the things you think you need to do.9
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That word motivation is over used. It is fleeting. You have to be consistent enough for habits to last and that takes wanting to lose/maintain weight badly enough.3
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Determination > Motivation!!
This post on my blog may be too harsh and may not apply completely to you but give it a read and see if it does anything for you - Come on Baby Light my Fire ..3 -
I'll be the dissenting voice because I think it all comes down to motivation.
mo·ti·va·tion
ˌmōdəˈvāSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: motivation; plural noun: motivations
1. the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.
synonyms: motive, motivating force, incentive, stimulus, stimulation, inspiration, inducement, incitement, spur, reason; informalcarrot
2. the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.
synonyms: enthusiasm, drive, ambition, initiative, determination, enterprise; informalget-up-and-go
It all comes down to what you want more. Big lifestyle changes are hard if you aren't really motivated to maintain big changes. Instead it might be best to make a series of small changes. Baby steps. You might get to the goal a little more slowly but it's better than never getting there at all.3 -
I don't suppose everyone will respond to this kind of thinking but what it really comes down to is that your body is a biomechanical system acting according to physical laws. It's possible (although of course there's a little fuzziness in between two given people) to identify the specific quantity of food your body will need to reach, and remain at, a given weight. Barring any skew due to metabolic disease or other biochemical factors (which you can still identify and account for) you should be able to identify this quantity without too much legwork.
After that, how slowly or quickly you reach your desired goal is between you, your body, and the laws of physics. I get that everyone has a different lifestyle and can't always hit the bullseye in terms of their goals, but there are lots and lots of people here who can tell you that if you do the accounting right, your body composition will track according to the math. I find that extremely comforting, to know that this is all reasonably linear and measurable.
There's a very simple phrase I've heard from a few weightlifters: "Do what is necessary". Of course that's very flat and some might even consider it unhelpful, but I think it's one of the more useful mindsets for achieving what people are here for.
I find a lot of people (and our language is partially to blame for this) get caught up in attaching moral value to our food choices: 'guilt-free' treats, and so forth. Forget morals and abstract social factors like this - your body doesn't care about any of that. In fact, it doesn't care about anything. Nature dictates how the body behaves and the body follows suit mechanistically - but following according to what you feed it.
Maybe you'll find that useful.
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I wouldn't try to make "big" changes all at once. Maybe start by logging (and reading the stickies in mfp to learn how to accurately log). Once you've done that a while, you might find patterns in the way you eat which might suggest small changes that would make a big difference. You can plug in your information, get a reasonable calorie goal, and just learn to log consistently. Weight loss is mainly diet, although exercise does help because you can eat more (most importantly, it helps with fitness). If you don't have time to exercise, try just increasing daily activity. Some people find trackers fun because it encourages them to move more.
Start small. Make small changes, and work on consistency.1 -
I’m not sure what motivation even feels like but I’m pretty sure I don’t have it, and I’m certainly not gonna wait around for it to arrive before I start doing things that will improve my life.4
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I'm on board with the small changes/consistency thing, but I also found this recently, which I thought was helpful:
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818701/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead/p12 -
brendanwhite84 wrote: »I don't suppose everyone will respond to this kind of thinking but what it really comes down to is that your body is a biomechanical system acting according to physical laws. It's possible (although of course there's a little fuzziness in between two given people) to identify the specific quantity of food your body will need to reach, and remain at, a given weight. Barring any skew due to metabolic disease or other biochemical factors (which you can still identify and account for) you should be able to identify this quantity without too much legwork.
After that, how slowly or quickly you reach your desired goal is between you, your body, and the laws of physics. I get that everyone has a different lifestyle and can't always hit the bullseye in terms of their goals, but there are lots and lots of people here who can tell you that if you do the accounting right, your body composition will track according to the math. I find that extremely comforting, to know that this is all reasonably linear and measurable.
There's a very simple phrase I've heard from a few weightlifters: "Do what is necessary". Of course that's very flat and some might even consider it unhelpful, but I think it's one of the more useful mindsets for achieving what people are here for.
I find a lot of people (and our language is partially to blame for this) get caught up in attaching moral value to our food choices: 'guilt-free' treats, and so forth. Forget morals and abstract social factors like this - your body doesn't care about any of that. In fact, it doesn't care about anything. Nature dictates how the body behaves and the body follows suit mechanistically - but following according to what you feed it.
Maybe you'll find that useful.
