NSV - hubby testing apps

in the realm of self awareness *S*.

Over the past 2 weeks hubby has been playing with his new toy, a cellphone that has a built in camera. Needless to say he has downloaded a bazillion apps already, including a few that are 'cameras' with a variety of different photo modes and filters.

Lucky me *rme*, i seem to have been the target of him 'testing' these apps. He has taken more pics of me in 2 weeks than i swear have EVER been taken o me in my entire adult life.

There are few pics of me in general, in part because i was the only one that thought to take pics of any event etc most of the time so i was not in any pics, and partly because on the rare occasions others took pics i found a way to avoid being in them. i hated seeing myself in the pics... my reality never matched the way i thought of myself and it was depressing. Yes, i was ashamed of me.

So, to my nsv now... it's not that i love all the pics he has taken. My scowls in them certainly prove that *LOL*... The thing is, he has been taking pics i was not even aware he was taking so no warning to smile nicely, suck in my gut, pose... nothing to help 'flatter' myself in the pic... and my first reaction every time i see these pics afterwards?
'Hey, look at that, i don't look fat in them!!!'
No matter how terrible a pose, no matter the angle (rearview pics of me in shorts even!!) and all i can think of is.., 'wow! i am not ashamed of the way i look!' and from that thought i move into the other things i don't like about the pics...such as 'omg! why didn't someone tell me how baggy the seat of those shorts ARE on me!!' *LOL*.

Slowly i am getting past the 'amazement' of this first reaction in myself... and someday i believe (once i am used to being this size) i will just see 'me'... not the difference in me (hope that makes sense)... but in the meantime, i am actually not hiding every time he whips out that phone to take a pic to test a new app... what a totally weird feeling for me! *L*