Feeling overwhelmed and depressed with my life at this point
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TeachergirlCeleste
Posts: 66 Member
Hello. I have a lot going on in my life and it is taking a toll on my mental well being. I am a teacher and a grad student. I love my career and studying to further my education. However, I feel so low. I am short on cash and I know that it is temporary but I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I am also dieting and have lost 35 pounds. I am not sure where these depressive feelings are coming from. I haven't felt this way since last year. Last year was very horrible for me and I thought maybe I overcame feeling this way
but now the feelings are back.
I decided to open myself up to dating again and I broke it off because I started feeling insecure and I felt as if the guy was just not ready to date. I am falling behind in graduate school and currently short on cash at the moment.
Yesterday I cried for hours and only ate one meal. The feeling hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw a picture of myself on Facebook and I look to weigh a ton.
I am never attractive enough to have decent men and I am always in unhealthy relationships.
I am so sorry if I am rambling but I am an emotional wreck. I haven't spoken to or talk with anyone since yesterday. I am very sad
but now the feelings are back.
I decided to open myself up to dating again and I broke it off because I started feeling insecure and I felt as if the guy was just not ready to date. I am falling behind in graduate school and currently short on cash at the moment.
Yesterday I cried for hours and only ate one meal. The feeling hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw a picture of myself on Facebook and I look to weigh a ton.
I am never attractive enough to have decent men and I am always in unhealthy relationships.
I am so sorry if I am rambling but I am an emotional wreck. I haven't spoken to or talk with anyone since yesterday. I am very sad
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Replies
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TeachergirlCeleste wrote: »Hello. I have a lot going on in my life and it is taking a toll on my mental well being. I am a teacher and a grad student. I love my career and studying to further my education. However, I feel so low. I am short on cash and I know that it is temporary but I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck. I am also dieting and have lost 35 pounds. I am not sure where these depressive feelings are coming from. I haven't felt this way since last year. Last year was very horrible for me and I thought maybe I overcame feeling this way
but now the feelings are back.
I decided to open myself up to dating again and I broke it off because I started feeling insecure and I felt as if the guy was just not ready to date. I am falling behind in graduate school and currently short on cash at the moment.
Yesterday I cried for hours and only ate one meal. The feeling hit me like a ton of bricks when I saw a picture of myself on Facebook and I look to weigh a ton.
I am never attractive enough to have decent men and I am always in unhealthy relationships.
I am so sorry if I am rambling but I am an emotional wreck. I haven't spoken to or talk with anyone since yesterday. I am very sad
You're not alone. Believe me. I'm there with you but things will get better.
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Go see a therapist. I have had lots of my clients do that and it's done wonders for helping to identify why they feel depressed.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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It helps to know you're not alone in your struggles. I'm dealing with divorce , weight, money , and trying to build my confidence up again. It's hard but knowing your not alone helps.6
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We all face challenges throughout life. While they may seem unsurmountable at the time, in hindsight, you will have a different perspective.
In the past few months, I have been dealing with losing my job (senior position), significant legal issues, clinical depression and the associated extreme stresses on the family...for me it is magnified as I have to be away from the ones I love at this time. I am a stress eater, so the confluence of all these events puts added pressure on my health and fitness.
The one thing I am lucky to have right now is time. Maybe too much. So I am learning guitar and hitting the gym. I am about 7-10 lbs away the image in my picture...I have lost 10-15 since the start of the year. I have started running (treadmill for now) and yesterday.
In the end, it is only by falling that one can gain true perspective...and then rise again. The wisdom gained will provide you tools so that you can strive to have life be better than it was before....
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You are definitely not alone. I was a teacher for seven years and April/May tends to hit educators hard. It’s almost like seasonal depression. You have a lot on your plate right now and I bet you are feeling like you are losing control. As you said, some of these problems are temporary. You can get through this and come out a stronger person. I applaud you for leaving your significant other. That takes guts to pull out of a relationship. Give yourself a few months to gain strength before dating again. Also, make sure to go outside when the sun is out and take a long walk. A therapist friend of mine said that sunshine and exercise can work wonders.
You are already on the way to becoming the person you want to be. Just stop to think about what a wonderful person you already are.4 -
Oh my! (((HUGS))) First thing I MUST say, you can not allow yourself to believe that you are so unattractive that only the worst kind of men would be interested in you. That is self esteem, and depression talking, and not reality, not if you don't let it be. I'm going to say that not dating till you get your head on straight about who you are, and your self worth is imperative! Trust me, there's lots of decent men out there that are looking for a good woman, and not a woman whose walked out of the pages of a magazine. You've just got to know your worth, don't start dating again to you do. And by the way, what you are worth, has NOTHING to do with the number on the scale, or the reflection in the mirror.
Now let's talk being broke, sucks don't it? I SOOOO GET IT! I have a feeling that's the most troublesome for your mental health status as you mentioned it twice. You also said it is temporary, and that right there is where you gain your hope from. Every time you start feeling down, and frustrated over the cash situation, stop, and take a moment to look forward, knowing it's all going to be okay, there's an end date to the paycheck, to paycheck.
Sometimes a good cry is really therapeutic, as is just getting it off your chest, like here on MFP. You can be assured so many have walked your mile, and they get. That can really be comforting to know we don't stand alone.
