Anxiety at gym
maryjane159
Posts: 14 Member
I really want to go to the gym to gain confidence and tone up my body and lose abit of extra flab I have going however I have extreme anxiety I’m scared to even go outside most of the time because I always feel judged by others or people are staring/talking about me and the gym scares me so much because it will be full of fit and healthy people while I’m fat and will be red and out of breath. I try to exercise at home but I have an evil older brother who always taunts and bullies me for it and even makes videos of me to laugh at. I really want to try and overcome my fear anyway by going to the gym but every time I attempt to go I will end up standing outside for ages too scared to go inside so I just want advice from others who suffer like this and what they did to overcome there fear and go to the gym I also have an extreme fear of men I don’t know why but I find it difficult to be around men or for men to look at me so I would also like advice on how to possibly avoid men in the gym or what will make me less noticeable if that makes any sense
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Replies
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Maybe attend an all ladies gym? Not sure where you live but up here in Canada we have multiple chains of female only gyms. In all honesty though, the only person looking at you in the gym is you. People are there to workout.17
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i used to have similar feelings. i really did. i would make up ANY excuse not to go until one day i up and went. and i have to be honest, the first few months were really hard. i was so sure that every casual glance in my direction was accompanied by cruel thoughts and disgust. but day by day it got easier.
first i started to know where things were and how things worked. and that was a huge stepping stone to being comfortable. once i didn't have the added stress of not knowing what the hell i was doing and i stopped fumbling around confusedly i could feel the weight lifting (pun intended).
second i started to get comfortable in my routine. my focus shifted from what other people were doing and thinking to what i was doing and thinking. whether i could push myself harder, up my weights, increase my cardio speed or distance, etc.
finally, i had the epiphany that everyone else in the gym was doing the same thing. which is - mainly focusing on themselves. gym time is selfish time. it's time you take out of the day to do something just for you. to get healthy. to get strong. to get faster and fitter. and that's true for everyone there for the most part. once i was in the gym for a while i was a gym person - totally indecipherable from other gym people to any new person walking in. i'm not internally judging, or shaming anyone and really neither is anyone else. it's possible you'll have a couple of bad apples, but it's even more likely that you'll never even be able to pick them out of a crowd.
so, it's going to suck at first. but go in and do 10 minutes of anything and reassess. if you need to bolt. do it. but come back another day and add something else. find someone with a friendly face if you need to ask for assistance or get a trainer to do a walk through with you when you join. going to the gym comfortably is a life skill that you'll keep forever.
edit: typo16 -
@TravisJhunt we don’t have any ladies only gym here only mixed gyms and there is only one gym near me and some boys who used to call me fat go there aswell so I don’t want them to stare at me or make nasty comments
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You sound very young. I would suggest A) you go with one of your parents,
join a ladies only gym C) get some counseling to help with your anxiety and fears. 6 -
I had fears about going to the gym, I also thought it would be full of super fit and healthy people who would judge me. I ended up going with a friend and realized that everyone there was at a different stage in their path to fitness and that made me feel so much better! Some were just starting, some have probably been going there awhile, every one was at a different stage. I also realized that everyone there is focused on their own workouts, and really don't care about what others are doing! You can also see if your gym has classes, and maybe take one of those first instead of going straight to the machines which can be intimidating. Some classes like zumba will most likely be mainly women if that helps!7
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Ok, first off, your brother is a jerk. I'm so sorry he does that to you. It's absolutely uncalled for and you don't deserve that kind of treatment, ESPECIALLY when you're trying to do something to better yourself. Sometimes family can be very unsupportive and I'm sorry you're going through that.I really want to go to the gym to gain confidence and tone up my body and lose abit of extra flab I have going however I have extreme anxiety I’m scared to even go outside most of the time because I always feel judged by others or people are staring/talking about me and the gym scares me so much because it will be full of fit and healthy people while I’m fat and will be red and out of breath...
...I really want to try and overcome my fear anyway by going to the gym but every time I attempt to go I will end up standing outside for ages too scared to go inside so I just want advice from others who suffer like this and what they did to overcome there fear and go to the gym
I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder along with Panic Disorder and the panic attacks have resulted in me being more agoraphobic than I'd prefer. I don't go out much and when I do, it's usually to very specific places to do specific tasks (one of the ways I've been able to ease back into driving by myself has been to go shopping at certain places every week to give myself the incentive of "retail therapy" just for going out).
