High school bully
DanniB423
Posts: 777 Member
I have only ever experienced bullying about my weight from one person my entire life. I don’t know what his problem was but in high school there was one guy who went out of his way to make me miserable. I dated 3 guys over high school in his circle of friends and each time he would pick on them for liking me. He even made things up about me to them to try and encourage them to dump me. The fat jokes were endless and it went as far as stealing my purse and dumping in the trash. Fast forward 15 years, yesterday I see a friend request from him on my Facebook. Really? I sent him a message basically telling him that I appreciate him being such a kitten to me because it showed me exactly who I don’t want to be. I really can’t imagine being that mean. I still have no idea why he singled me out this way. I basically told him I’ve grown from wishing he gets hit by a bus to just hoping he’s changed. (Unlikely and secretly the bus thing is still fine with me) My imperfect body obviously offended him greatly. Have you ever been a bully or been bullied this way?
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Yes when I was on the wrestling team in like 5th grade some of the other kids made fun of me b/c I had a chubby belly. My parents even told me that I should go on a diet. Luckily I had a growth spurt and evened out. Kids can be so mean. Do you think maybe he wanted to appologize to you now?0
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Yes--and I finally figured out that he wanted attention from me and since I ignored him, it just went on for years. I'd say he likes you and just was too immature to show it in another way.4
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He probably wanted to date you himself...but getting nowhere with you...he hit back the only way he could...Wish him well and get on with your life.... You are a bonny looking lady...5
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I was bullied a little all throughout school, the worst being from a couple kids on the bus...not quite like your situation but emotionally bad just the same.
One of the frequent bullies friend requested me on FB but I didn't realize it was her till much later (she was using a nickname when fb allowed that and we had so many friends in common I accepted.) Once I learned who she was I almost unfriended her... but she was not like she was in school and quite frankly seemed upset when she came across instances of bullying. I once put up a status about having been unhappy in school and she seemed surprised that I didn't have fun on the bus... almost like she had no idea how mean they were to me.
But her partner in crime, who I never would accept a friend request because she was the absolute worst and went out of her way to be extra mean to me... Developed breast cancer a couple of years ago. I saw it on several mutual friends comments and statuses.. I saw all kinds of posts wishing she would get well and how it wasn't fair, etc etc etc. And I will admit, a small mean sad little girl inside of me felt like she got what she deserved. Because I'm sure I was not the only kid she targeted with her meanness in school. But that made me feel really really guilty and I asked God to forgive me for having such a wicked vengeful thought.
I totally understand your feelings.10 -
No idea. I didn’t really give him the chance. I am not an unreasonable person but basically said I hope you’ve changed. And that I didn’t deserve that.liftorgohome wrote: »Yes when I was on the wrestling team in like 5th grade some of the other kids made fun of me b/c I had a chubby belly. My parents even told me that I should go on a diet. Luckily I had a growth spurt and evened out. Kids can be so mean. Do you think maybe he wanted to appologize to you now?
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I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.8
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I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.
Yeah I know I don't agree that he liked you at all. He was just a mean sob to keep at it like that.
I will say though, one boy was mean to me one time... In 5th grade... He pulled my stool out from under me in art class. Fast forward many many years later to our senior year in high school. He called me up out of the blue to ask me out to the movies. Still remembering the prank of him pulling the stool out from under me, I half expected this to be a joke. No I completely expected it to be a joke. So I politely said no thank you I wasn't allowed to date boys LOL.
Fast forward one more time almost 20 years later... He is married and is the neighbor down the road and he came to a yard sale I was having. He was very nice and friendly and we started talking about school. And then I remembered him asking me out way back when.
So I asked him if he was serious that time or was he just teasing me. I said I wanted an honest answer and I wouldn't hate him if he told me the truth. At the time we both had daughters the same age who were very good friends. And he told me that he honestly did like me and he was sorry for being a dick in art class and he really did want to go out with me LOL. So you never know...3 -
I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.
I don't know how old you are, but things that happen in high school seem "magnified". We are sensitive to everything good and bad. I'm not saying he wasn't really mean, but he probably doesn't even remember and it's highly possible you didn't read the signs because you were so hurt. However, I carried around this humiliation for years. It only hurt me.1 -
I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.
