Women weighing more than their partner

I hate the idea that a woman MUST weigh less than her partner who is male...but I subscribed to it for a very long time.

My serious relationships and first marriage were all with men quite a bit heavier than me, meaning we were both obese. My first marriage ended for a variety of reasons, but I was disappointed in how inactive my husband was and how little interest he had in eating healthy food...that went on for the entire decade we were together, too, it wasn't just me getting into nutrition & weight loss. Even though I was very large I was always pretty active and liked to eat vegetables and try to stay healthy (didn't smoke and he did, another example).

So when I was a 35 year old divorcee I said you know what...I don't care. I dated guys whose interests matched up with mine and I didn't care anymore if they were skinny or average or whatever, and if I outweighed them. Although it wasn't a love match I dated one guy who was easily 100 lb smaller than me! But when I met my husband, he was around 220 lb at 6'2" and I was 270 lb at 5'8". It wasn't even an issue. It was great that we were (and are) able to go do all the active stuff together!

Now he actually outweighs me by 80 lb. We're at 170 (me) and 250 (him), he is working to lose a few pounds he has put on over the past few years. But it's great either way and honestly I don't feel like it even matters.

it's easy to give into pejorative pressures to look, be, feel a certain way. Why should a woman weigh less than her partner? Why should her partner weigh more? The idea that you "MUST" be a certain is insidiously present in our culture. You can't escape it, but you don't have to give into it. You can't control your partner's size, so don't let it control you.

I weigh about 5 lbs more than my husband but as a woman my body is fundamentally different than my husbands. I'm also stronger, faster, and a better athlete than him. I also have fat deposits on my chest and behind that he does not. He is about 6 inches taller than me and 10 years older than me. There is no physical reason for us to compare ourselves. Stop comparing yourself to someone who has a body that does completely different things than yours. It's a losing game every time.

What's most important in a partner is compatibility based on personalities, goals, dreams, lifestyle. I'm sure weight plays some part of it.

For instance someone who is overweight, sedentary, and not interested in doing anything other than coming home and watching TV for the night would probably not be a good fit for someone who is active and wants to do things like go bike riding or hiking.

Whether the female is a little heavier than the male is kind of subjective I guess. Currently I am heavier than my husband and I have been for the past 18 years. And that's not ideal I don't like it but mainly it's because I am overweight not because I'm bigger than my husband if that makes sense.

We're all different shapes and sizes. Both women and men. I think society tells us that women should be smaller than our male partners. Lots of flaws with this theory. What about taller women? What about men who are of a smaller build? I think it's a pretty shallow way of judging a relationship - but yeah, it exists. I'm 5'2" and very petite - hard to find a guy that's smaller than me. But I didn't have much of a role in my genetics.

My ex weighed less than me most of the time. I was really happy when I was at my lowest adult weight and FINALLY weighed less than he did...which lasted about 5 seconds because I got pregnant.

nasvic8 wrote: »

Should women weigh less than their partner? My partners size affects how I feel about mine. I'd be greatful for feedback, how much is too much of a weight gap between the two

People should aim to be a healthy weight for them.
A tall woman might weigh the same or more than a shorter man or woman and both be a healthy weight. (OP doesn't say partner is a male)
If you are talking about feeling good about yourself or what is attractive to you that is something you have to decide for yourself.

I have weighed more than my dh. He has weighed more than me. We currently weigh about the same but I am overweight and he is not. At my goal weight he might weigh 20-30 lbs more than me. I'd like to be a healthy weight. I am not bothered that there is not a huge gap in our weights.

I don't currently have a partner, but all the ones I had weighed less than me and neither if us cared. Actually, my longest relationship was with someone 1/3 my weight. Being lighter than him would have not been an option even if I wanted to because he was clinically underweight with a BMI of 16.

nasvic8 wrote: »

I still think an average woman should weigh less than an average man, unless pregnant. The rest are excuses I think.

When do you ever get couples matched up exactly based on how average they are as a man or woman though? You don't.

There are tonnes of variances in humans and lets say 5 was average weight on a scale of 1-10, you're going to get 2's with 8's and 7's with 4's and stuff like that so you can't take what the average is and apply it to real life situations like what couples should weigh in comparison to each other.

What if the average woman got heavier but the men stayed the same, would the body ideals change as well? Even if women only got heavier because of controllable issues, like how much they chose to exercise?

nasvic8 wrote: »

Should women weigh less than their partner? My partners size affects how I feel about mine. I'd be greatful for feedback, how much is too much of a weight gap between the two

Depends on height.

My husband is taller than me so should weigh more than me ... and he does.

If I weighed the same as he does, I'd be really overweight, and that wouldn't be a good thing.