It is hard for me to go to the gym - when my heart rate increases, there used to be probably a 50/50 chance of my brain saying "OH GOD IT'S PANIC TIME, FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW" and me having a panic attack. I managed to tone down this panic response by starting out with home workouts, as you mentioned, and getting used to my heart rate being increased, so that I can usually get through 3-4 gym workouts every week without having a panic attack. My fear of the gym is more centered around being afraid that people will see me have a panic attack, or maybe I'll hyperventilate during the panic attack and pass out and fall off the treadmill, etc. This fear intensifies when the gym is busy - the way I dealt with that is by identifying times during the day when it's nearly empty (my work schedule is very flexible, and I generally work from home), and going during those times.
All that being said - I have learned to deal with my own sources of fear through therapy and a ton of self-reflection. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been a lifesaver for me. I have a young son and I don't want him to grow up watching me panic my way out of life experiences. Of course, this is a process, and there will be difficult times - but overall I have gone from being completely unable to drive myself anywhere (would have a panic attack every time), and staying home probably 95% of my time, to driving comfortably for hours at a time.I also have an extreme fear of men I don’t know why but I find it difficult to be around men or for men to look at me so I would also like advice on how to possibly avoid men in the gym or what will make me less noticeable if that makes any sense
There are gyms that are geared more towards women - I think Curves is mostly women. I'm not sure if there are any gyms like that near you, but it's worth looking into. However, I'd be more concerned with having an extreme fear of men that you don't know why you have. If you want to gain confidence and feel comfortable in public, you are going to need to deal with that fear, unless maybe you plan to live in some sort of gender-segregated community. It could be really helpful to seek therapy to unravel why you may have that fear, and to learn ways for yourself to move past it.
Finally, losing extra flab and toning up doesn't necessarily require going to the gym at first. The calorie deficit is key. Log every piece of food (and non-water beverage) that goes in your mouth and determine your deficit, and stick to it. When I started losing, I didn't go to the gym, or add any exercise on top of my daily life - I didn't really start the workouts until I had lost around 20 pounds or so. By then the feeling of accomplishment had built up my confidence quite a bit and I was less uncomfortable about being seen in public, all red-faced and sweaty and out of breath. And then, once I started going to the gym, I realized: NO ONE CARES HOW I LOOK! No one was even looking at me. They are there to get their workouts in, not to judge other people. I have heard stories of people being jerks in the gym but I think that's kinda few and far between.7 -
teeenabeana wrote: »I had fears about going to the gym, I also thought it would be full of super fit and healthy people who would judge me. I ended up going with a friend and realized that everyone there was at a different stage in their path to fitness and that made me feel so much better! Some were just starting, some have probably been going there awhile, every one was at a different stage. I also realized that everyone there is focused on their own workouts, and really don't care about what others are doing! You can also see if your gym has classes, and maybe take one of those first instead of going straight to the machines which can be intimidating. Some classes like zumba will most likely be mainly women if that helps!
I don't know. People don't usually make mean comments at the gym. They only once did to me, but it is very uncomfortable when you are beyond "normal" overweight. I am 270 lbs and work out at home. It is uncomfortable to go to the gym. I think I will start going once I get a little smaller and am not so big.1 -
I'm sorry you're feeling this way! Can you hire a trainer, even for one session? I did a few sessions with a trainer and it gave me a lot of confidence going in. I felt like at least I looked like I knew what I was doing haha! Plus he became a friendly face around the gym!
As far as what's going on in the gym- everyone is pretty focused on themselves and they won't be paying attention to you, I promise! Any interaction with others has always been positive....a quick "I see how hard you're working" or "keep it up"!
Maybe try a class first? At my gym the classes are primarily full of women. You can stand in the back to blend in. They are no pressure, walk out whenever you want.
Lastly, maybe just baby steps. Day one, go in and ask them to show you around... Day two, 10 minutes of exercise....ect...until you feel ready!2 -
Depending on what your schedule is, maybe you can find a 24 hour gym and go during the dead times. Like 4 am, when nobody is there. That will give you a chance to workout with very little human interaction. Working out really helps build confidence and I think as you make progress and get more comfortable with the environment, you'll start to feel comfortable going in at different times. I had similar anxiety, and that's what I had to do at first, because I was so scared. Now, I can go anytime I want and have even started running outside in the street, which is something I never ever thought I would be brave enough to do.
Choosing a gym with the right culture for you is also really important. When you go to sign up, ask for a tour, so you can look around and see what it's like, what the patrons are like, etc. I just joined a crossfit-based gym, which I never thought I would because I think crossfit culture is ridiculous lmao. But the good thing is that cross fitters are very focused, so it is a gym where everyone (including the men) minds their own business and leaves you alone, which is perfect. So don't be afraid to shop around. If you just can't get comfortable in one place, try another one. It gets a bad rap, but I was a Planet Fitness member for a while, and it was great for getting started with the gym. It was just normal looking people, trying to get fit, so it was easier to get comfortable and feel less self-conscious.
