Family & Friends Opinions on How You Look
frankiesgirlie
Posts: 669 Member
I just got off the phone with a girlfriend that has started Jenny Craig, and yes, I tried to get her to log on MFP instead but she feels it’s too tedious.
She was complaining that her husband keeps bringing up that he doesn’t want her to get too skinny. To the point that it’s getting on her nerves. In all fairness, she did get super thin once, without realizing it, because she got so caught up with the lose,lose,lose and didn’t know when to stop.
But it got me thinking, does your significant other, family member or friend have ALOT of opinions of how you should look and/or what you should be or shouldn’t be doing?
My husband doesn’t obsess over it, but if he comes in the room when I’m doing an ab workout he either shakes his head or gets a worried look.
Why? Because he doesn’t like the look of a 6 pack on a woman. It cracks me up because nobody in my family has ever come anywhere close to even a 3 pack, it’s just not in our make up. I’d have to become super skinny every where else to ever have that little fat on my stomach. So it’s not even a thought.
So I pay no mind and continue my workout.
Do any of you get this? Do you pay any attention?
She was complaining that her husband keeps bringing up that he doesn’t want her to get too skinny. To the point that it’s getting on her nerves. In all fairness, she did get super thin once, without realizing it, because she got so caught up with the lose,lose,lose and didn’t know when to stop.
But it got me thinking, does your significant other, family member or friend have ALOT of opinions of how you should look and/or what you should be or shouldn’t be doing?
My husband doesn’t obsess over it, but if he comes in the room when I’m doing an ab workout he either shakes his head or gets a worried look.
Why? Because he doesn’t like the look of a 6 pack on a woman. It cracks me up because nobody in my family has ever come anywhere close to even a 3 pack, it’s just not in our make up. I’d have to become super skinny every where else to ever have that little fat on my stomach. So it’s not even a thought.
So I pay no mind and continue my workout.
Do any of you get this? Do you pay any attention?
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Replies
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My husband was mainly concerned that I was going to lose in a healthy way and that my goal was healthy. He has never expressed any worries that I would look too skinny or muscular to be attractive to him.
No one else has commented/cared/been concerned about my weight loss or appearance.3 -
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My mother is telling me i need to stop too
Om 5'7 and just hit 160. I jisy now got my bmi to 25 lol..im like mom i just now got in the top of my healthy range. My husband is starting in on it too.5 -
My family watches out because I have a history with an eating disorder. And to be fair, I've lost a bit recently and am at the very low end of healthy bmi. My boyfriend would like a bit more booty back but he loves me still.11
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So far, my fiance has been supportive. He loves my body and curves, but he knows I need to be healthy and I'm far from it right now. I suspect things will be at least a little different or he might show more concern when I get to my goal weight. It will be a drastic, but positive, change for both of us.3
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My mom says I look gaunt, I am soooo not gaunt at 136 5'6". She says I look unhealthy and appears that I have more wrinkles. I think it is just a generational thing and she doesn't grasp being fit. She also wonders why I want my muscles to show. Her comments don't bother me. I think it is funny. I LOVE my muscles and have. Worked hard for them.15
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my family thinks im to skinny but they are all huge xD
side story. I was seeing a guy around 50 pounds ago who ended up saying im getting to thin and im losing my curves etc etc and he got mad. We went our seperate ways and guess whose drooling over me now. I know what im doing i knew i had ways to improve and lots to lose and i knew i had control over still maintaining tone and curves just becoming a tighter smaller version.
So ya iv had people say im to thin aand then admitt they were wrong
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My family is super supportive of me being healthy and losing weight. My mom is small and a medical professional so I think that helps. My dad is overweight and not in denial so my losing weight doesn't threaten him lol. My husband is super healthy and active so he's insanely proud.
Now my husband's family and some of our friends are a different story. They don't say anything about me but they are forever making comments about my husband's weight. Over the past few years he's lost weight and is actually at healthy weight of 150lbs (he's 5'7"). But everyone keeps saying he's "too skinny" or if he gains a few pounds they say stuff like "good, you needed to gain some weight". It really pisses me off because 1. you don't say things like that to people unless there might be an actual medical concern and 2. he's not skinny. He is the perfect weight for someone his age and height. I think they say it because his brother is overweight so if he's too skinny, they can stay in denial about his brother. Also, as a society I think our view of what is a normal or healthy weight has become severly skewed due to the majority of the population being overweight. Anywaysssss, end rant LOL13 -
Thank you all for the responses so far. I really appreciate it. I find human behavior fascinating.3
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My husband expressed concern when I was at my lowest weight because he thought I was starting to look scrawny and my boobs had done a runner!
