Dating while losing weight?

ZombieKillaPrincess
ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
edited January 2018 in Chit-Chat
I am trying to lose the baby weight and get back into shape via crossfit (which I have done since 2013). I have been single over 2 years and before that my relationship with my ex was crappy. I was in ok shape but not great. I want to lose about 25-30 lbs currently... my question is

Should you date while losing weight? Or should I wait until I get close to my goal and feel more sexy and confident? I feel pretty good still most days, my confidence is good but I wonder if I will attract the wrong people if I am still in "doing me" mode?

I don't know if this makes sense but I have been dabbling in dating her and there and wonder if I should just swear it off until I hit some goals.

Advice, stories, or insight appreciated.

Replies

  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    I dont see why you can't date now. And even though you are "doing me" right now, there might be things you chose to continue long term anyways. I am not sure if you are worried about finding a selfish type partner in this phase, or what exactly you mean by that. But taking care of yourself isn't necessarily selfish, it can be a great gift to those around you.
  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »
    I dont see why you can't date now. And even though you are "doing me" right now, there might be things you chose to continue long term anyways. I am not sure if you are worried about finding a selfish type partner in this phase, or what exactly you mean by that. But taking care of yourself isn't necessarily selfish, it can be a great gift to those around you.

    Thanks for that! My parents think I am selfish for working out occasionally so I guess I have that ingrained in me but I completely agree that taking care of myself is a great gift to those around me. I can't be the best mom, sister, daughter, friend, or partner without taking care of myself.

    I guess I worry about attracting an insecure partner or someone that doesn't want me to "get hot" because I have dated some terrible people in the past.
  • Just_Mel_
    Just_Mel_ Posts: 3,992 Member
    Date now. Don't wait for your dream body. You deserve fun and happiness no matter what size jeans you fit into.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    ZombieKillaPrincess wrote: »

    I guess I worry about attracting an insecure partner or someone that doesn't want me to "get hot" because I have dated some terrible people in the past.

    In my experience insecure people tend towards other insecure people because they feel more comfortable with the co-neediness. If you find yourself attracting those types of partners I would look at your emotional/mental traits more so than physical appearance.

  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    Avocado_AS5 wrote: »
    Date now. Don't wait for your dream body. You deserve fun and happiness no matter what size jeans you fit into.

    I love this! Thanks! Best advice ever :)
  • W8WarI
    W8WarI Posts: 567 Member
    Avocado_AS5 wrote: »
    Date now. Don't wait for your dream body. You deserve fun and happiness no matter what size jeans you fit into.

    This 100%!
  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »
    ZombieKillaPrincess wrote: »

    I guess I worry about attracting an insecure partner or someone that doesn't want me to "get hot" because I have dated some terrible people in the past.

    In my experience insecure people tend towards other insecure people because they feel more comfortable with the co-neediness. If you find yourself attracting those types of partners I would look at your emotional/mental traits more so than physical appearance.

    I agree with this, however I dated a complete narcissist that disguised himself as a confident attractive man and a few months in he started to expose his true self. I am a giving person and am not "needy" at all. I prefer someone that is ok with alone time and long periods of not seeing each other because I am extremely busy. I guess I worry more than anything in dating of someone not being honest with who they are until way later.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    ZombieKillaPrincess wrote: »
    4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »
    ZombieKillaPrincess wrote: »

    I guess I worry about attracting an insecure partner or someone that doesn't want me to "get hot" because I have dated some terrible people in the past.

    In my experience insecure people tend towards other insecure people because they feel more comfortable with the co-neediness. If you find yourself attracting those types of partners I would look at your emotional/mental traits more so than physical appearance.

    I agree with this, however I dated a complete narcissist that disguised himself as a confident attractive man and a few months in he started to expose his true self. I am a giving person and am not "needy" at all. I prefer someone that is ok with alone time and long periods of not seeing each other because I am extremely busy. I guess I worry more than anything in dating of someone not being honest with who they are until way later.

    unfortunately that's the point of dating, to really get to know someone for real. I agree it sucks when they turn out to be not what you want, but at least you aint stuck with em ;)
  • W8WarI
    W8WarI Posts: 567 Member
    I'd not wait until my hair grew to a length, that I believe's pretty upon me to date; if I was desirable otherwise! When I tried dating, I actually gained 20 pounds!
  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    Good point! Guess I will just go with the flow and see what happens!
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  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    edited January 2018
    i_squat_for_pizza wrote: »
    Why shouldn't you date? Your *kitten* is still going to be the same!

    LMAO, I didn't realize it changed the word for "poop" that starts with an S to *kitten* but it's hilarious! Mama has a potty mouth, oops!
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    You have the same chances of finding someone who is insecure about you getting hot, as getting hot and having someone insecure about you getting fat. Neither is really in love with what matters, so sort that stuff out.
  • W8WarI
    W8WarI Posts: 567 Member
    Timshel_ wrote: »
    You have the same chances of finding someone who is insecure about you getting hot, as getting hot and having someone insecure about you getting fat. Neither is really in love with what matters, so sort that stuff out.

    Exactly which's why I only took a serious interest within those, that didn't have much; of a body style preference!
  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    W8WarI wrote: »
    Timshel_ wrote: »
    You have the same chances of finding someone who is insecure about you getting hot, as getting hot and having someone insecure about you getting fat. Neither is really in love with what matters, so sort that stuff out.

    Exactly which's why I only took a serious interest within those, that didn't have much; of a body style preference!

    That is very true, it goes both ways. I didn't think of that. I need to find someone that will love me regardless of my size or weight fluctuating.
  • amyteacake
    amyteacake Posts: 768 Member
    There's nothing wrong with dating while you're losing weight.

    I met my boyfriend when I had started losing weight and getting into exercise 2 years ago. My boyfriend doesn't mind that I workout because he see's it as an outlet for me and a way for me to build my confidence and he's very encouraging about it. It's also seen as my "me time" even though we only really see each other at the weekends when I'm not working.

    You should get back out there! No point in waiting until you've hit your goals to find someone!
  • NotShena
    NotShena Posts: 172 Member
    All the dinners and drinks that the men buy you hinders the weight loss.
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  • ZombieKillaPrincess
    ZombieKillaPrincess Posts: 404 Member
    Beta_Ray_Bill wrote: »
    NotShena wrote: »
    All the dinners and drinks that the men buy you hinders the weight loss.

    She speaks the truth!

    LOL this is a good point. The last guy I went out with was this last weekend and he is hardcore fit so we had tequila, no mixers for him, soda water for me and he cooked us this perfectly portioned healthy meal. Maybe I should stick with him haha
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  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    ZombieKillaPrincess wrote: »
    4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »
    I dont see why you can't date now. And even though you are "doing me" right now, there might be things you chose to continue long term anyways. I am not sure if you are worried about finding a selfish type partner in this phase, or what exactly you mean by that. But taking care of yourself isn't necessarily selfish, it can be a great gift to those around you.

    Thanks for that! My parents think I am selfish for working out occasionally so I guess I have that ingrained in me but I completely agree that taking care of myself is a great gift to those around me. I can't be the best mom, sister, daughter, friend, or partner without taking care of myself.

    I guess I worry about attracting an insecure partner or someone that doesn't want me to "get hot" because I have dated some terrible people in the past.

    No, not selfish at all! Taking care of your health is a priority, so don't let anyone persuade you that you're being selfish.

    Also, dates don't have to be all food and drinks. I prefer active dates because it seems like you get to know someone better that way. Plus, I'm more comfortable being active rather than just sitting at a table.

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