Wedding Planning Woes: Kid Edition (Need to Vent)

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laurenbastug
laurenbastug Posts: 307 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm in the midst of planning my wedding in September. Most of the details have been ironed out so I actually feel like I'm in a good place. My issue is I reluctantly had to agree to have kids at the wedding. The older ones I don't mind so much. But there are 3 younger, two of which belong to a bridesmaid and the best man. The best man's parents will be around to watch them (particularly the younger of the 2 who will be 5 months old). The older one will be 4 and I'm getting the sense the bridesmaid and man of honor want him to just hang around with them.

Like when the guys are getting ready, he'll be hanging in the room with them. Obviously for wedding party photos, he will go with the parents - but I'm just kind of in a position where I really didn't want them there in the first place and I certainly don't want them there for a majority of the photos and if the one is hanging around with them all, it's inevitable.

I feel like a crotchety old *kitten* writing this, but I always dreamed of having a kid-free wedding. I had to compromise so I feel like I now need to establish some further boundaries with how much they can be around. But I can only say SO much because like I said, the parents are part of the wedding party and the parent-in-laws can watch them, but they'll want to have breaks I'm sure.

Has anyone had a similar situation? Any tips on how to go about approaching them without seeming like the president of the kid-hating club?

Replies

  • cee134
    cee134 Posts: 33,711 Member
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    Don't worry about it and let there parents handle it.
  • laurenbastug
    laurenbastug Posts: 307 Member
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    SabotageinStilettos wrote: »
    I think it’s important to understand that your wedding is an inconvenience to everyone invited, most of all the wedding party because of the financial burden associated with it. Not only are they out the money that they’ve had to put out to be a part of a day that no one cares about but you and the groom, and probably not even the groom, but you’ve commandeered the grandparents that could have provided free child care for these people. Try focusing your energy on the vows that your about to take and your partnership instead of some fairytale perfect day and nearly no bride in the history of brides has ever gotten. Undoubtedly, there will come a day when you burden a wedding with your children and possibly be more sympathetic towards the bride that didn’t want your kids there, but more likely will be a little bitter that she doesn’t appreciate how perfectly precious your children are. In the long run, it’s silly to stress yourself about such trivial matters. This day is just one day, it’s the marriage itself that matters.

    I definitely will try a not let it bother me so much - I definitely am focused on the marriage and totally understand everything won't go 100% to plan. Thanks!!
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    If you wanted a kid free wedding day you really should have only asked people without kids or older kids to be in your wedding party.
    It is reasonable to not want little kids running around the space where people are dressing or having pictures taken. It is unreasonable to expect the parents to not be with their very young children at all that day.
    If possible set up a room where the kids can hang out with the grandparents- and parents when they are free. It would be extra kind to provide age appropriate toy, video, snack and such. Everyone will probably be more relaxed with such an arrangement.
    If you are getting married at a church there probably is a nursery.
  • laurenbastug
    laurenbastug Posts: 307 Member
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    Lounmoun wrote: »
    If you wanted a kid free wedding day you really should have only asked people without kids or older kids to be in your wedding party.
    It is reasonable to not want little kids running around the space where people are dressing or having pictures taken. It is unreasonable to expect the parents to not be with their very young children at all that day.
    If possible set up a room where the kids can hang out with the grandparents- and parents when they are free. It would be extra kind to provide age appropriate toy, video, snack and such. Everyone will probably be more relaxed with such an arrangement.
    If you are getting married at a church there probably is a nursery.

    That's a great idea!! Thank you
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
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    I live in Italy where kids are considered precious and having them run around a wedding is considered normal. I don't know when things changed in the States, but I remember running around at weddings as a kid--they were such fun! It was considered normal then too. Now there's the "perfect" wedding fantasy. I agree with the above poster--it doesn't exist. Prepare for any mishaps on your big day. Smile graciously and just enjoy the party--it goes so fast.
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,176 Member
    edited April 2018
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    My wife’s side of the family is on the large side and 34 years ago she had many young cousins. As she and I were paying for it we had to draw invite only those old enough to drink with the exception of the flower girl. Didn’t cause any lasting rifts. I hope your day is memorable. In a good way.
  • marissafit06
    marissafit06 Posts: 1,996 Member
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    We were invited to a wedding that provided childcare free of cost (the couple paid) to attendees to avoid the issue you mention.
  • livingleanlivingclean
    livingleanlivingclean Posts: 11,752 Member
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    marissafit06 wrote: »
    We were invited to a wedding that provided childcare free of cost (the couple paid) to attendees to avoid the issue you mention.

    We had 2 flower girls (daughters of one of my bridesmaids), and some friends attending with small children. We happily had them all at the ceremony, but also provided a babysitter at the reception in another room so the parents could enjoy themselves in the evening.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
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    I feel like this is a jerky thing to say but "I reluctantly had to agree" sounds like you made the decision. Under duress perhaps. But it's one of those things I'd imagine you can't really switch back.

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