So lost, So alone...
ellelit
Posts: 806 Member
So, it's getting to that time of year again, the dreaded Valentine's Day... yuck. i dont know why, but every year, as soon as Feb 1. hits i go on a massive eating frenzy and dont stop until after the big day. unfortunately, this year is no different.
i was doing so great. i had gone a month eating well, not eating fast food and journalling... not worrying about what people thought of me, trying to be content with the fact that i was single, realizing that it's ok not to be loved by a man, yada yada...
but i snapped on the first and have been a downward spiral for the last 10 days. i see smiling, happy people, kissing, hugging, loving and it makes me sad. i've been in relationships before, and actually almost got married, but its amazing how much you miss companinship and the touch of someone else.
so, my weight has creeped back up about 5 pounds, and even though i know i shouldn't eat to make myself feel better, i find it really hard. sometimes i forget how totally lonely i am, and then one day it allof a sudden hits me.
i just wanted tom post this to be accountable, and put it out there that i am once again struggling. maybe one day i will have a normal relationship with food, but unfortunately today is not the day. i felt sad, went and had fast food and now i feel even worse. ugggh. :grumble:
i was doing so great. i had gone a month eating well, not eating fast food and journalling... not worrying about what people thought of me, trying to be content with the fact that i was single, realizing that it's ok not to be loved by a man, yada yada...
but i snapped on the first and have been a downward spiral for the last 10 days. i see smiling, happy people, kissing, hugging, loving and it makes me sad. i've been in relationships before, and actually almost got married, but its amazing how much you miss companinship and the touch of someone else.
so, my weight has creeped back up about 5 pounds, and even though i know i shouldn't eat to make myself feel better, i find it really hard. sometimes i forget how totally lonely i am, and then one day it allof a sudden hits me.
i just wanted tom post this to be accountable, and put it out there that i am once again struggling. maybe one day i will have a normal relationship with food, but unfortunately today is not the day. i felt sad, went and had fast food and now i feel even worse. ugggh. :grumble:
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Replies
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So, it's getting to that time of year again, the dreaded Valentine's Day... yuck. i dont know why, but every year, as soon as Feb 1. hits i go on a massive eating frenzy and dont stop until after the big day. unfortunately, this year is no different.
i was doing so great. i had gone a month eating well, not eating fast food and journalling... not worrying about what people thought of me, trying to be content with the fact that i was single, realizing that it's ok not to be loved by a man, yada yada...
but i snapped on the first and have been a downward spiral for the last 10 days. i see smiling, happy people, kissing, hugging, loving and it makes me sad. i've been in relationships before, and actually almost got married, but its amazing how much you miss companinship and the touch of someone else.
so, my weight has creeped back up about 5 pounds, and even though i know i shouldn't eat to make myself feel better, i find it really hard. sometimes i forget how totally lonely i am, and then one day it allof a sudden hits me.
i just wanted tom post this to be accountable, and put it out there that i am once again struggling. maybe one day i will have a normal relationship with food, but unfortunately today is not the day. i felt sad, went and had fast food and now i feel even worse. ugggh. :grumble:0 -
HEY! I was thinkin about you the other day!
I hadn't seen you online and was wondering how you were doing!
I think lots of people struggle with Valentines Day (Month, week, etc).
It's a tough time....
All that pink.... red....chocolates....flowers.... :sick:
I personally wear black and traumatize the lovesick high school students I teach. :devil:0 -
ha ha chubby bunny, you always know how to make me smile0
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oh hunny...you can borrow mine whenever you want. Especially when we fight about dumb stuff like dishes, and who's going to pick up all of the scattered toys.
V-day is such an overrated "holiday" for the diamond industry to make more money...like they didnt make enough on Christmas? If it makes you feel any better, I wont be near mine this weekend. I have to go do my Army Reserve stuff this weekend! So I really wont have a V-day anyways.
We'll be lonely together. Actually I will be with my mother-in-law (can you tell how excited I am....:mad: )
It will be fine, you dont need a boyfriend.0 -
Good, then I haven't lost my touch... I was getting nervous there for a bit.
I am sorry it's a tough time.
I will traumatize a student just for you.
:flowerforyou:0 -
My heart goes out to you. I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm of a healthy weight, and I still struggle and have struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food. Eating has become a comfort and a mask for uncomfortable feelings. Sounds like it's the same to you.
I think what you need now is to really take a good look at why you do what you do to yourself, and while being forgiving, be assertive. Turning sadness into action is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Don't let the name scare you.
