What is my responsibility?
Replies
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duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
What about coworkers who smoke? Or who are obese and eat treats all day? Or who you see not buckle their seat belt when they pull out of the parking lot? What if she told you she was going to pick up a stranger in a bar? All of these people would be putting themselves in danger. What is your responsibility to them? I could make a case they are putting themselves in way more danger than someone fasting....
^ Awesome points. Very well put.
I used to smoke. I was standing in the back parking lot at work having a cigarette one day and one of my (obese) co-workers walked out and said "You know, that's really bad for you". I pointedly looked at his midsection and replied "So is having a big ol' gut". He didn't have any obligation to tell me that what I was doing was bad for me, but since he decided to concern himself with it, I figured I should return the courtesy. Good for the goose, good for the gander, right?8 -
OP, put yourself in her shoes. What if YOU were doing something that others thought was dangerous, yet you felt you had it under control. What if it was absolutely unrelated to your job, and a co-worker went to your boss and told her/him what you were doing. If I were the boss, I would wonder what the person who told me about a co-worker's personal life was thinking, and perhaps I'd be suspicious of the person's motives, especially if the one with "the problem" was doing a fine job at work.
IMO, it does not do anything to help YOU or your co-worker to take this to the boss if this is not directly affecting you and the work you or she needs to do at the job.0 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »duskyjewel wrote: »I have this coworker who lost a lot of weight on Weight Watchers in the last year. We've all congratulated her because the change is dramatic. However, now she started talking about fasting to get herself into ketosis so she can start eating keto. At first she said she was going to fast for a day, and then she felt like she did so well with it she extended the fast into a second day. That was last Friday and she apparently started eating keto over last weekend. During this week I saw her in the lunchroom a couple times and didn't think anything of it. Then today while I was talking about how myself and a couple other coworkers had made a Friday run to The Habit (amazing burger joint), she joked about getting a quadruple cheeseburger and eating it without the bun. And I was like, jeez a quadruple? And then she tells me she hasn't eaten anything since Wednesday. Later I saw her with a Wendy's bag so I guess she did go get her burger. It's the next part of the conversation the has me questioning what my obligations are to this woman and her health, because she stated that she wants to try for a longer fast, and that this month she's going to attempt an entire week. I asked, "Why would you want to do that?!" And she replied, "Because it's healthy!" I responded, "You're never going to convince me that not eating for an entire week is healthy." She walked away at that point. Now I know intermittent fasting is a thing, but isn't it usually like one day once or twice a week? This woman is not doing IF, she's descending into seriously eating-disordered behavior. I don't know her personally at all. But I feel like someone should be alerted to the fact that she's planning to try an entire week of fasting and spoke admiringly of people who achieved three week fasts! I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......
What would you do?
How is her eating or not relavent to her job? Is her job as a food taster? If it is not something like that then there is nothing to speak to her boss about.
You don't have a resonsibility to do anything about this person you barely know. If she talks to you about it you can disagree or point out sources of better information. That's about it.
It would be different conversation if she were a close friend or family member.
Well, if she's a pilot, or drives a train or a bus, or operates heavy machinery -- anything where people's lives or safety would be at risk if she fainted or was unable to concentrate -- OP might have a responsibility to let the boss know, but yeah, if there isn't some concern of that sort, bringing it up with the boss seems inappropriate, unless it actually does start affecting her work (the life and safety cases justify involving the boss before something happens, but if there's no concern of that sort, there's no reason to involve the boss until after there's an actual effect on job performance).
Yes, it would make sense to speak to a boss about a co-worker who is not doing their job or endangering others by their actions. If you work in an eating disorder clinic and a coworker starts going around talking about fasting the boss should probably know about that. There are situations where it might be a responsibility to bring this to the employer.
At this point in time there is no evidence that the person has those kinds of jobs or is showing ill effects on their work from their proposed week of fasting. I'm going to stick with this is nothing to speak to a boss about.1 -
Whats the boss to do anyways? Call human resources and say she breaks a 3 day fast with quadruple whatever? HR won't care and neither should you!4
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I didn't read any hostility in any of the posts here. That said, from the end of your original post:duskyjewel wrote: »Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
That sounds like a really easy way to potentially create a hostile working environment which I would imagine is the last of your intentions. No one is saying that you're somehow a bad person for caring about the wellbeing of others, no matter your relation to them. What people are essentially saying is that you are on your way to overstepping some pretty major boundaries. Yes your co-worker also did so, but that doesn't mean it's appropriate to do the same. The only way I would even think it would be a good idea to go further with this is if she was in the position to endanger others (the the heavy equipment/transportation example being apt here).I thought of speaking to our mutual boss but I'm not sure......2 -
I completely understand your concern over your co-worker's potential destructive behaviour, this is not a work issue. By reporting this to your mutual employer are putting this person's employment at risk. You have no right to do that. Being compassionate is one thing, but messing with someone's livelihood?
