Anxiety at gym

i used to have similar feelings. i really did. i would make up ANY excuse not to go until one day i up and went. and i have to be honest, the first few months were really hard. i was so sure that every casual glance in my direction was accompanied by cruel thoughts and disgust. but day by day it got easier.

first i started to know where things were and how things worked. and that was a huge stepping stone to being comfortable. once i didn't have the added stress of not knowing what the hell i was doing and i stopped fumbling around confusedly i could feel the weight lifting (pun intended).

second i started to get comfortable in my routine. my focus shifted from what other people were doing and thinking to what i was doing and thinking. whether i could push myself harder, up my weights, increase my cardio speed or distance, etc.

finally, i had the epiphany that everyone else in the gym was doing the same thing. which is - mainly focusing on themselves. gym time is selfish time. it's time you take out of the day to do something just for you. to get healthy. to get strong. to get faster and fitter. and that's true for everyone there for the most part. once i was in the gym for a while i was a gym person - totally indecipherable from other gym people to any new person walking in. i'm not internally judging, or shaming anyone and really neither is anyone else. it's possible you'll have a couple of bad apples, but it's even more likely that you'll never even be able to pick them out of a crowd.

so, it's going to suck at first. but go in and do 10 minutes of anything and reassess. if you need to bolt. do it. but come back another day and add something else. find someone with a friendly face if you need to ask for assistance or get a trainer to do a walk through with you when you join. going to the gym comfortably is a life skill that you'll keep forever.

edit: typo

You sound very young. I would suggest A) you go with one of your parents, join a ladies only gym C) get some counseling to help with your anxiety and fears.

Ok, first off, your brother is a jerk. I'm so sorry he does that to you. It's absolutely uncalled for and you don't deserve that kind of treatment, ESPECIALLY when you're trying to do something to better yourself. Sometimes family can be very unsupportive and I'm sorry you're going through that.

I really want to go to the gym to gain confidence and tone up my body and lose abit of extra flab I have going however I have extreme anxiety I’m scared to even go outside most of the time because I always feel judged by others or people are staring/talking about me and the gym scares me so much because it will be full of fit and healthy people while I’m fat and will be red and out of breath...

...I really want to try and overcome my fear anyway by going to the gym but every time I attempt to go I will end up standing outside for ages too scared to go inside so I just want advice from others who suffer like this and what they did to overcome there fear and go to the gym

I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder along with Panic Disorder and the panic attacks have resulted in me being more agoraphobic than I'd prefer. I don't go out much and when I do, it's usually to very specific places to do specific tasks (one of the ways I've been able to ease back into driving by myself has been to go shopping at certain places every week to give myself the incentive of "retail therapy" just for going out).

It is hard for me to go to the gym - when my heart rate increases, there used to be probably a 50/50 chance of my brain saying "OH GOD IT'S PANIC TIME, FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW" and me having a panic attack. I managed to tone down this panic response by starting out with home workouts, as you mentioned, and getting used to my heart rate being increased, so that I can usually get through 3-4 gym workouts every week without having a panic attack. My fear of the gym is more centered around being afraid that people will see me have a panic attack, or maybe I'll hyperventilate during the panic attack and pass out and fall off the treadmill, etc. This fear intensifies when the gym is busy - the way I dealt with that is by identifying times during the day when it's nearly empty (my work schedule is very flexible, and I generally work from home), and going during those times.

All that being said - I have learned to deal with my own sources of fear through therapy and a ton of self-reflection. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been a lifesaver for me. I have a young son and I don't want him to grow up watching me panic my way out of life experiences. Of course, this is a process, and there will be difficult times - but overall I have gone from being completely unable to drive myself anywhere (would have a panic attack every time), and staying home probably 95% of my time, to driving comfortably for hours at a time.

I also have an extreme fear of men I don’t know why but I find it difficult to be around men or for men to look at me so I would also like advice on how to possibly avoid men in the gym or what will make me less noticeable if that makes any sense

There are gyms that are geared more towards women - I think Curves is mostly women. I'm not sure if there are any gyms like that near you, but it's worth looking into. However, I'd be more concerned with having an extreme fear of men that you don't know why you have. If you want to gain confidence and feel comfortable in public, you are going to need to deal with that fear, unless maybe you plan to live in some sort of gender-segregated community. It could be really helpful to seek therapy to unravel why you may have that fear, and to learn ways for yourself to move past it.

Finally, losing extra flab and toning up doesn't necessarily require going to the gym at first. The calorie deficit is key. Log every piece of food (and non-water beverage) that goes in your mouth and determine your deficit, and stick to it. When I started losing, I didn't go to the gym, or add any exercise on top of my daily life - I didn't really start the workouts until I had lost around 20 pounds or so. By then the feeling of accomplishment had built up my confidence quite a bit and I was less uncomfortable about being seen in public, all red-faced and sweaty and out of breath. And then, once I started going to the gym, I realized: NO ONE CARES HOW I LOOK! No one was even looking at me. They are there to get their workouts in, not to judge other people. I have heard stories of people being jerks in the gym but I think that's kinda few and far between.