Feeling defeated from someone's insensitive remarks today
stevenscott5582
Posts: 13 Member
Hi everyone,
I'm sorry if this is not the right forum but I'm feeling kind of defeated today and need to vent.
I'm still obese but am making great progress on my weight loss goals. MyFitnessPal is truly a blessing, by the way.
Anyway, today, my wife and I decided to go to a local park to walk. We're usually at the gym but decided to take advantage of the nice weather. As I finished my first lap around the park, a lady whom I don't even know decides to ask me:
Her: "Are you all out trying to lose some weight?"
Me: "Yeah, just enjoying the nice weather."
Her: Have you ever seen that show "Bariatric Surgery?" (She meant TLC's "My 600 Pound Life.")
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "You should really try that!" "They have people 600 or more pounds on there losing weight." "I think it would really work for you!"
While I'm still medically obese, I'm nowhere near the size of people on that show. It was almost like she was trying to sell weight loss surgery to me.
Now, I'm trying to walk away the whole time and instead of turning around and censuring her for her insensitive remarks, I'm shocked to the core at what I'm hearing. I turn to my wife, whose several feet behind me and inform her what the lady said. Naturally, she was furious and wanted to tell her off. I was still in so much shock and felt humiliated and defeated, I just wanted to leave.
I don't think her remarks were made out of malice but seriously, how could she NOT see that a comment like that directed at someone trying to better their health would be insulting??
Why do people feel it's their business to but in on things like this?!
I'm sorry if this is not the right forum but I'm feeling kind of defeated today and need to vent.
I'm still obese but am making great progress on my weight loss goals. MyFitnessPal is truly a blessing, by the way.
Anyway, today, my wife and I decided to go to a local park to walk. We're usually at the gym but decided to take advantage of the nice weather. As I finished my first lap around the park, a lady whom I don't even know decides to ask me:
Her: "Are you all out trying to lose some weight?"
Me: "Yeah, just enjoying the nice weather."
Her: Have you ever seen that show "Bariatric Surgery?" (She meant TLC's "My 600 Pound Life.")
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "You should really try that!" "They have people 600 or more pounds on there losing weight." "I think it would really work for you!"
While I'm still medically obese, I'm nowhere near the size of people on that show. It was almost like she was trying to sell weight loss surgery to me.
Now, I'm trying to walk away the whole time and instead of turning around and censuring her for her insensitive remarks, I'm shocked to the core at what I'm hearing. I turn to my wife, whose several feet behind me and inform her what the lady said. Naturally, she was furious and wanted to tell her off. I was still in so much shock and felt humiliated and defeated, I just wanted to leave.
I don't think her remarks were made out of malice but seriously, how could she NOT see that a comment like that directed at someone trying to better their health would be insulting??
Why do people feel it's their business to but in on things like this?!
58
Replies
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People are crazy, there is just no other explanation.11
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Man, I wish I was there! I’d tell her off! Some people are just stupid. Hugs3
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Sad, damaged people gain a feeling of control (that they lack in their own life) by belittling others. I wouldn’t worry about it.7
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There is just no excuse for some people. Put what she said out of your mind and move on. Do not let people who mean nothing to you control your state of mind or steal your peace from you.
6 -
stevenscott5582 wrote: »Hi everyone,
I'm sorry if this is not the right forum but I'm feeling kind of defeated today and need to vent.
I'm still obese but am making great progress on my weight loss goals. MyFitnessPal is truly a blessing, by the way.
Anyway, today, my wife and I decided to go to a local park to walk. We're usually at the gym but decided to take advantage of the nice weather. As I finished my first lap around the park, a lady whom I don't even know decides to ask me:
Her: "Are you all out trying to lose some weight?"
Me: "Yeah, just enjoying the nice weather."
Her: Have you ever seen that show "Bariatric Surgery?" (She meant TLC's "My 600 Pound Life.")
Me: "Yeah."
Her: "You should really try that!" "They have people 600 or more pounds on there losing weight." "I think it would really work for you!"
While I'm still medically obese, I'm nowhere near the size of people on that show. It was almost like she was trying to sell weight loss surgery to me.
Now, I'm trying to walk away the whole time and instead of turning around and censuring her for her insensitive remarks, I'm shocked to the core at what I'm hearing. I turn to my wife, whose several feet behind me and inform her what the lady said. Naturally, she was furious and wanted to tell her off. I was still in so much shock and felt humiliated and defeated, I just wanted to leave.
I don't think her remarks were made out of malice but seriously, how could she NOT see that a comment like that directed at someone trying to better their health would be insulting??
Why do people feel it's their business to but in on things like this?!
My answer to that obnoxious person:
"And you should try to have a lobotomy; I think it would really work for you."35 -
I'd go with the classic: I may be fat but you're stupid and I can lose weight. Feel free to add me. Courage18
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Some people have no clue....a couple of good retorts have already been mentioned. Just realize that some people are ignorant and allow her her ignorance....just don't let it bring YOU down....10
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Don't let some meaningless nobody get into your head. Keep up the good work and forget the loser and her thoughtless remarks.9
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Some people are rude on purpose, some have no idea how rude they are. Either way, it hurts. I'm sorry that happened today.5
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It just makes her sound super ignorant honestly. Like wtf?6
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You must carry on regardless of ignorant people.
