My Weightloss Makes People Angry...& That Makes me Happy! :-D

Yep! Not so much anymore as I've lost the "friends" that would constantly tell me that I'm "too skinny" or made snide comments about my weight loss. The so called "friends" that would start posting how "real women" have curves, although the "curves" they were posting about was obesity, not curves, then comment on how I'm a bad role model and my weight loss and figure aren't "attainable" for real women.

Those people are no longer in my life. The friends that are my friends no matter my size, I've realized: are my true friends.

I chalk it up to envy, some people just don't like seeing other people bettering themselves, when they aren't.

So here’s the thing with this - I’ve seen lots of people on here before, saying that their friends/coworkers notice their weight loss and act surprised, and occasionally encourage them to stop losing. Someone always says, “They’re jealous of your success! They want you to fail to feel better about themselves!”

I just don’t believe that. That’s a lazy, knee-jerk answer to the question of their motivation. I think well-meaning people tell you that you look great and have lost enough because, in their mind, weight loss is a monumental effort, you’ve done enough of this terribly hard chore and you should enjoy the results, rather than keep killing yourself to lose more. I truly think it’s well intentioned but poorly executed. I usually just respond with, “My health has improved SO much, I’m going to stick with it and see how much better I can make it!”
I have never had anyone press me to stop after that. To them, weight loss is about image. To us, the Losers, it’s a lifestyle. You wouldn’t tell a diabetic that since they just had their insulin, they should have this piece of cake because you know it’s bad for them. Most people don’t look at weight loss in the same light; I know my body gains weight easily and it’s bad for me - it’s my ‘diabetes’, for lack of a better word. I have to ALWAYS monitor my caloric intake. I can’t drop my vigilance because it’s bad for my body.

I didn’t read through all the comments, but just wanted to give my two cents. I used to have an eating disorder and at my lowest weight was 99 lbs (I’m 5’7”). Once I hit about 120, I started getting those same comments. And ignored them. I still felt like I looked fat and hideous. The smaller I got, the more angry and aggressive the comments became.

Now, I’m so NOT saying oh have an ED. I’m saying people who really care worry. And the more danger they feel you’re in, the more aggressive/angry the comments will get. Because they’re terrified!

Are there some people who are haters and just want you to stop because they don’t want you to look “better” than them? Yes! You can figure out if someone really cares or not if you pay attention.

My recommendation to anyone in this situation is to do two things. A, figure out if the people saying these things mostly fit in the “hater” category or the “concerned/scared loved one” category. If they’re haters, *kitten* em. Excuse the language, but that’s exactly how you want to treat them. Ignore them, and if they don’t leave it alone, call them out on it.

If there are a lot of concerned loved ones coming up to you, I would take it to heart. I’d make a dr. Appointment with a nutritionist or dietician or even your GP. Bring along one of the concerned folks and listen. The Dr will tell you the truth. If you’re ok, everyone can now stop worrying because a dr said you’re fine.

Obviously this is intrusive and you don’t have to prove anything to anyone and can tell everyone to fck off if you want, but having been through what I’ve been through, and knowing I still thought I was huge at 99Ibs, I find it better to air on the side of caution if it seems like a majority of people who sincerely care about you are worried for you.

Sorry this is so long and I hope it made sense. 🙂

I don't think it's jealousy outright, per se. I have been thinking about this lately because of an exchange I recently read on Facebook. A friend of mine has been working on losing weight recently and posted that he was proud to have finally made it out of the obese category for BMI. Another woman posted that he shouldn't focus so much on BMI because it likely wasn't accurate: according to her BMI she was obese, but, according to her, she clearly was only a little bit overweight. She received a lot of comments that agreed with her, so out of curiosity I visited her Facebook page to look at her pictures. First I want to note, the friend I mentioned earlier is someone who I was surprised to find out was considered obese, he had always looked a bit overweight but not morbidly so. This woman, on the other hand, was not someone like that. She was very clearly obese, and it was quite obvious. It seemed to me that she and the people agreeing with her seemed to have a very distorted perception of themselves and what is healthy and I think that plays a huge role in these types of comments. If you see yourself as "just needing the lose a few pounds," it's hard to come to terms with the fact that someone your size or smaller than you sees the need to start or continue losing weight. The natural reaction is therefore to protect one's self assessment by assuming there must be something wrong with the other person: it can't be that one is, themselves, also obese, it must be that the other person is too thin and has a distorted self image.

It also might be that being a bit self-centered is part of human nature. We all spend so much time analyzing and thinking about ourselves and our own lives that we assume others think about us just as much. When someone smaller than you says they want to lose weight, you wonder "if they think they are fat, what do they think of me?!" In reality, they probably don't think about us or our weight all that much. It's the same reason we think that person behind us in line must be snickering to themselves about us rather than a funny joke they heard earlier, or why we think that cute guy across the coffee shop is staring at us, rather than the nice painting behind us. A good way to deal with this might be to find a way to assure them that your weightloss has nothing to do with anyone but yourself.