High school bully

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DanniB423
DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have only ever experienced bullying about my weight from one person my entire life. I don’t know what his problem was but in high school there was one guy who went out of his way to make me miserable. I dated 3 guys over high school in his circle of friends and each time he would pick on them for liking me. He even made things up about me to them to try and encourage them to dump me. The fat jokes were endless and it went as far as stealing my purse and dumping in the trash. Fast forward 15 years, yesterday I see a friend request from him on my Facebook. Really? I sent him a message basically telling him that I appreciate him being such a kitten to me because it showed me exactly who I don’t want to be. I really can’t imagine being that mean. I still have no idea why he singled me out this way. I basically told him I’ve grown from wishing he gets hit by a bus to just hoping he’s changed. (Unlikely and secretly the bus thing is still fine with me) My imperfect body obviously offended him greatly. Have you ever been a bully or been bullied this way?
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Replies

  • liftorgohome
    liftorgohome Posts: 25,455 Member
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    Yes when I was on the wrestling team in like 5th grade some of the other kids made fun of me b/c I had a chubby belly. My parents even told me that I should go on a diet. Luckily I had a growth spurt and evened out. Kids can be so mean. Do you think maybe he wanted to appologize to you now?
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    Yes--and I finally figured out that he wanted attention from me and since I ignored him, it just went on for years. I'd say he likes you and just was too immature to show it in another way.
  • DanniB423
    DanniB423 Posts: 776 Member
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    liftorgohome wrote: »
    Yes when I was on the wrestling team in like 5th grade some of the other kids made fun of me b/c I had a chubby belly. My parents even told me that I should go on a diet. Luckily I had a growth spurt and evened out. Kids can be so mean. Do you think maybe he wanted to appologize to you now?
    No idea. I didn’t really give him the chance. I am not an unreasonable person but basically said I hope you’ve changed. And that I didn’t deserve that.
  • wizzybeth
    wizzybeth Posts: 3,573 Member
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    DanniB423 wrote: »
    I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.

    Yeah I know I don't agree that he liked you at all. He was just a mean sob to keep at it like that.

    I will say though, one boy was mean to me one time... In 5th grade... He pulled my stool out from under me in art class. Fast forward many many years later to our senior year in high school. He called me up out of the blue to ask me out to the movies. Still remembering the prank of him pulling the stool out from under me, I half expected this to be a joke. No I completely expected it to be a joke. So I politely said no thank you I wasn't allowed to date boys LOL.

    Fast forward one more time almost 20 years later... He is married and is the neighbor down the road and he came to a yard sale I was having. He was very nice and friendly and we started talking about school. And then I remembered him asking me out way back when.

    So I asked him if he was serious that time or was he just teasing me. I said I wanted an honest answer and I wouldn't hate him if he told me the truth. At the time we both had daughters the same age who were very good friends. And he told me that he honestly did like me and he was sorry for being a dick in art class and he really did want to go out with me LOL. So you never know...
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    DanniB423 wrote: »
    I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.

    I don't know how old you are, but things that happen in high school seem "magnified". We are sensitive to everything good and bad. I'm not saying he wasn't really mean, but he probably doesn't even remember and it's highly possible you didn't read the signs because you were so hurt. However, I carried around this humiliation for years. It only hurt me.
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
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    DanniB423 wrote: »
    I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.