That weight wasn't sustainable but it was a weight I was happy with so who knows if I can make it sustainable again.2 -
I get the don't get bigger comments all the time but, I love lifting and muscles are sexy. I hear it so much it doesn't bother me, I kinda expect it now.4
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I'm still a larger woman with curves and size 10/12, so I don't get people worrying over me, lol. However, I came from being 300+ so there was a period of time when friends & family were a little worried and I got comments mostly on how tiny my hands and arms were looking (always small so they just looked smaller) and how "gaunt" my face looked. I think they just weren't used to the changes. It stopped after about a year of being in my maintenance range...I think they all got used to the "average-sized me" and realized I wasn't going to get crazy skinny or anything like that.5
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In 38 years of marriage there was only one time that my husband told me I was too heavy. It was after I had lost weight, and he said, you were too heavy before, I hope you don’t get that size again. He said he’d love me at any size, but he saw the difference in my personality when I was my heaviest. I was miserable. He’s only told me once I was too thin. At 5’ 9” I consider my ideal weight to be 140-145. When I got down to 135 once, he told me I looked bony. Ultimately, I like myself weighing in the 140s, even though I’m now in the 150s.
When I hit the 140s again, I’m going to be forever diligent about maintaining it. I’m not going down this road again.
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My husband thinks I'm too thin. He's probably right, since my upper body is very bony. (My legs, not so much.) I am at the lowest weight I've had since high school, 40+ years ago. I didn't intend to get this low but had a problem finding a balance after I lost weight and ended up losing 10 pounds more than intended. I have been maintaining for the past year and know I would be fine if I gained a few pounds, but am also afraid of not being able to stop. I've yoyoed too many times to be happy gaining deliberately. I know DH will love me regardless, but there are times I feel very self-conscious about the lack of bust and bootie.6
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I am losing weight; eating well and working out when possible. She does the same in her own way. We are on a journey together and I have another 70 years with her, so there is no rush.
Plus I truly believe she could kick my butt if she wanted, so I shouldn't say anything rude10 -
My hubby is really supportive. He encourages all my endeavors and even eats the same food as me. He doesn't eat junk around me and gave up pop.
But since I had our baby in October he has initiated multiple conversations about me going to the gym. Secretly I know he is attracted to fit girls so dispite his best efforts I know he has an alterior motive lol.
At least he doesn't complain about my dedication lol4 -
My family and friends r so happy for me my daughters so pleased I have come so far got few friends that say you dnt Ned too loss more weight you going too far but I know what I want I will hit my target one day4
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My wife is not very supportive but it's partly because she is sold on some woo about clean eating and talks a good game on losing weight but has stayed overweight a long time. When I was first losing this time, she said I was losing too fast (true) and would just gain it back like the last time I had lost a lot of weight. When I slowed down the loss and started eating fairly normal meals with good portion control and still kept losing she didn't say much. Now that I am down in the healthy BMI range and maintaining, she is about the only person in the family who has not commented about it. We have other issues, so this is not entirely unexpected.18
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Thank you to everyone that has commented so far. Very interesting reading.4
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My husband is the best supporter in living a healthy life, that's kind of his whole focus anyway (before we met and currently)...I am very lucky to have someone who cooks delicious healthy food and is ALWAYS game for a walk, hike, bike ride, etc. He's also lost a lot of weight in the past and continues to struggle a bit with things like portion control. He doesn't use MFP anymore and I kind of miss the days when he did and I could just copy his meals over to my diary and make adjustments. But that's fine...he's focused more on strength & athletic pursuits than weight right now.
As for my looks though, he insists that he really doesn't have a preference from when we met to now (I'm down 100 lb) - he says he's glad for health markers that I'm at a better place, but he is mainly interested body wise in curves and I still have big hips/rear and chest hasn't changed much, he says he's happy I'm happy but he doesn't care either way aesthetically...I find that odd and frustrating, but I know I was very happy when we met that he was attracted to me and he seems more attracted six years later, so part of me thinks he's just being "nice"!? I will say, when he met me, I'd lost my first 30-40 lb already and that was the weight that I REALLY think made the biggest difference because I looked and felt my worst before losing that.
We really don't talk about it. Every once in awhile, he will get annoyed and roll his eyes when I eat 1/2 or 1/4 of a portion of something though. He is impressed that I've been maintaining in my goal range for years now but he's also kind of like "really?! That piece of chocolate isn't going to ruin you".4 -
@seltzermint555 . I could see how that would be frustrating. It’s a huge blessing to have a spouse that loves you at any weight, but I like some positive reinforcement after working so hard to get results also.
I also get some flack from some family members and a friend about how healthy I try to eat. I hear “live a little” a lot. Unfortunately, I don’t think their motives are good, they just want to have a partner in crime when they over eat.6 -
My husband is very supportive. We are both on this journey to get fit and healthy together. My mom is concerned that I work out too much and has requested I change my instagram from being fitness focused to only family and dog pics because that’s what she wants to see. Sorry mom, not happening. Of course when I explained my fitness program in detail she thought it sounded well balanced. I think her issues stem from the fact that she was very active and now due to health can’t do a lot of the things I’m doing and she wants to. Most of my friends and coworkers are very supportive, although a few think I need to stop losing weight now and I’ve been told by one that as a woman I shouldn’t let my body fat get below 30%.6
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My boyfriend says absolutely nothing about my appearance, either positively or negatively (unless we're getting frisky, and then he will call me "sexy," but I think that has more to do with the sex than with my actual body). This can be somewhat demoralizing, especially in the past four months - I've been doing a pretty steep cut and have lost about 20, 25 lb since then. It would be pleasing once in a while to hear an acknowledgement that my loss is visible and that I look good. That being said, I know I look good, and my cut is about me, my fitness performance, and my health, not about him. It's not his responsibility to constantly reaffirm my awesomeness. I'm more than capable of doing thst for myself.