Lastly, remember that you are paying to be at the gym, so every time you don't go in, you are wasting your money. Don't waste your money! Even if you just go in and walk for 10 minutes on the treadmill, you have not wasted your money, and that's great. You got this, and can do it!1 -
I was the same way, and honestly still am to a degree. What really helped me was getting a friend (or in this case my aunt) and joining a beginners class together. We got to learn the equipment and have a really amazing trainer who specializes in helping people who are over weight, have physical limitations, or who are just really nervous about being at the gym.
I used rec centres as they are cheaper.2 -
What your brother is doing is *kitten* up. Stay away from him as much as possible.Get away from him as soon as you can.
As far as the gym, the only way to get over your fear is to cobfront ot head kn, and acclimatize yourself to it. Go for as few as 10 minutes a day at first. Go in, use a machine that looks familiar and just use it for 5-10 minutes, change and go home. Keep doing that until you are comfortable using tbat machine and dealing with being in the gym at all, and them pick something else there to get uses to. Keep up the pattern until the gym becomes a refuge, rather than a scary place.1 -
I felt awkward at the gym at first, but realize that almost no one is looking at you. Everyone's into their own thing.3
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Do you have any friends who go to them gym? Perhaps you could go with them for a few visits till you get yourself on track.
Or what about walking outside? It's super wintery here but I really enjoy bundling up and getting fresh air. If I walk fast enough I can get pretty sweaty. And it helps me sleep well.
Please do something for exercise. It will give you so much more confidence. Your health and happiness are very important.1 -
First of all, good on you for deciding to make a change and get healthier for yourself! The first couple of visits to the gym can be intimidating, but once you get your routine down, you'll feel a lot more comfortable. Some things that helped me in the past (I can be super shy in unfamiliar situations):
-Find a time of day when it's quiet, either early morning or later in the evening, if those would work for you.
-Try a class - stand near the back if you feel more comfortable there, and just follow along as best you can. It's hard for everyone, especially at first, so don't worry about feeling self-conscious!
-Many gyms offer a free session or two with a trainer when you first join, which might help you to focus your goals and learn proper techniques.
-Find a gym buddy to go with you.
Most of all, just give it a try! Most people are so focused on themselves that they don't pay attention to what anyone else is doing, and a lot of people are genuinely friendly and happy to encourage others. The benefits for your health and outlook will be worth it. Also, improved strength and fitness will help you to kick your brother's *kitten*
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One thing I learned you can try that I learned in therapy groups is go for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes if you are still and anxious you can leave but keep going back. Eventually you will stay longer. Anyone can do anything for 10 minutes. I used to drag myself to square dance groups and other stuff when I was extremely anxious. It is worth a shot. Gyms really aren't bad. I went to a bunch of different ones throughout my life. Most people are there to work on themselves. There will be some bigger than you probably and some smaller. Don't let that stop you from becoming the person you want to be.2
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I am so sorry you are feeling this way. Is there a friend you can go with? If not, are there personalized training sessions offered at one of the local gyms? Perhaps doing a workout or two with a pro showing you how to effectively work the equipment will build confidence? I have been there, thinking everyone was judging me and later I realized that no one could give a rat's *kitten* about me....they were too focused on their own goals. I promise that after a few sessions your confidence will skyrocket.
If this is anxiety beyond just the gym, is there someone you can speak to professionally?0 -
Most people at the gym started at square one, I know I did. The only advantage I've got at this point is that I've been going for over 10 years. That also means a few things: I'm mostly focused on doing my own thing, I understand where you are at, if you need help ask (really, 98% of us are nice people).
I hit the gym at 4 am and we have everything from the guys that could lift a semi to the bigger guys just starting out and we all cheer each other on. The bigger guys show up and hit the track to walk and do what they can and we encourage them because we know that is the first step of many. The huge guy causes a small earthquake setting a new PR and we encourage him because we know the struggle is just as hard.
