High school bully

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  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
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    Soccermavrick wrote: »
    Honestly, I do not know the context of everything, and yes it obviously caused you pain. But for someone to go that out of their way, they either hated you for some reason, had psychological issues themselves, or were crushing on you secretly. (I am not saying that there was any excuse for it, but...) My first gut instinct is the guy was extremely shy and had no idea how to talk to you directly, so harassing you was his way of flirting.

    Ummmm... No this guy does not sound very shy at all. In fact he sounds very aggressive.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
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    Yes, I was bullied and/or ignored when I was young for a variety of things (being chubby, nonathletic, bad skin, etc.) It wasn't just one person though, it was most of my class and several people from another school. I think I've had a few friend requests over the years from these people. Unless they were decent to me later on in life, I ignore them. Why would I want reminders of that or let people who I don't even like have access to details of my life?
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    I was not bullied in high school. I had some incidents in grade school and in college with people being mean but not one person repeatedly going after me.
    I don't think he was mean to you because he liked you. I don't think his mean behavior was about you at all.
    He probably had issues in his life/mental health and you were just there. Hopefully after 15 years he is different.

    I'll say that my teenage dd has been very mean and it was because she was anxious, depressed, confused, lonely, and not dealing well with life events. She is on medication and going to therapy and it has made a big difference in how she acts.
  • KeepRunningFatboy
    KeepRunningFatboy Posts: 3,055 Member
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    I can relate, I was obese in schools through the late 70’s and early 80’s. Lots of kids just called me Fatboy. I use it every once in awhile to motivate me during tough workouts. But ultimately, you might want to let it go. Mercy and forgiveness is truly beautiful and more precious then gold.
  • RaevnW6
    RaevnW6 Posts: 20 Member
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    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    It was already said above but I agree that bullies often have their own issues. They're generally good at focusing on people who are down on themselves - they can be oddly good at reading people - so they see your weakness and they try to exploit it so that they're no longer the only person they know who feels like *kitten*.

    It's not an excuse, but that's often the main reason for it.

    I heartily agree but I would have never believed it at the time (elementary & middle school). It was fortunate I could choose a different high school when the time came. I was a nerdy, uncoordinated, ADHD kid in the 60s so I became great friends with depression, reading my way through the Time/Life science & nature books and avoiding people entirely when I could.

    These days, I do not do Facebook, partly because of the folks who act like they're still in 7th grade. Sadly, that choice puts a serious crimp in my social life. I might have given the Bully (above) a chance to show me he'd changed but I think DanniB set her boundaries with the man pretty well. It's always hard for me to let go of those old resentments when they come back around, but if I can change, so can he, so I tend to give them a chance to show it when I can.

    ~Raevn
  • Alassonde
    Alassonde Posts: 228 Member
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    I was bullied in middle school unmercifully, by multiple people (guys and girls) ironically because I was very underweight. Every day was torture. This was over 30 years ago for me and I would have a hard time not punching one of these people if I ran into them now. No one has a right to do that to someone. Saw one of them at my 20 year high school reunion and almost cackled in joy to see that he lives alone and is obsessed with his dog. I don't like such mean spirited thoughts, but honestly, if I had the chance to live my entire life over again, I wouldn't do it unless I could skip middle school. I've never been so miserable.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    And OP, you have no obligation to forgive, or even give him the time of day.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Sorry, this is a massive bugbear of mine.

    The 12 year old girl who comes home crying because a boy called her names and hit her and gets told "oh, honey, it's just because he likes you!" grows into the woman who doesn't believe she can come home to you crying after a man throws her into a wall and chokes her because you taught her he does it because he loves her.

    When you tell a girl that a boy is mean and nasty and even violent towards her because he likes her, you're not only telling her its ok, you're actually telling her its kind of cute. Plus, it gives the idea that maybe if she's nicer to him, he'll stop being mean and start acting like he likes her. It breeds women who think that the best way to deal with an abusive man is to understand that he just does it because he loves her, and that she should be nicer to him so he'll stop.

    It also tells boys that it's perfectly OK to be mean. abusive and even violent towards girls they like.

    So right!!! Excellent post
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    Ugh, the "he liked you" posts are making my skin crawl. He didn't like you, he was a nasty little SOB. He may have had his own stuff going on, but that doesn't change him being a nasty SOB. You responded to him perfectly.

    And the people gaslighting the OP and saying it probably wasn't as bad as she remembers clearly never got significantly bullied in school.

    I was badly bullied in the end of primary school and first year high school. I put an end to it by becoming really scary and getting in with the bad crowd. Put an end to the bullying, but also derailed my life for a decade (I'd been a great student but ended up dropping out and getting into stuff i shouldn't have).

    ETA: If any of you saying he secretly liked her have daughters, PLEASE never tell her that. All you're telling her is it's ok, and perfectly excusable, for a guy who likes her to treat her like *kitten*.

    Yessssssss!!!!
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
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    amyteacake wrote: »
    I was bullied for the majority of my high school years, minus one year after most of the bullies had left the school early.

    Most of it was due to my weight. I was heavier in high school and due to the bullying I would eat to escape. I've had food thrown at me, blue tac stuck in my hair - I had to cut bits of my long hair off because it just wouldn't come out, even when I washed it and friends had to help me. I had things taken out of my bag and hidden from me. People would also post things on my Facebook as well, talking about me on my stats like I wasn't there.

    I had a guy that I liked make fun of my weight, make fun of my face and how I have chubby cheeks, calling me a hamster and telling me that I have no *kitten*. When I first started dating my boyfriend I thought he would do the same but I know now that he loves me no matter what. He loves my chubby cheeks and we make jokes about how he has a better *kitten* than me.

    Another time I was bullied was because I smelled, apparently. It got to the point where an entire classroom, minus one or two other students, were bullying me; telling me that I smelled and it was disgusting. People would hold their breath when they passed by me. It happened in multiple classes. I'm now paranoid that I smell, even if I'm at the gym and sweating and everyone else around me doesn't care.

    I got the whole "you smell" thing as well... I forgot about that... That was actually what provoked much of the torture on the bus.

    My parents were chain-smokers. And we had multiple dogs in the house so yeah I am certain that I smelled bad as well... I remember kids "fake spraying" themselves with "disinfectant" if they accidentally touched me ...or if someone had to sit on a seat that I was previously on they would "spray " it. And if I touched them or bumped into them, they'd would cry out "oh no she's corroded me."

    Wow I forgot all about that...Mean kids suck. And it had nothing to do with anybody liking me.

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