What is my responsibility?
duskyjewel
Posts: 286 Member
I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
What would you do?
17
Replies
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She is not a child. She is an adult and so are you. Do not go speak to your boss, it won't go anywhere good.
Let her do what she wants, if she is breaking her fasts with quadruple cheeseburgers I can bet she won't make it to a week. You have no responsibility to this woman.44 -
Maybe ask if she has ever heard of the My Fitness Pal app/website and point her in this direction. Perhaps after she educates herself on the forums, she'll reconsider the health effects of what she is doing.
I agree about not going to the boss.5 -
Yeah, she's an adult and it's none of your business or her bosses. I totally understand how you feel, and if you think you can be diplomatic, maybe you could bring it up again and say it's because you're worried about her. Understand though you might just piss her off and make working with her awkward.
Hopefully she has other people in her life who are also expressing their concerns and eventually she'll take it to heart. But some people have to learn the hard way and just won't listen. It sucks
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Hopefully your honest reaction will stick with her, and maybe it will nudge her away from her current course. Other than that...yeah, she’s an adult. You can’t tell her how to eat. I know it’s hard to watch people making bad choices, but if they don’t ask for help or advice they wouldn’t take it anyway.8
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Yeah, she's an adult and it's none of your business
Except she made it my business by telling me.
I didn't ask, she volunteered it.Understand though you might just piss her off and make working with her awkward.
Which is why I hesitated about the boss. We just don't have anyone else in common.Hopefully she has other people in her life who are also expressing their concerns and eventually she'll take it to heart. But some people have to learn the hard way and just won't listen. It sucks
Yeah, hopefully someone who cares about her will speak up. If she brings it up again in front of me, I'll express concern again. I guess if she collapses at work I'll have relevant information for the paramedics.
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As an adult the best thing you can do is tell her that you are concerned about her health (which you already did), and leave it at that. Telling your boss about this would be a childish move, it's not their problem and a workplace can't enforce eating habits.
I would just ignore it, she's not your friend or your concern. Trying to tell a work partner or stranger that they are wrong is just going to cause drama, especially when she already made it clear she won't listen to you. If she keeps down the path, she'll likely end up in a hospital and she'll only have herself to blame. She's an adult and her choices are hers to make.7 -
Chances are it won't take her very long to figure out how unpleasant fasting can be, especially if she tries to do it for a week. A lot of people start a plan, see results, go overboard, then bounce back, sometimes all the way back to where they started. That's most likely how it will go for your coworker. A week fast won't kill her, but if she does it a lot over a long period of time, she'll start seeing consequences she won't like. Chances are, though, she won't make it that far.7
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I would say that given you aren't say, her therapist, a family member, or her medical doctor, you have no responsibilities. Additionally it doesn't seem like it would be appropriate to continue this discussion with her in a work situation. Yes she made it your business, but that doesn't mean that you have to or should engage.11
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Personally, I eat low carb, not keto and fast for 4 days at a time on occasion. If someone questioned me or spoke to my boss about it, I'd report them to HR. It's a personal thing.22
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I wouldn't do anything. None of my business. If I'm asked what I think about it I would express my opinion, my responsibility doesn't go beyond that. Simply telling you about something doesn't make it your business. If she isn't well-informed about the process, she will find out the hard way. I wouldn't press the matter in conversation either, unless she brings it up again or she is a close friend. As for telling the boss, I'm completely against that, what people eat or don't eat is personal.4
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You already told her you thought it was a bad idea. The end. Your not her mom or her best friend and if I were your boss and you came to me saying you thought a coworker was making unhealthy eating choices, I'd think you were a maniac.
I get wanting to help someone when you feel they're doing the wrong thing but I think you have to back away from this situation5 -
Absolutely nothing. The great thing about free will is getting to choose what you do with your own life. the problem with it is you cant stop stupid people from being stupid.
Its sad but you have to let her make her own mistakes.3 -
It's really not your business, even if she's chatty.
If she chatted about intentions to commit a crime, your business is to inform law enforcement authorities.
Since fasting and ignorance are not crimes, you have no responsibility to inform or correct her.7 -
Maybe she needs to educate herself more about intermittent fasting. That's not the way it works (not eating). You can eat, just certain foods between certain times. I also agree with everyone else no need to go to the boss. Her body and her life. It is nice that your concern. GL0
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I know it’s sometimes hard to accept this concept, but we are not obligated, nor is it appropriate to interfere in every aspect of another person’s life that we don’t agree with. People are allowed to be dumbasses.
Now if she starts cutting nasty keto farts in the break room, you might have a case for intervention. But other than that, this is a classic MYOB situation. These goofy eating behaviors are unsustainable, so it’s not like this is going to be a permanent thing.5 -
This made me smile because I agree with @Whitezombiegirl its a personal thing. OP: What could the mutual boss do anyway? This is a crazy idea, leave well alone.Whitezombiegirl wrote: »Personally, I eat low carb, not keto and fast for 4 days at a time on occasion. If someone questioned me or spoke to my boss about it, I'd report them to HR. It's a personal thing.duskyjewel wrote: »Yeah, she's an adult and it's none of your business
OP: Its defo not your business just because someone tells you something, its a called a conversation. Just like this is, right here, right now.duskyjewel wrote: »I Except she made it my business by telling me.
