going on a date where you go to dinner, then to a bar or movie or whatever...

So i have been pretty reclusive and focused on work for months and on down time from work its gym and eating specific foods on my keto diet. my diet is based on a caloric deficit diet so i can focus on fat loss as i have come back from a 2 year state of full disability(no walking barely..just to bathroom and kitchen then back to bed) and had gained 30 percent body fat at 251lbsish...so i decided to start a match.com profile as we leave in the age of information and i have never been one for online dating but ive also not been able to meet people outside of work(gym is for lifting and working out,not meeting girls lol) work is production based but also retail but its obviously inappropriate to tell a patient that your interested in them...so online dating is a last resort i guess..long story short, meet a girl,take her out to dinner and shes not stoked on my diet,then bar...also not stoked on the fact i dont drink. im funny she says,make her laugh a bit but its just not good...my question here i guess is how do you ladies and gentlemen go out and eat out with friends or dates or go out for drinks without messing up your diet? especially on keto..its only effective if you remain in ketosis and especially effective when you mix fasting(i do) and when you become keto adapted fully. if you fall out of ketosis then you lose progress.. is there beers or liquor that is low enough in carbs that it wont knock me out of ketosis? also what foods do you order besides naked wings,salad with a crap load of dressing,burgers wrapped in lettuce or fish or steak? the movie we went to was that quiet place movie which was seriously badass so that part went good at least... i feel like if you diet and strength train for muscle gains and endurance, how strict you are to the plan defines your success which makes it impossible to have both worlds...Any advice you all have would be appreciated!

Replies

  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
    I've had very little success with online dating. In fact of the men I've met, there is only one I still speak with, and he is a friend.

    As for diet, etc. I wouldn't be phased so much by someone being on a diet, but it would put me off if I had to listen to it frequently throughout the date. Order dinner, no need to explain your food choices, likewise at the bar, no need to explain what you choose to drink or to not drink.

    While you're excited about keto, you need to ask if it's fitting into your lifestyle as well while you move forward. Counting calories while focusing on a variety of filling foods, allows you to have a few treat items. Save a few calories each day and have a day on the weekend where you eat a bit more. No worries about being kicked out of ketosis. Now if you are loving keto and it's what you want to continue to do, then find a way to make it work while you're out.
  • slw37
    slw37 Posts: 85 Member
    If she enjoys your company, your diet should not be an issue. Just do your thing.
  • BluEyedMama85
    BluEyedMama85 Posts: 560 Member
    I send a friend request. I want to share something with you via pm :)
  • Try going on dates like inside rock climbing or hiking or paintball or bowling or something fun and active. You dont even have to go to a bar.
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,900 Member
    Try going on dates like inside rock climbing or hiking or paintball or bowling or something fun and active. You dont even have to go to a bar.

    I agree....why a bar? Use your imagination....like a guy who can do that!
  • MelanieCN77
    MelanieCN77 Posts: 4,047 Member
    Try going on dates like inside rock climbing or hiking or paintball or bowling or something fun and active. You dont even have to go to a bar.

    I was gonna say this too - do ANYTHING except something that revolves around food and booze. If you do grab lunch or dinner, just order how you want - there's nothing to apologize for or warn about. If they ask try to be brief and dismissive without being rude. I personally wouldn't set up any kind of hangout at a bar these days where there wasn't something else to occupy me like book club or trivia or whatever, I just don't want to drink so much these days and that's ok. If I was in the dating pool right now I'd love if someone suggested something active, or different.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,940 Member
    Sounds like that particular woman just wasn't the right one for you. It's no one's business what you eat or drink, so she really doesn't get any say.

    I do agree with someone above who said not to talk a lot about it and why it's better etc. That tends to come off as judging HER choices.

    Personally I don't drink ever and I don't want to get into a relationship with someone who wants to go to bars. Maybe put that in your match.com profile, "Non drinker," and that will weed out those dates.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    I would be honest and disclose in your profile how adamant you are about your food/health/fitness and I would put in there you're a non-drinker. This way there's no confusion in the future and you're likely to attract someone more like-minded.
  • jsminer827
    jsminer827 Posts: 62 Member
    I would avoid dates that require emphasis on food and drinking... if you choose an activity and end up spilling over into a mealtime, just skip the carbs - order specially or just skip the bun or whatever. And drink-wise, vodka tonic - low cal and low carb.

    Or... just put it in your profile that you aren't a drinker and you're active and focused on your diet. Then it's no surprise to anybody and it doesn't have to be a topic of conversation.
  • lucerorojo
    lucerorojo Posts: 790 Member
    I would give her another chance. Ask her out on another date, but make it something active, or at least something that doesn't require food and drink (other than tea or coffee). Then avoid talking about your diet and working out, and see how it goes.
  • colors_fade
    colors_fade Posts: 464 Member
    Or.. you could be more flexible with your diet...

    Food is a part of our lives every day, multiple times per day. Hiding your diet from a potential mate is no way to start a relationship.

    Do you have seizures? Is that why you're doing keto? Because if you are eating in a caloric deficit that's all you need.

    There's enough literature now that makes it pretty clear that (1) calories are all that matters for weight loss and (2) overly-restrictive diets are not good for quality of life and lead to eating disorders.