Generally bullies have something wrong with their lives, and need to feel superior so they'll choose who they deem to be weaker and single them out. I not overweight most of my school days, yet I had a bully that liked to single me out. I was never into sports, nor anything physical. I had plenty of friends who were into sports and on teams/etc. but my path was always as a 'geek'. I liked electronics, computers, etc. Anyway, the bully was a jock, generally was cruel for what seemed to be no reason at all. I could care less what happened to him then or today, felt pretty much the same way about him as you do about your bully. I figure something in his life was opposite of what my life was like and he hated me because of it. I understand the reason to an extent but can't condone his actions. He's not a friend now, nor will he ever be but honestly I could still care less about him. Maybe that's part of what pissed him off lol. I always figured his parents beat him or some crap like that. They are sociopaths and narcissists, stay far away and you'll be fine. Lose no sleep over it, that's what they generally want.4 -
Yep...I was bullied all through school and it's horrible because looking back, I wasn't even overweight. I was called "thunder thighs" in grade 5, and in high school I was referred to as "TBD" (t*ts by default) by a guy who was a couple years older than me. I've seen him a few times since high school and he still seems like a complete jerk.2
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snowflake954 wrote: »I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.
I don't know how old you are, but things that happen in high school seem "magnified". We are sensitive to everything good and bad. I'm not saying he wasn't really mean, but he probably doesn't even remember and it's highly possible you didn't read the signs because you were so hurt. However, I carried around this humiliation for years. It only hurt me.
I haven’t really carried it. Just when I saw his name I couldn’t believe it. I do understand what you are saying about magnifying and everything seeming so serious in high school. But dumping my purse down the hall and writing horrible things in permanent marker on my locker.. I’m pretty sure my feelings are reasonable.7 -
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It's likely that he bullied you because he liked you. Seriously.11
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Why do so many people have the notion that someone being mean to you = like? Is that just to make the victim feel better? This wasn’t 3rd grade playground chasing.10
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Why do so many people have the notion that someone being mean to you = like? Is that just to make the victim feel better? This wasn’t 3rd grade playground chasing.
I'm with you...I strongly disagree that it has anything to do with "liking" the person. It's more about the bully having serious psychological/emotional issues...7 -
Why do so many people have the notion that someone being mean to you = like? Is that just to make the victim feel better? This wasn’t 3rd grade playground chasing.
I'm with you...I strongly disagree that it has anything to do with "liking" the person. It's more about the bully having serious psychological/emotional issues...Why do so many people have the notion that someone being mean to you = like? Is that just to make the victim feel better? This wasn’t 3rd grade playground chasing.
I'm with you...I strongly disagree that it has anything to do with "liking" the person. It's more about the bully having serious psychological/emotional issues...
Maybe like is the wrong word, but I think it's about control and dominance. Like, maybe the bully was attracted to you and wanted to date you, but you didn't reciprocate the feeling. (And maybe you didn't even notice or were aware that the bully felt this way.) So the bully felt that by trying to make you feel about yourself, he was getting dominance over you and making himself feel better in a sick and twisted way.1 -
I was bullied by my friends cousin. I rode the bus with him and he was relentless. I was nerdy, raised in a strict Pentecostal home. I had to dress conservatively and only knew old Christian music. I had frizzy permed hair,braces and glasses. I was the girl you saw in the movies that was picked on constantly. I feared him and dreaded riding the bus every single day. To this day, if I see his face pop up in the suggested Facebook friends feed, I get nauseous. He's still the same terrible person. His son actually picked on my nephews (who were a few years younger than him). My sister went to the parents first who did nothing. One day she had enough and pulled him aside and told him that she would spank his butt herself if he didn't leave them alone. I guess a 30 something year old woman in an 11 year olds face was just what he needed. He left them alone. Some people are just mean and fine joy in making others miserable. This boy didn't have a crush on me. He was just cruel. There's a difference in a bully who likes you and a bully who's just mean. And when you've been the target, you usually know the difference.4
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Honestly, I do not know the context of everything, and yes it obviously caused you pain. But for someone to go that out of their way, they either hated you for some reason, had psychological issues themselves, or were crushing on you secretly. (I am not saying that there was any excuse for it, but...) My first gut instinct is the guy was extremely shy and had no idea how to talk to you directly, so harassing you was his way of flirting.1
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I think what you probably dont realize, is he secretly liked you but was afraid to do or say anything about, because he thought he’d get made fun of. So
Instead he did what he was aftaid of to people he saw with you, to see how they would react.
Just keep this in the back of your mind. People dont talk about things that they are not threatened by, and truthfully in the background when they do talk about you, they want to be like you.
Its when people talk you know your doing soemtjing right or better. When you are picked on, slandered, or attacked in any other way, your just a “regular”. So you blend in better than you stand out.
Keep doing you!2 -
Soccermavrick wrote: »Honestly, I do not know the context of everything, and yes it obviously caused you pain. But for someone to go that out of their way, they either hated you for some reason, had psychological issues themselves, or were crushing on you secretly. (I am not saying that there was any excuse for it, but...) My first gut instinct is the guy was extremely shy and had no idea how to talk to you directly, so harassing you was his way of flirting.