If you truly feel you need to intervene, then make that know to the person and book time outside of work hours to talk to this person about your concerns for their well being.
Don't *kitten* around with their professional life. You don't have that right.9 -
duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
I applaud you for wanting to help this young woman. I think the best you are going to be able to do is to continue to engage her. Try to gently and politely explain the reasons why what she is trying to do is not a good idea. Suggest healthier alternatives to acheive her goals such as My Fitness Pal, joining a gym, etc.
I think you will have more luck in positively engaging her vs. telling the boss. Taking a hard line will probably only cause her to dig in further in an attempt to try to prove you wrong and "win" the arguement. In the end, she is an adult, and she is going to do what she wants anyway. At least this way you can have a clear conscience in knowing you did your best to help, without creating a contentious relationship in the workplace.0 -
duskyjewel wrote: »
Maybe casually ask her how it is going, and see if she is still fasting. This might give you an opportunity to share your MFP experiences with her.0 -
duskyjewel wrote: »Your responsibility is zero. Stay out of it. You say yourself you don’t know her personally, why would you think you have any responsibility of inserting yourself into her situation? She’s an adult.
Maybe because she's a human being and I don't think people should stand by and just let other human beings kill or damage themselves?
I really don't get the hostility from some of you. You keep telling me it's none of my business. Frankly, I'd be thrilled if it had never become my business.
I didn't see a single post here that was hostile? sounds more like you were expecting a certain answer (or maybe praise for your actions?) and didn't get what you were looking for??5 -
Usually these things sort themselves out (in the form of a spectacular binge that she's unlikely to bring up with you). Given the date of this thread, probably not an issue any more, but I agree that unless her job puts other people's lives in her hands it's best to stay at arm's length2
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i can see why you care...but there is nothing else you should do..and for sure not talking about her to superiors ..that would be wrong..it isn't your business. What you did was appropriate.. you told her it wasn't healthy. you've done all you can . She is your coworker..not friend or family member.1
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Nothing is risk free. Absolutely nothing. Everyone needs to decide for themselves what level of risk they feel is appropriate in which domains. It sounds like your coworker is exploring how long they can fast for gradually, so I'd let them be, and assume that they're a responsible adult who will eat sooner than faint for instance. If knowing about it makes you feel uncomfortable, then ask them not to talk to you about it.
Is there even any definite advice about how long is too long to fast for? I should think it's very particular to individual circumstances...1 -
Saying this as a Boss/Manager to many direct reports, there is NOTHING that the boss can or should do to get your coworker to eat. If it ever reaches the point that it is directly affecting performance, etc at that time your mutual boss will address it directly with the employee, typically with the guidance of HR so as to avoid any potential issues.
I understand wanting to help people, however you can not make people accept your feedback. You've already gave your opinion on what she is doing, I think your moral responsibility stops there. If she comes to you for help or brings it up again, you could then continue to say that what she is doing is dangerous and that you don't support it. Otherwise, I truly don't see how it is any of your business.6 -
If you're really still worried about it, approach her and be blunt: "I've been thinking about what you said about fasting for a week, and it's made me worry about you because I'm afraid it may be very unhealthy. Here's my number (or a help line, a healthy resource, etc) if you feel talking and/or gathering more information."
It lets you address your concern and offer a resource to help . . . which she is then free to either take or kick to the curb. Would this be awkward? Yep, probably. But if you're really concerned about her health, then it's worth bringing up directly.
Another option, if you know someone who's closer to the person in question, is to bring it up to then, "Hey, I'm worried about so-and-so, but I don't know her as well. Would you mind checking in with her to see if she's ok?"
Of course, there's certainly a difference between voicing a concern and harassing someone - I wouldn't keep bringing it up repeatedly with her once you've clearly addressed it - but if it's a genuine health concern for another person, then the worse that can happen is they tell you to shove it, you have an awkward moment, and everyone moves on with their day. Granted, you've got to be willing to accept those outcomes, and any impact it has on your work environment as a result - only you can make that evaluation as to whether or not it's worth it to bring up.
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Lots of people do multi-day fasts, it's actually not terribly uncommon. There's a whole Reddit community dedicated to fasting: www.reddit.com/r/fasting
There are some promising studies out there on the effects of long-term (multi-day) water fasting. Mostly increased autophagy - basically your body ramps up its ability to clean out the old dead/dying cells and replenish your body with new ones.
The longest I've water-fasted was 3 days - solely as an experiment to see if I could do it. I did it and it wasn't actually that bad. Afterwards I had a nice mental shift towards food and my cravings became much more manageable.
So... my two cents? She's not doing anything terribly crazy, she's an adult, and if she starts feeling like *kitten*, she'll stop. You won't convince her otherwise, so don't waste your time.2
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