But I'm going to suggest that you do some things to help yourself feel less blue. There's lots of ways to lift yourself from this, and to help you keep putting one foot in front of the other. A gratitude journal, or every time you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, make yourself write 10 positive things about your life. Trust me, there's hundreds of things, just think about it. Get outside, or listen to sounds of nature CDS. Studies prove that it boost mood, as does exercise. Do some good things to take care of yourself, take a bubble bath, give yourself a pedicure. Pop some corn, and watch a chick flick. Invite your girl friends over to watch it with you. Take some fish oil, proven to lift mood. Get spiritual, believe in a higher power? Start praying, absolutely proven to improve health, and well being. If these don't work for you, consider seeing a professional for some medication, and therapy, because darling, you are worth far more than rubies, and for some reason you can't see that. A therapist might help you see just how beautiful, and worthy you are.
Be blessed!!!8 -
This is a good thread, thanks for starting it.
I’d want to comment on this- self respect. At 285lbs I wasn’t open to the “Love your fat self” mindset. But I did bring myself around to this- I was worthy of some measure of respect. If for no other reason, every person is deserving of basic respect. I was at least entitled to that.
Because we only get one life, you deserve to decide how this one will go to the extent you can get it. Some things can be controlled, some can’t. Weight loss is generally within our control.
Weight loss is the product of processes and habits. If you can get control of the process, you can push back at the feeling of helplessness.
Exercise has been mentioned. Do you have the time and place to go for a walk? My intro to exercise was the stationary bike in my basement and walking. When I started 8min was the most I could do on the bike and 3 blocks was about how I could walk before the back pain made me stop. No matter where you start, regular exercise will provide a real demonstration of the power of incrementalism and habit. Regardless of what your exercise is, you will get better, you will get stronger, you will build stamina.
You can reverse engineer exercise into weight loss. Embrace incrementalism and habit and you can complete any project. It works.
Last thing, do you keep a food diary? It’s the best weight loss tool. Get a food scale and start logging in what you eat and crunching numbers. It’s a pain at first. It gets easier. But you have to keep the diary everyday through good times and not so good. The process is more important than the numbers. Set your calories at a number you can live with. Aim for a modest downward trend and let incrementalism do its thing. You can have the life you want, but you have to go get it. Good luck.
PS: Don’t look to a relationship to fix your life. And don’t settle for less than what you really want.6 -
Your relationship with yourself is first right now! Make yourself happy and move...walk...exercise to get rid of that "thinking" energy! Getting your health in order is primary!
You are in no shape for a male....you will settle for anything right now. Journal your thoughts and feelings then put it on a shelf.
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Starting to feel self conscious of my weight. I way 139 now and was 125 last year. feel free to add me. I need to start drinking more water and walking on Tuesdays and Thursdays between classes.0
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The uplifting comments here are inspiring! I can't really add to it except Facebook depresses me, too. Can you spend less time on social media? I took all social media off my phone (except MFP app), and it has been so liberating for me. I hope you get the help you need, I wish you peace and joy!4
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This sounds so rough on you. Please get in to see your doctor as soon as you can. And check to see whether as a student you have access to on-campus counseling at a reduced or free service. It is not uncommon for student fees to go toward supporting access to mental health support. Please don't wait. You're worth it!3
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It's rough for you and I'm sorry for that. You're probably already doing this but start going back to basics and making sure you are getting enough nutrients and sleep. Talk to some friends, distract yourself but above all keep going. This is not permanent and it will get better.
Definitely seeing a therapist is a good idea.
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artbyrachelh wrote: »The uplifting comments here are inspiring! I can't really add to it except Facebook depresses me, too. Can you spend less time on social media? I took all social media off my phone (except MFP app), and it has been so liberating for me. I hope you get the help you need, I wish you peace and joy!
omg - I haven't really accessed fb much in the last 18 months and it's been such a relief - should I delete my account lol?
I keep in contact with distant friends via email and it's so much better.1 -
It helps to know you're not alone in your struggles. I'm dealing with divorce , weight, money , and trying to build my confidence up again. It's hard but knowing your not alone helps.
Me too. I feel like I have to start over again since separation and that really depresses me. I am 33 so too old for this!0 -
Grad school in itself is very stressful and takes a toll on many people's emotional and physical states. To add a relationship and dieting on to that is even more. I've never done therapy, but others have recommended it to you. If that is not something you pursue, I recommend thinking of your SELF first. Mental and physical wellness. If you don't have that everything else is so much more difficult to deal with. We can only live in the moment, in the present. Take it day by day and take care of yourself first.0
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Hey everyone here is an update. I feel even more down and just want to leave work altogether. The guy friend I was talking to left me and I believe it was my own insecurities that made him leave. I gave up my celibacy for him and afterward, I felt as if he was acting a little distant. He told me it was because of family issues. We started to text again but I noticed that he would frequent the dating app where we meet and I decided to message him on there and he blocked me. I then got upset and flew off the handle and when I am angry I say a lot of things to trigger people and I do not really mean what I say. He then went off me and called me crazy and that he really liked me but I am too crazy.
He is not the first man to call me this and I feel so bad. I just want to go home and not be here. It's so hard to teach small kids when I am not having a chipper day.
I really want to apologize but I will wait some weeks to talk to him again. We both need space right now and I am too emotional to even try to apologize. I miss him and we had a lot of connection.
Also, today is Monday and I have to hit the gym. I really feel like not doing anything2 -
I then failed a class in my grad program! I just cant figure out my life right now2
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Based on your previous posts, it is possible that these depressed feelings are due to undereating.
Also based on your previous posts, have you sought the recommended therapy?7 -
You have value. You are worth being treated well. You matter.
Consider seeing a counselor but I understand you may be reluctant. I have struggled with depression for years. If you can’t afford one there may be counseling available in your area at a community center or church. Don’t be afraid to call and ask.
Take baby steps. One meal at a time. Focus only on the things you can control. Right now you can control your next meal. You can control making the voice to go fir a walk. Don’t try to do everything each day. Break it into smaller tasks1
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