I didn't ask, she volunteered it.
Granted you have an opinion but that's all it is, your opinion. Just like I'm expressing mine now based on your post. Your not her mother and even if you were, I'd still argue the toss, its none of your beeswax.
I'm sure your intentions are good, but its her body, her life, her methods. I know people who fast for far longer than that and feel great for it. I also know people who wouldn't dream of entertaining it in the first place. Your responsibility is to yourself and that's it. Whatever you decide, good luck.
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duskyjewel wrote: »I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
I would do nothing. You've already said something which is more than enough. Unless it is work related it's none of your business. And definitely not a reason to tell the boss.2 -
Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.3
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You let her know your thoughts when she told you her plan, what she does from here on in is her choice
Just give the paramedics a heads up if she collapses at work0 -
You have no business bringing her boss into this, that’s not concern that’s throwing her under the bus.6
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It's none of you responsibility or business. As it's none of mine to tell you how you should do your own dieting and exercise program unless you requested it.
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duskyjewel wrote: »I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
How is her eating or not relavent to her job? Is her job as a food taster? If it is not something like that then there is nothing to speak to her boss about.
You don't have a resonsibility to do anything about this person you barely know. If she talks to you about it you can disagree or point out sources of better information. That's about it.
It would be different conversation if she were a close friend or family member.1 -
I just want to pipe in to say that IF is not the only type of fasting there is, nor the only healthy type. Plenty of people fast for days, for various reasons (religious, health, etc). I myself have done a few fasts in the past, including weekend fasts and one 9-day fast. None of these were for the purpose of weight loss, and I'm in no way advocating for it for that purpose. But there are health benefits to fasting--I don't have time to look it all up and post it here, but it can certainly be googled.
All of this to say, I wouldn't worry too much about this woman's plans. 3 weeks is pretty long to go without medical supervision, but as others have indicated, you shouldn't feel burdened with a responsibility for her. Besides, if she's volunteering this info to you, there are likely others in her life that she's talking about it to.
I will add I have no experience with keto, and if she IS doing the fast solely for weight loss, she will likely learn quickly enough that it's not the answer for that. Whatever weight I did lose on a 9-day fast, came back within a fairly short period of time once I resumed eating. AND i had an increased appetite for a while.10 -
Telling someone the details of your diet sound a bit attention seeking to me, almost as if she were trying to provoke a reaction. You've told her what you think. If she approaches you again to discuss it it would be in order I think to express your opinion again, but you don't bear responsibility for her actions.2
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I once went to college with a girl who stated at lunch that she was now a vegetarian, as she was eating a hamburger. I think she was just trying to impress a mutual friend who actually was vegetarian.
Maybe this person is saying one thing to impress people on her lifestyle choices while actually doing the opposite when no one is looking.
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I'd sit back, pull up a chair and watch. Because the crash and burn will be coming and the binges will be epic!4
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Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.15 -
duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
What about coworkers who smoke? Or who are obese and eat treats all day? Or who you see not buckle their seat belt when they pull out of the parking lot? What if she told you she was going to pick up a stranger in a bar? All of these people would be putting themselves in danger. What is your responsibility to them? I could make a case they are putting themselves in way more danger than someone fasting.
It is quite possible she could fast several times a year for the rest of her life and be fine. Cultures all over the world incorporate fasting. This plan being dangerous for her is your "opinion", based on the limited info you know about her. Yes, she is a human being, and you should respect the fact that she is an adult who is capable to make decisions about her life. You seem to be assuming she will spiral into a lifetime of eating disorders and health emergencies, rather than that she'll get hungry and stop or maybe never actually do it in the first place.
I think you're getting pushback because the idea of a random coworker taking it on themselves to decide what's healthy for us and possibly getting our boss involved crosses a line and pushes some buttons.21 -
duskyjewel wrote: »I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
How is her eating or not relavent to her job? Is her job as a food taster? If it is not something like that then there is nothing to speak to her boss about.
You don't have a resonsibility to do anything about this person you barely know. If she talks to you about it you can disagree or point out sources of better information. That's about it.
It would be different conversation if she were a close friend or family member.
Well, if she's a pilot, or drives a train or a bus, or operates heavy machinery -- anything where people's lives or safety would be at risk if she fainted or was unable to concentrate -- OP might have a responsibility to let the boss know, but yeah, if there isn't some concern of that sort, bringing it up with the boss seems inappropriate, unless it actually does start affecting her work (the life and safety cases justify involving the boss before something happens, but if there's no concern of that sort, there's no reason to involve the boss until after there's an actual effect on job performance).2
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