It's a great class that helps you learn how to cope with stress and bad feelings in a healthy way, so you don't have to dread all these dates that come once a year.
Best of luck, much love.
-Olive Branch0 -
Thanks for sharing your struggle...I think we all have gone through this unhealthy relationship with food at some point. I, myself, had a rough day with food today too.:grumble: But guess what...tomorrow is a new day! You get another chance. :drinker:
I had a crappy day at work yesterday and was really pissed off when I got home. Instead of relying on food to make me feel better...I went and spent 2 hours at the gym. I was exhausted and probably worked out too hard as I was hurting a bit afterward, but I worked out my frustrations to some kick butt music and feel good endorphins! :bigsmile: Maybe try a walk, yoga, reading a book, or calling a friend when you start feeling like you need the 'comfort' of food. I use my 'gym time' as a time to reflect and think on me and what's gonna make me HAPPY! Just a few ideas to maybe help you out. :blushing:
Best of luck to you in the next 4 days until the dreaded Valentines! Why celebrate your love for someone (anyone) on just ONE day, is what I always say. We're here for support and to show you how great you can be! One step at a time and it will get easier.
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i'll be your valentine!
:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
listen hun, your time will come. please dont let yourslef go because of a silly holiday! my friends and i used to have anti-valentines day. we wore black and painted our nails black and would hang with each other and make pukey faces at all the couples. :devil: of course, i was about 21 at the time.
life happens fast girl. before you know it, some prince is going to sweep you off your feet!
take the last few days and put them BEHIND you! start fresh tomorrow. you can do it! :drinker:0 -
My heart goes out to you. I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm of a healthy weight, and I still struggle and have struggled with an unhealthy relationship with food. Eating has become a comfort and a mask for uncomfortable feelings. Sounds like it's the same to you.
I think what you need now is to really take a good look at why you do what you do to yourself, and while being forgiving, be assertive. Turning sadness into action is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I recommend Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
Don't let the name scare you.
It's a great class that helps you learn how to cope with stress and bad feelings in a healthy way, so you don't have to dread all these dates that come once a year.
Best of luck, much love.
-Olive Branch0 -
Im so with you on this...33yrs old single blah blah ...I seem to always come up single at the best times of the year!!!! NOT next year!! Maybe we need to come up with a good VDay Cardio Routine to keep us occupied ..and then treat ourselves to a nice bubbly bath with a few dark chocolates and red wine......Afterall V day is about love!! We can love ourselves!!:drinker: Its never to late to get back on track with your healthy lifestyle...You can do it!! 0
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Maybe you should try to comfort yourself with something non-food! Take yourself for a mani/pedi? Invite a girlfriend out for a night at the movies and some window shopping? Go buy yourself that inexpensive bracelet or earings you saw at Target. I think you get my point!
Also I do believe that when someone begins to love themselves for who they are then others see that! You have come a long way! As your confidence builds up you will attract that special someone who will love you for it!
Do you belong to a gym? Can you go exercise when you feel this urge coming on?0 -
Maybe you should try to comfort yourself with something non-food! Take yourself for a mani/pedi? Invite a girlfriend out for a night at the movies and some window shopping? Go buy yourself that inexpensive bracelet or earings you saw at Target. I think you get my point!
Also I do believe that when someone begins to love themselves for who they are then others see that! You have come a long way! As your confidence builds up you will attract that special someone who will love you for it!
Do you belong to a gym? Can you go exercise when you feel this urge coming on?
nice idea!
if you dont feel like buying that stuff for yourself and you need someone to accept your gifts - im your girl! :bigsmile:0 -
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you feel so sad.
When I feel bad and those scuttling little thoughts turn to the donut table in my cafeteria, this is what saves me every time: If I marched over there, gobbled it down, savored each gush of jelly and squish of freshly-fried dough...would it really make me feel better? Won't I just feel like a weak little goose 5 minutes after?
Sometimes, like the sensation of smoking calms down a smoker, sometimes I just want to chew something. If I realize it's THAT, not just a blind emotional rampage, I'll get some carrot sticks or gum.
Exercise is a GREAT way to relieve feelings of sadness. You release endorphins AND you make yourself healthier. And just the act of exercise gets things flowing and cranked up.
And if I'm feeling lost and lonely (which, entirely not food related, sometimes happens because I'm genetically inclined to mopiness) I do one of the following:
- Write an essay or short story, channeling everything into my word processor
- Find someone, even a total stranger, and strike up a conversation
- Read a book that features a horribly tragic romance ("well it didn't work for THEM either!")
And these all involve a hot cup of tea!
