Help with rude behavior in the family?

Options
jrox8800
jrox8800 Posts: 2 Member
in Chit-Chat
The problem is mainly between my wife and my mother.

For some background, my wife is a registered nurse and with crazy shifts (including weekends and nights) she's basically always in her scrubs and clogs. Something people don't always understand about being a RN though is that the lack of freetime combined with cafeterias full of junk food can make it hard to stay fit.

My mother has no filter when it comes to this aspect of her life. My wife is aware that she has put on weight. She complains about transitioning from medium scrubs to xxl whenever we discuss health and fitness. We also do our best to be active when time permits.

But that doesn't keep my mother from saying things like "I could never wear elastic pants, I'd eventually end up getting stuck in doorways." I normally try to tell my wife that those nasty comments are her way of showing concern.

Anyway, they might not ever talk again after Saturday. We were cleaning the apartment and my wife was cleaning the fridge in the kitchen. She was sitting in a chair in front of it, and my mother walked in as she reached in to wipe the back wall.

"Oh hey, ****, having lunch?"
She got up walked out the door and later admitted to me that she had gone to the hospital early and ate in the cafeteria for 2 hours before her shift.

I'd like to say their relationship can be mended, but she is still fuming over this and rightly so. I agree, it was crossing the line more so than usual even. Any ideas for handling this sort of thing?
«1

Replies

  • go_cubs
    go_cubs Posts: 1,183 Member
    Options
    This is sad...
    you need to talk with your mother and tell her to keep her nasty remarks to herself... this is affecting your wife bad and I’m sure it’s been happening for awhile. Woman are self conscious sensitive creatures naturally and for her husbands mom to pretty much tell her to loose weight is a stress she doesn’t need..
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    edited April 2018
    Options
    .
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    Options
    Respectfully, tell your mom to keep her fat jokes to herself. That is your wife and I assume your home. If she can't respect that, then she should leave.
  • try2again
    try2again Posts: 3,562 Member
    edited April 2018
    Options
    .
  • go_cubs
    go_cubs Posts: 1,183 Member
    Options
    This post actually made me mad reading it



    Come on man!
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    Options
    spanish_liza wrote: »
    This post actually made me mad reading it



    Come on man!

    You should read the other one he started this morning and never came back to.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,742 Member
    Options
    iWishMyNameWasRebel wrote: »
    Get your mama's mouthiness towards your wife under control. If your wife isn't going to say something out of respect for you (because it's your mama), then you need to handle it out of respect for your wife, and frankly, your wife should not have to say anything - it's your mama, you handle it. Wife comes before mama. Otherwise, mama is all you'll have left.

    I love this response. This, all day long.
  • go_cubs
    go_cubs Posts: 1,183 Member
    Options
    Just_J_Now wrote: »
    spanish_liza wrote: »
    This post actually made me mad reading it



    Come on man!

    You should read the other one he started this morning and never came back to.

    Just seen it .... I think he’s trolling

  • kschwab0203
    kschwab0203 Posts: 610 Member
    Options
    Criticizing people in order to help them change is not an effort to "show concern", its mean. Don't make excuses for your mother's poor and disrespectful behavior toward your wife. You need to put her in check, then do everything you can to make it up to your wife for not throwing your mother out the house sooner.
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    Options
    spanish_liza wrote: »
    Just_J_Now wrote: »
    spanish_liza wrote: »
    This post actually made me mad reading it



    Come on man!

    You should read the other one he started this morning and never came back to.

    Just seen it .... I think he’s trolling

    Yup it appears that way.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options
    Just_J_Now wrote: »
    spanish_liza wrote: »
    This post actually made me mad reading it



    Come on man!

    You should read the other one he started this morning and never came back to.

    Link please
  • Just_J_Now
    Just_J_Now Posts: 9,551 Member
    Options
    TavistockToad wrote: »
    Just_J_Now wrote: »
    spanish_liza wrote: »
    This post actually made me mad reading it



    Come on man!

    You should read the other one he started this morning and never came back to.

    Link please

    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/41830046#Comment_41830046
  • 3M_TA3
    3M_TA3 Posts: 1,036 Member
    Options
    PSH, my cousin lost a testicle due to a agressive form of cancer. For Christmas he got a UNI-ball pen, a single peanut shell and was told to not take his ball and go home. I once received a gift certificate good for one trip to Dr. Jack Kavorkians (sp) weight loss clinic.
  • huntersvonnegut
    huntersvonnegut Posts: 1,176 Member
    Options
    To the OP. One way or another you’re a son of a *kitten*. If this is a real situation, your mother is a *kitten* for speaking to your wife like that. If this is BS trolling, then the focus of bitchdom shifts to you.
  • adheadrick14
    adheadrick14 Posts: 7 Member
    Options
    You should definitely say something to your mother about this verbal/mental/emotional abuse she's subjecting your wife to. I can say without any hesitation or doubt that if my mother-in-law ever had the audacity to say something like this to me, my husband would pull her aside and demand that she never, ever speak to me that way again, and the demand would be unequivocal; he would not be there to listen to her excuses or explanations. It doesn't matter that she's bullying (and that's precisely what this is) your wife out of "concern," nor should you justify it as such. Whatever explanation your mother has doesn't matter. What matters is that she's being an abusive bully to your wife, and she needs to stop. Period.

    I agree with a poster above that you should have confronted your mother in the above fashion the first time this happened. And I also agree that your wife is likely not saying anything to your mother directly out of respect to you; I would feel the same way if I were in that position with my mother-in-law. I definitely understand that standing up to mothers can be difficult, but like others have said, you have a decision to make: support and respect your wife by telling your mother to stop this abusive, bullying, and disrespectful behavior, or be complicit in it by standing by and letting it happen. I sincerely hope the right choice here is obvious.

    My heart breaks for your wife, and I really hope you do something to address this sooner rather than later. I can only imagine how much better she would feel knowing she has you in her corner.

Categories