Yes there are a few Bros here and there that are annoying but don't let them ruin it for you. Most people at the gym are nice, will encourage you, and are generally in and out without realizing what is going on around them (especially at 4am, I swear I'm done working out before my brain realizes that I've even started).2 -
maryjane159 wrote: »I really want to go to the gym to gain confidence and tone up my body and lose abit of extra flab I have going however I have extreme anxiety I’m scared to even go outside most of the time because I always feel judged by others or people are staring/talking about me and the gym scares me so much because it will be full of fit and healthy people while I’m fat and will be red and out of breath. I try to exercise at home but I have an evil older brother who always taunts and bullies me for it and even makes videos of me to laugh at. I really want to try and overcome my fear anyway by going to the gym but every time I attempt to go I will end up standing outside for ages too scared to go inside so I just want advice from others who suffer like this and what they did to overcome there fear and go to the gym I also have an extreme fear of men I don’t know why but I find it difficult to be around men or for men to look at me so I would also like advice on how to possibly avoid men in the gym or what will make me less noticeable if that makes any sense
I've been in and out of gyms for much of my life..while there are fit and healthy people in the gym, I'd say the vast majority are actually in the, "trying to get fit and healthy boat." Beyond that, the fit and healthy one's started somewhere...and many of them started as overweight noobs too.1 -
[1] People are generally only focused on themselves. Oftentimes, in a hurry to churn out their own routines and get out of there.
[2] Depending on your goals, the gym isn't necessary. If you are going for the purpose of getting cardio (rather than strength training) in and hate/fear/dread the gym, I would suggest finding something more pleasant. Buy a bike, find a walking/running/snowshoeing/etc route(s) you like,...
[3] Plan out exactly what you intend to do once in there. Having clear purpose/plan will probably help a bit with the anxiety.0 -
Ditto to all the comments above. Nine months ago, I had never set foot in a gym in my life. I had many ideas of what I would encounter and they were all wrong! Now I am at the gym 5 times per week (3 times with my wonderful trainer). Every single person I have encountered at my gym has been an inspiration to me. We all start our journey somewhere and you will be surprised how supportive the gym environment really is. You are stronger than you think you are!!2
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cwolfman13 wrote: »maryjane159 wrote: »I really want to go to the gym to gain confidence and tone up my body and lose abit of extra flab I have going however I have extreme anxiety I’m scared to even go outside most of the time because I always feel judged by others or people are staring/talking about me and the gym scares me so much because it will be full of fit and healthy people while I’m fat and will be red and out of breath. I try to exercise at home but I have an evil older brother who always taunts and bullies me for it and even makes videos of me to laugh at. I really want to try and overcome my fear anyway by going to the gym but every time I attempt to go I will end up standing outside for ages too scared to go inside so I just want advice from others who suffer like this and what they did to overcome there fear and go to the gym I also have an extreme fear of men I don’t know why but I find it difficult to be around men or for men to look at me so I would also like advice on how to possibly avoid men in the gym or what will make me less noticeable if that makes any sense
I've been in and out of gyms for much of my life..while there are fit and healthy people in the gym, I'd say the vast majority are actually in the, "trying to get fit and healthy boat." Beyond that, the fit and healthy one's started somewhere...and many of them started as overweight noobs too.
I second this!! A few women at the gym ask me for advice now (I'm in no way qualified to give it, other than looking relatively in shape). So maybe you could consider me a fit person at the gym. When I started I was overweight, had no clue what I was doing and huffing and puffing the whole time. Everyone has to start somewhere!3 -
maryjane159 wrote: »@TravisJhunt we don’t have any ladies only gym here only mixed gyms and there is only one gym near me and some boys who used to call me fat go there aswell so I don’t want them to stare at me or make nasty comments
I get it, I do. You are brave to want to push through this real challenge. So far you've gotten as far as the parking lot. Next up is actually going inside. Have you actually joined it yet? If not, then go to the front desk and say something like "I'm interested in joining this gym. Can you tell me something about rates and show me around?" Notice who's there, and how crowded or not it is. You can ask "are there times when it is not really busy?"
Once you have done that, you can maybe plan your next step, which is to join up and go the first time. It will be easier because you already know where everything is, and you may have chosen a time when it is less busy. I often would tell myself, "it's OK if all you do is walk at a modest pace on the treadmill for 10 minutes."
I don't know how much anxiety you have about changing in the locker room. If that it part of it, go wearing your sweats or whatever you want to work out in. My local "Y" showers are functional but on the gross side so I just throw a sweatshirt on over my sweaty self and take a shower, etc. when I get home.
While you are taking the time to take that first step, you can think about your strategy as you walk outside (weather and ice permitting). That way, you are moving.
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1) Talk to your parents about your "evil brother." Explain to them how much his infantile and bully behavior is hurting you and/or take away his phone or anything else that uses to record you until you are done with your exercises.
2) Lock the "evil brother" in his room or out of the house until you are done exercising.
3) Try to find a YMCA where you can workout without negative influences.
4) Go for a walk if you still have anxieties about the gym. Walking is good for you as long as you leave your brother in the house or do it when he is at school or at work, since he is older than you. Better, you can leave him locked in this room for a little bit longer.
5) Find a friend that you can partner with and exercise few times a week.