I hope you feel better. 0 -
Hey, I just wanted to encourage you. Comit to only what you won't fail at. Baby steps. I am about your size/wieght- and I only stay under my calories. It doesn't seem hard most days, especially since I get over 1800 each day. BUT- then I allow myself 1 binge day every 2 weeks (pre-planned). What the binge day allows for me is to be strong today.. knowing there is a day when I can have that ice cream, french fries, or doughnut- but today is not that day. I know me... I would fail if I had to give up sweets for the rest of my life! But, 2 weeks- that I can handle!! Once you feel like you can mange your comitment- maybe its time to step it up. For me... this week I started walking. Only to the end of the street and back- but hey, its a start. It only takes me 10 minutes, but I've found that of the 3 days so far- there was one day I felt like going around the block which was a 30 minute walk.
As for love... it will come your way. I once lost hope- gained masses of weight, but I found my soul mate even at 330lbs. I married my first boyfriend... I met him when I was 30. There is hope... don't lose sight of that- and don't settle for second best in the arms of mashed potatoes and pizza! Hang in there!! :bigsmile: WE CAN DO THIS!!0 -
Hang in there sweetie! I feel sooo bad for you!! I can not say I know how you feel to be alone but I can say I DO know what it's like to eat to make myself feel better but in the end we feel worse. Been there-done that numerous times!!! AS for feeling sad my suggestion is: go for a walk!! I do know that when I do go for my walk I always feel better later. Via web I wrap my arns around you and give you a nice warm hug!! Remember if you can't love yourself it makes it really hard for others to get close , so make an honest effort to realize you are worth being loved first by you then by others!! Keep posting, it will help you too!! Take care and please take that walk maybe it will end up being on your wild side!!0
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thanks for all of the support eveyone... i'm just having one of those weeks... ugh...plus, just when we thoguh winter was on the way out, it started to freezing rain and snow today, which is murder on the pacific nothwest coast.
i'm going to try to just make it through tonight. lucky for me my tummy hurts, and the biggest loser is on... i will not eat any more tongiht, and tomorrow IS a new day. ahhh thank god for that.0 -
V-day is such an overrated "holiday" for the diamond industry to make more money...like they didnt make enough on Christmas?
OMG this is soooo true!!:drinker: It's yet another HallMark holiday !
I've always felt sorry for the guys most of all, feeling pressured to buy million dollar Valentine roses and having them sent to the girls office so everyone around her could see SHE GOT THEM TOO!! 
Valentines Day has never meant much to me, single or with someone, it's such a pressure time. I think at times the ones that feel they miss out are the girls that think they should be doing something and have a man. Lindsay .... don't sweat it Hon, you're doing soo great on your eating and all and I'm so very proud of you, it's one of those Society Holidays, 'we're all supposed to be getting diamonds' type Holidays....ya know? Everyday should be a special day with friends or hubbys, kids etc.:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :bigsmile:
But that's just me and how I view like with friends etc.:smooched:
FC 0 -
You are not alone! Please know there is an entire community here that cares about you! Take some time for you. Go spoil yourself with a spa treatment. It can just be a spa night at your house on VDay...bubble bath, mani/pedi and a facial. Treat yourself with all the love you deserve. :flowerforyou:0
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Valentine’s Day is so sensationalized by the media. My spouse and I refuse to do anything because expectations are so great that we are often disappointed on that day. Try to do something for yourself that doesn’t involve food...like a pedicure, manicure, or massage and revel in the fact that you don’t have to answer to anyone… LOL ! Have a great week and enjoy life!0
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What great ideas Janice!:flowerforyou: :happy: Self-love the most important one of allValentine’s Day is so sensationalized by the media. My spouse and I refuse to do anything because expectations are so great that we are often disappointed on that day. Try to do something for yourself that doesn’t involve food...like a pedicure, manicure, or massage and revel in the fact that you don’t have to answer to anyone… LOL ! Have a great week and enjoy life! 0 -
I know its a bad economy for this, but find another way to treat yourself!
Shopping. That's right, I'm a total tomboy but a closet shopahollic! Go to target, the shoes section, and buy yourself an adorable pair of flats.
All in all what I'm saying is try and remember about the other things that make you happy and do them. Go hang out with friends and rent crappy movies or read failblog.org (no really do it you will be rolling in stitches!) Get creative and go to some band or art show - who knows you might even meet that man you don't need there!
