In need of a guys opinion
sjulez26
Posts: 57 Member
So I’m 18 and very insecure about my body shape and extra weight. I want to get fit for myself, but I am scared guys will be turned away from me lol. Especially now bc summer is coming. Be honest with me please. This is me at the end of the day, no sucking in or editing.
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Replies
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I’m so scared to wear bikinis this year
idk what to do or how to get in shape before june 1 -
I know this isn't the answer you're looking for, but the most long lasting and satisfying validation will come from accepting and loving yourself. You won't believe yourself at first. or the second time. or the third time. or even a year later. But eventually, loving messages and treatment of yourself will start to sink in. Repetition eventually will have some effect. Fake your confidence and your self love for now, and before you know it it will start to feel and be very real. I'm sure other people here will have similar advice that may help you even more.
Love,
Someone who has felt the same way you do for a long, long time. Self love and daily reminders literally saved my life.32 -
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agree with Sp1tfire & want to add to speak positive things to yourself, especially when you think negative of yourself, replace it with positive, count your blessings & all the good things about you3
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In my opinion when I was 18 I didn’t think about a girls body or even mine? I was thinking does she like me because I like her. It’s a natural attraction that’s blind to what you’re thinking about yourself and just want to be accepted. So if you accept someone you like be sure that they will accept you for liking them. But always be careful about who you surround yourself with.21
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"If you can't love yourself how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" -RuPaul
Treat and think about yourself the way you want others to think about yourself. And getting fit for yourself is a FAR better choice than worrying about what strange future boys will think of your choice. You do you.14 -
If you always seek your validation and self-worth from men, you will always be left with insecurity about your body shape and any perceived extra weight. Why? Because a thousand guys could come along and say you are fine/would pick you, but guaranteed one rectum opening will come along and say you are not.
And you know who you are going to believe, more than anyone else? That one loser high-drag low-speed dirtbag with issues so problematic of his own that he has to make you feel like crap to lift himself up temporarily. Because that's how the human brain is wired; we only become obsessed with the negative feedback, no matter if it is a figurative avalanche/tsunami more of positive feedback we receive.45 -
You be ok.2
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Didn't I say you looked alright on your other thread asking exactly this?
Why are you asking again.17 -
I don’t believe anyone11
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People with low self esteem need validation. Lets not jump on her and make her feel worse...
I think you look great. No need to be nervous about wearing a bikini....plus it has a lot to do with how you carry yourself rather than your body...i agree with others regarding you being happy with yourself should be your main focus...the happier & more comfortable you are with yourself the better & more confident you'll feel & you'll realize people flock to that kind of energy
12 -
I'm not a guy but I think you have a really cute little body! Trust me, there's nothing there that would turn away a guy your age who is interested in you! And honestly, if you look around and see how many truly overweight or obese people are happily married or in relationships with partners who adore them, you'll realize it's not about the weight at all. You're not even close to overweight. If you feel self-conscious in a bikini, try one of the high-waisted ones that are really on-trend right now! Personally I've never felt comfortable in a bikini even at my thinnest yet I've seen much heavier women pull them off and look stunning, it's just a confidence thing.8
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I'm a Guy! - and I'm only sing this for you
I would take the stars
Out of the sky for you
Stop the rain from falling
If you asked me to
I'd do anything for you
Your wish is my command
I could move a mountain when
Your hand is in my hand
Words cannot express
How much you mean to me
There must be some other way
To make you see
If it takes my heart and soul
You know I'd pay the price
Everything that I possess
I'd gladly sacrifice
Oh you to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh baby, oh baby
To you I guess
I'm just a clown
Who picks you up
Each time you're down
Oh baby, oh baby
You give me just
A taste of love to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power boy
To keep me holding on
So now you got
The best of me
Come on and
Take the rest of me
Oh baby
Though you're close to me
We seem so far apart
Maybe given time
You'll have a change of heart
If it takes forever boy then
I'm prepared to wait
The day you give your love to me
Won't be a day too late
Oh you to me are everything
The sweetest song
That I could sing
Oh baby, oh baby
To you I guess
I'm just a clown
Who picks you up
Each time you're down
Oh baby, oh baby
You give me just
A taste of love to
Build my hopes upon
You know you got
The power boy
To keep me holding on
So now you got
The best of me
Come on and
Take the rest of me
Oh baby15 -
At the risk of being a little blunt, but can I perhaps suggest you need to seek counselling for your self-esteem more than you need to diet to lose weight.
