Do you feel neglected....

You need to change your mindset. If your only motivation to lose weight is to gain respect and admiration of others you are doomed to fail. Focus on how you are getting stronger and healthier. Those are the 'perks' of weight loss. Sorry to be blunt but you need to do this for yourself and not for others.

My bf isn't discouraging whatsoever, but I feel a little discouraged because he says he hasn't seen a difference at all (even though I've only lost about 10 lbs, it still seems like a lot to me..). I just remind myself that it isn't affecting how I feel about myself, and that eventually he notice, and if not, I know he still loves me. I'm really doing this weight loss for myself, so I just think of how it is making me feel, not others.

I'm sorry she's not paying you the attention you're desiring. Have you told her how you feel? Maybe she doesn't notice the change as much as you notice it in yourself. People tell me all the time they can tell I've lost weight and some people even say my husband looks like he has. However I don't see him looking like he has lost anything, but I do see the difference in myself and feel the difference. If I bring it up then he will say something like "Oh yeah. You're really looking good." but I have to bring it up first.

I'll not even pretend that I do the best about voicing my thoughts or desires, because I'm notorious for not doing so. However, that's the first thing that my husband says whenever I complain about him not doing this or that. He says "just TELL me!"

Best of luck!

I think if you want those "perks" weight loss isn't the most effective way to get them. Sex begins in the kitchen, so to speak.

My husband is happy for me but he told me that he is afraid that my personalily will change when I lose all my weight. I think that it is their own insecurities that makes them not want to be as supportive as they should be.

Maybe she feels like you won't need her after you start looking better? I would definitely talk to her though! Communication is key!


And I agree that you should do it for YOU. NOT for someone else


:flowerforyou: good luck

You cant change anyone elses actions or opinions. All you can do is worry about you. Do this for your happiness and satisfaction!

We're here for you! We understand what you are going through!

My husband is very much the same. He's a great guy, he loves me and he wants me to be happy, but he just doesn't GET positive feedback, words of praise, verbal support, whatever you want to call it. He's an introvert--that's just how he's wired.

How long have you been together? It took a number of years, and some marriage counseling, for us to find better ways to communicate. But it was totally worth it. Have you tried talking to her about it? With like, words and stuff?

In the mean time, we are here to support you, and we understand.

Yes, I sometimes feel my boyfriend doesn't fix enough attention on me.
Just be yourself, don't lost weight so as to gain more attention from him, just to make yourself happy.

Have you tried giving her extra attention? They like that, you know.

I know exactly how you feel. I've been in the best shape in over 15 years and he still doesn't notice. The only time he noticed was when another man actually whistled and even then all he said was hey he must be gay cause he's whistling at me. I don't get it. I'll buy sexy outfits doesn't even take a second look. I don't understand either. Wish you luck.

Well... you bring up an interesting topic here. We all feel neglected in one way or another. Myself, it would have to be that (since the beginning of our marriage) my hubby looks at me, but never really "SEES" me, and he hears me, but never really "HEARS" me. So in that sense, I feel a little neglected sometimes, More irritated than anything really. I have gotten pretty used to it over the past 5 years. Here's just an example, when we met I was brunette. I went blond or mostly blond for the better part of the past 5 years... about 3 months ago I went back to brunette. Not even kidding about 2 and a half 3 weeks hubbys friend was over and says the minute he walked in the door, "hey you dyed your hair... it looks great!" The hubby looks over at me and says, "hmm looks nice did you do that today?" I was like, "uh no." He looks at me everyday and most days compliments my looks in one way or another... but it's out of habit, not because he has looked and actually seen that I look nice or I'm dressed hott today.

So from someone on the other end of what you are going through, (my hubby wants those perks and extra attention everyday) the fact that he never really looks and sees me is not a turn on for me. He could just as easily get some action from the chick down the street, who knows... he may not even notice she isn't me! lol. but seriously, and I'm not suggesting you are like this... just offering some insight as to what I notice is a biggie in my own marriage. My hubby isn't a very positive person. He is usually grumpy when he wakes up, and cranky and edgy when he gets home from work, he short fused with my daughter and myself. he rarely notices what I do do around the house, the yard, the garden etc... but he notices right off, if I've let something slip and didn't get it done. He acts like we are some big burden to him and then wants a piece... BIG TURN OFF!!! If someone is pissy and ugly (actions) all day, how can they think this is going to make them more attractive?

Has this "lack of perks" been going on before you started loosing the weight? Maybe she just needs to to notice her a little more or be appreciative of her and who she is. That is a big turn on. Other guys I have been in relationships have appreciated me just for being me... some even noticing small things like I changed my finger nail color or that I trimmed the hedges or even just that I changed the sheets... When someone takes the time to appreciate you and notice even the smallest things... they get a LOT of perks, because it makes them more attractive as a person, no matter what the physical looks are.

Hope this makes sense and helps you out.

Sorry your feeling this way. Maybe there are other reasons you aren't getting the attention you desire and the only way you will find out why is by asking her. Maybe she feels threatened by your weight loss like my other half does or she feels left out of your new life style like I said only she can tell you.

My problem is my other half liked me big as he's big and he gets freaked out that he can feel my ribs and things he is also freaking out that now I'm getting slimmer I'm going to be attractive to other people and run away. The fact that I say I love him and we have three kids together doesn't even seem to register. It's very difficult to live with but I'm doing this for me not him and hopefully one day he will realise I'm not going anywhere and he may even decide to get healthier to.