Spot on! This is exactly how i look at the whole fat loss and body thing now. Essentially our bodies are advanced machines...put in the right amount of food and make sure it's premium quality fuel. You'll naturally lose fat and feel ten times better.1 -
Def. "the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way" from @Need2Exerc1se
Everyone's reasons are different. I cringe when someone asks me to motivate them. My reasons will be very different than theirs. I can offer encouragement however. What you are hoping to do is the same for many busy hard working parents.
You want to lose weight and be healthy. You are also a busy working parent. You are just exhausted a good part of the time and it is hard to fit in time for yourself.
1. Review Covey's third habit.
2. Being fitter gives you energy, not take it away.
2. There is an adjustment period for new habits, which are attention/energy hoggers. You have an abundance of energy hoggers in your life right now.
3. Be efficient. Carve out a day for meal prepping. That will save you time and calories for the rest of your week.
4. Be creative. Add accidental exercise, like walking/running between work/daycare/home rather than driving. Play tag with your children every night before bed.
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Motivation is temporary but inspiration lasts a lifetime. I would take some time to ask your WHY. Why do you want to to be healthy? As a Christian for me it is about honoring God and being an example. That's the short version.
My advice is first define your WHY.
Second, plan for success. Specify a morning and a evening routine and the order you will do it. Look at your week ahead and put on the calendar when you will get your workout(s) in.
My wife and I have 3 kids 6 and under and a fourth due in two months. It is hard! But learn to enjoy the challenge of doing the hard and painful things and then you will get results.1 -
Thankfulmomof3angels wrote: »So I know I sound like every other person at the beginning of the year how I want to lose weight for my new year's resolution. I don't want to just lose weight I want to change my lifestyle. I am currently a mom of three children ages 5 and under, work full time and will begin teaching my first college class this next week. I find I am exhausted and that there is just not enough time in the day/week/month to do what I need to do but I am determined to try and find a way so please add me as a friend or share tips/suggestions to help with motivation/succeeding with my goals!! Please if you add me as a friend put a message with your request. Thanks!
What do you think you need to do? A lot of people get discouraged because they think they need to do a bunch of stuff that they don't really need to do and over-complicate that which is not complicated.2 -
You already know this is a lifestyle change. You've admitted your busy and time is an issue.
I went through that a couple years ago myself.
As I thought about what I wanted, time, etc, I had a couple "realizations."
#1) No matter how busy you are, you still find time to eat. YOU control what you put in your mouth, regardless of time, energy, etc. 80% of weight loss is made "in the kitchen" so there is NO excuse not to lose weight. You're already eating, you're already moving hand to mouth, control that action and do less of it.
#2) Accurately recording at least "cooked at home" meals made my estimates of what I was eating the rest of the time FAR more accurate, as I knew what a "cup of X" looked like, rather than thinking it was a lessor amount.
#3) Time aside, when it came to getting fit again, I just had to "embrace the suck." It was going to suck, I wasn't going to enjoy it, I'd be sore, put on water weight, and feel crappy about how out of shape I was. That was just too bad. Every time my mind would try to talk me out of it because I was [insert reason/excuse here] I'd just be like "too bad. Yes it sucks. Do it anyways."
That got me past that point where, for the preceding 6 years, I had kept getting stuck.0 -
Getting started is the hardest part. If your having a hard time finding time start with doing something for 5 minutes a day, then when you realize you have a space with more time bump it to 10, then 15 and so on. No one is saying you have to get it all done in one shot either. I can imagine it’s difficult having to work all day then come back and basically go back to work since you have to take care of your kids but once you get set in a routine, it makes it easier to keep it up.0
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There is no trick, no mental game you can play, no book you can read or podcast you can listen to. You have to own it. It's all on you. You can always do something. No matter how busy you are, you can eat right. That doesn't take time, just will power. No matter how busy you are, you can do 20 squats, push-ups, and sit-ups when you wake up, or before bed. And tomorrow 21. The day after, 22... and so on.
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I'm rarely motivated to work out for an hour in the pool, but I'm equally unmotivated to floss my teeth. My motto is, "It's just what I do." I've told myself that so many times that it literally takes the question of whether or not I'll work out totally out of the picture. There are now days when I arrive at my pool and can't remember considering driving home on the way. I drove from work to the pool because it's just what I do. Once there, I might as well swim...1
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Honestly, I find it easier to stay on track when things are busier than it is when my schedule lightens up. When everything else is crazy, having a plan for what I'll eat and when is one less thing to think about. I meal plan and prep once a week--all of my weekday lunches, snacks and dinners are ready to go by Sunday afternoon. The only thing I have to make during the week is my morning smoothie. I probably spend half an hour on Saturday making a plan for the week and a 3 hour block on Sunday doing the shopping and prepping. Even that time is interspersed with other things while stuff cooks and cools. I think the other key part is that I schedule those time blocks into my week instead of hoping to squeeze it in.
