I am a failure

I feel this post so hard, thanks for writing it.

Thank you for sharing your story. We all fail at some point and the fact that you admit to your failures means you are trying succeed again.
Here's my story: Growing up I had always been a curvy girl that had a little more weight than the other girls but not to the point that I worried about it. It didn’t affect who I was. When I was pregnant with my first born had the mentality that I could eat for two!! I gained 40 pounds with that pregnancy. After two years my hubby and I decided to try again for another child. It took 2 more years before I was pregnant again. My second child was born with a rare disease and he passed away at 6 weeks of age. We decided to adopt our son. It was after the adoption I really started to notice my weight. I was topping the scale at 209 pounds, I was able to hide my weight with bigger clothes and my 5 foot 10 inch height but it was showing in my face and in my energy levels. A new gym opened in our town and I joined. This is where my journey started. I worked hard with a personal trainer, I cut out junk food and soda out of my diet. I didn’t go out to eat at fast food places and I didn’t drink alcohol. I did a transformation challenge at the gym. After 6 months I was at 161 pounds. I stayed at that weight for 2 years until my personal trainer left the gym. I started sluffing off on my workouts and the intensity dropped while my weight crept up by 1 pound her and 2 pounds there until I had gained back 20 pounds. I found myself having junk food and chocolate daily, enjoying meals at fast food places and even drinking alcohol almost every weekend. I am so frustrated with myself because I know that my weight gain is from the crap I put into my body. I started over on Sunday! Increased my water to half my body weight and have been faithfully tracking my food and attempting to stay under my calorie goals and burning more calories. I also put my scale away. I was addicted to the number on that stupid little square and would gage my food intake by what it said. So here’s to starting with a fresh me. I know I need to make better choices and day by day I will achieve them.

Thank you @Alatariel75 for launching this discussion. You had a failure. Learn from it. Avoid having it again.
Fortunately for you it was a life-phase related failure and that phase is over.

I had a failure when I reached my maintenance range. My failure was not that I quit. Rather, it was that I tried to find a calorie target experimentally. My failure consisted of eating too much too often, and I logged every daily weight as I gained 30 lb. This partly coincided with a 10-week period of temporary retirement on top of the American holiday season, but the failure was that I expected to regain and allowed myself to regain and didn't panic about it until it was 30 pounds regained.

So now, I'm back to the routine of meals which carried me down to my maintenance range last year. Patience, Grasshopper.

Here we are both failures trying this again!