He is obese and I think my loss makes him even more dissatisfied with his own body. He often disparages his weight, and when he is mentally ready to lose, I will be here to support him. And until then, I will contunue to support him. We very much have a "live and let live" relationship, so it would be pretty out of character for him to comment one way or another, and I'd rather have no response than a negative reponse.
My mom is generally the most unhelpful, as she tends to dismiss any success I have. I commented once that my swim suit was getting baggy because of my weight loss, and she assured me that it was just because "the suit stretched out." She also has commented negatively on my "bony sternum." My favorite, though, is that she has also warned me against "over-exercise," and keeps giving me books with female characters who have a startling revelation that being fit and in good shape is only conforming to societal pressure and not actually mentally or emotionally healthy, and they're all so much happier when they stop caring about their physical health. It's weird. I don't hold it against her because, again, she is someone who is unhappy with her own body. It also helps that I live a thousand miles away from her.
ETA: I am much more bothered by negative comments about my performance than about my appearance. I still remember very vividly telling my then-boyfriend how many push-ups I could do - this was years ago and I was new to fitness and excited about my accomplishment. He told me "I bet you're doing them wrong." I wanted to punch him in the face. There's a reason he is an ex (well, many).12 -
My kids say that I'm not fat anymore! My parents and my husband's parents all think I'm too skinny. My husband loves my new body and has stated that I'm more attractive now but he loves me no matter my size and never made me feel bad about my body when I was heavier.7
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CarvedTones wrote: »My wife is not very supportive but it's partly because she is sold on some woo about clean eating and talks a good game on losing weight but has stayed overweight a long time. When I was first losing this time, she said I was losing too fast (true) and would just gain it back like the last time I had lost a lot of weight. When I slowed down the loss and started eating fairly normal meals with good portion control and still kept losing she didn't say much. Now that I am down in the healthy BMI range and maintaining, she is about the only person in the family who has not commented about it. We have other issues, so this is not entirely unexpected.
Wow...that's so odd for a wife/husband to do. You would think they would be ecstatic when their spouse loses weight and trying to become healthy. I am sorry. Maybe she is a little jealous?4 -
My mom literally called me a 'bag of bones' today. RUDE! I'm 5'4, 131lbs. Totally normal weight. I hadn't seen her since Christmas, when I was closer to 145 at that time. It seems like moms are the biggest offenders on this thread in addition to partners.14
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People tell me I starting to look too skinny....like really? I am still Over weight at 156.5 and 5'5" tall. I am NOT too skinny. But they are used to see me as a little rounder. I used to be in the 180s. So to them I look very different.
My husband is supportive as he is trying to lose weight as well. It really helps doing it as a team.5 -
CarvedTones wrote: »My wife is not very supportive but it's partly because she is sold on some woo about clean eating and talks a good game on losing weight but has stayed overweight a long time. When I was first losing this time, she said I was losing too fast (true) and would just gain it back like the last time I had lost a lot of weight. When I slowed down the loss and started eating fairly normal meals with good portion control and still kept losing she didn't say much. Now that I am down in the healthy BMI range and maintaining, she is about the only person in the family who has not commented about it. We have other issues, so this is not entirely unexpected.
Wow...that's so odd for a wife/husband to do. You would think they would be ecstatic when their spouse loses weight and trying to become healthy. I am sorry. Maybe she is a little jealous?
There is a lot else going on; we have pretty much agreed we won't be retiring together. We are basically separated in the same house. I have to admit I have gotten pretty dismissive of her take on diet and healthy eating. She is a heart patient, smokes and really hasn't put the effort in to try to get healthier.30 -
Thankfully my husband is very supportive. He's super fit and trim ....an avid cyclist....so he can't understand why everyone isn't fit !
He worried more when I was eating all the wrong things and had no energy.
He's really proud that I've switched my eating habits and I'm walking everyday.... he says I look brighter and have more energy and slimmer of course... but he doesn't dwell on that part .....even though I know he prefers a slimmer me !
My mum is trying to lose weight also, so we're great support for each other and my sister is supportive too.
My friends are great also ...they go walking with me and are all trying to be healthier too....so I suppose I'm very lucky. If I fail, it won't be due to lack of support ....just lack of will power !3 -
I have gotten many comments, a few that are interesting was from my best friend stating "don't lose too much" Now I do believe this is because she was the skinny friend and now that has changed as I am much more fit than I have been since we became friends, So I think it comes from my changes makes them look at themselves and realize they may need to make changes.
Now my husband has never seen me this fit and he is getting used to it, what he is dealing with is others now looking at me more. We are confident with our relationship but I have had an older man say to me, Why are you losing weight are you looking for another man, that is the only reason a women loses weight. I feel sorry for him that he thinks so little of women and wont give him the time of day now.
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