So Hard but have to do it.

My name is Ari and I'm 35. I always was an average weight at about 170lb. Skinny with alittle fat in certain areas but I was full of energy and full of life. Then I went thru a crazy divorce and became very depressed and would pretty much eat and eat and eat and not really do anything but sit on the sofa or infront of the computer and just eat all day and night. I didn't work I just segregated myself from the world and ate like crazy. I blew thru my entire savings by not working and spending crazy money on junk food. In a matter of 3 months I blew up to a bit over 255lbs. I looked fat and felt like crap everytime I looked in the mirror. The worst part was it was getting harder to do activities that I used to be able to do very easily. I hated feeling that way. I hated feeling fat, lazy, depressed and most of all I hated that people would tell me that they can't believe how much weight I gained in such a short period. That motivated me to stop being depressed and start doing something so I tried to eat less and not eat at night at all. No more late night binging. I also started to go out with friends to boost my mood so I'm not home alone and depressed. That really helped but soon back fired when I realized I couldn't even get a girl to look at me cause I was fat unlike the fit and muscular friends I hung out with. That really took its toll on me and I started eating again at night but now I added drinking alcohol into the mix. I was getting drunk every night and eating all sorts of fast food late at night. The final straw came when I met a female at a bar and ended up going back to her place to do the deed but I had trouble taking my shirt off. I felt fat. I felt embarrassed. I never felt that way ever in my life infront of someone. The next day I came home and emptied my fridge and went shopping and bought a bunch of chicken, broccoli, tuna, and stuff to make salads. I ate a small salad with no dressing or croutons for lunch and a small portion of chicken and broccoli for dinner everynight for a week. I didn't see any change in my weight but believe it or not I did not feel like I was starving myself. I wasn't hungry, I was full all the time maybe cause I drank water all day and night also. After a week of dieting I joined the gym near my house and got to work. At first I could barely do 15 minutes on the treadmill but everyday I added 15 minutes till I got to an hour a day on the treadmill. I would go to the gym everyday. I would go right after work after a hard 8 hour day of construction and still do an hour on the treadmill. Finally I noticed a difference. I felt like I was loosing weight and it looked like it too. It has now been 4 months since I started this journey and I am down to 202lbs. I lost over 50lbs. My workout now includes 1 hour on the treadmill walking and running mixed. 30 minutes on the step climber and 30 minutes on the bicycle and I lift weights to build some muscle mass. I feel great and see the results but Its so hard. I am my own motivation. I dont have anyone supporting me. Not matter what I am determined and I keep killin it everyday. I hope that one day I will have the body that I want but for now I will just keep working on it till that day.

Thank you for reading