"what doesn't kill you will make you stronger!"
Be Strong and Carry On! {《HUGS》}2 -
Thank you all so very much for the outpouring of support and encouragement! Your words have made me feel much better. I'm not going to let her ignorance deter me one bit.14
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People no longer have manners. Hold your head high and carry on!3
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This kind of post is very common on MFP. It's almost as if, because we are learning self-control and discipline ourselves, that we want to control everyone's reactions to "our" weight loss journey. We don't like anyone to notice. We feel uncomfortable if anyone says anything. Sometimes it even seems that we want others to walk with their eyes downcast and not look at us, even if our weight loss is happening dramatically right in front of their eyes. Don't see me! Don't notice me doing this! Especially don't say anything!
That's our problem, not theirs. They have a right to see. They have a right to use their own mouths to speak their own words and their own thoughts. You have no control over them. Your control stops at the boundary of your skin.
It's an interesting psychological observation, how we might have had no control over ourselves- which got us in our predicaments- but think we should be able to control others to keep them from doing or saying things that 'we don't like'. But they are the boss of themselves. Get back on track and worry about your own span of control; yourself. You can't control what others say; they own their mouths and thoughts. But you CAN control how you feel about what they say.16 -
Wtf who actually does that?
Dirt off your shoulder anyway, just brush it off, carry on1 -
Walking away without lowering yourself to her level is probably the best thing you could do.
Some people have the social competences of shoe boxes and no reasoning with them changes anything. You'll just end up frustrated on top of anything else.
You're doing great. No matter what some idiotic stranger may thing. Keep doing what you're doing, because you know it's working!
(((Hugs)))5 -
Agree with others that some people are just cluelessly insensitive versus deliberately mean. It doesn't matter which category this person falls into.
Feel good about what you're doing for yourself and keep it up!0 -
"Sorry, I don't take medical advice from strangers or amateurs"4
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"sorry, where did you say you got your medical degree from again?"3
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Isn't it sad that people are actually that dumb? I feel so sorry for her. I hope she has someone to help her make it through life.
People just shouldn't be that dumb.0 -
deannalfisher wrote: »"sorry, where did you say you got your medical degree from again?"
I've actually used that one.
My wife has "an invisible medical condition" that warranted a parking placard for a while.
*Kitten*-"You don't look handicapped"
Me-"That's Ok, You don't look like our doctor"14 -
stanmann571 wrote: »deannalfisher wrote: »"sorry, where did you say you got your medical degree from again?"
I've actually used that one.
My wife has "an invisible medical condition" that warranted a parking placard for a while.
*Kitten*-"You don't look handicapped"
Me-"That's Ok, You don't look like our doctor"
i've used it on ppl who try to give me advice about treating thyroid issues that have no medical research to back it up1 -
deannalfisher wrote: »stanmann571 wrote: »deannalfisher wrote: »"sorry, where did you say you got your medical degree from again?"
I've actually used that one.
My wife has "an invisible medical condition" that warranted a parking placard for a while.
*Kitten*-"You don't look handicapped"
Me-"That's Ok, You don't look like our doctor"
i've used it on ppl who try to give me advice about treating thyroid issues that have no medical research to back it up
And didn't you know becoming vegan cures all GI diseases2 -
Like potholes, stupid people are everywhere and they're hard to avoid. Just keep carrying on and stick to the wicket.4
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Been there, asked why I don't loose weight when I already had lost quite a bit. deflated is a good word for it.
I would just leave her comments behind, stop carrying them with you - they are history.1 -
I would have asked her if she's seen the show "Botched" where plastic surgeons fix people who had bad plastic surgery...
2 -
I would like to apologize on behalf of that woman, because you deserve an apology. Regardless of her intentions, whether to be kind, starting a conversation, or "drop some knowledge on you", that is not the time nor the place, nor the appropriate response to someone out working it, as you were. People tend to think that their 2 cents are worthy to be heard, and more often than not thoughts are better kept to themselves, especially when there is no relationship between the two parties.
I hope you are able to take this atrocious experience and add it to your armor as you continue your journey to become a healthier you. You deserve support and all the happiness, no one deserves dim witted Netflix advice.2 -
That person's reaction to you is ENTIRELY a reflection on the person, not of you. It was deaf to you (noticed that whatever you said was more or less ignored) and just a monologue about whatever was in that person's head. In the core there's probably a smidgen of good intention, honestly - but delivered in such a way as to be entirely insensitive to you.5
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Insensitive to you may be just small talk to others. I've been in customer service as an employee and an owner for 40 years and can tell you without a doubt that everyone should shut up. Me, you, her, him...we're all numbies.
btw, surgery is an option only if you've conquered your food addiction.4 -
You hear it all the time. "Oh you should try this, I hear it works great", or "theres this new thing that everyones been talking about" and "this thing I saw on TV helped all those people", etc. They think theyve got a solution for you, even though you never asked. Theyre not doing it out of malice, just trying to be (ignorantly) helpful. I find its easier to just say thanks, and move on. I know what works for me, and I know their solutions are full of it.
Now if theyre persistent about it, yeah, they can bugger off.0
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