Dealing with negative people you can't get rid of

MfromBristol
MfromBristol Posts: 27 Member
edited November 2024 in Motivation and Support
Usually I would follow the rule of surrounding yourself with positive people.
However, I can't really just shoo my Mum out of my life!

I have tried and tried and tried to encourage her to lead a healthy lifestyle but finally accepted it is not going to happen. I currently live with her (I'm going to move out when I have a job and my life together... so not soon ha!) and find her habits and negativity just drain me and rob me of my motivation some days.

Anyone else got people in their life like this? Any ideas on coping/remaining positive?

Replies

  • jayemes
    jayemes Posts: 865 Member
    I'd think the easiest way is to get out of the house - for most of the day at least since you can't move out yet.
    Are you able to work? Even if it's not your dream job get something part time so you're not stuck inside with her.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    you are in control of how you respond to her habits and negativity - unless she is physically holding you down and making you eat cake or not letting you leave the house?

    you do you, set your goals and keep your eyes on the prize!

    also, these are good for motivation:

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/818701/the-myth-of-motivation-and-what-you-need-instead/p1

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/40735688#Comment_40735688
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  • Falklang
    Falklang Posts: 220 Member
    edited January 2018
    I think it's mainly acceptance to be honest. I used to let other people's emotions affect mine and it used to always bring me down. After many years I've found out that simply just accepting who people are and that you can't change them is the best route.

    If someone looks negative or sad I smile and try to infect them with my positive energy lol. Most of the time it works! If this all fails just distance yourself as much as possible. At the end of the day it's a state of mind (learned all this the hard way through anxiety)
  • JudyHopps2
    JudyHopps2 Posts: 12 Member
    This is a problem for many of us, having negative people in our life, so thanks for posting. I like what Falklang said about accepting people as they are. You can't change them, only they can change them. You change you.

    While I support your drive for self-sufficiency, we can't always move away from the negative ones. And even if we do, you will find another pops up somewhere. We have to learn how to be the influencer instead of the one being influenced. It's similar to the cliche - what doesn't kill you makes your stronger.
    Use living with your negative mom as an opportunity to "train" your positive life skills. It's not about her. It's not about you changing her. It's about you getting stronger. Focus on you.

    One thing that I have noticed (and this is the hope side) is that when you live or work with someone on a daily basis, you have a relationship that is fluid. Positive changes that you make in your life, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, will cause the ripple effect and others are forced to adapt. They may find your changes frustrating, even ridicule you -
    because that's what people do when they don't understand - but after a while they will grow used to your change and adapt. Soon it will just be who your are. The person who respects her mind and body.
  • seska422
    seska422 Posts: 3,217 Member
    edited January 2018
    MfromBristol wrote: »
    I have tried and tried and tried to encourage her to lead a healthy lifestyle but finally accepted it is not going to happen. I currently live with her (I'm going to move out when I have a job and my life together... so not soon ha!) and find her habits and negativity just drain me and rob me of my motivation some days.

    Anyone else got people in their life like this? Any ideas on coping/remaining positive?
    It's hard when adults move back in with parents. The balance of power either is or isn't altered from childhood and either of those can cause issues.

    Are you still trying to change her over to what you consider a healthy lifestyle? If so, you might want to back off on that. You do you and let her do her. Unwillingness to change her lifestyle isn't negativity toward your lifestyle.

    Don't expect others to change when you change. Support is more along the lines of willingness to hide their snacks rather than giving up their snacks.

    I suggest that you sit down with her and negotiate compromise positions. Does she cook for you both and doesn't want to coordinate with you so that you can figure out the calories for your portion? If so, tell her that you'll take care of your own meals. Don't feel that you have to eat her food but also don't feel that she has to eat your food.
  • MfromBristol
    MfromBristol Posts: 27 Member
    debvee60 wrote: »
    This is a problem for many of us, having negative people in our life, so thanks for posting. I like what Falklang said about accepting people as they are. You can't change them, only they can change them. You change you.

    While I support your drive for self-sufficiency, we can't always move away from the negative ones. And even if we do, you will find another pops up somewhere. We have to learn how to be the influencer instead of the one being influenced. It's similar to the cliche - what doesn't kill you makes your stronger.
    Use living with your negative mom as an opportunity to "train" your positive life skills. It's not about her. It's not about you changing her. It's about you getting stronger. Focus on you.

    One thing that I have noticed (and this is the hope side) is that when you live or work with someone on a daily basis, you have a relationship that is fluid. Positive changes that you make in your life, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, will cause the ripple effect and others are forced to adapt. They may find your changes frustrating, even ridicule you -
    because that's what people do when they don't understand - but after a while they will grow used to your change and adapt. Soon it will just be who your are. The person who respects her mind and body.

    Where have you been all my life?
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    I did end up shooing my mom out of my life, by first emotionally then physically separating myself. It sounds like your mom isn't cruel; just careless with her health and not always being the best model.

    If you emotionally separate by treating her like a roommate (who is paying all the bills), you might find more peace. Let her eat and whittle away her life as she pleases. Let her do her.
  • DebLaBounty
    DebLaBounty Posts: 1,169 Member
    You only need to change you. If you're trying to adopt low calorie eating by logging into MFP, and your mom criticizes your choices, you can shrug your shoulders and say you've decided you enjoy doing this. If she keeps pushing, you might choose to leave the room. As a roommate, you can certainly stock up the cupboard and refrigerator with things you want to eat, and leave her things alone. You can learn to make a tasty soup, and offer to share it with her for lunch or dinner. She can decline - yay! more for you! If she wants to sit in front of the TV and eat a whole bag of potato chips, that does not affect you at all. You can no longer be her snacking buddy, and it's really on her to adjust.
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