As I said in the last thread you started asking this question, physically you really have nothing to worry about but it doesn't matter how slim you get or how flat your belly if your lack of confidence and neediness sends guys packing.24 -
I see nothing wrong nor dis-interesting about that mid-section. Having said that, you are more than a 10" piece of torso... A genuine guy who is worth your time and attention will like you more for who you are, what you like to do, your humor, wit, intelligence or caring and compassionate personality.. those traits matter more.
Once you love who you are yourself (doesn't mean you can't be displeased with your physical condition and working to improve), then others will find you more attractive as well. As has been said, confidence shows through to others, and that alone can turn people towards you or away.9 -
@sjulez26 I'm responding as an older married man, so perhaps my sentiments vary from what an 18 year old wants to hear.
1) A human is more than just a body, so perhaps you need to meet people who appreciate you as a whole person.
2) My wife is not a bikini model but that's not what I looked at when I met her. Actually, I first saw her in the company of another girl, and all the guys were going crazy over the other one. My opinion varied from the others, but I'm happy with what I got.
3) You can't please everybody, so perhaps you should start with being happy with yourself. All others will follow.13 -
I can't speak to the mind of an 18yr old... and I'm not sure the kind of attention/acceptance you're looking for, so take this for what it's worth.
I'd dress how ever you feel most confident (easier said than done, I know, but...). Having a bit of confidence, even it's only a tiny bit, will benefit your FAR more than will a specific type of swimsuit/clothes/whatever.
As far as getting in shape... just be prepared that it will take longer than you think/want, and probably require more work/discipline. Have appropriate expectations for what you can accomplish and how quickly you can accomplish it. Plan for the long haul.3 -
So I’m 18 and very insecure about my body shape and extra weight. I want to get fit for myself, but I am scared guys will be turned away from me lol. Especially now bc summer is coming. Be honest with me please. This is me at the end of the day, no sucking in or editing.
I totally understand your hesitation, but not because I think it's warranted. I understand because I see it so much in young ladies like yourself. My 20 year old daughter (and her friends) struggled with the same doubts, regardless of how they looked. You're young, beautiful, healthy, intelligent, vibrant. OWN IT. It's yours. Confidence will come with a little more life experience. In the meantime, you work towards the goals YOU have, and if that includes building up some muscle or going on long runs, then do it. And as far as clothes and bikinis, try on clothes that catch your eye and wear the ones that make you feel your best. Truly. Maybe that's a cool, retro one-piece swimsuit. Maybe it's a string bikini. Anyone who says anything hurtful and unsolicited to another person is simply warning us all of the ugliness in their heart so we know to steer clear.4 -
also..everyone has different opinions and tastes so asking what "guys" think of your picture wont get you one difinitive answer..just be confident in yourself and the one that thinks you are perfect in every way will come along. then who cares what anyone else thinks.4
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What's important is the whole you. At your age you should be more focused on your education and getting started at life. Physical fitness should be on your to-do list along with school. Men that judge and value purely on looks will have sad lives. Wives get pregnant, their bodies obviously change so their torso shots will be rounder than your mild curves. I didn't find my wife any less attractive when she was pregnant (3 times) and now that she is 53 she has some mild curves and she still gets my motor running. Finding a mate means finding someone that loves the whole you. Chill out, stop looking in the mirror so much and focus on you--the guy thing will take care of itself.6
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I don’t believe anyone
This is important to realize. Your bad feelings about your body are from your internal voice. Until you say my body is fine, I like my body you are not going to accept a positive response from anyone. I recommend working on this with professional help or alone.
You are also attractive for more than your outside appearance. You might try making a list of everything you like about yourself- not what you think other people like but what you like. Not just physical either.
IME the most attention I ever got from guys was when I was happy and self-confident. Your attitude and personality will make more important in attracting others.
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RecognitionT wrote: »
Just curious... do you actually think that's helpful?19 -
you need a therapist, not random opinions of anyone (especially men)
for the record, my fiance fell in love with me for my MIND, sense of HUMOR, and a million other qualities that he will (and has) listed far above any physical attribute.
And thats exactly how it SHOULD be.6 -
Learn to love yourself. Don’t change your body because you’re trying to impress or look good to other people. I know it’s easier said than done but I truly don’t care if my body is what other men or women would find attractive. I like to keep healthy and somewhat fit but I do it for me, not for anyone else. I know I’ve got some tummy fat and I’m nowhere near the most fit and trim girl at the gym and I don’t care! I look fine to me and there’s more important things in life than how I look. To me you look good but it’s not what I think that matters! Do what feels right to you.2
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