Trying to live sans alcohol

skinnygirly23 wrote: »

It is difficult to find someone who doesn't drink at all so I forgave it and saw it as my own personal struggle.

Latley, he has been displaying aggressive behavior when drinking and it makes me remember my own behaviors when intoxicated.

This person does struggle with addiction, but was never an alcoholic (according to his own definition). Something has gotta give though or I'll be living the lifestyle I so wanted to leave behind.

Ha. Reminds me of an ex who claimed his brother, who drank everyday, had a problem, but he did not, as he only drank on Sundays. Well, he might have only (mostly) gotten black out drunk on Sundays, but he also drank on Saturday night, and every time he went to a concert (which was a lot), etc.

Previously to that, when I stopped drinking heavily and my ex husband did not, the marriage did not survive that. A lot of our social life was built around other heavy drinkers, and once I quit I was no longer interested in the same circle. Also, I could no longer sleep through his snoring and moved into another bedroom, and the distance just kept growing.

The man I'm with now is a very very moderate drinker and I don't think that in the in 5 years we've been together I've ever seen him drunk.

As others have said, the jealousy/controlling behavior is a no go and it sounds like you aren’t happy and can do better. Life is too short to waste time with the wrong partner. Find someone else or be happy single for a while. It’s fine to support the person as a friend, but there needs to be a high bar to qualify someone to be a life partner. Trust me, being with someone who has their stuff together makes life so much easier and drama free! Best of luck! Trust your instincts.

That's a difficult place to be in. Lots of good responses here. I've been friends with a few people who have gone through recovery successfully and I know it's a hard road, but a well chosen one - their support circle has mattered. I realize from what they've said it's always going to be a struggle, but they are flourishing in life. They turned to me because I don't like much about alcohol or drinking (I have a slight allergy to all alcohol, it's uncomfortable!) and I don't really like bars, either. We've all got our lines to draw. If you're in a close relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable like this, or you feel harm could come to you, remind yourself you're the only one who can control you and your actions, your choices. If you end it now, the pressure is gone and you can still have a support circle elsewhere that won't give up on you. Might hurt for a while, depending on how long you've been together, which I think is a good reason to lean on your support circle even more so, but if you stay, it could get drawn out. There are people out there that don't drink, like myself. I don't feel like it's something to brag about, it's just a personal preference - my friends *do* have drinks here and there. I prefer a partner that doesn't really indulge on a weekly basis, either, and I also know that's hard to find, I just remind myself of the personal line I've drawn for myself (in romantic relationships) and I think that just comes down to knowing myself and what I can and can't deal with in another person. I do wish you the best in your recovery and your future relationships!

I don’t even know if his drinking is the main problem here. You speak of aggressive behavior and jealousy. Even if he stopped drinking today, those are both serious issues. That alone would be reason enough to move on in my book.
I’ll be sober for 4 years in July. My husband of 38 years was a drinker, but I’d never call him an alcoholic, and we had a social circle of friends that we traveled and went out to dinner & events with that were drinkers. When I decided to quit drinking he did EVERYTHING to be supportive. He got all the alcohol out of the house. He started refusing invitations from our group of friends ( those relationships dwindled) and he stopped drinking, even though I never asked him to and even told him I didn’t think it was fair to him.
I quit without any AA or medications, but would have done both of them if I felt it was necessary for me. I think a big factor in me being able to stop was his unwavering support.
I seriously don’t think I would still be sober if I was in a relationship with someone who continues to drink more than super occasionally.
I think you have to put yourself first in this situation.
While there are times I miss drinking, I have a list of memories and negative events, that were a result of me drinking. I remind myself of those things when the wine commercial on TV gets to me.
You can do this.
Put yourself first.
Hugs, and best wishes for your future.