(and I'm not being cruel I'm single too and it hurts but me and my gals just hang out more)
We're having a spaghetti dinner and comedy show night on Valentine's Day. Little do they know they're all getting ground turkey in their meat sauce!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! :laugh: :laugh:0 -
:laugh: @ the turkey comment:bigsmile:I know its a bad economy for this, but find another way to treat yourself!
Shopping. That's right, I'm a total tomboy but a closet shopahollic! Go to target, the shoes section, and buy yourself an adorable pair of flats.
All in all what I'm saying is try and remember about the other things that make you happy and do them. Go hang out with friends and rent crappy movies or read failblog.org (no really do it you will be rolling in stitches!) Get creative and go to some band or art show - who knows you might even meet that man you don't need there!
(and I'm not being cruel I'm single too and it hurts but me and my gals just hang out more)
We're having a spaghetti dinner and comedy show night on Valentine's Day. Little do they know they're all getting ground turkey in their meat sauce!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!! :laugh: :laugh:0 -
Please do not feel that way. Enjoy being single ( i know all the ads and seeing couples being lovey dovey makes it hard)
When you do have a relationship and eventually marry you are going to long for the days that you could sleep in, take a long hot bath,even go to the bathroom with no interuntions.
I have so many friends and people I know who are in a relationship that don't have sex.always fighting, or grow apart but when Valentine comes the flowers and the candies come.
Being single should not make you feel sad,you should be proud you must be a very smart women not settle for any guy that comes along. That takes courage.
Take care of yourself first and here's to the SINGLE LADIES!!:drinker:0 -
I'm so sorry to hear that. Tks for sharing your feelings of loneliness and unhappiness, and your search for a solution with us.
Who says Valentine's Day only means love between couples?
I believe it stands for Love itself period. Love yourself no matter what. Love yourself no matter what Love yourself no matter what
and Love yourself no matter what 0 -
:flowerforyou: babes we all love you dearly here and you know you are not alone all your pals are here. look here i am married unhappily and would rather be alone, considering that your time is not your own, you always waiting hand and foot on someone else and seeing to his needs first. rushing home to cook clean and see to the kid. then after everyones sorted then only can you do what you need to do for yourself. being married is so much harder than being single. and its worst when u with someone and you fell lonely as you do, unappreciated and unloved. still no presents hugs of kisses and arguments have turned into silence. the bed have an invisable dividing line and bath time instead of romance time quiet time. See Hun its not that bad being alone. when i was single i loved it so much, i never use to cook and cleaned one a week thoughly and weekends it was easy to get up and go. Jogging and walking in the eveing after work. or just getting home curl into bed with a book. Oh those nice long uninterrupted candle light baths with my Kenny G playing for me, i at least did it once a week. occupy yourself with a hobby dear, fill your time with things you love doing and learn that the most important kind of love is to love yourself and god loves you dearly.
:happy: mwah be happy that theres a bright side to singleness and it wont be forever, theres someone who will come your way and love you beyond all galaxies and oceans. that you are so worth. take care, Nats0 -
oh i agree i havent had SEX in such a long time. and cant even remeber what we argue abt anymore. these days i just fight for some alone time an dtime to relax and eat a meal in peace. :drinker: girls be smart and love your singleness for now. dnt settle for less0
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that is wonderful. i also had a crappy day and exercise works best to get rid of the pounds and frustration......0
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When I was single, Valentine's Day was such a big deal. I would get all depressed that I didn't have somebody when all my friends had boyfirends and I wasn't getting flowers and candy. Now I'm married. I don't want chocolate (Well, I want it but I don't want my husband to get it for me because chocolate is the :devil: ). I don't want to go to some expensive restaurant and spend all that money. So we're gonna just sit at home and do nothing special. So now that I'm finally not single on V-Day, I don't even celebrate much for it! So now Valentine's Day isn't that big a deal to me!0
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I'm a little late, but I feel for you. I hope you feel the love from the people here at mfp. You and your health and your well being are more important than a day on the calendar, than a cookie or chips or whatever. You are strong and capable and insightful. Be kind to yourself at this time of year and all those suggestions are so great, so hopefully you can try some. Be well, and know that you are never alone. 0
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i have just one more suggestion--clean when you're lonely, sad, bored. there is immense satisfaction in making something go from dirty to clean, for me anyway. i love the vacuum stripes! plus when your hands are occupied and you're scrub, scrub, scrubbing, you can't be eating and you can focus entirely on the task. be one with the sponge. :laugh:
"have something to look forward to every day. Momentum is important."--Joan Lunden (I've butchered the quote, but you get the idea.)
anyway, thanks for being so honest. and thanks for letting us love you with our posts. 0
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