6) Seek professional help for your anxiety.
7) Watch your diet and portion controls; that is what will help you to lose weight. Use MFP to your advantage. Once the weight is down you will feel more confident with yourself and be able to join a gym. Workout with weights so you can get strong and get your brother and other bullies under control.5 -
I wish you could have been at my gym this morning, it was mostly heavy people who were very unfit, a partially paralyzed guy rehabbing after a stroke, and a military vet with a false leg! Not everyone who goes to the gym is a fitness model.
With respect, it sounds like your fear of men is partly based on bad experiences - you have mentioned your brother, as well as other boys who were unkind to you. It makes sense to want to avoid bullies.
Can you try a tour of your local gym? If they offer a tour, explain that you're worried about harassment and let them explain what they would do about it. Most gyms would take a pretty dim view of it and your bullies might not want to be banned from the only gym in your area.
If you can, go the first time with a friend who can do some of the talking for you and take the pressure off.1 -
Early mornings can sometimes be best if you are trying to avoid crowds and attention. I used to get there right when they opened. Most people are just waking up and focused on their workout, not others.1
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maryjane159 wrote: »I really want to go to the gym to gain confidence and tone up my body and lose abit of extra flab I have going however I have extreme anxiety I’m scared to even go outside most of the time because I always feel judged by others or people are staring/talking about me and the gym scares me so much because it will be full of fit and healthy people while I’m fat and will be red and out of breath. I try to exercise at home but I have an evil older brother who always taunts and bullies me for it and even makes videos of me to laugh at. I really want to try and overcome my fear anyway by going to the gym but every time I attempt to go I will end up standing outside for ages too scared to go inside so I just want advice from others who suffer like this and what they did to overcome there fear and go to the gym I also have an extreme fear of men I don’t know why but I find it difficult to be around men or for men to look at me so I would also like advice on how to possibly avoid men in the gym or what will make me less noticeable if that makes any sense
I don't suffer from that kind of anxiety but I can empathize with you. I think other posters have been too easy on your older brother. What you describe is criminal. If you haven't already, talk to your parents about it. If they are unable or unwilling to intervene, perhaps talk to your clergyman or a counselor at school and ask him or her to help explain to your parents your brother's actions and its consequences.
"Extreme anxiety" is worth talking to professionals about. If you haven't already done it, perhaps ask the school counselor or your regular doctor if a referral is a good idea.
Planet Fitness Gyms are franchise operations so the experience will vary somewhat depending on the owner but one of the corporate slogans is "Judgement free zone." At the one I go to everyone, members and staff seem to bend over backward to live up to it. So far I have never been the only overweight person working out.
Good luck Maryjane.1 -
Yes people are usually nice. But the hard part is getting there. Start at home with a smart tv and Amazon prime membership. Tons of free workout videos.0
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rheddmobile wrote: »I wish you could have been at my gym this morning, it was mostly heavy people who were very unfit, a partially paralyzed guy rehabbing after a stroke, and a military vet with a false leg! Not everyone who goes to the gym is a fitness model.
this. Especially if you choose a time when they also offer pool aerobic classes (if the gym near you has a pool), since those are often used by those with mobility impairments.0 -
First. Your brother is a jerk.
I Understand how you feel about going to the gym. I feel the same way and honestly if it wasn't for my support I would probably do the same thing you do. You do have a couple of options when it comes to the gym. Some gyms have a guest pass for your account. Look to see if a friend who will encourage you will come along. You could also try going during the gyms down time when very few people are there. Gym people really don't pay much attention to other people. I've been going for 6 months to the same gym and outside of the employees I literally don't recognize anyone from the beginning.
Also consider what another person said about maybe not needing a gym. I lost a lot of weight when my exercise was just walking. Running would be good, biking, hiking, or join a school sport which would have people you maybe more comfortable with.0 -
maryjane159 wrote: »@TravisJhunt we don’t have any ladies only gym here only mixed gyms and there is only one gym near me and some boys who used to call me fat go there aswell so I don’t want them to stare at me or make nasty comments
Curious have you thought about calisthenics? Usually you can do at home and just use body weight. Even when I was a hard core weight lifter I worked many of these movements into my programs so they have merit. For example you can use a chair and do dips with body weight that will make your arms burn like mad. Push ups, chin ups, step ups, squats, all things that could be done at home without weights or a gym. Grab some good quality bands and you can do some pretty good stuff with that and a wall hook tied into a wall joist. You could even try something like the P90x system but do only what you can.
Baring this and you still want to go to the gym for sure, how about with a partner that you trust. Maybe a friend trying to lose weight as well. If you have someone to support you, its often easier and more fun.0
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