Unsupportive family who still think I'm obese

When I lost weight, I remember getting some fitted clothes and the first thing my mum said was what's the point? You'll be fat again soon. Talk about giving you confidence! Also, I lost weight by eating less, counting every calorie I consumed for 1.5 years. It wasn't easy, yet some family members would always comment about how I ate too much food and how they couldn't eat so much, (with almost every evening meal I have a large salad, made with spinach/kale, plus vegetables, which makes my plate look really full, but doesn't provide many calories). I only ate 1200 calories as I didn't exercise and I'm very short, so it was hardly too much food. They can eat a packet of biscuits each, 3 chocolates and a whole pizza to themselves, yet can't finish a salad!

I went abroad and lost some weight whilst there, before that I had lost about 45 lbs, but nobody from my family acknowledged it. It was only once I'd returned from my holiday that everyone noticed, I lost an additional 14 lbs in a few months, and my family said I lost weight only because of the heat. My 'fat melted', is how they put it.

My elder sister, who is morbidly obese, still thinks I'm fat and always tells me about how we can never be like the skinny girls because we like to eat. I wear size small clothes now (UK size 8) and today she told me I ought to give my clothes to our 8-month pregnant, normally slim, sister, as mine will fit her. Honestly, felt so sad hearing that. She was wearing a size 10 before she was pregnant, so I normally wear smaller clothes anyway. Sorry to vent, but I just felt a bit miserable hearing that.

Replies

  • gelindwall
    gelindwall Posts: 3 Member
    Family can be cruel, but remember you're doing the right thing, you're much healthier and better both physically and mentally, try not to let them get to you, and keep doing what your doing!
  • galvanmarie579
    galvanmarie579 Posts: 12 Member
    Sorry for the troubles!! We are always here for you. Haters gonna hate. Keep your head up and do whats good for you. If you can, the more you remove youself from toxic people or toxic situations the better you will be. You got this
  • ibawaya
    ibawaya Posts: 5 Member
    Congratulations on your wonderful progress! Your family is trying to sabotage your efforts--don't let them. Any change disrupts a family, which is really a process. You need to remain strong to avoid efforts to sabotage you. Look for allies in your family and friends--some people probably admire your stamina.
  • snowyne
    snowyne Posts: 268 Member
    Oh, the joys of family! They definitely know which buttons to push! As another person said, misery loves company. Some people are threatened when others take control of their own lives because it reminds them of their own failures/struggles. Try to have a mental response/phrase ready to counter their insults. Repeat it to yourself often & let it act as your shield against their nasty comments.
  • Kst76
    Kst76 Posts: 935 Member
    __TMac__ wrote: »
    They sound charming. Keep fighting the good fight, and be nice to yourself.

    My sister seems to have decided to not come visit until either she’s lost her new excess weight or until I regain mine. This is a bonus. Narcissism from a distance is the best kind of narcissism.

    Omg..lol.
    What is up,with the jelousy in our families?
  • amtyrell
    amtyrell Posts: 1,447 Member
    Family knows what buttons to push because they installed the buttons.
    Just like our mental images of our self take a while to change our mental images of others do as well. So hopefully they will change over time.
    That said ignore the jerks
  • bkstein40
    bkstein40 Posts: 41 Member
    First of all you need to look in the mirror and say I am so proud of you today!! You did it!! I know what you mean everyone else around me is proud of me for my success in my weight loss except my mother in law, I just chalk it up to pure jealousy. One key to success is to surround yourself around positive people and your family isn't them. Remember you have a positive family in MFP which is the best medicine for all that negative talk. Congratulations on your success and my motto "stay the course as it is a lifestyle change not a diet that will sustain".
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    :'( sorry
  • NJGamerChick
    NJGamerChick Posts: 467 Member
    __TMac__ wrote: »
    I’ll add in something that’s helped me. When she does decide to come to my parents’ house for the holidays, I keep an index card and a pencil in my pocket. I write up a bingo card with all of the horrible things she is likely to say. Each time she hits one, I celebrate by toasting with my husband and taking a few minutes to myself. When I actually hit bingo, we can leave. One year, she hit three in the first five minutes and we left after two hours. :)

    Now this is a great idea. I want to try this myself.

    OP, it sounds like your family is trying to knock you down because your actions are bringing to the surface their inactions. You've gone and caused some good ripples and they aren't happy with you rocking their boats. Keep doing you, boo. They'll have no choice but to adjust to the changes once they realize they are permanent.
  • rsclause
    rsclause Posts: 3,103 Member
    Look at it as a sign that you are making progress and yes they are noticing. Misery loves company and I feel that their comments are an attempt to get you back to the dark side. Stay with your lifestyle change and let the heat keep melting the pounds off.
  • Spliner1969
    Spliner1969 Posts: 3,233 Member
    Sam29a wrote: »
    When I lost weight, I remember getting some fitted clothes and the first thing my mum said was what's the point? You'll be fat again soon. Talk about giving you confidence! Also, I lost weight by eating less, counting every calorie I consumed for 1.5 years. It wasn't easy, yet some family members would always comment about how I ate too much food and how they couldn't eat so much, (with almost every evening meal I have a large salad, made with spinach/kale, plus vegetables, which makes my plate look really full, but doesn't provide many calories). I only ate 1200 calories as I didn't exercise and I'm very short, so it was hardly too much food. They can eat a packet of biscuits each, 3 chocolates and a whole pizza to themselves, yet can't finish a salad!

    I went abroad and lost some weight whilst there, before that I had lost about 45 lbs, but nobody from my family acknowledged it. It was only once I'd returned from my holiday that everyone noticed, I lost an additional 14 lbs in a few months, and my family said I lost weight only because of the heat. My 'fat melted', is how they put it.

    My elder sister, who is morbidly obese, still thinks I'm fat and always tells me about how we can never be like the skinny girls because we like to eat. I wear size small clothes now (UK size 8) and today she told me I ought to give my clothes to our 8-month pregnant, normally slim, sister, as mine will fit her. Honestly, felt so sad hearing that. She was wearing a size 10 before she was pregnant, so I normally wear smaller clothes anyway. Sorry to vent, but I just felt a bit miserable hearing that.

    It sounds a little like you're losing the weight for more than one reason; your family's approval being one of them. I'd let that go. Sounds like they aren't going to approve anyway. I'm guessing they are overweight and it may be some jealousy or denial on their part. Lose weight for yourself, be happy about the changes and let them do their thing. I come from a family that is mixed. On my mother's side, everyone is big. Tall, big boned, healthy eaters, and yes, usually overweight. On my father's side, everyone is tall and skinny. I have gone both ways to be honest. When I was a pre-teen I was tall and skinny. My teenage years I started putting on weight and didn't stop. It was a slow gain, but over the years I gained until I was somewhere in the range of 110-120lbs overweight for my height by the time I was 40ish.

    I was the same as how you describe some of your family, not even a value meal at McDonalds would satisfy me, I'd always add an extra cheeseburger or two. I snacked all night and ate what I wanted. I lost my weight in about a year or a bit more here at MFP, and have managed to keep it off for the most part for the last two years after that. I know I will never go back to being that overweight again, yet I also know the appetite will probably never change. I work out 4-5x a week for up to 1.5 hours pretty intensely. My TDEE is probably in the 2700 calorie range per day 7 days a week, and there are still some days I could easily eat more if I let myself. It'll be a struggle the rest of my life, but I like the new me, and refuse to go back. So don't let your family sabotage you. You do you. Let them do themselves. You should be doing this for yourself, and your own approval, not theirs.