I make two entree-type things and eat them for lunch or dinner, so the biggest decision I make is which one I want for dinner and which one I want for lunch. The only exception really is the weekend or so each month that I'm out of town for the weekend. For those weeks, I make a specific meal plan with more convenience type foods that I can pick up on my way home. I do everything I can to avoid the grocery store during the week--it's just too easy to pick up frozen pizza (that I'll eat all of!) than a bunch of ingredients that I'll then have to cook and clean up after. Worst case, I keep shrimp, rice and some kind of frozen veg in the freezer for nights when life happens.
I'm motivated to achieve my overarching goal to lose weight and to build myself a body that will serve me well for a long time into the future. Planning and preparation help make sure I don't have to rely on that motivation day-to-day when schedules are rushed and days are long.1 -
Exercise, retirement savings, and teeth flossing fall under the "long term reward" category. My favourite book that talks about the difference between short term and long term motivators is Time Paradox by Zimbardo.1
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Motivation can mean two different things.
You can "have a" motivation, as in what is your why? Being clear on the real life benefits that you want is important to keep in mind, and can help when the going gets tough. Why do you want to lose weight, and how would that actually be experienced in your day to day life?
You can "be" motivated, as in you can be excited and energized to do all the things! This is temporary and should not be relied on.
All you have to do to lose weight is eat a bit less, and it can help if you can move a bit more. Focus on building small, healthy habits rather than doing all the things every FB post and "helpful" coworker tell you are important. 99% of them aren't necessary, and most aren't even helpful.
The blunt point is - everyone is too busy. And no one has unlimited motivation and willpower. And yet there are tons of people here who logged consistently, learned from their diary day by day, and reached their goal. Which means you can too. Good luck :drinker:0 -
Desire, determination and discipline1
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The ball is in your court......hit it or let it roll by you!0
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Have a look at what you are doing and see if you can incorporate additional movement into something you already do, rather than find a separate time slot to do a workout, same with food, look at making small changes that reduce your calories with additional components for the ones that want it0
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If you’re not motivated, you won’t succeed.
And we can’t give you motivation, it has to come from you. So what is it you really want? Not some nebulous ‘health’, but what reaching your weight loss goal means to you. Is it about walking with friends without getting out of puff? Being able to go into clothes shops and just try on whatever you like? Not waking up in the night with panic attacks because of the number of people who’ve told you you’ll die if you carry on as you are?
Then every time you consider having an extra biscuit, frame it as a choice; you can have the biscuit, or you can have that goal that matters to you. Imagine how amazing that goal is going to feel. And choose it over the biscuit.0 -
I came in here again to mention the difference between motivated for and motivated to - differentiating between the process and the goal. But I have a different approach for the "be motivated" part - make this "journey" (which is lifelong) a pleasant one. It's not just that you don't have to do all those unnecessary unpleasant things, it's that every unnecessary unpleasant thing you do, reduces your chance of success. To lose and maintain weight, all you have to do, is to eat less. It should actually take less time to eat less. But nobody really likes the idea of eating less, or buying a cheaper car, or living in a smaller house, for that matter. But we manage, as long as we have what we need, we make the best out of what we have. If you acknowledge that, and ask yourself "how can I make eating less, enjoyable", you will realize that the hardest part to change, is your mindset, not your body.Motivation can mean two different things.
You can "have a" motivation, as in what is your why? Being clear on the real life benefits that you want is important to keep in mind, and can help when the going gets tough. Why do you want to lose weight, and how would that actually be experienced in your day to day life?
You can "be" motivated, as in you can be excited and energized to do all the things! This is temporary and should not be relied on.
All you have to do to lose weight is eat a bit less, and it can help if you can move a bit more. Focus on building small, healthy habits rather than doing all the things every FB post and "helpful" coworker tell you are important. 99% of them aren't necessary, and most aren't even helpful.
The blunt point is - everyone is too busy. And no one has unlimited motivation and willpower. And yet there are tons of people here who logged consistently, learned from their diary day by day, and reached their goal. Which means you can too. Good luck :drinker:2
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