Ummmm... No this guy does not sound very shy at all. In fact he sounds very aggressive.3 -
Yes, I was bullied and/or ignored when I was young for a variety of things (being chubby, nonathletic, bad skin, etc.) It wasn't just one person though, it was most of my class and several people from another school. I think I've had a few friend requests over the years from these people. Unless they were decent to me later on in life, I ignore them. Why would I want reminders of that or let people who I don't even like have access to details of my life?1
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I was not bullied in high school. I had some incidents in grade school and in college with people being mean but not one person repeatedly going after me.
I don't think he was mean to you because he liked you. I don't think his mean behavior was about you at all.
He probably had issues in his life/mental health and you were just there. Hopefully after 15 years he is different.
I'll say that my teenage dd has been very mean and it was because she was anxious, depressed, confused, lonely, and not dealing well with life events. She is on medication and going to therapy and it has made a big difference in how she acts.2 -
I can relate, I was obese in schools through the late 70’s and early 80’s. Lots of kids just called me Fatboy. I use it every once in awhile to motivate me during tough workouts. But ultimately, you might want to let it go. Mercy and forgiveness is truly beautiful and more precious then gold.4
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I was bullied for the majority of my high school years, minus one year after most of the bullies had left the school early.
Most of it was due to my weight. I was heavier in high school and due to the bullying I would eat to escape. I've had food thrown at me, blue tac stuck in my hair - I had to cut bits of my long hair off because it just wouldn't come out, even when I washed it and friends had to help me. I had things taken out of my bag and hidden from me. People would also post things on my Facebook as well, talking about me on my stats like I wasn't there.
I had a guy that I liked make fun of my weight, make fun of my face and how I have chubby cheeks, calling me a hamster and telling me that I have no *kitten*. When I first started dating my boyfriend I thought he would do the same but I know now that he loves me no matter what. He loves my chubby cheeks and we make jokes about how he has a better *kitten* than me.
Another time I was bullied was because I smelled, apparently. It got to the point where an entire classroom, minus one or two other students, were bullying me; telling me that I smelled and it was disgusting. People would hold their breath when they passed by me. It happened in multiple classes. I'm now paranoid that I smell, even if I'm at the gym and sweating and everyone else around me doesn't care.11 -
TeacupsAndToning wrote: »It was already said above but I agree that bullies often have their own issues. They're generally good at focusing on people who are down on themselves - they can be oddly good at reading people - so they see your weakness and they try to exploit it so that they're no longer the only person they know who feels like *kitten*.
It's not an excuse, but that's often the main reason for it.
I heartily agree but I would have never believed it at the time (elementary & middle school). It was fortunate I could choose a different high school when the time came. I was a nerdy, uncoordinated, ADHD kid in the 60s so I became great friends with depression, reading my way through the Time/Life science & nature books and avoiding people entirely when I could.
These days, I do not do Facebook, partly because of the folks who act like they're still in 7th grade. Sadly, that choice puts a serious crimp in my social life. I might have given the Bully (above) a chance to show me he'd changed but I think DanniB set her boundaries with the man pretty well. It's always hard for me to let go of those old resentments when they come back around, but if I can change, so can he, so I tend to give them a chance to show it when I can.
~Raevn1 -
snowflake954 wrote: »
No that's what vindictive nasty mean people do. It has nothing to do with maturity but basic character5 -
Thank you everyone for your comments. I hope I didn’t come off as a person who holds a grudge or that I have no mercy for someone who can change. I think it’s okay sometimes just to say.. “no it’s not ok. Good luck to ya but as far as I’m concerned you are nothing.” That’s how he made me feel. And it’s not because he had a crush on me. I know that much. Thanks again!5
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Ugh, the "he liked you" posts are making my skin crawl. He didn't like you, he was a nasty little SOB. He may have had his own stuff going on, but that doesn't change him being a nasty SOB. You responded to him perfectly.
And the people gaslighting the OP and saying it probably wasn't as bad as she remembers clearly never got significantly bullied in school.
I was badly bullied in the end of primary school and first year high school. I put an end to it by becoming really scary and getting in with the bad crowd. Put an end to the bullying, but also derailed my life for a decade (I'd been a great student but ended up dropping out and getting into stuff i shouldn't have).
ETA: If any of you saying he secretly liked her have daughters, PLEASE never tell her that. All you're telling her is it's ok, and perfectly excusable, for a guy who likes her to treat her like *kitten*.20
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