Guys - how long would you wait to message a girl after the first date?

caloriecountingdiary
caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
in Chit-Chat
Discuss below and give reasons why
«1

Replies

  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
    That’s all true, I am all for equality between the sexes, I guess my question could be gender neutral. I did like the guy and I messaged him to say have a good day this morning and he replied to say ‘you too!’ And I don’t know what to say really
  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
    That’s good advice thank-you ☺️ I think this is just my insecurities speaking... So maybe this isn’t the right time for me to find someone anyway!
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    I don't play games. I'm also an adult. If I like someone, I act like it. If I don't, I act like it.
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  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    My husband messaged me when he got home from our 1st date...
  • bojack3
    bojack3 Posts: 1,483 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I don't play games. I'm also an adult. If I like someone, I act like it. If I don't, I act like it.

    Agree
  • kapp4455
    kapp4455 Posts: 72 Member
    A closed mouth never gets fed. If u want something or like it then go for it.
  • slademeister182
    slademeister182 Posts: 10 Member
    Courtesy text to check they got home OK or you got home OK or whatever - then keep it breezy the next day. Don't over think it.
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,177 Member
    LOL, I hope I’m never in this position again (dating). I would probably make the mistake of calling instead of texting.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,423 Member
    5 minutes after you part company is probably too soon. The next morning is probably fine.
    I think you should relax and be yourself. If you are the sort who likes to send messages someone should know that and be able to handle some communication.
    It seems polite to me to send a message the day following a date, dinner party, get together with friends to thank someone for their efforts or let someone know you enjoyed their company and want to do it again sometime. If getting a message that says "I had a nice time last night with you. Have a great day!" scares someone off maybe they are not ready to function socially as an adult.
    Saying you too in response to have a good day is not an indication they have been scared off.
  • activities1
    activities1 Posts: 3,475 Member
    I can see why it might cause a debate in your head or create insecurities but don’t fear being the one to message first. A lot of guys appreciate it.

    Maybe wait a day so you can get your thoughts together and decide what you want as well as if you’re interested and not just wanting something to work then message that you had a great time and would like to see them again.
  • mudknuckles
    mudknuckles Posts: 1,417 Member
    The delicate balance of not coming off needy versus not showing enough interest. It's a trap!
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    mudknuckles wrote: »
    The delicate balance of not coming off needy versus not showing enough interest. It's a trap!

    But if you are needy, shouldn't you come off as needy? Wouldn't that be a good thing? Why the hell you'd want something to think you were something you weren't is beyond me. And that's coming from somewhat with a lot of insecurities.
  • bojack3
    bojack3 Posts: 1,483 Member
    denny_mac wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    mudknuckles wrote: »
    The delicate balance of not coming off needy versus not showing enough interest. It's a trap!

    But if you are needy, shouldn't you come off as needy? Wouldn't that be a good thing? Why the hell you'd want something to think you were something you weren't is beyond me. And that's coming from somewhat with a lot of insecurities.

    It's an interesting point to make. Be yourself from the beginning and don't try to hide anything. Most people however are on their best behavior when they first meet someone and if they have a little bit of crazy bubbling under the surface they'll keep a lid on it for a while before they let you see it. So if you show all your insecurities from the start, a potential new partner may think that's just the tip of the iceberg and will then be scared off wondering just how much is there that they HAVEN'T seen yet.

    This seems like a classic over think. Creating scenarios of what may possibly happen leads to doubt and insecurity. Just let the real scenario play out based on the truth and that's all there is.
  • princess7955
    princess7955 Posts: 1,277 Member
    Lounmoun wrote: »
    5 minutes after you part company is probably too soon. The next morning is probably fine.
    I think you should relax and be yourself. If you are the sort who likes to send messages someone should know that and be able to handle some communication.
    It seems polite to me to send a message the day following a date, dinner party, get together with friends to thank someone for their efforts or let someone know you enjoyed their company and want to do it again sometime. If getting a message that says "I had a nice time last night with you. Have a great day!" scares someone off maybe they are not ready to function socially as an adult.
    Saying you too in response to have a good day is not an indication they have been scared off.

    I haven't dated in years, but if I was suddenly in the position to start dating again, I'd think it was cute if someone messaged/called me right after a date. "I had a great time hanging out with you...when can we do it again"? That text would make me smile into my phone for sure.
    activities1 wrote: »
    I can see why it might cause a debate in your head or create insecurities but don’t fear being the one to message first. A lot of guys appreciate it.

    Maybe wait a day so you can get your thoughts together and decide what you want as well as if you’re interested and not just wanting something to work then message that you had a great time and would like to see them again.