    So ask yourself this question: how has your diet impact your social life so far? For the better? For worse?

    Are you afraid you wouldn't get the same results on a non-keto diet? (Because if you were in a calorie deficit, you would see the same results).

    Now ask yourself: What would your life look like, and more importantly, your social life, if you weren't on a keto diet, but were still adhering to a calorie-deficit diet? How would your life change?

    Would you have more fun on a date? Eat a wider variety of foods? Feel more relaxed at a restaurant? Feel more at ease at a bar?

    I just think your question, if you really want to get down to the root of it, is about one deep thing: is this a good diet for your lifestyle and goals?

    Only you can answer.

    I know for me, it would not be.

    My wife and I love to go out. Bars are fun. Dinners at fancy restaurants are nice. It's nice to spend that time together, chat, unwind and have a couple drinks with some good food.

    It's not easy to do that on a calorie deficit, but it is rewarding. It means saving calories back during the day. It means sharing appetizers instead of ordering full entrees, or taking half an entree home. It means sticking to a couple drinks and not 3 or more. It means being mindful of the calorie budget.

    But it's so much better than being inflexible and spending the whole night concerned about one's food choices.

    Think about this date from the woman's point of view for a second: She meets you for dinner and all you can do is obsess about your diet; you struggle to find something to eat and can't enjoy the dinner with her. Then you go to a bar and it's the same story, you're obsessed with not drinking. She probably thinks you already have an eating disorder. She's trying to get to know you and all you're showing her is a guy obsessed with not eating anything but a handful of a specific type of calorie. Who wants to spend time with that person? Especially on a first date?

    Maybe there's another keto-obsessed lady out there who is just perfect for you. So maybe that's what you should concentrate on finding. Put that in big bold letters in your online bio: I'm obsessed with Keto and you should be too!

    Or figure out a way to be more flexible so you can enjoy food and the events that humans create around food.

    Food is a huge part of every culture. Turning yourself away from food with an overly restrictive diet is basically turning yourself away from society. You've already seen how difficult it is with dates; it is that way with everything from office parties to birthday parties to family backyard BBQ's.

    I've done all the strange diets. I've sat out way too many fun food-centric functions because of overly restrictive diets. It's no way to live. I eat what I want now and count my calories. It's simpler and more fun. Same results (actually better - because this is something I can stick to and I don't feel perpetually deprived).

    So maybe your answer is to learn moderation instead and abandon the overly-restrictive diet. Who knows? Maybe your quality of life will improve.
  • Sdolan93
    Sdolan93 Posts: 10 Member
    Honestly all my dates I went on while doing online dating we went and did stuff..... whether it be at a park or the beach or bowling.... the movies you can't talk much so to me its a bad idea and if anything go get a coffee or a tea..... you don't have to eat out with them and after a few dates and a few weeks pass bring them over for dinner and the two of you cook together. Make that a date as well
  • dsboohead
    dsboohead Posts: 1,900 Member
    Picnics are a nice easy going time too! Possibly with a bottle of wine and hopefully she is not a raging alcoholic :D:o
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    I would be honest and disclose in your profile how adamant you are about your food/health/fitness and I would put in there you're a non-drinker. This way there's no confusion in the future and you're likely to attract someone more like-minded.

    I agree 100% with this. I have always found when I was single and meeting guys online it cut down on like 80% of the B S to go ahead and be like "yeah so I hate x, y, z, my interests are this and that thing and am looking for someone similar". It works!
  • Ahmbuchan2009
    Ahmbuchan2009 Posts: 4 Member
    thanks for all the advice. i was probably overthinking it cause she wants to do it again..im gonna take whoevers advice it was to go do some active stuff..im a fan of mushroom picking and live in the northwest so its about morel time! hiking and picking is tons of fun. i like keto a lot as well. my energy is always thtough the roof!
  • PokeyBug
    PokeyBug Posts: 482 Member
    I met my husband online, through a Christian dating site called Christian Cafe. It worked really well for us. He was the only guy I chose to meet the site (I can tell a few stories about guys I chose *not* to meet, but that's not important now), and we were both very up-front about who we were in our profiles. Just state in your profile that you don't drink (include that you don't mind if your date has a couple of drinks, though, if you don't mind) and that fitness is important to you. When you do that initial meeting, don't make it a date. Just arrange to meet at a coffee house to talk and get to know each other. If that meeting goes well, try to make plans for dates where eating is not the central focus. Trust me, if a woman likes you, she's not going to sweat that your eating habits are different than hers.
  • ceiswyn
    ceiswyn Posts: 2,253 Member
    Try going on dates like inside rock climbing or hiking or paintball or bowling or something fun and active. You dont even have to go to a bar.

    I was also wondering why someone who is dieting chose a type of date that centred around eating and drinking!
  • maybe1pe
    maybe1pe Posts: 529 Member
    I'm not in Keto but I do have a friend who does it. She drinks, some liquors are low carb and don't have an influence on her ketosis. She also goes out to eat often. Generally just orders something fried and mostly low carb.

    From when I previously was in ketosis I did it all by fasting. I was in ketosis and could eat whatever I wanted including carbs. So maybe look into that? That was easier for me to manage because it was one Extra Large meal a day and a snack and didn't restrict my carb intake so I could easily eat out and drink.