Losing motivation? Weird issues?

I've contemplated posting this here what with putting a name to a face and all, but whatever, I'm at a point I'm starting to not care anymore.

In June 2016 I started seriously losing weight, and even though I believe I could be further down in pounds vs where I am now I'm proud to be around 110 pounds lighter. Something is happening though. See, I have about 70 - 80 pounds left to lose, and you'd think hey I've lost this much already it shouldn't be too bad right?

At the gym I'm becoming less and less focused, sometimes I just don't want to be there. Beforehand I really liked going to the gym, kind of my home away from home. Friends I've made there have since left and I still feel that weird "everyone is looking at the fat guy" phase which I should be LONG over with. Or maybe it's just me judging myself too hard? Every day I look at myself and while I see progress I also see disgust in how I managed to let myself get to this point in the first place.

My grandmother has been nagging me for the past year or so to just up and get married. She doesn't understand things aren't like they used to be. I try to take it with a grain of salt, she's just getting older. But I know that I am getting older too, and her nagging is getting in my head. I don't know how that factors in to this other than it's starting to take up more and more of my thinking vs focusing on bettering myself. I'm not very good with women... Hell, with people in general. Let me explain it like this; you ever see Shawshank Redemption? Where that old guy has been in prison for so long when he is finally released he doesn't know how to cope being in public again? I kind of feel like that. I've let myself out of mega fatty prison and in the off-chance people approach me I get defensive. I don't know how to handle it.

Weekends are getting worse. I'm finding myself wanting to binge eat more and more. I'll have one cheat meal just to stop going crazy from the week before, but I want to escalate it even more. I keep stopping myself but I don't know how much willpower I have left.

Anyone else know what I'm talking about? Am I just making a fuss over nothing? I desperately want to get this weight off of me and start living life like I'm supposed to, and it's taken me this long to get half way there. I used to be really depressed back then, gym time mostly helped that, but I feel like it's creeping back. There's no god damn way I'll go back to 300 pounds though, how do I get through this?

Replies

  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 14,227 Member
    edited March 2018
    I am sure this will sound like a chorus. But my first question is... how big is your purported (aimed for) deficit. Aim for something smaller than you have been. And yes, consider a diet break. And make sure you're meeting your fat and protein minimums.
  • eminater
    eminater Posts: 2,477 Member
    edited March 2018
    Hang in there! It sounds as though you are a little down at the moment. You made friends at the gym before - and I think this is the key for you, to make some more connections and friendships. Focus on friendship and connecting with people more than on "getting married". I like some of the other ideas above, especially @concordancia 's idea about joining a team. Put your self out there. You have a lot to offer and I am just guessing you have a heart of gold.

    PS - don't give up on the logging and so-forth. Weight gain is really not want you need or want right now.
  • Tq43
    Tq43 Posts: 85 Member
    Great advice here from everyone. Keep going.... you're worth it !!! You've come so far ....don't lose sight of your ultimate goal....take care and be kind to yourself xx
  • HeyJudii
    HeyJudii Posts: 264 Member
    Try changing one (or more) of your goals. I was where you are a few weeks ago. For some reason, finally weighing myself and seeing that I wasn't as heavy as I thought I was, depressed me. I started having trouble reaching my daily Fitbit calorie burn goal.
    Believe it or not, deciding not to weigh myself again for a month, and slightly increasing my daily calorie burn goal gave me renewed purpose and I started exceeding my daily goal.
    So maybe readjusting/re-evaluating your end goal(s) might give you the boost you need to get you over this hump.

    (BTW: I was starting to struggle with the weekend "cheat day triggering the desire to binge" also. I decided to get rid of the cheat day mentality. Much too tempting to return to old habits. Once a food-a-holic, always a food-a-holic in my case.)
  • Steff46
    Steff46 Posts: 516 Member
    Have you thought about finding people in your area for group activities? Look for something you like to do or maybe something out of your comfort zone. Try looking on social media for local activities. Sometimes when I get at a "tired of all this" place with my diet and exercise I get out on my bike with friends. I'm not sure of your area (mountains, city, rural) but look for hiking, biking, park runs, or charity 5ks. Outdoor activities saved my sanity :)
  • vanmep
    vanmep Posts: 410 Member
    I wonder if you are suffering from depression? It might be good to get assessed for that.
  • jgnatca
    jgnatca Posts: 14,464 Member
    See if this resonates with you. A hundred pound loss is a spectacular achievement. You really deserve to celebrate that achievement and anchor that in your soul.

    Now comes the tough part. Even though our society disdains obesity and pities the fat, it doesn’t treat big losers much better (envy, angst?). You still have a big life in front of you.

    I think you need a new goal, maybe fitness related. I follow John Glaude on YouTube. A super positive guy with a genuine interest in the struggles in overcoming obesity. He has gotten in to CrossFit lately and it seems to me he gets a great deal of pleasure in hitting new fitness goals.

    Something like that.

    Fitness goals will also get you to where you want to be, though a little slower, and it will help you stay in a positive frame of mind for when a great woman floats in to your life.
  • youngmomtaz
    youngmomtaz Posts: 1,075 Member
    edited March 2018
    Hey, to echo some of the others maybe it is time for a change. Learn something new, go at your gym time differently, maybe even try a different gym. I have lost and regained and repeat over the years and I think things just get stale sometimes and we need new excitements for motivation. My husband and I signed up for a small group dance lesson. Woah! Did we ever realize how much cardio is needed for even basic steps, but realized that we also really enjoy it and it is a great change up to one of our evenings of tv and kid wrangling every week. I have fiddled with my gym routine enough over the years to know that I have to change it up seasonally or I get bored. I lift regularly but have to alternate between my cardio routines or I cant convince myself to do anything. But Running in the spring, backpacking mid summer to early winter(less hiking in the spring and early summer due to bear activity), fall and winter I challenge myself with Beachbody workouts a few times a week, and snowshoeing and cross country skiing keep me on the go. Even the lifting sometimes has less structure and more play and then I get back on program and see a gain or improvement when I am fresh again and am all the more motivated.

