I am the way I am because of my mother.

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megz4987
megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
in Chit-Chat
I wish I could say that that sentence was followed by something very nice and me being proud of that but I'm not. While I love my mother, I think in general she's a great person but her personality... sucks. The way her mind works.... sucks.

-Every day she finds something to be miserable and angry about-> How can someone live like that??
-She is the reason why I think that everyone in the world is constantly judging me because she judges everyone.
-She thinks everyone is always wrong. You can put proof of a fact infront of her face and she'll say it's wrong. You can never do anything right in her eyes. You could literally live your life the way she lays it out for you and its still wrong.
-There's more but I don't want to bore you all with my childhood memories.

Right now, I have been listening to her yell at my step-brother for 3 hours about mowing the lawn wrong. My daughter is asleep in her crib and I hear the yelling coming through her monitor. I let it go, I wasn't going to let it ruin my mood until they started getting louder and my daughter started waking up. I snapped and yelled at both of them to stop. They're still going at it.

My stepfather works out of state so he lives there during the week and comes home on the weekends. Every weekend these words come out of his mouth, "Why don't you find something to be happy about?" ... and it's true. She's never happy because she finds things to make her miserable and blames other people for it.

I don't understand how someone can be ok with living their life being the most miserable person.

Sorry about the rant but I had to get it out, it's incredibly irritating.

Replies

  • sc1572
    sc1572 Posts: 2,309 Member
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    Thank gosh, another person who is annoyed with their mother...my mom has been driving me INSANE these last few weeks, too!
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Although this is more of a vent about your mom, I will say that at some point you need to own your behaviors and actions. Did you learn some crummy things from your mom? Absolutely. But the fact that you know you did means you're now responsible for doing something about it.

    As for your mother - she is who she is, as unfortunate as that may seem to you. I feel the same about my mother. I wish things were different but I've accepted that we will never be "best friends" like you see on TV or anything remotely close to that. The only person I can change is myself, and unfortunately, that means I have to stop having the types of interactions she wishes to engage in. Good luck to you.
  • jwillpierce
    jwillpierce Posts: 1
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    They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe you could move away?
  • Ajontheguitar
    Ajontheguitar Posts: 695
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    Although this is more of a vent about your mom, I will say that at some point you need to own your behaviors and actions. Did you learn some crummy things from your mom? Absolutely. But the fact that you know you did means you're now responsible for doing something about it.

    As for your mother - she is who she is, as unfortunate as that may seem to you. I feel the same about my mother. I wish things were different but I've accepted that we will never be "best friends" like you see on TV or anything remotely close to that. The only person I can change is myself, and unfortunately, that means I have to stop having the types of interactions she wishes to engage in. Good luck to you.

    This. I tell people all the time that if you recognize behaviors that you don't like, it means you also have the power to not be that way.
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    My friend keeps telling me it's menopause, haha. I told her and my fiance they have permission to throw me off a cliff into shallow rocky waters if I act anything like that dring/after menopause, hahaa
  • whisperingdragon
    whisperingdragon Posts: 334
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    I haven't talked to my "Mommy Dearest" in three years. I had to put an end to it.. :ohwell:
  • fastbelly
    fastbelly Posts: 727 Member
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    While the behaviour of those close to us certainly affect us and to some extent shape us, we as human beings after a certain age have the choice as to where and what we learn from, and the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

    I don't want to undermine your experiences in any way, what I believe though is that we have the choice of how negative (or even positive) events affect us and as what we do about such events. We have imense power when we start believing in ourselves.

    I don't think it is my position to give you advice as I don't know you or your situation but one thing I'm certain of, if you channel your engery in a negative way it will surelly not help you or your mother.

    Take a deep breath...

    Good Luck.
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    Although this is more of a vent about your mom, I will say that at some point you need to own your behaviors and actions. Did you learn some crummy things from your mom? Absolutely. But the fact that you know you did means you're now responsible for doing something about it.

    As for your mother - she is who she is, as unfortunate as that may seem to you. I feel the same about my mother. I wish things were different but I've accepted that we will never be "best friends" like you see on TV or anything remotely close to that. The only person I can change is myself, and unfortunately, that means I have to stop having the types of interactions she wishes to engage in. Good luck to you.

    This. I tell people all the time that if you recognize behaviors that you don't like, it means you also have the power to not be that way.


