TRAUMATIZED by video of myself

I feel the same way. Catching a glimpse of myself can ruin my whole day

Atta girl!

Yes I can very much relate, it sucks doesn't it? Especially when I have been working hard at eating better and exercise for a long time, and then happen to see myself in a picture and think "Oh man i've still got a long way to go !" I try hard not to let it demotivate my goals but it can get depressing.

While it can be motivating to get a clear picture of yourself, I’d like you to step forward doing things that honour who you are. Both now and where you will be.

https://www.facebook.com/nbcnightlynews/videos/10153693856113689/

At one of my previous jobs, they took photos of us constantly. We did a lot of "charity" events in addition to our regular work and would be in awkward positions serving food or assisting people or playing games...AND usually in ill-fitting event t-shirts, too! It was awful - I HATED that so much, it was an excellent job but more than a few times I thought of quitting just based on the constant influx of horrible photos in my email and on the company intranet. Even though it was almost a decade ago now, I vividly recall coming in to work one day and there was a glossy photo of my ex-husband and me, from a gala we attended. I thought I looked so good that night with freshly done hair/makeup and in a brand new dress. In the photo I was seated and all I could see were fat rolls, and my neck looked huge with a double chin. I was at my heaviest but when I looked in the mirror I didn't see THAT. I threw that dress in the trash when I got home.

What made it a little worse, was I felt like I was the only one to be upset about my photos, even among a lot of other very large women & men. They would plaster the pics on their walls and smile. It made me feel so embarrassed and vain that I actually cried sometimes about mine (tried to hide this reaction, but sometimes it was impossible). I knew I was fat but I wasn't used to all of the pictures from different angles and "unprepared". I didn't love posed full body photos in my most flattering outfits either, but I wasn't scarred by those.

Weirdly though I do like the way I appear on video better than in photos. I think I have been desensitized through years of debate and then public speaking, so I don't mind my voice or "active" image even when I was at my heaviest. It's pictures that get me down sometimes. Far less so after losing weight, but sometimes it still happens even now that I've lost the weight I aimed to lose. I know people say this a lot but we really our own worst critics!

I have never felt at any weight that a photo or video looked like what I think I look like. I have always felt strange about seeing myself in those ways. I think that is different than someone being in denial about their weight and suddenly seeing it.

I was in denial about my physical condition for a long time until I realized I couldn't walk a few blocks without pain, keep up with my family, climb stairs in my house without being short of breath, not sleeping well.

I think everyone has some moment when they realize things are not the way they should be and want to change that.

Absolutely. I don't like being in pictures, and when I am, I prefer to have my body hidden in any way possible. I don't tell my friends this, because I love them, but I die a little inside every time I see photos with me in them. I'm very far from the "love myself' stage of things, and photos just remind me of that.

If I don't have photos showing my body, I can work myself, mentally, to the point of accepting that I really am making changes, I really am working hard, I really did move faster or lift more. But a picture throws all of that off and takes me straight back to "you'll never fit in, you're going to have heart disease like everyone else in your family, and you'll be diabetic before you know it."

I "fight the sadness" by just giving in. This isn't really an uplifting or advice-giving post. I've not found a way to actively move past that terrible feeling. It happens over time, albeit not as long as it used to take. So, I guess that's a good thing! I am a little more vocal about my insecurities now, which helps. The people I keep around me have known me long enough to pick up on them even when I'm not vocal, and through their reminding that I am completing my goals, I am able to move past the mental block a particularly bad photo will give me.

Amara411 wrote: »

Yes! My boyfriend loves taking pictures of us, I can't stand to see my face and double chin so I tend to hide. He took one of me from the back and I could have just crawled into a hole. I couldn't believe I let go of myself that much

Ohhh yes I Know that feel about the from-the-back boyfriend photo. I had a minor fight with my husband over that when we went on our first big trip together, because he was going to post several pics from that angle on social media and I didn't want him to. Although I've gotta give him credit, because he didn't post them, and he kind of "made me" (encouraged) take full body pics on the trip that I WOULD approve of. That is a lot easier for me now but still hard at times. I consider it a big NSV that he took a weirdly positioned unflattering photo of me recently at a museum in some kind of space capsule with my belly looking pretty wonky and I was honestly fine with him posting it. I knew it wasn't my best angle but I wasn't traumatized.

I went to a con and got a pic with one of my favorite actors. Then I looked at it and it ruined the entire rest of the weekend for me - I didn't want to do any more pics with actors I'd been planning on and felt like crap. I have the pic saved on my phone but can't even look at it now without getting upset.