    I am also someone who would never go out and see people if I was not forced, so the dancing is good for me and I make a point to go “out” at least once a week with a friend. Coffee, supper, escape room, group hike. Whatever I can do to curb my hermit type personality.

    Anyway, long and drawn out, but change things up and see if that helps at all. Hiking, biking, swimming, bodybuilding, etc. Take a class either related or unrelated to fitness, cooking maybe? The focus on “marriage” your grandmother has is odd. Just find and then do what interests you and you will come across like minded people. And, great loss! I would bet you feel wonderful!!
  • NatureMadeBeauty
    NatureMadeBeauty Posts: 16 Member
    Sometimes we lose weight with the expectations that weight loss will solve all are social problems because we are thin. We think the cure is being thin. I have been both thin and big! Nothing changes mentally in us but our self-esteem I suffer from loneliness this stems in me from childhood. It a mental condition. I know one thing 4 sure is that nothing will change even if your thin and it makes us discourage then we are right back to where we started. It is mental issues that being thin can't address. Been there I know.
  • dovnkels
    dovnkels Posts: 25 Member
    I just wanted to give you some encouragement and say 'congratulations' on your weight loss. I am introverted and understand the social awkwardness.
    If you can afford it, you may try seeing a personal trainer once a week. They can offer a fresh perspective, spark motivation, and if you find the right one, can help you work out some of the other stuff.
    If you have a YMCA, this can be a great place to find a trainer on a sliding financial scale.
    Don't give up!!!
  • fvtfan
    fvtfan Posts: 126 Member
    I have kind of struggled with this myself - not that I have lost as much as you have - but I think everyone at some point gets bored with the weight loss struggle. I think a diet break is a great idea, if you think you can get back on the wagon after the two weeks anyway. My solution was to join a new gym - with new classes and a pool where I can do new activities. Hopefully I will meet some new people in the process. I really have been debating going to a local bar that has line dance lessons, great new activity and a way to meet people, but I am not super comfortable getting out by myself. Sometimes we have to do scary things to point our lives in a new direction.

    Lastly - did you celebrate your 110 pound loss or do you just look at how much more you want to lose. I think sometimes we forget to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. You have already made significant changes to your health in the long run, even if you never lose another pound. Don't forget where you came from.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    A change in routine might be beneficial. Try hiking or joining a club, or switch up your exercise routine. It's not uncommon to get bogged down in the middle of any long process, and switching things up might be just enough to get you over the hump.

    Oh, and if you can, tell your grandmother as politely as possible to stuff it.
  • DanaDark
    DanaDark Posts: 2,187 Member
    Honestly sounds to me like you need to break things up. New exercises, new activity.

    You should try and find activity GROUPS. A sport, a hiking group, swimming group, etc. Purposely find all inclusive groups so you could meet the ladies. Meeting someone with similar hobbies and goals that you have (weight loss, body healthy, body positivity) is fantastic for finding potential partners.

    What you're feeling at the gym, people feel in all sorts of situations. When work starts feeling like that, most people try to find new jobs or advancement.

    Stop looking back. Look forward. Cliche I know, but true. There is literally nothing to be gained from blaming yourself and thinking of why/how you gained the weight in the first place, especially since you're on a path that is doing good.
  • KrisJ125
    KrisJ125 Posts: 93 Member
    I think you have done a great job so far. I am watching my son go through this same thing--he has decided to lose weight and get back into activities he enjoys. In college he put on about 80 pounds, now he wants to get healthier and eventually get married. But it's hard for him to relate to people face to face because when he got heavy he was mostly socializing via internet. His solution was to join a team that does their activity together (it's this combat with foam 'weapons' thing!! not sure what to call it...) Anyway, my advice is the same as some others here: find a team or group you can be part of. It will provide new faces and friends, motivation and support. Best of luck and keep up the good work!
  • timeforwork
    timeforwork Posts: 114 Member
    Well done so far, that's a lot of weight lost! You seem to have a lot of small issues going on that added togeather are starting to get overwhelming. I would write them down in a list then make several strategies for dealing with each one, when you find something that works for one issue you can cross it off. For example you say your friends have left the gym and you feel like the fat guy again, so try something new where there is a chance to meet different people and where everyone will just look at you as a new guy, maybe a different gym but may be better doing something like martial arts or dancing where you will be expected to be clumsy and uncoordinated to start but will soon see an improvement, also these type of activities give you a bit more interaction which will help with motivation. I took a diet break for a whole year before I was ready to start losing again, during this year I ate at mantanance and worked on fitness and strength now I've started to lose again but kept up the fitness routine so hoping to lose a decent amount this year but the exact numbers are not important, I know I'm a lot healthier than 5 years ago and I'm proud of myself both for weight and fitness and you should be proud of yourself aswell.
  • apennock
    apennock Posts: 49 Member
    Congrats on your weight loss. Something that jumped out at me was you saying that you were waiting to live a full life until after you reached your weight loss goal. Your life is happening now, and you are worth living it right now to the fullest, whatever that means to you. Being thinner will not magically solve the other problems in your life, they will be waiting for you no matter what weight you are at. Weight loss is not a magic bullet in that respect.

    Good luck!