    Agreed. Don't be afraid to message first!
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    denny_mac wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    mudknuckles wrote: »
    The delicate balance of not coming off needy versus not showing enough interest. It's a trap!

    But if you are needy, shouldn't you come off as needy? Wouldn't that be a good thing? Why the hell you'd want something to think you were something you weren't is beyond me. And that's coming from somewhat with a lot of insecurities.

    It's an interesting point to make. Be yourself from the beginning and don't try to hide anything. Most people however are on their best behavior when they first meet someone and if they have a little bit of crazy bubbling under the surface they'll keep a lid on it for a while before they let you see it. So if you show all your insecurities from the start, a potential new partner may think that's just the tip of the iceberg and will then be scared off wondering just how much is there that they HAVEN'T seen yet.

    I agree with the first part... that many people tend to be on their best behavior on the first date and try to keep their version of crazy under wraps initially. But I never thought about the second part (someone assuming there is more/worse to come) - do people really do that?
  • saragd012
    saragd012 Posts: 693 Member
    Honestly, if I went on a date with someone and it took them 3 days to respond to me I would assume they aren't that interested and completely move on. I don't understand the logic of not wanting to look too interested, if I'm dating I want the person to be interested in me, otherwise why waste my time? When I met my spouse years ago they gave me their phone number with a note that made it very clear they were interested in getting to know me better, I texted them that night. No games. Unless you are texting one sided messages non-stop I can't imagine it being seen as needy. A simple "I had a great time tonight/yesterday, I hope we get a chance to do it again soon" would be both flattering and clear. I feel that anyone who is put-off by that is most likely more high-maintenance than I'd care to deal with.
  • lyrical_melody
    lyrical_melody Posts: 242 Member
    The traditional dating rules of the past don't apply anymore. As so many people have mentioned, people are on their phones all the time. If I go on a date with a guy and I haven't heard from him in more than 1-2 days, then I assume he is not interested (especially if I sent a text as well). The best dating advice I have heard is that if a guy likes you, he will show you.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    If I'm interested in a man after the first date I will let him know. There will be no guessing or wondering. It's up to him what he does with that knowledge because I'm not about to chase him either.
  • ISweat4This
    ISweat4This Posts: 653 Member
    When you get home, thank you I had a great time, etc.
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  • Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings
    Bullet_with_Butterfly_Wings Posts: 5,545 Member
    I have zero idea. I have never been interested in any of the guys I've been out with the next day or any day after that... Im not easily amused it seems.
  • RoxieDawn
    RoxieDawn Posts: 15,488 Member
    I don't see the big deal in either side sending a text especially if there is a real connection. Texts can be just casual communication that doesn't have to contain a lot of emotion or leading. If you don't hear from him in a few days text or call him, if there is lack of the same enthusiasm then you would know.

    I think some of this is based on how well did you know him before the date. Did you guys talk at all before the date or was this the very first time besides arranging the date, etc.

    Anyways I am fairly confident that a text soon after a first date does not identify a person as needy. Being needy would need a series of texts and calls and behaviors to be identified as such.
  • BishopWankapin
    BishopWankapin Posts: 276 Member
    4 to 6 weeks unless she's a Prime member in which case I guarantee 2-day messaging. *nods*
  • go_cubs
    go_cubs Posts: 1,183 Member
    edited April 2018
    From a woman’s POV if a dude takes more then 24 hours to message after a date I think he’s not interested


    But the again i need attention and reassurance from the person I’m “seeing”
    But everyone is different
  • michael1976_ca
    michael1976_ca Posts: 3,488 Member
    i think it depends on the two people. if they both agree i don't see why you need to wait.
  • caloriecountingdiary
    caloriecountingdiary Posts: 12 Member
    Well I would usually expect a guy to say let me know you got home safe or whatever but he said he had a really nice time and I think we actually did! The conversation was good etc.

    But yeah, no message for 24 hours after the date which is why I messaged to kinda test the water. The response gave nothing away though! So I’ve not replied as it didn’t really carry on any conversation. We’ll see what happens. I’d rather just date one person than be talking to loads and I don’t want to waste days worrying.
  • 123tacos
    123tacos Posts: 661 Member
    I think it would be silly to wait. Even if i wasnt into him i would text thanks for the date or good time. Not sure why games would need to be played. That would be a huge red flag/turn off
  • Deadman_Diggingup
    Deadman_Diggingup Posts: 3,082 Member
    spanish_liza wrote: »
    From a woman’s POV if a dude takes more then 24 hours to message after a date I think he’s not interested


    But the again i need attention and reassurance from the person I’m “seeing”
    But everyone is different

    I would tend to agree with this opinion.

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