    Generally bullies have something wrong with their lives, and need to feel superior so they'll choose who they deem to be weaker and single them out. I not overweight most of my school days, yet I had a bully that liked to single me out. I was never into sports, nor anything physical. I had plenty of friends who were into sports and on teams/etc. but my path was always as a 'geek'. I liked electronics, computers, etc. Anyway, the bully was a jock, generally was cruel for what seemed to be no reason at all. I could care less what happened to him then or today, felt pretty much the same way about him as you do about your bully. I figure something in his life was opposite of what my life was like and he hated me because of it. I understand the reason to an extent but can't condone his actions. He's not a friend now, nor will he ever be but honestly I could still care less about him. Maybe that's part of what pissed him off lol. I always figured his parents beat him or some crap like that. They are sociopaths and narcissists, stay far away and you'll be fine. Lose no sleep over it, that's what they generally want.
  • caiteh86
    caiteh86 Posts: 243 Member
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    Yep...I was bullied all through school and it's horrible because looking back, I wasn't even overweight. I was called "thunder thighs" in grade 5, and in high school I was referred to as "TBD" (t*ts by default) by a guy who was a couple years older than me. I've seen him a few times since high school and he still seems like a complete jerk.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    130annie wrote: »
    He probably wanted to date you himself...but getting nowhere with you...he hit back the only way he could...Wish him well and get on with your life.... You are a bonny looking lady...

    This
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,576 Member
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    DanniB423 wrote: »
    I have no idea why you guys, but I really don’t get the “he just liked you” vibe theory here. He was straight up cruel.

    I don't believe that was the case either. He was most likely just an a-hole. Hopefully he has grown out of it.
  • midlomel1971
    midlomel1971 Posts: 1,283 Member
    edited February 2018
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    caiteh86 wrote: »
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    Why do so many people have the notion that someone being mean to you = like? Is that just to make the victim feel better? This wasn’t 3rd grade playground chasing.

    I'm with you...I strongly disagree that it has anything to do with "liking" the person. It's more about the bully having serious psychological/emotional issues...
    caiteh86 wrote: »
    DanniB423 wrote: »
    Why do so many people have the notion that someone being mean to you = like? Is that just to make the victim feel better? This wasn’t 3rd grade playground chasing.

    I'm with you...I strongly disagree that it has anything to do with "liking" the person. It's more about the bully having serious psychological/emotional issues...

    Maybe like is the wrong word, but I think it's about control and dominance. Like, maybe the bully was attracted to you and wanted to date you, but you didn't reciprocate the feeling. (And maybe you didn't even notice or were aware that the bully felt this way.) So the bully felt that by trying to make you feel about yourself, he was getting dominance over you and making himself feel better in a sick and twisted way.
  • mistyloveslife
    mistyloveslife Posts: 111 Member
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    I was bullied by my friends cousin. I rode the bus with him and he was relentless. I was nerdy, raised in a strict Pentecostal home. I had to dress conservatively and only knew old Christian music. I had frizzy permed hair,braces and glasses. I was the girl you saw in the movies that was picked on constantly. I feared him and dreaded riding the bus every single day. To this day, if I see his face pop up in the suggested Facebook friends feed, I get nauseous. He's still the same terrible person. His son actually picked on my nephews (who were a few years younger than him). My sister went to the parents first who did nothing. One day she had enough and pulled him aside and told him that she would spank his butt herself if he didn't leave them alone. I guess a 30 something year old woman in an 11 year olds face was just what he needed. He left them alone. Some people are just mean and fine joy in making others miserable. This boy didn't have a crush on me. He was just cruel. There's a difference in a bully who likes you and a bully who's just mean. And when you've been the target, you usually know the difference.
  • Soccermavrick
    Soccermavrick Posts: 405 Member
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    Honestly, I do not know the context of everything, and yes it obviously caused you pain. But for someone to go that out of their way, they either hated you for some reason, had psychological issues themselves, or were crushing on you secretly. (I am not saying that there was any excuse for it, but...) My first gut instinct is the guy was extremely shy and had no idea how to talk to you directly, so harassing you was his way of flirting.
  • JoshGouvisis
    JoshGouvisis Posts: 98 Member
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    I think what you probably dont realize, is he secretly liked you but was afraid to do or say anything about, because he thought he’d get made fun of. So
    Instead he did what he was aftaid of to people he saw with you, to see how they would react.

    Just keep this in the back of your mind. People dont talk about things that they are not threatened by, and truthfully in the background when they do talk about you, they want to be like you.

    Its when people talk you know your doing soemtjing right or better. When you are picked on, slandered, or attacked in any other way, your just a “regular”. So you blend in better than you stand out.

    Keep doing you!

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