    I am not in the least a miserable person and I do not judge anyone. I actually pride myself on not being like my mother. I just can't stand being around somene so miserable so often. It aggitates me and it makes me very anxious.
  • busymomoffour
    busymomoffour Posts: 10 Member
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    dear Megz,

    I think that your stepfather has a good point - in that happiness is typically a choice - (of course there are tragic things that happen in our lives that cause us sadness) - but overall in the daily routine of our lives - we can choose how we are going to react to our circumstances. The good news is that you can choose how you are going to react and what type of role model you are going to be for your daughter :-) [I often have to remind myself that I cannot control others, but I can control my reaction]

    Praying for you tonight. for your circumstances and that you and your beautiful daughter will get the rest you need.
  • scs143
    scs143 Posts: 2,190 Member
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    Mothers. I love mine dearly, however, I try on a daily basis to be nothing like mine. And so far, I am doing well.

    I am a mom now, so I wonder what my kids will feel about me. Maybe she needs to talk to someone if she is so unhappy. It sounds like she isn't happy with her life. Hang in there. I know it's tough!
  • Ajontheguitar
    Ajontheguitar Posts: 695
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    Oh. Then your title of the thread isn't necessary. Your rant stands :)
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Yeah, your title and the first sentence kinda .....don't make sense anymore.
  • perceptualobfuscator
    perceptualobfuscator Posts: 159 Member
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    I feel for you. We all get things we'd rather not from our parents. That seems to be how it works, unfortunately.

    I second the suggestion to move away. Distance can help people reconcile differences, and figure out how they behave on their own verses together. Plus, if you don't want to deal with her, you just have to put down the phone, or go back to your own place.
  • JennLifts
    JennLifts Posts: 1,913 Member
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    Oh. Then your title of the thread isn't necessary.

    touche!
  • NicoleLyn1818
    NicoleLyn1818 Posts: 110
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    Although this is more of a vent about your mom, I will say that at some point you need to own your behaviors and actions. Did you learn some crummy things from your mom? Absolutely. But the fact that you know you did means you're now responsible for doing something about it.

    As for your mother - she is who she is, as unfortunate as that may seem to you. I feel the same about my mother. I wish things were different but I've accepted that we will never be "best friends" like you see on TV or anything remotely close to that. The only person I can change is myself, and unfortunately, that means I have to stop having the types of interactions she wishes to engage in. Good luck to you.

    This. I tell people all the time that if you recognize behaviors that you don't like, it means you also have the power to not be that way.

    Agree with both of these girls! There are certainly some things we learn from our mothers, and also other family we are around and the friends we hang out with. Ultimately it is up to you to be who you are and make your life as positive and happy as you can! Don't let one person make you feel like others are judging you...like you can't be as happy as you think you should be. It's your life--paint it beautiful!! :)
  • megz4987
    megz4987 Posts: 1,008 Member
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    Oh. Then your title of the thread isn't necessary. Your rant stands :)

    Well it is because, ultimately, growing up with her as my mother has caused me to have social anxiety which is because I think everyone is extremely judgemental. And not to put full blame on her for this but she was a big part of me having an eating disorder for the last 10 years.
  • DJParrish01
    DJParrish01 Posts: 38 Member
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    First, you can't blame the way you are on anyone. You CHOOSE to be one way or the other. Don't let her ways determine the way you are going to be. You have a daughter, so you have to choose a different way, or she'll be posting the same thing you just did in 20 years. Second, find a way to tune out your mom's negativity and ANY negativity you come into contact with. (I do it through a relationship with Christ, but you have to find your way.) Third, I take it that you live with her... so you cannot separate yourself physically from her all the time, BUT she is a toxic person, and you have to find a way to separate from her emotionally and mentally. If this means just saying, "Okay, Mom" or giving her a hug without a word, then putting your little girl in the stroller and take her out of the house for a walk, then do so. Your mom probably thrives on the drama and fighting-- refuse to get involved in it.

    YOU CAN DO IT!!! My husband tends to be a moody, grumpy person... and I have to do the SAME thing when he comes home from work bit*hing about nothing important... (He thinks he's always right, too!) Anyway, I just have to remove myself from his presence a lot of the time... (Don't get me wrong; I love him dearly, but he has his moments!) Soooo... I guess what I'm saying is just make a concerted effort to NOT follow in her footsteps with the misery she puts out to others and the judgmental attitude. Good luck! I will keep you in my prayers!
  • Ajontheguitar
    Ajontheguitar Posts: 695
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    Sweet I just got called a girl.

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